


Getting What You Need

by sparklight



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Bondage and Discipline, Claiming, Collars, Dom/sub, Domdrop, Fluff and Angst, Hand Feeding, Kink Negotiation, Kneeling, Leashes, M/M, Praise Kink, Slow Burn, Soul Bond, Subspace, Zack Fair/Sephiroth/Cloud Strife - Freeform, potentially also
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-04-26 13:01:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 114,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14402658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparklight/pseuds/sparklight
Summary: ... and not what you want.Cloud Strife discovers his dynamic, tries to join SOLDIER despite the obstacles put in his way thanks to said dynamic, and gets what he needs in the process, if not what he wants.(But what he needs contains a lot of things of what he wants, too. Not just all of them.)





	1. SOLDIER

**Author's Note:**

> This is a BDSM AU, so that means it's an AU where characters are either dom, sub or switch and find out at puberty generally, and the world is arranged after this, replacing most other gender and sexual dynamics. So if you don't like dom/sub dynamics at all or these not just being seen as normal, but dominating (hah) the worldbuilding and the society, don't read this.
> 
> The focus will be on the D/s parts of the acronym, and hopefully bondage later, not punishments/discipline (physical or otherwise), though those still will be mentioned/happen, of course.
> 
> *The change to "choose not to use archive warnings" is only because there's sex in chapter 18, and while you're free to imagine whatever age you wish for Zack and Cloud as I do not specify (and won't, so far) how old they are, I am still vaguely following the pre-Nibelheim timeline.

He didn't know what he'd expected. Maybe he'd thought it'd be better than rumours and the suggested reality that crept in with the few people who passed through Nibelheim a few times a year, if that. That ShinRa hadn't made things as bad as they were made out to be, so far away from Midgar. 

Of course, Cloud thought bitterly as he pressed his back against the cold, hard wall behind him, forehead against his knees and hugging his legs to his chest, he'd also been utterly sure he'd at least present as a switch. The older he got, especially as the fights against the other kids half turned into attempted dominance displays when they slowly started to get closer and closer to puberty, he'd went from the self-assured (nearly defensively so) assumption he'd _definitely_ present as dominant and that'd _show them_ , to hope for switch, if only because that would leave more options open.

But no.

Of course not.

_Of course_ he couldn't have even that much. The worst thing was, he'd kept hoping through the trip to Midgar. Kept hoping through the months in basic. Kept hoping while resisting some vague urge he couldn't quite define as it silently grew during those months in basic. Kept hoping up until this morning at the early drills when the sergeant barked at them... and he'd gone down to his knees along with the other submissives in the unit. Switches didn't _do that_ \- not that they couldn't be made to kneel in front of a dominant, another switch or not, but the point was, the dominance needed to be directed _personally at them_. Not the general pressure from a drill sergeant barking out a demand for respect before starting drills.

His jaw ached. 

Screwing his eyes closed more firmly to stop the wet heat behind them, Cloud reluctantly eased up on the way he was gritting his teeth, stopped trying to grind his teeth _quite_ so hard. He'd just actually give himself a headache if he continued like this, and when lunch was over in another half hour, he'd still have the rest of the day to get through. The idea turned his stomach to lead, and Cloud tightened his arms and hands around his legs enough his knuckles ached. 

Well, they _already_ ached since he'd punched the wall a few times, but _in addition_ to that.

His next breath wobbled as he inhaled and swallowed heavily. Well. So much for SOLDIER, then. He wouldn't get into SOLDIER with a collar around his neck, after all. Like this, because ShinRa was stupid about some things, some very, very important things, he'd barely be able to get anywhere in their armed forces _either_. If he'd _just_ been at least a switch, ShinRa would still have accepted the application and trying out for SOLDIER. 

Now, though?

Forget it.

It didn't matter if he was strong enough (he was sure he _could be_ ), or if he had the mako tolerance (surely wouldn't be an obstacle either); if he wasn't at least a switch, he wouldn't be allowed to try out for SOLDIER. 

He was grinding his teeth again, and the threatening promise of a headache was finally starting to turn into reality. Something not helped when the door to the empty training room opened, someone pausing in the doorway for a few seconds, and then, of course, came inside. The door slid closed with a soft, pneumatic hiss as Cloud tried to unlock his jaw and glared into the shadows of his knees. He didn't even bother to look up as whoever-it-was squatted in front of him, but he could _feel_ the shadow of the hand hovering above him, not _quite_ touching, as well as...

"Hey. You okay, kid?"

As well as the ghostly suggestion of warmly concerned _weight_ in those words, that voice. Before this morning, he wouldn't have been able to tell. Or rather, maybe he had been able to tell for a little while, considering that vague urge he'd been ignoring, the ghostly things he'd _almost_ picked up on, but it hadn't _really_ settled in, yet. 

Now, though... now he _definitely could_ , and Cloud wished he could punch this concerned dom straight in his oh-so-concerned face. Mind his own damn business!

" _Yeah_ ," he snapped, voice raw with unshed tears and frustrated anger, curling up tighter, then shifted a little as the collar dug into his collarbones. Hoped the guy would just _go away_. Instead, after a short, weighty silence, while he shifted away from squatting right in front of him, he just sat down on the floor _next to him_ instead. Why couldn't he just _leave_? Unless he was an officer, and wanted to discipline him for insubordination. He hadn't thought of that, but in that case he could just demand Cloud go to his knees and say that's what he was going to do. He wasn't going to move until then.

"... Just discovered your dynamic, huh."

Maybe he was surprised his belated thought didn't happen, but Cloud didn't let that show. Instead he just grunted softly and turned his head sideways, _away_ from the guy, and didn't otherwise answer. 

Like this, the collar was digging in again, but he ignored it this time. It's stiff weight felt very heavy around his throat, and while it'd soften with wear and he'd probably get used to it... He hadn't expected to be wearing one _at all_ , unless it was in private, maybe. Nibelheim didn't exactly care about collars on subs and submissive-leaning switches in public unless it was a formal occasion of some kind. Midgar, though? _ShinRa_? Definitely did.

"It's okay, you know. You can't let that _stop you_ ," the guy beside him said like it didn't matter, like it wasn't actually a _really huge obstacle_ , and Cloud snapped his head around, straightening up enough just so he could glare properly.

"Says the---!" And then he cut himself off, the intended frustration tripping on his tongue as he stared at the uniform the other was wearing. Bitter jealousy bubbled up, and Cloud scowled. Not a trooper of the same rank, not just an officer, either. "You're a dom, _and_ a SOLDIER. What do _you_ know?"

The traitorous, wet burn was back behind his eyes again, and Cloud turned away, blinking hard. He refused to cry about this. Especially with someone else here. _Definitely_ no crying with said someone else being a SOLDIER. 

The silence stretched, and Cloud wondered why the SOLDIER wasn't just leaving. Not like he was sitting here sobbing or obviously _hurt_ or something. Surely there were other people he could bother?

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry," the SOLDIER said quietly, sincerity so obvious Cloud reluctantly turned his head enough to peer at him out of the corner of his eyes, watching him hold his hands up in front of him, then press them together, "I shouldn't have said that, especially with things being like they are here."

Rolling his eyes, Cloud still didn't turn away again. The apology was more than he'd expected. Far, far more, considering how he'd been talking to this SOLDIER so far. He was honestly surprised there was no demand for punishment.

"Like ShinRa's the _only_ one responsible," he muttered, staring at the floor, "not as bad the further west you go..." 

He almost winced, then. Waited for something denigrating to be said about _soft Westerners_ and their _weird ideas_. It didn't come. In fact, as Cloud reluctantly cocked his head and looked over, the SOLDIER was watching him quietly, lips pursed.

"You're from the Western Continent too?"

Huh. He hadn't expected _that_ , and hesitantly nodded.

"Nowhere _big_. Just a tiny backwater---"

"Hey! Me too!" the SOLDIER was _grinning_ now, wide and bright and _open_ , and Cloud felt something flip inside, but he pushed it down, ruthlessly. _Go away_. He didn't need that any more than he needed the SOLDIER's help. "I'm from Gongaga."

And he could _hear it_ in the way he said it, the accent turning away from the flat tones of Midgar's bland mish-mash to something more _singing_ , vaguely familiar even if it was clearly south of where Cloud came from. It also made him chuckle, even as he bit down on his amusement at the same time. Not _fast enough_ , though.

"Hey now! Got a reason to laugh? Do you even _know_ where Gongaga is? Where you from, anyway?"

"Uh-huh. _South_ ," he said, shaking his head, "and Nibelheim. It's up in the mountains." 

"And on the western side too, I bet," the SOLDIER said, his voice softly _knowing_ in a way that stripped away Cloud's burgeoning ease and he stiffened up again. 

So _what_ if he'd chosen to deal with the East and its stricter customs? So what if he'd hoped that _surely_ , it wasn't as bad as it was made to sound? Surely it was partially down to local elders trying to scare their kids into staying instead of going in search for better prospects? So what if he'd hoped that the evidence that ShinRa was the reason strict customs had gone _stricter_ through its rise to influence was just anti-ShinRa propaganda and not true? So what if he'd put practically _everything_ on that he'd _surely_ present as a switch?

But it _was_ that bad, and now he was stuck with a collar at all times unless in private, even when he wasn't even bonded to a dominant. How was that fair? Not like that was the worst of it, just the most _visible part_ of those tighter restrictions that Cloud was still boggling over, four months after arriving in Midgar. And now it was _personal_.

"... Why not go home, then? I know you probably had plans, bu---"

"That's _not_ what I want! I wanted---!" Gritting his teeth, Cloud winced, waited for some reaction from having interrupted the SOLDIER, for that belated discipline to happen, but nothing came, and finally he slowly turned his head back to meet that faintly glowing stare, blue eyes surprisingly patient and open, still. No anger or annoyance at all, there.

Swallowing, that look was the only reason he wavered before he finally gave in, because this was probably the best chance he was going to get to find out anything at all, as close to the source as possible, since he no longer even had a _chance_ to do so himself. 

"What's it like?"

The SOLDIER watched him silently, opening his mouth and then closing it again, probably figuring out what Cloud had meant without him having to elaborate, which was a relief.

"I think you could find that out yourself," he said, and Cloud snapped upright, a familiar indignant fury bubbling up, but he didn't get any further than opening his mouth, nails digging into his palms, before the SOLDIER continued; "I mean, not that I know anything about passing as a switch, but it's been _done_ , hasn't it? Don't see why someone really determined couldn't pull that off, if they were clever about it, and trained on top of that. Not that I'd _encourage_ that or anything. Or that I know about how someone would do that. But I could always help someone who wanted to get better at fighting. Mentoring is a good skill to have, right?" 

There was a slowly growing, hesitant smile on his face, soft and weirdly _eager_ , as if he was looking for approval. Cloud wasn't sure what he thought of that, but he was more distracted by what the SOLDIER was _saying_. His first reaction was incredulous denial. As if anyone would believe _that_...

But on the other hand, it wasn't _unusual_ for submissive-leaning switches to not be obvious at first blush. And why _shouldn't_ he be able to do it? Not like submissives _couldn't_ resist even direct commands by a dominant determined to, well... dominate them. You just had to be determined. Still, Cloud frowned quietly at the SOLDIER, biting his bottom lip.

"... What do _you_ get out of _that_? If you'd feel it wasn't a waste of time to use up a lot of time and effort on something that might not even pay off," Cloud said, frowning still, while the SOLDIER snorted and stood up, planting his hands at his hips.

"I'd get to train someone who'd be determined to do their best! How's that not reward enough? I'm Zack," he said, holding his hand out, that same, weird little smile from earlier on his face. Expectant in a way that made Cloud want to reach out and take his hand _just to prove him right_ , to make sure that expectation wasn't misplaced. That _wasn't_ the reason he finally took the offered hand and let himself be pulled to his feet, though.

"... Cloud. So _that's it_? You're really just... gonna help me do this?"

"Hey," Zack said, frowning now, despite the earlier bloom of that smile, and looked serious enough Cloud found himself ducking his head a little, then cursed himself silently and straightened up, meeting his gaze again, "why shouldn't I? I _like_ helping people, and you're the one risking the most, here. I'm not gonna _ruin that_."

Staring up at Zack, Cloud wasn't sure whether he believed him or not, because for most of his life he'd either been failing to do what he should or have people be all too happy to ruin it, so why wouldn't it happen again? But what did he have to lose? (Well, admittedly, quite a lot.) Zack's expression didn't change, and slowly, some tiny knot of tension he hadn't even noticed was still there dissolved, and Cloud smiled a little.

"Yes, sir." Straightening up, he nodded, but then wasn't certain _what now_. Because it wouldn't be that easy, just because he'd decided to try to do this, and it wasn't like a Second Class SOLDIER and a trooper barely out of basic would have much chance to meet in their daily routines...

"All right, good!" Zack clapped his hands together sharply, then held out one of them. "Let's start with PHS numbers, so I've got a chance to find you later. Scheduling might be tricky, but I'm sure we'll figure something out," Zack said, and Cloud found himself handing his PHS over without even thinking, the easy expectation on Zack's body language pulling him in.

... Which was part of the _problem_ , and Cloud frowned at the floor while Zack entered his details into his phone. He really needed to work on this, dammit, _especially_ now. Well, he had time, even if he'd like things to happen _now_. He needed to be a lot stronger, first of all...

"Here." Zack handed over both Cloud's PHS and then his own, to let Cloud copy his earlier action before he handed it back, resisting the urge to check through his contacts, just to make sure this wasn't some elaborate joke. The chance that Zack was leading him on to let him hang out to dry and expose him was... still really possible, but Cloud was desperate enough for _anything_ better than what he'd been stuck with, so he was willing to risk it.

"I'll shoot you a mail later and we'll figure something out... for now, you'll probably want to get something to eat, right?"

How Zack had figured out he'd not eaten yet and been wasting his lunch on feeling sorry for himself, Cloud wasn't sure, but he found himself nodding before he thought about it and then ducked his head, hands clasped in front of him - though he looked up at the brush of fingers on his shoulders.

"First lesson, if just in private," Zack said with a wink, and held out his hand. Cloud just blinked at it, dumbfounded for an embarrassingly long moment, before he straightened up and took the hand to shake. It felt oddly _weird_ , and, more than that, forbidden. Not that he didn't shake hands with people, but _as a submissive_ now, he certainly wasn't supposed to do that with a dominant.

"Thanks, Zack," Cloud managed with a quick, embarrassingly pleased little smile, finally put his PHS away, and hurried off, letting his stomach lead him towards the cafeteria and a _very_ quick lunch.

All of that of course meaning he missed Zack watching him leave, arms crossed over his chest and continuing to stare at the door long after it'd closed. An additional few silent moments later Zack groaned as he untangled his arms and scrubbed a hand through his hair.

"Oh _man_. What have I even gotten myself into..."

This was _not_ what he'd planned for. Not what he'd thought would happen, either, when he'd gone looking for an empty training room to get some practice in and instead found a sub curled up on the floor in one of them. A very, very dejected and, when he'd gotten even half a look at his face, _cute_ one, too. At first he'd thought something terrible had happened, which was why he'd disturbed him at all. Now, though...

Well, it _was_ admittedly terrible after a fashion, just not the sort of terrible he'd assumed... and who knew if Cloud could pull it off? Something told him he could, though, which was why he'd offered to help at all. He'd definitely be interested to see it happen, and _help_ it happen. 

If only to see that face light up in a proper smile. Which was admittedly a bad reason to do something that was not exactly allowed, but quite a few people had pointed out he could easily be suckered by a smile from a cute submissive.

It was risky, but _he_ wasn't really the one risking anything at all. If Cloud got found out and decided to bring him into it, he could, technically, say he hadn't brought up the possibility. That he didn't know a thing and it was all Cloud's idea. It'd be his, a dominant SOLDIER Second Class, possibly even First's by then, word against a submissive army trooper's.

Yeah. 

That was a no-brainer, and that just made Zack more worried for what Cloud was trying to do.

"Man..." Another groan and he ended up scrubbing his face, then rubbed his hands together. Crazy. He hadn't actually thought the kid would take him up on it, but thinking back on his expression, that _look on his face_... 

Probably not so surprising. Maybe he should've tried calming him down instead, because even as it was it'd been _real hard_ to resist the urge to tug that hair tie out of Cloud's sloppy ponytail and run his fingers through the soft-looking strands and up into the spikes to find out if they were as natural as his own or 'assisted'. Run his hand through his hair until Cloud was relaxed, looked less _upset_ , and maybe even pliantly curled up against him---

But those weren't thoughts that had any place when it came to a submissive he didn't even _know_ , even if he'd volunteered to not just help train him, but try to help him masquerade as a switch at some point in the future, so he pushed all of that down firmly, took a breath, and walked off towards the weapons cabinet. 

The dull props on the racks wouldn't do for what he wanted to do, and he _needed_ to get rid of some energy and get his thoughts back in order. If nothing else to _not_ focus on the memory of wide blue eyes surrounded by feathery blond spikes glaring fiercely up at him.


	2. ShinRa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A kind-of typical day in ShinRa and the Army.

Trying to swallow yawns along with the other troopers around him, Cloud shifted into a more proper stance as their instructor stomped up in front of them, a sour expression on his face. Ready to take out his early morning on all of _them_ , no doubt. And no breakfast yet to act as a buffer either. 05.30 drill sessions _sucked_.

"Show some _respect_ ," the instructor growled, and Cloud hid his grimace as he ducked his head and went down to his knees. Felt _intensely_ jealous of those who still stood standing, their heads simply bowed, even if he'd discovered pretty soon that he certainly didn't automatically kneel for every huffing and puffing dominant who glowered at him, no matter the stern weight of command in their voice or presence. 

And it _was_ there, that command, even if he'd rather wished it wasn't. And more than that, something inside of him always turned to listen to it, _wanted_ to do as told, but he could also remain standing, even if they _really tried_ to make him kneel, or whatever else. Of course, doing so in situations like this would be considered insubordination thanks to the collar around his throat and meant he would be punished, so _obviously_ he didn't do that.

"That's better, but you're a damn sorry lot, the bunch of you. _Move it_!"

They all sprang to attention, and from then on it was two hours of unpleasant, repetitive exercises that were only somewhat bearable with the promise of breakfast on the horizon. Unfortunately Cloud would end up delayed to that breakfast anyway, because hurrying through the corridors after a quick shower after he'd waited for most others to be finished, he turned a corner and smacked _right_ into someone else, the binders she was wearing thumping into his chest hard enough his breath was smacked out of him as well.

Staggering back with a winded little grunt, he grimaced at the folders now on the floor around them, and looked up apologetically at the woman. A secretary by the look of it, which just made the whole run-in all the more incongruous. Corporate usually didn't start to trickle in until _nine_ , so before that both Army and SOLDIER tended to think and behave like they had the run of the place. It was trickier in the evening, since even if office hours were mostly over by 17.00, meetings and some stragglers could stay to nine in the evening and beyond. This poor woman probably worked for someone who came in on the early end, and demanded she be there and ready before them.

"Sorry! I'll pick them up for you," he said quickly, gesturing for her to remain standing, and her annoyed expression morphed into something softer and more relieved.

"Oh--- Thank you."

Shaking his head, he knelt and scooped the scattered folders up, roughly making them into a neat pile that could just be put on top of her binders again as he stood back up, handing them over.

"Probably my fault anyway... I wasn't looking. And it's a lot easier for _me_ to get down," he said with a little twist to his mouth. She met his gaze with a wry twist of her own to her mouth and inclined her head over her collar - stiffer and thicker than the one he wore - and mumbled another thank you before she scuttled away, leaving Cloud to grimace at the knee-length hobble skirt the secretary was wearing. 

At least he didn't have to deal with either the larger collar _or_ that sort of dress. Or even any expectation of art or _gracefulness_ when he knelt for instructors and superior officers; he just _had to do it_. He'd seen the sort of control and grace expected of the receptionists in the lobby, and bet it was the same for secretaries like that woman he'd run into, and could count himself lucky on _those_ accounts, at least.

Cloud set off down the corridor again, not particularly chastised by his run-in and kept the same speed - even _sped up_ a little in the spots where there were fewer people around, until he got to the elevator he wanted to take up to the right floor. The ride up felt like it took forever, but that was probably just because he was hungry. 

When the doors finally opened, he hurried past the open court with the neatly potted miniature trees scattered around in some attempt at _greenery_ and past the large, propped-open glass doors to be smacked by the constant low roar of conversation with this many people stuck in a relatively small space. Not that the cafeteria was small as such with how many people it was equipped to feed at any point during the day, but it still never seemed quite enough.

At least the place wasn't stuffed enough there was nowhere to sit, but since his platoon had had those early drills, they hadn't gotten that first crack at breakfast either, so now had to share with about a third of the Army and some scattered, early corporate. Maybe if he'd felt more comfortable and not lagged until late for the shower... Shaking his head, Cloud set off towards the other end of the room where the food was.

"Hey, you!"

A quick glance towards the jeering call as he passed the table revealed no one he was even familiar with, so Cloud ignored them - which turned out to be a mistake. The dull thwack on his ass jarred through him, and he whirled around, _mostly_ managing to swallow the surprised noise that escaped him, teeth bared. Nothing to do about the heat that rushed through him and settled on his cheeks, blooming outwards, with embarrassing obviousness thanks to his fair skin. He didn't get further than _glaring_ , however.

"Since you're up and walking, how 'bout getting us refills, _sweetheart_?" Same voice that'd shouted at him seconds before, belonging to an army trooper with cropped-short, dark brown hair. He'd look a lot nicer if he wasn't leering, especially since his nearly wine-dark eyes would be brighter then, but those just made Cloud angrier than he already was. Because they reminded him of Tifa, who, even if she'd ended up a dom since he left, wouldn't act like _this_ , and it somehow seemed like an insult to her that this guy would resemble her in any way thanks to that. And not that he would have listened to the self-assured demand anyway, but he _definitely_ wouldn't do it now.

"Fuck off," Cloud muttered and whirled around, stalking towards the opposite end of the room and the line to the food available, still blushing. Still _angry_ , because even if he didn't have to do as told since the boy hadn't been an officer of any sort, there wasn't anything to do about that _behaviour_ either, and that pissed him off. Just lucky ShinRa really _didn't_ give any and all dominants in the army free rein over the submissives in their employ.

Muttering another curse as he snatched a tray and glanced past the people in front of him in the queue to mentally start sorting out the dishes that were _right out_ , what were _maybes_ and... unfortunately nothing that was a top choice today. Oh well. Settling for two of the maybes for his breakfast, Cloud sighed and turned back around... and remembered he would have to backtrack towards the exit, since all the seats closer to the food court and the tables beyond were already filled up. Only the ones further away out towards the doors - and where that tableful of idiots – were, were still free. Sighing, Cloud set off at a reluctant shuffle, trying to keep an eye out for available seats _before_ he came anywhere near---

"Strife!" Danius. At least _that_ call was less annoying, even if it was somewhat surprising, too... if just because he wasn't used to people going out of their way to spend much of any time at all with him. Cloud turned, not admitting even to himself how much of a relief it was to be able to sit down next to people that were _familiar_ , if nothing else. 

Not that they were much more than that; Cloud had been shuffled into the dorm Danius and four others occupied after he presented, and not one of them were even in the same _platoon_ as him. All because ShinRa deemed it 'safer' to keep doms and subs in different dorms. Cloud was _pretty damn sure_ it wouldn't have been a problem back home. Well, unless you were _him_ and it was _Nibelheim_ , but the 'home' of the Western Continent in general.

"You know, if you just don't react and do what they say, they'll lose interest?" Gray, blond and wiry and the oldest of the six at the table, said, head cocked as he came up to the table and sat down.

Cloud grimaced down at the food on his plate and grunted sullenly. Of course he knew that, but he didn't care if it made him a _failure_ or he brought it onto himself or whatever. He wasn't going to do what they wanted _just because they wanted it_. What had _they_ done to deserve his obedience? Someone snorted and Danius chuckled wryly, but not without sympathy.

"A _lot_ of doms would be eager to get rid of that attitude of yours, Strife," he said, sympathy replaced by obnoxious, _almost_ teasing cheerfulness, even if no one at the table was enamoured of the sort of behaviour Cloud had just fallen victim to. They knew it all too well themselves, after all.

" _Not interested_ ," he snapped out, and at least the laughter following that wasn't mocking, just honestly amused... even if Cloud didn't appreciate it either way, flushing dully again and shooting each of his room mates a glare from under his bangs before he focused on his breakfast. There was a whole day to get through, still. Unfortunately.

There wasn't even any training session with Zack to look forward to that evening; Zack was out on a mission, and even if he _did_ come back today, he'd known before that Zack had a previous engagement. Their next session was, unless nothing changed, next week. What was even better, it'd come with Zack having invited him - cautiously, emphasising ' _just_ a movie, Spike!' - up to his apartment to hang. 

Which just made all the time between now and then feel even longer, because Zack was so _relaxing_ to be with, despite the underlying weight of his presence. He didn't push or posture with it; it was just _there_ in a way that made it easy to ignore and Zack kept making sure, a little too carefully and insistently Cloud felt sometimes, because he didn't need it repeated honestly, that he understood he wasn't expecting anything more than friendship.

... Though, considering how flirty Zack was otherwise, Cloud wasn't sure whether to feel offended, resigned, or relieved. Wasn't sure which he _wanted_ to feel. Which might mean it was just as well Zack was trying to just be friends, right now...

Swallowing a sigh, Cloud resisted shifting on his feet or changing the grip on his rifle. What was okay to do in the corridors and departments behind the lobby and what you could get away with while patrolling the streets was one thing; what you did while standing guard anywhere on the lobby floors was another thing entirely. The whole thing was just unfortunately conductive to letting your mind wander, even when he tried to people watch, too. There was just less people _to watch_ in here than out on nearly any given posting on the streets of Midgar. The patrols inside the tower were more boring, but at the same time you were at least _moving more_.

Here, he was constricted to standing still, and since _his_ spot was by the stairs on the mezzanine level of the lobby and not, say, down in the exhibition hall or by the reception desk, he couldn't even see much of anything of the civilians that came wandering in every so often _for_ that exhibition. 

What he saw was mostly corporate personnel in their smart suits and closed-off, _so busy and important_ expressions, or the harried but still somehow effortlessly elegant PAs and secretaries coming and going. Some of which were even led on leash by their bosses, though in those cases it seemed to be to allow them to take notes while not having to look where they were going... theoretically, anyway. Cloud couldn't understand how those men and women could trust - or at least _appear_ to trust - their bosses like that. It wasn't even a _personal_ relationship, and even if it was, Cloud couldn't see it.

"Oh _come on_!"

_Almost_ startling at the now-familiar voice, Cloud couldn't help trying to straighten up and crane his neck a little, but wherever Zack was on the entrance floor of the lobby, he wasn't at any angle Cloud could see him from. But, even so, it was nice to know Zack was back, and thus safe. Not that... Cloud could do anything if he _wasn't_ , of course. In fact, he might just end up making things _worse_ \- a thought which dissolved into nothing as he spotted Zack, walking _next to General Sephiroth_ , as they came up the stairs to the mezzanine level, probably heading for the elevators. 

Both of them were mud-splattered, but Zack seemed to have acquired mud all the way up to his _face_ whereas the mud on Sephiroth was contained to his boots up to his shins and the lower parts of his coat. Not even that long, long hair that Sephiroth somehow managed to pull off had so much as a single strand coloured by mud. 

Cloud found himself smiling a little at the contrast, even as they drew even with him to pass to the elevators, and Cloud realised with a startled little inhale and reflexively dropping his eyes to the floor, that the poetics waxed about Sephiroth's _presence_ wasn't hyperbole.

You could feel it, inhabiting a space bigger than himself, not so much _demanding_ attention and obedience as simply _there_ , indifferent but inexorable - Zack's more subtle presence, familiar and _warmer_ was the only thing that reminded him to _stand still_ \---

"Hey, you--- _Spike_?" 

Blinking Cloud focused back at Zack, briefly meeting bright blue eyes before something shot through him like lighting with the awareness of two dominants nearby, and the dropped his gaze to around Zack's chin instead. Pressed his lips together as a rush of heat flooded him as he realised he'd _swayed_. Dammit.

"Um--- hi, sir. I'm fi--- _Zack_!" squawking in protest as he was bodily picked up and _hugged_ , Cloud refused to look over Zack's shoulder to where General Sephiroth stood watching, his expression somewhere between inscrutable aloofness and something he could swear was _almost_ a tiny smirk. "I'm _on duty_!"

"Indeed. Put the trooper down, Fair." So quiet, not even an edge to it, but Zack snorted loudly - and still put him down, waggling his helmet on his head but making sure it was on straight when he let go.

"Cloud doesn't mind, right?" So bright, so _beseeching_ , even as that warm presence wrapped around him, propping him up as much as it was poking him and Cloud blinked up at Zack, for a moment forgetting all about Sephiroth behind him, then cleared his throat.

"N-no, sir."

"Clouud!" Almost a wail, and Cloud rolled his eyes. Did Zack really think he'd slip more than once with his name in public?

"I'm on duty, _sir_ ," he said, but maybe there was a teasing tone in his voice and maybe he smirked, just a little, up at Zack from under the edge of his helmet, and Zack huffed.

"If you weren't being all proper here I'd discipline you for insubordination, Spike!" Chuckling, he shook his head and turned to Sephiroth behind him with his usual grin on his face as he waved to indicate Cloud, "Sephiroth, this is Cloud Strife. He's showing some promise." 

Promise? In _what_? He was sure he wasn't _that_ amazing at the sword, even if Zack praised him nearly every time, and he didn't have a legit chance to get into SOLDIER and would have to try as part of a _ruse_ so why was Zack _introducing him_? He was going to _kill him_ but right then and there Cloud just stiffened, alarmed, as those bright, slit-pupil eyes landed on him and only the distant, but firm reminder that he was _on duty_ and _unless asked_ , he didn't _need_ to kneel, kept him upright. He couldn't breathe.

"Hm." There was a flick of that glance travelling over him, and despite that he was wearing the helmet and he certainly wasn't looking the general in the face, Sephiroth seemed to lock onto his gaze - which he dropped a little further, from the sweep his his bare throat down to the mud-splattered toes of his boots instead. _Couldn't_ do anything else right then. "I'm sure Zack is correct. Strife." He tilted his head then turned around, starting to walk off.

"Now leave the trooper to do his job, Zack."

Zack winked at him and whirled on his heels, catching up with Sephiroth and starting up whatever wheedling argument he'd tried to present earlier as the elevator doors closed about them, and Cloud closed his eyes, exhaled the breath that seemed to have gotten stuck there, and remained standing. It felt like a victory, somehow.

He also wondered how General Sephiroth got away with wearing the sort of hair only the most well-kept submissives of the most elite dominants could ever boast. Sure, he was _Sephiroth_ , who was going to say what _General Sephiroth_ could and couldn't do, but... still. Of course, Zack's hair was a little longer than it should be, too, but the spikiness of it disguised that fact unless you knew what you were looking for. Shaking his head slightly, he forcibly pushed thoughts of the SOLDIERs from his mind so he could focus on his _job_ , but some tiny part of him was still quivering in breathless happiness over having had all that focused aimed directly _at him_.

Maybe today wasn't so bad. Only _maybe_ , though, because that thing with Zack introducing him to Sephiroth? That was _bad_. Very, very bad, and Cloud let Zack know that as soon as he could later that day.

` To: Zack  
Subject: What was that?`

`How the hell could you introduce me to General Sephiroth _now_ , Zack? He doesn't have a single reason to pay attention to me! I'm just a random trooper like this, not even a _potential_ SOLDIER since I can't even say I've entered the exams!`

` To: Cloud  
Subject: Like a test, of course!`

`And you did good, Spike. Seriously, even most domninant-leaning switches tend to end up on their knees when they meet Sephiroth for the first time, and you didn't. _That's_ a lot more impressive than you being a potential SOLDIER candidate, trust me. Besides, you can always use it as fodder for your re-test later!`

` To: Zack  
Subject: ... fine`

`But while I was _on duty_?`

` To: Cloud  
Subject: Thankless work, this!`

`Natural break-off point, Spike. Natural break-off point. I couldn't have planned it better if I'd _tried_ , and you didn't have the time to feel awkward. Made it easier for all of us, see. Anyway, I should still be fine for next week, so think of what movie you wanna watch!`

`To: Zack  
Sibject: You brought it onto yourself`

`But I guess so. And I'm looking forward to it. Guess I _should_ think about it, before you've knocked me on the head too much for me to think straight. See you then, Zack.`


	3. Midgar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A belated birthday present for Cloud, and a look at what Midgar and the slums look like, here.

"You know what we should do?" Zack sounded like he _wasn't_ in the middle of a lunge, thirty minutes into their training, and Cloud grunted as their swords connected, then _slid_ against each other until they locked. His hands trembled a little before he locked them around the hilt, determined not to be done just yet.

" _What_?" Another grunt as he squinted up at Zack past the barrier their interlocked swords made, annoyed at the distraction. Three months into this, and they could train less often than Cloud liked and Zack had found that he _wanted_ , but despite that they had a good routine going. Spend the first ten-fifteen minutes of warm-up with Zack giving tips, adjusting his stance, pointing out tone of voice, and the rest of the next hour or two on actual sword fighting or sometimes hand to hand. The latter was as important to Cloud as the former, but the former was all the more valuable for when he would attempt his ruse.

"Celebrate!" Zack grinned, all teeth and confidence, and _pushed_. Cloud lost his balance, but fell _with_ it, staggering sideways out of the thrust Zack followed up with. Managed to turn the whole thing into a feint, which Zack didn't fall for, of course, and he was forced into a quick, sloppy parry instead.

"You making First Class? I thought--- we'd already _done that_." Zack had even dragged him _with_ on that bar excursion almost a week and a half ago now, and Cloud still wasn't sure whether he was resentful of that or not. 

It'd been... _okay_ , he supposed, but sitting in the middle of a gathering of doms and switches he didn't know, and all SOLDIERs at that... Well, he couldn't measure up, now could he? In more ways than one. It _had_ given him a chance to observe some behaviour he might use later though, even if Zack had warned him against taking any of _that_ as useful data before they went into the bar in the first place.

Cloud still thought it might be of use, since so much _would_ rely on his acting. On attitude, willpower and _force_ of will, not natural presence and inclination. Unfortunately. But expectation of behaviour accounted for a lot, if people were lazy, and if Cloud could just hold his ground when they tested again, just that once and then also not slip up too much in public later (assuming he succeeded), then... then it should be possible. 

The deeper testing involving brain chemistry and activation centers during typical, set situations and all that wasn't something that was pulled out often, especially not in ShinRa. They were _lazy_. So if he could _just_ get through that standard testing convincingly...

And hey, maybe it might even turn out he was a submissive-leaning switch, instead of just a submissive. Switches were more difficult to categorize, after all.

"Never too much celebration of _that_ ," Zack said as _he_ pulled a feint, something Cloud realised too late to not be taken by it and _not_ do exactly what Zack wanted him to do. So there went his sword, wrenched out of his now-smarting hand and clattering to the ground. "But no. I'm thinking a celebration of _your birthday_. Why didn't you say something?"

Flushing at the nearly _wounded_ tone, Cloud shrugged, glancing away.

"It's nothing _big_ , Zack---"

" _Nothing big_?! What the hell, Spike!" Zack's offended cry cut him off, and Cloud stared down at the point of the sword aimed straight at his heart before Zack pulled the sword back and twirled it. Eyes sparkling, his voice dropped a little in warm determination as he continued; "Now we _are_ going out and I know just the place!" 

Any protest Cloud might have had to that died before he could even think of _a way_ to protest, the rumble of Zack's voice settling inside his chest. So he just looked to the side in a downwards tilt. Couldn't resist an eyeroll, though, even if it was... nice... to have someone besides his mom actually _care_ about something like his _birthday_.

"Fine. You're almost a week late, though."

"Don't be a killjoy now, Spike. I'll make it good!"

Cloud didn't much care _what_ they did; Zack's smile was enough of a birthday present, and _again_ he pushed that feeling down. _Focus_ , Strife! It'd popped up more and more as the weeks turned into months. Zack's approval _mattered_ , and he got so damn _pleased_ whenever Cloud acquiesced to something - and then he also got absurdly proud whenever Cloud pulled something off that'd help him with his ruse, or just succeeded with something in general, which was a little whiplash-inducing, but praise was praise, in the end.

Which meant that two days later they were in street clothes and leaving the tower, Zack pulling him into a one-armed hug before he let go. And, for once, he'd decided to braid his hair, though he'd vacillated until it'd almost been time to leave whether to do it or not. _Now_ , though, he was sort of regretting it, if only because of the split-second look on Zack's face when he'd noticed. Only sort of, though, since that same look had made it worth it. It wasn't even a _fancy_ braid or anything!

"So where are we going?" Cloud asked, cocking his head as he glanced up at Zack briefly, more focused on weaving through the early afternoon crowd as they walked towards the nearest sector train station. So far, Zack had refused to tell him where they were going, only that they'd need to take a train.

"You'll see. I think you'll like it," Zack said, turning his head enough to give him a wink and not explaining further _at all_. Again. Since it was Zack, though, Cloud let it slide. Someone else, he wouldn't have, but it was impossible not to have picked up that Zack wasn't cruel - a bit obnoxious, but even when he teased him there was nothing malicious in it - he was bright and kind and, over all _wanted to help_. So Cloud could give him the benefit of doubt and let him surprise him. Could trust him.

"You sure are _confident_." Cloud rolled his eyes at Zack's split-second brilliant grin before he yelled at him to hurry up and grabbed his wrist, pulling him along as he started running across the platform, _just_ making it as the doors of the train car closed behind them. 

There was nowhere to sit, though, so they just remained standing by the doors, which was a little annoying since he didn't know how _long_ they were gonna be here. But glancing up at Zack and only getting another mischievous wink, Cloud sighed and settled into the small corner between the doors and the seats behind him, throwing glances out the doors every now and then as the train started moving.

Midgar still looked _alien_ sometimes, even over half a year since he first arrived... though, to be honest, it was less the high-rises of the plate and the green tint to the sky at night that was what felt most frustratingly _odd_ most of the time. 

_Most_ of the time, it was things like the scene around him; the overly complicated hairstyles of the submissives in the train car, every single one of them with their eyes lowered on _principle_ , even two leashes in evidence trailing into the hands to the corresponding dominants. _Leashes_! Just out there, and not because either of the two subs, from what Cloud could see, seemed to have done anything to warrant the restriction. He wasn't sure why it seemed different compared to the few times he saw secretaries or PAs led on leashes in the tower, but there it was. 

It was things like his idly wandering gaze _accidentally_ locking with a woman not much taller than he was and in in a neat suit, but he clearly didn't drop his eyes fast enough (he hadn't been trying to, anyway), so a sharp eyebrow went up on her forehead and her eyes narrowed, flicking from his face to his standard, unadorned ShinRa collar, and then she started to shift forward with a firm sort of weight suggested in the movement---

" _Zack_!" Cloud hissed as Zack shifted half a step further in front of him, cutting off line-of-sight between the challenged dom and himself. She met Zack's gaze, snorted softly, and looked back at her PHS. _Then_ Zack glanced down at him with an easy shrug as Cloud elbowed him, a mild expression on his face Cloud couldn't quite decipher, but it didn't matter. 

He didn't like needing the help. Didn't like the way his insides curled warmly at Zack doing it at all. That he _cared_ to do it, because this didn't mean anything. Zack was just, literally, making sure a friend didn't get in trouble. With an annoyed grunt, he looked out the little windows in the doors instead. Midgar was _fucking stupid_ , but even if he couldn't pull his ruse off when it came to it, he didn't know where else to go. What he was supposed to _do_. He sure didn't want to go back to Nibelheim.

When they got off, after longer on the train than Cloud had thought they'd be, he stared around the barebones, rather dirty train station, and glanced up at Zack.

"The _slums_? Why're we _down here_?"

"You're not _afraid_ , are you?" Zack asked, teasing grin in place and his hand coming up as if drawn magnetically to his spikes, and since Cloud was busy scowling up at him, he didn't duck _nearly_ early enough to avoid the ruffle.

"Zack! _No_ , I'm not, 'cause I'm pretty sure it's not actually bad in the way ShinRa wants to make it out to be, but _why_?" Scowl turning into just a _frown_ , glancing around again. He hadn't gone down here yet, even if he'd obviously sort of thought about it, vaguely. Though just going down to the slums to _go down there_ he wasn't interested in.

"We're going somewhere that's down here, but _besides that_ , I think you'll like it. And you're right, ShinRa wants to make it sound worse than it is," Zack said and waved a hand around them, then set off. 

He didn't look back, but _did_ hold a hand out, silently urging Cloud to follow him. And what else was he supposed to _do_? Though the continued _secrecy_ was a little annoying; what was the big deal, anyway? Still frowning as they left the train station and went down streets that mostly seemed to be there because there were buildings around them and not because they were paved or planned, Cloud didn't see what he was supposed to like. Only the nicest buildings seemed to be made of proper, complete building materials of various sorts - most of everything else was haphazard mishmash that seemed to be leaning one way or another more often than not, and it just made him a little angry, comparing it with what was _above_ the plate.

But as he kept looking around, mostly for lack of anything else to do, Cloud realised something was... a little odd. Or rather, _off_ from what he'd come to accept as normal in Midgar. One hand trailing up to his collar, Cloud glanced up at Zack. Who was looking down at _him_ , a tiny grin on his face - one of the smallest, most subdued expressions he'd seen on Zack so far.

"... It's okay if I take it off?"

"No one down _here_ cares, you can do what you like. So yeah, go ahead." Zack waved a hand in the air, that tiny grin growing a little as Cloud paused long enough to easily be able to unbuckle the collar, then wrapped it up enough so he could stuff it in a pocket. 

Of course, as he moved his head from side to side, now that it was _off_ after wearing it everywhere but the shower and his own dorm - and, recently, Zack's apartment - for months, it felt... a little odd. Like he wasn't quite _anchored_ , which just made him scowl and jam his hands into his pockets, and _not_ the one he'd put the collar in. 

If he hadn't left Nibelheim, it was doubtful he'd have ended up with a collar in a day-to-day setting, even _after_ he got together with someone (as if that would've happened back home), and yet he'd become so easily used to it, despite how infuriating it was to have been made to wear it! It didn't make sense at all, and it was a little unsettling something in him actually _liked_ the constant weight of the collar around his throat, if not the forced reason it was there. Like a reminder... but of what? 

Cloud wasn't sure why it felt like such a failure for his ambitions but it curled sourly in the bottom of his stomach and he wondered if this would make it harder for him to pull the ruse off.

"Hey, hey, what's with that _look_ , Spike?" Zack huffed and immediately, of course, his hand came down again, yanking Cloud out of his gloomy pit as he tried to ward the offending appendage off.

"Hey!" Groaning, he straightened up from a slump he hadn't even noticed he was in and shook his head. "I was just... thinking."

"Well, think with a less _grumpy_ expression, this is a belated birthday celebration after all!"

Rolling his eyes, he followed along as they set off again, relaxing into it. The collar was still in a pocket, and it was... relaxing, to walk around and not see such obvious _forced_ reminders of what everybody were. Not that people's hair length didn't reveal that often enough anyway, but there was far more hats or other headgear in use down here compared to up on the plate, too, for that matter.

When the novelty, but not the _freedom_ , started to wear off and he was _trying_ not to gawk at everything they passed because he recognised the poverty suffused through this place, and _staring_ wasn't right, Cloud started to feel a little antsy again.. He didn't mind it if this was the extent of Zack's plan, because despite missing the collar's presence, it felt _almost_ like how it'd felt at home, when he'd not yet had to worry about anything like his dynamic and the restrictions and other things that came with it yet. Didn't mind it, no, but since it _was_ a day off, doing something _more_ than this would be ni---

"Here we are!" Zack crowed, a hand smacking down on his shoulder and squeezing, the other waving at the modest shop front squeezed between a run-down mishmash of some sort of five-floor apartment complex and another, larger, store. Looked like second (or maybe even third and fourth) hand clothing store. Zack's goal, however, that tiny shop-front that looked more like a stall with a few scuffed and definitely mismatched round café tables in front, was... Cloud wasn't sure. The tables implied some sort of eatery, but there were no ways to easily tell; the sign above the little shop was a flaking, hand-painted sign portraying some sort of fruit, and nothing else. "Come on, sit down. I'll go get your present."

Zack's smile was brilliantly eager, and Cloud found himself going to sit down at the nearest little table before he'd even thought about it, though he scrunched his nose and frowned at Zack's back when he'd sat down. 

He envied Zack that - not his cheerful, _charismatic_ and friendly personality, just... the easy, warm command that didn't so much bleed out of every pore as it suffused every movement, every _syllable_. Zack didn't need to even _think_ about it. If he was to emulate something like that, at least long enough to trick a reassessment of his dynamic, he'd have to _work_ at it. At least he could count himself lucky Zack wanted to help and, far more than that, actually was a friend.

Something which still felt utterly incredible, sometimes. He wouldn't ever have thought someone like Zack would have thrown so much as a _glance_ his way back in Nibelheim. He'd have been part of Tifa's little friend circle, undoubtedly, and while he couldn't see Zack be part of the kids who'd alternated between ignoring and taunting him (or fighting with him, when it'd come to that), why would he have _noticed him_? Here, though...

"Here," Zack said as he plunked himself down on the chair opposite, too tall and broad for that delicate swirl of wrought metal but somehow fitting himself into it away. Cloud could swear he heard the chair groan and screech a little in protest, then settle quietly under Zack's weight like it wouldn't dream of dropping Zack Fair to the ground any more than a submissive playing furniture for a dominant would. 

He put a covered little plate down in front of him, but whacked Cloud's hand away when he reached for it. Hissing as he pulled it back towards himself, confused and _almost_ expecting more than just that little whack in recrimination, he was just met by Zack's amused, bright eyes when he looked up.

"... Why do you say 'here' and then punish me for reaching for it?" He couldn't help it - he could _hear_ the pout in his voice and feel it on his face, and Zack's eyes danced as he chuckled.

"Sorry, I should've phrased that better. But since this is a gift, you can't see it right away!"

"How does _that_ make sense?" Cloud asked, nose wrinkling, "and if it's a _gift_ , don't I get to open it when and however I want to?"

"No, no. I'll take care of this. Just sit back and enjoy," Zack said, his voice mild and Cloud _could_ of course have said something snarky. Protested. Anything but frowning as he settled down in his seat, confused as to how he was supposed to eat whatever it was Zack had gotten if he was insisting on keeping it covered on _his_ side of the... table...

Oh.

Oh no.

"Wait---"

Zack didn't glance up his way until after he'd lifted the cover, angled in such a way Cloud couldn't see anything behind it, peered down at the plate with great show - or sincerely thinking about it, who knew - and choosing something off it, holding it up on his palm for Cloud. To take with his own hand at least, but...

"Hm?"

Staring down at the delicate, thumbnail-sized button of... chocolate, he was sure, decorated with a nut on top of it, where it was balancing on Zack's fingers as he held his hand up, Cloud swallowed. Was Zack even thinking--- no, was he _intending_ this? A glance up to meet Zack's eyes, bright and expectant but at ease, and Cloud... thought that no, Zack was _neither_ intending _nor considering_ that this was only half a step away from hand feeding.

"... You sure this is _safe_ to eat?" he muttered finally, a miniature gripe made maybe a little out of spite for _some_ way to get the anxious, warm twist in his gut to dissolve as he snatched the offered chocolate and popped it into his mouth. Despite that complaint, he didn't needZack to say anything in the chocolate's defence, because the taste exploded on his tongue and he was hard pressed not to outright _moan_ to his utter mortification.

"Would I get you something _bad_ as a birthday present, Spike? How can you _doubt me_!" Zack sounded like he'd been personally attacked, but the smile on his face said he knew exactly what Cloud was tasting and knew that he liked it. Like there'd been any doubt, honestly - sweets had never been easy to get his hands on while growing up, and chocolate? Real, proper chocolate and not the cheapest, barely-any-chocolate _in here_ sort of stuff? Forget it. 

"This is the _real stuff_ , Cloud. Pure, Gongagan chocolate. The only reason she's still down here instead of having a shop up on the plate is 'cause shit's _expensive_ , and properly starting a business up there apparently even worse. Especially as she's a sub, and unclaimed. Don't want to get business partner either, no matter what dynamic." He shrugged, a little frown on his face before he eyed Cloud again, lips quirking as he looked down at his covered plate with another show of great concentration before he chose another delicate little piece and offered up in the same way as the first one.

Cloud didn't want to think Zack was particularly dense, or that oblivious, considering how often he otherwise made sure Cloud knew he wasn't considering anything they did as part of something that implied any sort of _obligation_ for Cloud, but... but was Zack _really_ not realising what this looked - and more than that, _felt_ \- like? 

Glancing at Zack and hoping the warm bubble in his gut wasn't visible on his face as he took the second piece like he had the first, being surprised by the thin shell and the caramel inside bursting out as he bit into it, Cloud hoped Zack somehow _was_ that dense. Because he... liked this, and Zack hadn't seemed interested so far, since he was so careful about it being about doing things as _friends_ and honestly it was _just as well that he wasn't_. Because while he undoubtedly _could_ wear Zack's earring and still be believed as a switch if he could get the ruse to work (he'd noticed a couple SOLDIER switches who wore _someone's_ earring), he wasn't sure what it'd do for his needed to get into SOLDIER.

So this was fine.

Would have to _be fine_.

And why couldn't it, even if the brush of his fingers against Zack's palm as he snatched up a third piece of chocolate tingled all the way down into his stomach? He perfunctorily added another complaint that Zack was making this more difficult than it _had to be_ , frowning at him if just to see him break out into that huge grin again.

Of course, since he ducked his head to lick his fingers since they were warming the chocolate up a little as they handled it, he _completely_ missed the way the previous easy warmth in Zack's eyes snapped over into darkening intent as he watched Cloud clean off his down fingers, flexing the hand he'd been using to give Cloud each piece of chocolate in turn. Missed the way Zack looked away for a second, then looked back, the bright smile back and his shoulders relaxed.


	4. Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud is late, Zack finds a situation he doesn't like, and a solution he's all right with.

Cloud was late. Tapping the practice blade against his leg, Zack frowned. If there was one thing he could count on Cloud being, particularly for their training sessions, it was _punctual_. Cloud was driven and stubborn and wanted to get as much out of their training as possible, so if anything he was usually a little early. 

But not today. 

Rubbing the back of his neck, Zack considered what to do. He could just shoot off a mail and continue to wait, maybe start his own practice in the meantime - though there was a not-insignificantly small part of Zack that wasn't just chafing against that idea due to plain regular worry, but also because _he shouldn't be made to wait_. Zack had a very firm view of himself, and he never let his nature get the better of him - or very rarely, anyway - so he wasn't about to tear off looking for Cloud in the aim of punishing him as a sub in need of discipline, but, there was still that undeniable urge to go look for him. 

So he compromised with himself; sent off a mail and decided he'd go look if he didn't get a reply soon. A couple minutes at most, even if he'd tried to go with fifteen minutes at first, but he'd _already_ waited and they had a _time agreed on_ and Cloud should know enough to keep it. So, a couple minutes it was, and when his mail didn't get a reply after those minutes had passed, he put the practice sword back on the rack and left the training room. 

Sure, finding a lone, and very specific, cadet in the tower wouldn't be easy, but there were a few places that would be most logical to start with. Even more so since he did know what Cloud had been doing before they were supposed to start their training session - not hard, it was the end of a regular day and Cloud didn't have a graveyard shift.

Not loitering in the cafeteria, which, as much as Cloud needed _more friends_ and it would thus be welcome on any other day to find him forgetting time by shooting the shit somewhere, now it soothed Zack's ruffled instincts to _not_ find him there. Pre-arranged time set aside for something was _pre-arranged_ and he wouldn't have---

Ah, calm down there, Fair. Grunting softly, he backtracked towards the training block again, frowning in thought. This hadn't been a problem a month or two ago. He wasn't even sure _when_ it had starting to become a problem... definitely before taking Cloud down to the little chocolate shop that week after his birthday... Either way, the fact was Cloud was certainly not _his_ submissive to discipline. Try to tell his instincts that, though...

It didn't matter that ShinRa gave such privileges to all commanding or superior officers and so he technically _could_ , even being SOLDIER and not Army. But it certainly wasn't a thing he'd grown up with, and he sure wouldn't disappoint his ma by acting like an _animal_ who took ungiven privileges. Easterners had such weird ideas sometimes, and while Zack firmly believed he could do good where and as he was, in other ways ShinRa was the pinnacle of the Eastern Continent's societal ideals... and not in a good way. But that just meant he would have to _be better_.

Which right now meant finding Cloud because he was concerned and Cloud just wasn't ever _late_ unless something---

Something echoed, distantly.

This late, the lower training rooms and corridors around them were usually empty, so it was easy to pick and choose your way - he'd taken one way out of the block on the way to the cafeteria, and chose another on the way _back_ , so picking up sounds, as long as you were in the area, wasn't hard. He was already looking for Cloud, after all, but even besides that he was fine-tuned to pick up sounds of _fighting_.

Maybe it had nothing to do with Cloud, but fighting wasn't anything he'd condone _anyway_ , and the closer he got, the more obvious it was that it was _fighting_ and not _training_. The door to the training room he was led to was also not closed the whole way, jammed open by a training duffel dropped there. The only reason he'd really heard anything at all since they weren't out in the corridor, and by now it didn't matter who were involved, Zack was relieved the door was open _either way_ so he could put a stop to this.

Of course, shoving the door open and kicking the duffel further in, he froze for one startled - furious - second, recognizing the blond spikes of one of the two people on the floor, throwing fists around as much as they were being thrown _at him_. It wasn't until one of the two standing by and watching the fight pointed out that if _he'd just kneel this would end_ and Cloud's furious hiss of _shut up_ echoed through the room that Zack twitched, muscles unlocking, and stormed inside.

" _What_ are you doing?!" The words bubbled up like the lava at Ifrit's hooves from inside of him, and _everybody_ immediately stilling at the command in his tone pleased some distantly furious part of him.

Pleased but not soothed, as the rest of him... the rest was just angry, because yanking the trooper who'd been fighting with Cloud up, he could pick out the already-bruising skin on Cloud's bare arms and face, plus a few, shiny-pink or even bleeding scrapes. How dare they put marks on _his_ \--- Shaking his head sharply, Zack focused back on Cloud, continuing to take inventory with another quick flick of his eyes; no other obvious injuries, but Cloud's breathing far too fast as he slumped down on the floor.

On his knees, his hands trembling fists in his lap, something he wouldn't be doing normally. A quick look to the other two boys kneeling, one with shoulder-length hair sporting a bruise on his cheek, the other with his long hair neatly braided and the collar obvious with his lack of uniform scarf, and Zack could start to figure out the shape of what was going on. Felt as proudly pleased of Cloud for _resisting_ as furious over the three dominant troopers taking advantage. 

"Just some _discipline_ , you know how it is," the brown-haired dom who'd been fighting Cloud said, shaking off his earlier fright for self-assured ease and a pointed little grin on his face, shrugging as he gestured around them. At ease despite the previous scare of an officer and a stronger dominant barging in.

Zack grit his teeth and exhaled very carefully. This was what ShinRa's policy led to, and he couldn't even reprimand these punks, for all that he was a superior officer as a SOLDIER. At least he _could_ send them to their commanding officer in the Army.

" _I know_ that only superior officers are the ones supposed to discipline submissives for any misbehaviour," he said slowly, voice dropping both in register and warmth as he looked between the three dominant trooper, his faintly glowing eyes narrowed as they stiffened and the burgeoning ease froze into _unease_. Realising they didn't have this dominant on _their_ side of this little altercation. 

One of the other two who hadn't said anything yet opened his mouth, and Zack slashed a hand through the air, cutting him off before he could speak and just anger him further. 

"I _also_ know that _not kneeling for a dominant_ is only a misbehaviour worthy of discipline if the submissive refuses to do it for a superior or commanding officer. And _you three_ are neither."

All three of them flushed bright pink and brown-hair opened his mouth, his curiously wine-dark eyes darkening further, turning them from a captivating almost-red to flat, murky dark brown. Zack didn't let him do much more than draw breath for whatever the complaint would be, turning to face him and stepping closer - incidentally also now standing in front of Cloud and thus between him and the three doms.

"I suggest you leave and report to your commanding officer tomorrow for your reprimand. I'm sure it won't look good if you don't come to them first about what you just tried to do." Zack scowled, pinning each of them with a dark look and his hands on his hips, at least quelling two of them instantly. "Throwing your weight around with no respect for what you're supposed to be _given_ gives doms a bad name. Get out of here."

He was pretty sure his words wouldn't have any impact in the end, not with how both ShinRa and the Eastern Continent was, but if nothing else they'd get _some_ form of reprimand - for taking the privileges that belonged to superior officers, at the least. Maybe not what Zack would've preferred to have them reprimanded for, but as long as _something_ happened, it'd have to do.

Not turning around until the door quietly swished closed, Zack took a breath, held it, and then let it out, slowly. Felt relieved and also very foolish for thinking earlier that he'd have to _discipline_ anyone today, even less _Cloud_. But turning around and being faced with Cloud and the two other still kneeling... he'd have expected at least Cloud to already be standing up and the fact that he wasn't was a bit worrying. The other two, he didn't know, so he couldn't tell if that, _too_ , was a cause for worry.

"It's okay. None of you did anything wrong." It was a little difficult to make sure his focus was on all three instead of _just_ Cloud, but it was necessary. Cloud wasn't the only one who needed his attention, right then, and he squatted down, reaching out but not touching the darkening bruise on the switch's cheek.

"This the only one?"

The young man - probably around his own age - took a single, slightly shuddering breath, and nodded.

"Okay, good. Go to the infirmary if you think you need it, otherwise..." Studying the pinched expression in front of him, Zack frowned, then shook his head and smiled. "You did good, okay? And if you know who any of those three are, tell me the names. I'm gonna check up on them tomorrow to see if they actually _did_ what I told 'em to do."

_That_ , if nothing else, got him the ghost of a smile and a whispered 'yes, sir,' plus the names and platoons he needed to follow this up, then the young man scrubbed his face and got up, taking a breath and relaxing his shoulders as he got to his feet. Two left. Zack eyed the submissive next, his braid starting to fray and framing his face with wispy, black strands. He'd seen him look up at him with a side-long darting look earlier, and took a quick decision to put one hand on the kid's shoulder, squeezing gently.

"Like I said, you did good. It's not your fault idiots think they can just yell at you and get whatever they want, right?"

The tension in the shoulder in his grip eased, and the young man nodded quickly, a startled little look up at him before he dropped his gaze again. But aside from that, he didn't seem particularly upset. More _resigned_ , which wasn't what Zack liked to see, but he'd bet he was from around Midgar, or the Eastern Continent in general, so this was what he'd _expect_.

"They didn't hurt you?"

"No, sir," he muttered, shaking his head. A sideways glance to Cloud, then up at Zack, face carefully blank. "I knelt first."

"And nothing wrong with _that_ , even if that's what they wanted. As long as you're okay. Go get some rest, huh?"

There was another half-startled, quick look up at him before the kid bobbed his head and quickly left, taking the bag he'd kicked out of the door with him, which just left Cloud. Cloud, who was still kneeling on the floor, knuckles white where he was twisting them in his pants.

"... Cloud? You _know_ you didn't do anything wrong, right? In fact, you were doing rea---"

"If I hadn't _fought_ , it wouldn't have happened. It's---" Zack couldn't even feel pleased Cloud interrupted him. Not with the way he winced and seemed to curl up on himself where he knelt, shoulders tensing up. "Sorry, sir."

... Definitely not feeling pleased, because Cloud _knew_ he didn't have to call him _sir_ , not when it was only the two of them and they weren't doing anything but the _usual_. Looking at Cloud from where he was still squatting on the floor, Zack thought he should apparently not have felt relieved that he wouldn't have to punish Cloud, earlier. Because it looked like he would have to, and not because Cloud actually _deserved it_ , or that he _wanted to_ do it, but the guilty, upset tension winding Cloud tighter and tighter told him he needed to do _something_ , and trying to soothe Cloud out of this probably wouldn't work...

Or maybe it would. 

He'd just need to be a little _inventive_ to make the two things one and the same. There were a lot of ways to discipline, after all. The cold little knot in Zack's stomach unravelled at the thought. He _hated_ the idea of discipline. It just wasn't his thing, not as a serious, needed intervention to keep a submissive properly in hand, and even less so when the sub thought they'd done something wrong even if they hadn't.

"All right, Cloud," he said, keeping his voice deliberately calm and flat as he stood up. Not offering his hand right then. "I think we should move this elsewhere, so stand up."

He could've phrased that differently, of course. 

He'd _wanted to_ , but something in the tension in Cloud's shoulders, the way he'd said _sorry, sir_ , made it clear he needed to go about this a particular way. Which meant leading the way out of the training room silently, Cloud trailing after with his head bowed. 

Silent all the way up to his apartment, and Zack was _very_ relieved he'd been the one to come across that situation. Cloud would _not_ need the sort of discipline most dominants would dole out, right then, even in response to the 'this is what I deserve and need' signals Cloud was practically _screaming_ with his dejected posture.

And further metaphorically screaming loudly enough there was more than one dominant that they passed on the way to his apartment that looked over, eyes narrowing in on Cloud and only keeping their distance because Zack was _right there_ and clearly in charge of leading Cloud wherever they were going. 

He only barely resisted from grabbing Cloud's arm to lay a more _visible_ claim and had to wrestle with himself to make sure he didn't. Wasn't sure whether he was relieved or not that he always kept the leash he'd been given upon taking employ with ShinRa tucked into a drawer up in his apartment and not _on him_. 

Right now, he'd have been sorely tempted to use it, and not just to give some more signals for people to stay away and that he was the one taking care of this, and it'd be less hands-on than pulling Cloud around by the arm. Better he didn't, though, because he was sure a leash would've given the wrong idea to _Cloud_ , who already was, for some reason he wasn't sure, blaming himself for all this. Acting as if he'd done something _wrong_ by trying to hold his ground when the troopers who'd tried to get him to kneel were the ones abusing their privileges and breaking rules.

With the door to his apartment closed behind them, Zack relaxed. In comparison Cloud tensed up further, but nothing else about his posture changed otherwise, and what he could see of those blue eyes were downcast and dark. 

Exhaling, Zack pulled himself together. Straightened up, took a quick mental inventory and planted himself in front of Cloud.

"All right. I want you to strip down to your pants, no shoes or socks either, and then go kneel on the floor in front of the couch, back against it. Understand?"

"Yes, sir."

He'd wanted... something like this, but not _like this_ for months. Not like this, or for this reason at all. He watched Cloud let out a soft, shuddering breath and nod, offering nothing in protest when he _knew_ Cloud wasn't particularly comfortable with getting more or less naked in front of people. Knew he tended to loiter to take showers as late as he could whenever he had one to take. Of course, that was the reason he was letting him keep his pants on, but... still. 

Shaking his head, Zack went to pick up a few things from his bathroom and one of the drawers in his bedroom, giving Cloud the chance to undress on his own, without being stared at. He hadn't quite thought it was this bad, that thing about _blaming himself_. He'd noticed it before, of course, because Cloud also _expected_ to be blamed for things he couldn't have done anything about.

Despite the less than ideal situation, Zack could _feel_ himself settle as he walked back into the main room. He had a reason for what he was going to do; there was a _need_ for it, and it made parts of him respond to that need. He also had a way to do this that wouldn't make him feel uncomfortable, which made it even easier to settle into it. 

Cloud had done as he was told, sitting with his legs neatly folded underneath him and clothes in an equally neat stack on the floor underneath his scuffed coffee table, boots next to the clothes and his socks peeking out of the top of the boots. 

Everything stilled and he felt... aware. 

Of his body, all the way out to the ends of his hair; of the space around him, which was all _his_ , slightly messy and in need of a clean, but looking and smelling familiar; of _Cloud_ , his lean body that was growing into its slowly widening shoulders and the burgeoning muscles only _just_ starting to mark him, and he was honestly _perfect_ like this, wide blue eyes demurely lowered to the floor, and the faint air conditioning stirring his spikes.

Zack took a deep breath as he knelt in front of Cloud and quirked a tiny wry smile. The only thing that could make this not-ideal situation better (aside from actually being ideal and Cloud wanting and needing his help to _settle_ instead of this dumb _punishment_ ), would be if Cloud smelled of his soap and shampoo.

At least all he smelled of was sweat, a slight, lingering burn of blood from his scrapes, and the almost-neutral ShinRa issued toiletries.

That was fine. Not ideal, especially considering _why_ he could smell blood, but it was fine.

"Look at me, Cloud." A second, and then Cloud looked up, pink tongue darting out to wet his lips. Zack had to sway back on his heels to not lean forward at that. "Hands up for me."

Cloud frowned, but did ask asked, lifting his hands from where they'd been resting on his knees and presenting them palm up - revealing the beginnings of proper sword calluses from their work. Which was a _shame_ , but Zack knew what Cloud wanted, and Cloud was _determined_ , so he wouldn't try to convince him to give up on the idea of masquerading as a switch to get the chance to get into SOLDIER. Which meant the sword training was useful, and would thus continue.

When he pulled up the wide leather cuffs, Cloud started, but even if he opened his mouth, he quickly snapped it closed, glancing away and hunching up. Damn. Well, by now Zack wasn't sure he could honestly say he would _want_ Cloud to protest, so he tightened the cuffs around Cloud's wrists and pushed his arms up so he could attach the short chains hanging off them to Cloud's collar, stark against his pale skin.

"Zack---" _Now_ Cloud met his eyes full-on, but there was no real, strident protest there. Just a mix of misplaced guilt and growing discomfort, so he shook his head.

"You're not to move from this spot, or do anything at all aside from _sit here_. If you reach your limit, or feel like you _haven't_ done anything to deserve this, your safe word is 'materia'. You say it, it stops. Understand?" Zack said slowly, meeting those usually-brilliant blue eyes as Cloud twitched at his phrasing of what was an acceptable use of his safe word. 

His head drooped only seconds later, and he slumped into a stiff, awkward show of submission that simply underlined how Cloud felt. He flexed his cuffed hands, tugging a little at them and making the links in the chains scrape against each other.

"... Yes, sir." There was a wary, _resigned_ note in Cloud's voice to go with his posture, and Zack was just relieved he'd come up with this idea for Cloud's 'punishment'. It'd do what it needed to do while at the same time not forcing _him_ to deal with this in any way he wasn't comfortable with, especially when Cloud hadn't done anything _actually wrong_.

With a soft hum, he stood up and sat down on the couch behind Cloud, a tiny grin on his face as Cloud twitched again when he went for the hair tie that kept Cloud's long hair in its sloppy ponytail. The poor ponytail that was partially falling apart from his scuffle earlier, strands caught in odd loops in the hair tie or sticking out in straggled scruffiness. Perfect.

"Wh---"

"Remember what I said, Cloud. Unless you're going to say your safe word, nothing outta you. You're a good sub, aren't you?" That was _baiting him_ , Zack knew, and he could see Cloud's shoulders hunch up again, stiff.

"I--- I _not_. I should've just... done as they wanted," he muttered, which was Cloud saying something that _wasn't_ his safe word, and Zack sighed, shaking his head while Cloud simply forged on ahead, voice soft, "if I had, it'd have been _fine_. So it's just my---!" He cut off with a sharp intake of breath as Zack slid his hand into soft, blond spikes and tangled his fingers through them. He didn't yank, or even tighten his hand much. Just _held_ his hand there.

"Like I said, Cloud. Nothing but your safe word out of you. Don't _actually_ be naughty now," Zack said with a chuckle, and was admittedly disappointed when Cloud didn't give him sass for that. But... later. For now, he had Cloud exactly where he'd wanted him since he'd first seen him all those months ago, and Cloud's hair was as soft as it looked, from the tips of his spikes down to the ends against his shoulder blades. The sloppy ponytail was also clearly because Cloud simply didn't make much effort _aside_ from making sure to take care of his hair; it was shiny and soft in a way that revealed he washed and brushed it regularly.

Dropping the hair tie down on the couch beside him, he picked up his brush and started at the top; working from the tips of Cloud's spikes, he brushed through the curiously bunched-up hair until he'd worked down to the roots of one spike, then the next, and so on until the brush went through like there was silk under the bristles. 

Completely natural spikes, these, like his own. He wasn't sure why that pleased him as much as it did, but he didn't linger on that thought. 

He went on to the long fall of hair down Cloud's back, then, again working from the tips of it where it fell against his shoulder blades and upwards. Maybe a little disappointed it wasn't _longer_ , but being in the army it was probably a good choice to keep it as it was. Not too long to be hard to keep neat or out of the way and it was still longer than the at-least shoulder-length hair submissives _had_ to have. 

When the brightly gold fall of hair was as soft as the spikes under the brush, Zack took a few more brushstrokes before he put the brush down beside him, and then simply started running his fingers through the hair he'd just spent... over an hour brushing, the clock informed him when he glanced up.

It didn't matter.

What mattered was that Cloud's stiff posture had slowly been softening through the hour, and kept doing so now as he went through the hair with his fingers instead. Dug his fingertips all the way down to his scalp and _rubbed_ , gentle circles until Cloud let out a soft sigh. Carded through his spikes until Cloud was tilting into his motions, his shoulders and back unlined by tension and there was a slight weight against one of his legs, Cloud just barely leaning against it.

By now, Cloud's posture was graceful and relaxed, the weight of him effortlessly balanced so that he could spend a few more hours as he was kneeling and not feeling it. Cloud might not have gotten any specific training, but he did have a natural grace that, as long as he didn't _think about it_ and was relaxed, turned his kneel into something as close to picture-perfect as you could wish for. 

Zack, as focused as he'd been, felt something ease up inside at the sight of that pliant posture, a smile blooming on his face. 

_That_ was what he wanted, what he'd wanted to see since he'd found Cloud curled up on the floor and against the wall of the training room, tense and unhappy.

Perfect, _content_ submission, secure in the knowledge that he was doing nothing but what was being asked of him. Knowing he was being _good_ , like he thought he hadn't been earlier. It made _Zack_ feel warm and pleased in turn, happy he'd been right about the way he chose to go about this. 

Happy that he'd gotten Cloud to this point.

"Cloud?" Zack slid his hand up along Cloud's scalp, tangling his fingers in the long, feathery spikes again, and closed his fist in his hair, watching the light from the ceiling lamp bounce off the strands. So soft, now. Cloud tilted his head back with only that bare pressure to guide him, and blinked wide, unfocused eyes up at him. "You're doing great. But I need you to tell me how you're feeling."

It took a few long, crawling seconds for the question to register - _as a question_ , requiring an answer - and Cloud blinked slowly again, then shuddered, remembering his hands were still chained up against his chest as he flexed them, but this time didn't pull. It was okay that they were there. Zack wanted them there, and Zack wouldn't do anything that was _bad_.

He felt... good. 

If he really focused, he could tell there was the beginning of uncomfortable strain in his legs, and his neck was feeling a little tired from carrying most of his arms' weight whenever he didn't hold them up himself, but the rest of him felt fuzzy and floaty and _good_.

And, from this end of things, he didn't feel like he'd done anything wrong, not kneeling when told to. They didn't have the _right_ , so why _should he_? The burst of indignation accompanying that thought was slow and lazy compared to the relaxed, fuzzy feeling though, even as it was receding slowly for more clarity. And with more clarity, the sharper all the discomforts of his body became, as he'd sat here... he glanced up towards the clock on the wall, blinked at it. 

Three hours?

"Cloud?"

Oh, right. Shaking his head, the motion more of a small shudder to account for the short chains attached to the cuffs around his wrists, he swallowed. He needed to drink...

"I'm--- good," he said slowly, flushing faintly. Thanks to Zack. Who could've done any number of things in the name of the punishment he'd basically been _begging_ for, but he'd... he'd done something that, while it'd left him uncomfortable at the start, it'd left him feeling good, now, _and_ tricked him into relaxing. 

Just obeying had made the sharp, confused guilt recede a little even early on. He wasn't sure when the warm fuzzy feeling had replaced it, and while it was proof of _what he was_ , Cloud... couldn't find it in himself right then to be upset. It felt good. Right. Zack had helped him, and doing as told had ended up _here_ and no longer feeling guilty or blaming himself or something he shouldn't have been blaming himself for _from the start_ felt good, too. 

"Better than... before. Thank you, sir."

The hand in his hair trembled just a little as he called Zack _sir_ instead of using his name, but it wasn't a bad tremble. Somehow, he could tell, and it made him smirk a little. Zack might protest so very loudly, but clearly he didn't _always_ mind being called 'sir'. And maybe he'd feel more awkward later about it, so it was a bit of a relief those words came out right then, easy as you please. 

The hand in his hair tightened briefly then, different from the tremble and making him shudder in response, then let up on its grip and carded through his hair once before Zack moved off the couch and in front of him, expression serious but his faintly glowing eyes warm.

"You realize you didn't do anything wrong, right?"

The chains keeping the cuffs attached to the collar was unclipped, and then the cuffs removed, Zack getting there to (unnecessarily) rub each of his wrists before he got the chance to do that himself, not meeting his gaze as Cloud sighed and nodded, slowly.

"... Yeah. They didn't, have any right to," he muttered as Zack stood up, offering his hands to him. Some part of him wanted to protest that he could stand up _himself_ , but he... would probably fall over, if he didn't have _some_ sort of support. So he took the hands and let himself be pulled upright, swaying as his stiff legs were forced to unfold. It was weird how he hadn't been feeling that at all before aside from the knowledge that he would feel it, but that... that was the _point_ , wasn't it?"

" _Exactly_. Good," Zack said with a bright flash of a smile that warmed his insides, then let go of his hands to lay them on his shoulders, squeezing, " _you_ are good. Sit down and I'll be back in a second."

He was halfway to sinking down onto the couch, unthinkingly following the warm, nearly rumbling tone of command and the soft word of praise before he scrunched his nose and frowned up at Zack, unsure if he was annoyed or not. Zack smiled at him again, the warmth in his eyes taking on a different angle before he shook his head and the smile turned into an unrepentant grin as he turned, snagging up the blanket that lay folded over the couch's arm and wrapped it around him before Cloud had a _chance_ to protest.

Muttering something even he wasn't sure what it was supposed to be, Cloud still didn't push the blanket off. He was a little cold, and his clothes seemed very far away where he'd put them underneath the coffee table. So he pulled the blanket closer around him, soft fabric rubbing his bare upper body and his hair spread out in a soft fall against his back.

It was strange, though. He hadn't thought it'd feel like _this_. Not that he'd spared much thought to his dynamic or what it'd feel like, if he actually, _properly_ sank into it and let some of the tension that he'd vaguely noticed that seemed to be clinging to the back of his head, since his dynamic actually presented itself. 

It wasn't like you _couldn't_ live your life without fully experiencing your dynamic. It was possible, and only in rare circumstances did anything _bad_ happen from neglecting that, but he understood why it would feel... nice... to _not_ neglect it, if it felt like this. If you had someone like Zack to help you do it. But if he had to to get what he wanted, he _would_ \---

"Here." Zack held a glass out to him, putting his own on the table and sitting down on the couch, arm tossed over the back of it. _Too far away_ some part of Cloud insisted, but as he sipped the soda, Cloud wasn't sure how to say that. Or _if_ he even should. Pulling his legs up so his bare feet could be covered by the blanket as well, Cloud frowned down into the glass, watching the bubbles fizz up to the surface.

"... Sorry, Zack. For making y---"

"Hey." Zack's voice was soft but implacable as he leaned in, arm falling off the back of the couch to half curl around his shoulder and his hand land in his hair, _ruffling it_ now and Cloud's protest was reflexive and familiar and _felt good_. Like Zack's brief grin did, though it fell off for something more serious right after. "You're good. I did it 'cause I _wanted_ to, okay? And because you needed it. I _like_ helping friends, I thought you knew that already."

Another brilliant flash of a smile and Zack ruffled his hair again before he pulled his arm back, but not the _whole_ way. It ended up wedged somewhere between the back of the couch and behind Cloud's shoulders this time. So he leaned back, and the arm settled itself over his shoulders again with a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

"You didn't even _know me_ back then," he said with an eyeroll, curled up under the blanket and feeling a lot better than he thought he not only _would_ , but _could_. Zack chuckled, shameless and melting back into the couch, squeezing his shoulder again and wagged own glass of soda in the air.

"We're friends _now_ , so it counts, doesn't it?"

"Whatever you say, Zack." Cloud snorted and pretended like his insides didn't twist and squeeze weirdly at that. Pretended like Zack's hand on his shoulder hadn't just tightened briefly. He had things to do, and they _didn't_ involve getting too deeply into something that might make people doubt his intended ruse. He _would_ get into SOLDIER. But maybe _after_ he had... if Zack actually was interested.

" _I_ say I should let you get dressed and down to your dorm. Don't think you have tomorrow off, right?" Zack asked with a tilt to his head, and Cloud shook his in response.

"I don't. I'll get dressed and let you have the rest of the evening to yourself." Reluctantly, he pulled away from the arm around his shoulders and let the blanket drop to the couch as he squatted down on the floor to pull out his stack of clothes and his boots, pulling on his shirt first and then his uniform jacket. He hadn't even had the chance to go change into his exercise clothes thanks to those yahoos. He'd been on the way to go change when he'd noticed them hassling the other submissive... and then the switch had spotted them and tried to intervene, which had eventually devolved into the fight.

"Do you want---"

"I won't drag you all the way down to the barracks floors. It's okay," he said, twisting to toss a look over his shoulder at Zack before he sat down on the couch to pull socks and then boots on, only tightening the laces enough that they should last him the way down. Of course Zack would offer to follow him the whole way down, but he didn't need _that_. 

He was _fine_ , now. Thanks to Zack, yes, but fine. And he _was_ grateful - grateful and surprised to have this from Zack at all, never mind his _friendship_ \- but he didn't need a babysitter.

Zack followed him to the door, though, and Cloud didn't say anything about that. Just paused outside the door, biting his bottom lip as he looked up at Zack from under his lashes and bangs. Wasn't sure what the expression was that crossed Zack's face, right then, and didn't let himself stay long enough to find out.

"Thanks, Zack." He didn't want to need this sort of help, but even if he'd been (even if, against all odds, he could still be revealed to be) a switch, he might have needed it. He was just... lucky, for once, to have someone like Zack. Again, that didn't change anything.

"Anytime, Spike." Zack's tone was warm, and Cloud found himself smiling as he turned around with a wave over his shoulder and left for the elevator.


	5. Escort Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's the fallout from yesterday to deal with, and then Cloud has escort duty, turning out rather uncomfortable despite that nothing bad really happens.

Unfortunately, his easy mood didn't last. As the numbers on the display dropped while the elevator went downwards, Cloud was soon slumped against the wall, scrubbing his face. Feeling torn between not having accepted Zack's unsaid offer of an escort, and feeling angry he was even feeling torn about it, and more than that, feeling less and less relaxed about _how_ relaxed he'd felt earlier. How good it'd felt. 

Now, as he settled back into his head more properly instead of that warm, floaty place where the only thing that mattered was Zack, what Zack was saying and what he wanted, it was starting to feel like a conspiracy meant to make every single little thing so much harder in the course of getting what he wanted. Just another insidious little whisper that there was no use in trying, because _how_ would he ever manage to pretend to anything but what he was when what he was _did_ feel good, when he let it.

Groaning, Cloud kicked the wall behind him and pushed off as the elevator came to a stop with its usual chime and let him off. From there there were still several minutes of walking - and thus uninterrupted thinking - to do, though. It wasn't _fair_! Not fair things were as they were in general, but even more than that, not fair that submissives weren't allowed in SOLDIER.

What did _dynamic_ matter for the SOLDIER enhancements? Was there even some _scientific_ reason for it, or just more bullshit like ShinRa keeping the subs in their army from promotion to officer past a certain rank? 

Frowning at that, Cloud fished up his PHS and shot Zack a message about it. Maybe Zack _wouldn't_ know, but if he didn't, he might know who to ask, and it would be less weird if _Zack_ asked someone... Both because he was a dom and because he tended to be kinda airheaded and forget things he'd been told that wasn't strictly necessary for him _to remember_ , if he wasn't interested.

Nothing against Zack, of course, because he _was_ sharp as a tack, but... you know. It was like his endless energy or things like forgetting his equipment, even when he'd need it. Zack just _was_ like that.

The PHS chirped its announcement of an incoming mail just as he walked into his dorm room, and of course he didn't get the chance to fish it up as everyone in the room turned to stare at him. Colouring, Cloud grimaced as he closed the door behind him, and didn't duck away in time to avoid Gray as he bore down on him, quickly checking him over.

"You okay? We heard what happened."

... _Of course_ they'd heard what happened. It'd only require _one_ of the others involved in this to say something and the rumour mill would be working. Frowning, Cloud shrugged.

"I'm _fine_ ," he muttered, and it was even true, even if it also gave him the urge to rub his wrists - too late, Cloud realised he was doing just that, and looked away from Gray's narrowed eyes to longingly stare at his bed at the other side of the room. " _What_ did, you hear, anyway?"

Since that would sort of decide what he'd need to say, if anything at all.

"Some chump doms decided to throw their weight around... and you _fought_ ," Danius said, sounding rather gleeful, though there was an incredulous twist to his brows as he met Cloud's eyes from his top bunk, "heard it from Jayne. She shares dorm with Àngel." There was a tone to Danius voice and a certain off-handedness that said he assumed everyone knew who he'd be talking about, but Cloud just stared blankly.

"The switch that was there, Strife," Gray said softly, then frowned down at him again, "are you _sure_ you're okay? You---"

"It's _nothing_. I'm _fine_. And yeah, I _did_ ," he said with a grunt, dropping his other hand from around his wrist and inching around Gray so he could make a beeline for his bunk, thankfully a bottom one, and slumped down on it, avoiding all the stairs still aimed at him, "'cause they didn't have a _right_ to do that... It's fine, Zack told 'em off. He'll make sure they get reprimanded."

It wasn't as easy to pretend to be nonchalant about that, but he managed, somehow, even as several soft snorts echoed through the room.

" _Reprimanded_? As if!"

Cloud just shrugged, not bothering to argue. He _knew_ Zack would make sure they were. Would've made sure they were no matter who'd have been involved. Zack just happened to be there to notice this one since he'd been looking for _him_. They'd see. Rolling over and pulling out his PHS, Cloud brought Zack's mail up and stared at it, a grimace slowly pulling at his lips.

` To: Cloud`  
`From: Zack`  
`Subject: You're not gonna like it`

`Now, don't quote me on whether it's _true_ or not, and I'm sure the department got some nicely scientific justifications for it either way but supposedly only doms and switches have the right amount of willpower and brain chemistry to handle mako in the amounts they shoot us up with for SOLDIER. Don't know about the latter, but the former sounds like crap to me. I've seen you, Spike, and if anyone's got the _willpower_ necessary, it's you. But you should probably keep the latter in mind... thought you knew 'bout that already.`

Reading those few lines again, Cloud scowled, then felt at least somewhat mollified. If Zack had known this from the start, he'd _still_ suggested he take the chance. Thought it was bullshit enough that Cloud should have a chance, if he could just trick ShinRa into reclassifying him as a switch. 

Of course, if all that rested on that he'd thought Cloud had _known already_ about the possible biological reason for not chancing it... would he start discouraging him? Eyeing the mail for a little longer, he shrugged and snapped the phone closed. If Zack did, he'd deal with it. The idea that he might actually be risking something more than "just" ShinRa's wrath if they found him out, if ( _when_ ) he got so far as to take the mako shots...

It was, admittedly, a little unsettling, but it wouldn't _stop him_.

Walking into breakfast next morning was like walking into a beehive; the whole place _buzzed_ , though admittedly that wasn't particularly unusual. All that was needed was an interesting topic of the day to set people off. 

Unfortunately, the topic of the day was something Cloud had been involved in, and not really in a way he cared to be. Not that he regretted fighting, and it wasn't like everybody would, if they all figured out who had been involved, resent him for doing so... it was just, he realised just then as they sat down, Danius lagging behind as someone stopped by him to whisper in his ear, that if Zack _did_ get those doms reprimanded, the chance for some sort of backlash was... kind of worrying. And worryingly possible.

"Shiva's tits, Strife! How _did_ you manage this?"

Not even glancing up from his bowl, Cloud cocked his head, arching an eyebrow. "Do _what_?"

He was pretty sure he knew what Danius was talking about, but what he meant by that in particular, he didn't know. _He_ hadn't done anything at all.

"Convince the SOLDIER to push for a reprimand? They have _four days_ of night shift, Strife."

Rolling his eyes, Cloud finally glanced up to meet the collective, incredulous stare aimed at him.

"Didn't do _anything_. Sure, Zack only found us, since he was looking for me, but he'd have done that _anyway_ if he'd found other people in the same situation..."

"You came back later than th---"

" _Yeah_ , Zack wanted to make sure I was _okay_ ," Cloud snapped, glowering at the whole table and not caring _who_ had said that before he buried himself in his breakfast again, suddenly furious and all too aware he was, unfortunately, blushing. 

Nothing had even happened, not really - nothing aside from being forced to sit still and let Zack do what he thought best, which had been literal _hours_ of a brush and then Zack's large, steady hand through his hair - and here they thought, what..?

"... You know, it's not like most of us haven't wished we could do something to get them stuck with something _tangible_ when they do something wrong, instead of _us_ being stuck with a punishment," Gray said, an arch look on his face and Cloud grit his teeth. Felt really angry for Zack's sake right then, but if he punched anyone at the table he was _definitely_ gonna get stuck with an _actual_ sort of punishment. The sort that involved formal corporeal punishment, and would he keep control of himself to avoid a paddle or a flogger unless it was something _really important_? Yeah.

So instead he just grunted, ate as quickly as possible, and left - it wasn't like he _should_ wait for anyone else anyway as they had different schedules and only two of his room mates were even in the same platoon, and neither of those two people were _him_.

Maybe he shouldn't be so angry, but for one, he'd never had anyone to consider enough of a friend he'd _want_ to defend them, and two, Zack just didn't _deserve_ them thinking that he'd do something like that. Cloud couldn't care less if they thought he'd do that, or give in to whatever demands they were conjuring up in their heads that Zack must've put on him, but that they'd think Zack would do that at all...

That just made him angry.

Angry enough he almost forgot the schedule for today, as he was almost out the door of his dorm again with just a few textbooks when he remembered that his platoon had been put on tower duty... _and_ that he'd had the misfortune to be among the pool for escort duty. 

Further, he'd been among those who'd gotten an escort assignment yesterday morning. He'd just... completely forgotten. Far more focused during the day looking forward to the practice session with Zack, and _then_ the evening had gotten derailed with... all that.

Cursing, Cloud whirled around, quickly tossed the books away and pulled on his full outfit before he rushed off with another curse, shoving his helmet on in the first elevator. In front of the second one he caught up with the other three saps who'd gotten stuck with this and Cloud realised, distractedly at first and then with a mental double-take, that they were all subs. 

Well, some people had _preferences_ , he knew that well enough, and if you were high enough up in the company, those preferences were catered to. Apparently Heidegger and President ShinRa were notorious about only wanting dominants for their escorts... at least that's what he'd _heard_. The only executive he'd played escort duty to so far, since it never happened often with how many were in the pool even when you pulled tower duty, was the head of Urban Development. That man, at least, had seemed rather normal. _Low-key_. From what Cloud had heard of the head of Weapon's Development, _low key_ wasn't exactly it. Maybe he should've thought more about what that might entail instead of just being relieved he hadn't been in the group that'd been pulled to escort one of the scientists for something or other.

But maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Just because the woman had a preference for subs in her escort didn't mean much. He hoped, anyway. 

At least his mood from breakfast had calmed by the time they stepped out of the elevator, though all of them shared a look, even obscured by their helmets as it was, before they were gestured onwards and let inside Scarlet's office by her PA. Normally, they'd already have been informed of where to put themselves, if not the _whole_ itinerary for the day, but... apparently not this time. Scarlet, bent over a few papers on her desk, didn't even look up as she snapped out "Attention!" and there was no arguing with that.

All four of them came to a jerky little stop, straightened up, and then knelt, hands low on their thighs. Cloud kept his eyes aimed upwards, securely hidden behind the helmet, and watched Scarlet stand up. Something in her eyes told him that if _any_ of them hadn't knelt and instead just saluted, despite that she technically wasn't part of the Army command structure, she'd have had their _hides_.

He was starting to doubt his 'wouldn't be so bad' hope from earlier. 

She walked around her desk with an easy, _predatory_ grace, the stained-black, wooden baton hanging off the belt low on her hips tapping against her thigh with every step before she came to a stop in front of them, leaning back against her desk. The long, diagonal fringe framing the left side of her face continued back into a short, sharp bob with an undercut. There was nothing soft about that haircut, and nothing soft about the rest of the woman either, no matter the soft, shiny fabric of her dress, and its slinky cut. It wasn't exactly the sort of dress you'd expect a dominant to wear, but Cloud could bet no one had ever said no to Scarlet in their lives and survived intact, for various definitions of 'intact'.

"All right, darlings. I can tell you're new, so I'll cut you some slack." That's what she _said_ , anyway, but Cloud didn't believe it, frowning up at her behind his protection. There was something... flatly cruel in her eyes, and the way she moved spoke more of thrusting her dominance out in front of her like a weapon, ready to use, rather than subtly wielded. And if she had to use it, she'd _enjoy it_. "First, unless we're going somewhere, I don't want to see those ugly buckets on your heads. Off with them."

"Yes, ma'am!" 

Which meant he'd have to stop staring, because without the helmet she'd be able to tell he was looking up at her, not down on the ground. 

Cloud _knew_ reluctance made him a little slower than the others as they took off their helmets, resting them on the floor beside them. He also knew Scarlet had noticed; he could feel the brief little cut of her stare on the top of his head, and he suppressed a shiver. Really wished he'd been quick enough to take it off, but he really hadn't wanted to give up his slight situational awareness. Too late now, though.

At least she looked away quickly, but he wasn't sure if that was good or not... Wondered if he wouldn't rather have stayed ignorant of her noticing, but he'd always been good at being able to tell when someone was staring at him. It'd started with the awareness of adults who wanted to know where he was so they could often find a reason to blame him, to using it in fights with his peers, but he'd noticed that after coming into his dynamic, he'd become... _a lot_ better at being able to tell. If there was a _dominant_ staring at him, anyway.

"Good. Secondly, if anyone puts so much as a toe wrong, no matter where we are, I will not be deferring your punishment to your commanding officer. It will happen on the spot, and _then_ I will _also_ report you to your commanding officer," Scarlet said, voice warm with a threatening purr and patting the baton at her hip. As hints went, it wasn't particularly subtle. 

The baton had thick leather wrapped around the handle, and the tooling on it was gilded, contrasting against the black wood. It looked... distressingly solid. 

"With that said, I'm inspecting two factories today, one before lunch in two hours, the second at two. We will be having lunch at the Gilded Behemot."

'We', meaning 'Scarlet', meaning that the next meal they could expect would be _dinner_. Cloud glowered at the carpeted floor and swallowed a groan. Despite his annoyance, his hands remained flatly spread on his thighs, near his knees. Not even a twitch. 

There was also a unified chorus of 'yes, ma'am!' again and Cloud would have expected them to be dismissed to go to the usual sort of posts - two by the doors inside the office, two on the other side - in this situation. Instead, when she finally pushed off from the desk, it was to slowly walk around them until she'd made a full circle and then a few steps extra to come up behind him. Cloud stiffened, but didn't otherwise move as he heard her shift behind him and give him a tap low on his back with the toe of her pointed high heel. Somehow, he didn't blush _or_ scowl.

"You. You're kneeling by my desk, to the right of my chair. The rest of you, you know where you should be."

Her words were like being bludgeoned over the head repeatedly, and the relief of doing as she'd told him wasn't imagined; something just... settled, as he sank into the spot she'd indicated, and if he just let himself, he'd be content with that. But it was _stupid_ , because the point of them being here was to _protect her_ (as much as she'd need that this high up and far inside the tower), and he could hardly be very effective with that if he was _kneeling_ , now could he? The extra reaction time needed to get to his feet alone...

It didn't matter, though, and Cloud kept his eyes on the floor, only seeing the desk, the back of the chair, and one long, black-stockinged lower leg and one of those deadly high heels like this. Wished he had his helmet on so he could glance up without being seen, but at least being unable to glance up unnoticed meant he wouldn't risk looking the other trooper still in here in the eye. 

Not that he'd be _judged_ , but this was just... embarrassing. And worse, to some part it felt _wrong_ ; the fact that it wasn't Zack sitting in that chair, but _someone else_ sent a little frisson of unease down his spine before he clamped down on it, thoroughly mortified. 

What had _Zack_ to do with this?

"Darling, honestly," Scarlet said suddenly, perhaps after an hour had passed, and turned her chair around, red cloth swirling around her legs. Stuck her right leg out and Cloud froze, _very reluctantly_ tilting his head up when her toe came up under his chin. He stared up at her blankly, though there was... definitely... a furrow between his brows, too. "Why the Army doesn't insist on better posture, I don't know. How do you expect to attract any dominants, slouching like that? Pity too, with your face. Back straight, and hands clasped behind you. Widen your legs a little, too."

Briefly, he didn't move. Just _scowled_ , and watched a flash go through her eyes as they narrowed minutely. It was that, before her hand had so much as _twitched_ towards her baton, that convinced Cloud to just obey her and stop resisting the weight of her commands, but even so, did this woman ever speak without using her inner strength? 

He wished he could risk it, but this _wasn't_ another trooper, and Scarlet could do whatever the hell she wanted if she felt like he wasn't obeying her. So he straightened up, even if he hadn't _really_ been slouching before, and let go on the fabric he'd been clutching to clasp his hands behind his back instead. It was a little awkward and uncomfortable with the pauldrons, but not impossible, and then he pushed his knees a little wider. It didn't make the position any more pleasant to hold, but it wasn't like she'd care.

"There we go." She smiled, then, and she _almost_ looked like someone you might want to kneel to, in that instant. Almost. "With a bit of direction you're a _natural_ , darling." And then she _laughed_ , pleased as anything, and Cloud could honestly say the only laugh he'd heard that was worse was Heidegger's. She pulled her foot away finally, turning back to her computer again and let him look down, and Cloud would never have thought he'd feel _relieved_ for that, but he was.

Was even more relieved when lunch rolled around after the first inspection and he _wasn't_ made to kneel beside her chair in the restaurant - she chose another of them for that, and Cloud simply stood with the other three at the doorway into the private dining room she had been led to when they got to the Golden Behemot. 

Having to stand there and _smell the food_ was frankly awful, however, especially as it smelled so much better than anything they would get in the cafeteria. The inspection had actually been interesting, though, and Scarlet had been focused and professional during the whole trip - though she _had_ hounded her poor PA a lot, but that was none of _his_ business. The harried woman was kneeling on the other side of Scarlet right then, quietly recounting something for her while Scarlet ate.

"... Is she _always_ like this?" Cloud finally murmured, glancing to Mako beside him, frowning even if most of the expression was lost behind the helmet.

"From what I've heard? Yeah," Mako muttered back, a twist to his mouth that revealed the grimace - one Cloud had seen before, so he knew it involved an eyeroll, too. 

He liked Mako, had since shortly after basic had started and been surprised that he _could_ be on at least friendly terms with someone if not outright _friends_. Lately, he'd even rather wished he'd presented his dynamic closer to when Mako had, since they'd probably have ended up in the same dorm then. He'd been over a month later, however. 

"And that's even _with_ claiming any current PA she has, apparently, so I don't know why she feels the need to ride our asses like this. I'm glad it's not _me_ , though. Sorry Cloud."

He _did_ , at least, actually sound sorry, which was a small comfort. Very small, honestly, as Scarlet's one and a half hour long lunch crawled on and Cloud's stomach started to protest the longer it went. Silently, he told it to shut up, because there was no food forthcoming until maybe in four hours. 

Hopefully, anyway. 

It was a hope he'd cling to for the rest of the afternoon even as it slowly dwindled. The second inspection was as interesting as the first, and he'd never have thought engineering could be _interesting_ , but it was. That didn't make up for the fact that as they came back to the tower, she told him to kneel by her chair again, a glint in her eyes and he knew this was because she'd noticed he was slow to take off his helmet. Maybe even more than just that, but he'd rather not think about it too much. 

He _almost_ took his default position when he knelt down, but Cloud was rather sure she'd go straight for her baton if he ignored the earlier not-so-implicit orders about how she preferred her (not that anyone in the army was 'hers', but like that mattered) subs kneeling. So he adjusted it after her earlier instructions and again felt a quiet sort of unease crawl through him, settling at the bottom of his gut like an inky pool. 

He didn't like it. _At all_ , but maybe it was just because he was comparing it to how things had gone with Zack, because despite the unpleasant start, it'd been... a good experience. What he'd _like_ things to be, he thought, if he would actually let someone do that, let _himself_ trust (Zack) someone to take care of him - even when some tiny part muttered that he'd just _ruin it_ wouldn't he? Fail them _somehow_.

Cloud stuffed those thoughts down deep and ignored them for the rest of that long, crawling afternoon, and when he finally got to stand up and _leave_ , he almost lost his balance several times until he got his legs working again. Way too long spent kneeling, and only in the last half hour had he even vaguely begun drifting towards some sense of unconcerned ease.

It honestly kind of pissed him off, because Scarlet didn't _deserve_ that. He'd suffer through it, fine, but why should he even have begun to go into subspace?

Ugh. On top of that, he was tired, hungry, and felt _off_ in some way he couldn't put his finger on. Not even same unease from earlier, even if it, too, was still there. But it was the sort of offness that came from having put in a lot of effort and being left...

Oh.

Being left with nothing to show for it, with a distinct feeling that he hadn't _done enough_. Hadn't been good enough, had failed, because why would he otherwise not be given some sort of indication it'd been a job well done? Gritting his teeth as he stomped out of the elevator, giving the others a short wave before they parted, Cloud scowled. 

What did it matter? He didn't care one whit about what Mistress Scarlet thought of him, and the the fact he'd gotten through that with no punishment and an off-hand dismissal should've been enough, surely. He didn't want her praise just as little as she deserved any sense of trusting ease from him.

Getting into the shower when he was finally back at the dorms, Cloud silently cursed himself and kept the water nearly scalding, scrubbing away angrily. It was stupid. _He_ was stupid. And yet, as Cloud yanked his clothes back on and turned to leave for the mess and _finally_ get some food in his stomach, he reached for his PSH unthinkingly, already having punched in the short-dial for Zack's number before he knew what he'd done.

He'd never _called_ Zack before.

The realisation hit him, and how was he supposed to explain why he was calling? There was no reason for it, _really_. 

Scarlet hadn't actually done anything, aside from demanding more than he usually had to give in his day-to-day work in the Army, and he wasn't claimed by Zack. It probably wasn't even about Zack, personally, either. He was probably only drawn to him because he was the only one he had any experience with on a more... personal basis. That was all. Zack had helped because he needed it and was _nice_ and Cloud was just... stupid.

Closer connection between a sub and a dom only came from actual _claiming_ , usually, and the small handful that were lucky enough to find someone compatible enough that you would start to form that sort of connection even before a claiming? The stupid, rare thing sentimentally termed soul bonds? 

Yeah, _as if_ that'd be something he'd ever experience.

So he was probably just latching onto Zack because he _knew him_ , and Zack was _amazing_ and nice, but that didn't make anything any better. Cloud almost managed to disconnect the call before Zack could answer, but he was just slightly too late.

"Hey, Cloud. What is it?"

Stopping in the doorway without quite knowing what to say, Cloud hesitated, every word having fled right out of his head - even any convenient excuse so he could apologise and hang up. He even contemplated, for a very brief moment, to simply hang up on Zack and then ignore it if he tried to call back... It was very tempting.

"... Cloud? Are you _okay_?"

"I--- _yeah_. I'm _fine_ , sorry, um... sorry for calling you. You're probably... busy, I just haven't had anything to eat since breakfast, guess I got distracted," Cloud said, starting out in a rush he couldn't stop at Zack's tone, concerned demand requiring he answer and Cloud didn't mind. If only because he didn't want Zack to worry. 

And he _was_ fine. It was just... apparently his body, or his brain, he wasn't sure, that was being stupid. 

He needed to get this under control, whatever it was.

"... No lunch? Why _not_?" Was that... a _growl_? Cloud stared incredulously at the wall opposite to him, shaking his head. Didn't Zack realise that he ended up without lunch every now and then? Or dinner, sometimes. Odin, he was pretty sure _Zack_ ended up having to skip meals every often enough, and to him that was harder since he needed to eat more than a regular human.

"Scarlet kept us busy over lunch, that's all. I'll---"

"Come up, Cloud." 

His breath caught a little at Zack's tone, then he scowled. He couldn't--- He wouldn't make any progress on working on his ruse if he just let Zack do what he thought best. With that thought in mind, Cloud decidedly took to the _left_ instead of right as he came out of his dorm corridor, realising he'd started walking at some point.

"It's a missed lunch, Zack, not a three-day life-or-death mission," he said with an eyeroll, relaxing a little just from talking with Zack, even if something was still feeling... not quite right, from the day he'd had. Even when there'd been nothing wrong with the day, _really_.

"And Scarlet thinks she can do whatever---" Zack broke off briefly, and faintly, Cloud could swear he heard someone else say something, but it was much too indistinct to tell, before Zack huffed and continued, "anyway. Come _up_ , Cloud. I've got far better food up here than you'll get in the cafeteria after skipping a meal, even when it's just pizza. I _want_ to see you. Unless you're tired of me?"

Cloud swallowed his sputtering at the teasing tone, flustered and annoyed. Told himself it was the lure of pizza - proper, regular take out pizza, compared to what ShinRa sometimes served - that got him to turn around, but he knew it wasn't that. And even just _turning around_ to go for the other elevator that'd take him towards the SOLDIER residential floors was enough to settle some of the unease inside. He had no idea what to do with that knowledge.

"... _Fine_. You can't just dangle pizza in front of me like that, Zack..."

His ear was filled with warm, pleased laughter in response as Zack said 'see you' and disconnected, leaving Cloud to stare at the wall of the elevator cabin. Why did just giving in make him feel so much better? Of course, getting to see Zack was nice, but he'd... sort of wanted to _wait a little_ , hoping he'd feel less awkward about what happened yesterday if he avoided Zack a little, and now here he was, already halfway up to Zack's apartment already.

"Ugh..."

He wished he knew if this was how it _worked_ \- if friends who were also dominants just... did things like this, automatically, or if it was just Zack. He could believe it was just because Zack _was like that_ , honestly. Or maybe this was just _him_. He just didn't... have enough friends to be able to tell. That he even had _Zack_... well, that felt like far more luck than he'd ever deserve, honestly, and it _was_ probably him being stupid, because Zack hadn't... shown any interest, had he?

Zack wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with himself as he stood by the door, listening. No, he knew what he most probably _should_ have done, if not with himself, then with Cloud; let him go eat in the cafeteria after he'd told him he was okay. And Cloud had been, or near to, anyway; he hadn't at all sounded like he had yesterday, when he'd found him in that training room. Let Cloud go eat, continue to sit his ass in his couch and watch the movie. 

That's what he was supposed to do with himself, and he... hadn't been able to do it.

Not even by telling himself that this might not help Cloud's goals had worked, because he knew how things worked with Scarlet, and the idea that she might have (had definitely) had Cloud kneeling by her side for _hours_ today? 

It set his teeth on edge. 

Cloud was... was--- Cloud _wasn't_ his, and as long as Cloud wanted to try and get into SOLDIER, even if he was a little concerned Cloud hadn't known about all the reasons subs weren't allowed to apply... but Zack wouldn't do anything to minimize Cloud's chances, in the end. _But_... just making sure Cloud ate well and felt all right after a day escorting Scarlet around wouldn't do that, right?

No, it wouldn't.

He flung the door open and smiled down at Cloud before Cloud even managed to knock, and the startled look twisted into an eyeroll.

" _Hi_ , Zack," he said as he dropped his hand back to his side and Zack stepped aside to let him in. Made sure to slide in behind Cloud and close the door, because... "Z--- _sir_!"

Should've warned him, of course, and Cloud turning to throw a pink-cheeked glare over his shoulder at him told him as much, but he just held his hands up and grinned.

"Do you know how hard it is to convince Sephiroth to _relax_ , Spike? Come on, come sit down. Bet you're starving." Hands on Cloud's shoulders got him moving when he remained frozen near the kitchen island, looking about ready to flee. 

Forward and around the couch, pushing _down_ to get him to sit, and something inside him settled as he loaded up a plate he'd already brought over with two slices and handed it off to Cloud, who looked up at him with a sideways glance somewhere between annoyed and grateful. And then, despite the tense, under-the-bangs glance he shot Sephiroth, seated in the single chair he has around the coffee table, Cloud relaxed into the couch. 

Zack smiled and threw himself down as well, tossing an arm over the back of the couch. Not near enough to be resting around Cloud's shoulders, but... close enough.

"You could pretend I'm not here," Sephiroth said, slow and quiet, with only a brief glance to Cloud before he turned back to the screen. Somehow managing to make eating a slice of pizza barehanded look _graceful_ while not looking at what he was doing. 

Cloud, to his eternal credit, _snorted_ as he ducked his head, bending over his plate. Briefly, he looked like he was contemplating the virtue of rolling one of the slices up and shoving it whole into his mouth.

"Sorry, sir, but doing that, would be kinda... _difficult_ ," Cloud muttered and then picked his chosen slice up, and while he didn't shove the whole thing in his mouth, he still did the absolute opposite of nibbling and practically ate half in one bite. At least it _wasn't_ shoving the whole of it in his mouth, but Zack had to restrain the urge to snatch the plate away from Cloud, cut the slices into pieces, and feed them to him one by one, to make sure he didn't choke himself.

Bad, Fair. Not what was needed right now.

"Hmm." Sephiroth hummed as turned back to his pizza and the movie they'd somehow compromised on, and Zack was finally able to do the same as well. Eat. He could do that. _And_ he could keep feeding Cloud pizza slices until he said he was full, so that would make up for the missed lunch. He was also already helping Cloud relax, _despite_ springing Sephiroth's presence on him. Good. That was _good_.

What was even better was that Cloud fell asleep partway into the second movie, slumping against him in his sleep, and Zack hugged him closer as he'd let his arm drop from the back of the couch to Cloud's shoulders. Sephiroth stood up when the movie was over, his slit-pupil, bright ocean eyes inscrutable as he looked down at them for several silent seconds, then he tilted his head.

"Thank you, Zack. That was... more relaxing than I thought it would be."

Cloud didn't so much as twitch at the soft murmur, and Zack grinned, feeling something _else_ unwind and relax even more. Felt ridiculously proud of himself, in the place of praise from other sources currently not available.

"Whenever, though that was a job and half getting you to _listen_."

"Something I think you're used to." Sephiroth blinked, slow and cat-like, and glanced down at Cloud, eyebrow quirked, before he looked back to Zack, nodded, and showed himself out. The door clicked shut, and Cloud shifted against him.

"Morning, Spi-- _oof_! Cloud!" Grunting, he twisted away from Cloud, _thoroughly_ surprised by the not-so-gentle elbow he'd gotten in his side, then started coughing as he laughed at the red-faced glare he was given.

"I can't believe you _did that to me_! A _second time_!" Cloud hissed, clutching a couch cushion in one hand... and then he tossed it, though Zack ducked and caught it easily, rolling his eyes.

"And you handled it _fine_ , Spike. Feeling better?" He watched Cloud with narrow eyes as Cloud paused, biting his lip and glanced away, then slumped, weighing towards him just... a little. Just _enough_ for Zack to be smiling again.

"... Yeah. Thanks for, um... letting me crash your movie night..?" Cloud frowned, glancing between the TV and the door Sephiroth had disappeared through, then back to Zack, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Took a _lot_ of work to get him to sit down, but you didn't _crash it_ , Spike. I invited you, didn't I?"

Invited, _nothing_. He'd practically ordered Cloud to come up, and _he_ knew that, even if Cloud, on some off-chance, hadn't noticed. He didn't feel guilty, though. Not any longer.

"... Yeah. I guess," Cloud muttered and Zack huffed and surged forward, trapping Cloud under one arm so he could give him a _thorough_ ruffling. " _Zack_! Stop that!"

"I'll stop when I think you deserve to be let up!" he laughed, loudly and easily, but did let Cloud go, and was surprised to see him get up off the couch and start cleaning up the table instead of veering off towards the exit.

"I'll, um, help you clean up. Then I should probably go..." A slow glance towards the door that briefly flickered to him, and Zack squashed the urge to tell Cloud to simply sleep on the couch. Bad, Zack.

"Thanks, Cloud."

And that _was_ all that happened, no matter what his urges and instincts were telling him to do. He was his own master, after all, and his goal was to help Cloud get what _he wanted_. Not what _Zack_ wanted. 

And what Cloud wanted didn't include tying Cloud up on his bed and keeping him there. Or if it did, certainly not before Cloud had gotten into SOLDIER. Which, since it hadn't happened yet, was their goal to _make it happen_. 

So Zack quietly and firmly pushed a part of him down that seemed far too attuned to Cloud's needs and watched the kid walk off, again. He wasn't sure _why_ he could read Cloud so easily when he hadn't claimed him, but he was glad he could. Cloud was so self-contained he'd make it far harder on himself if he didn't have a little bit of extra help, after all. 

And that was what he was here to provide. A little bit of extra help. That was all.


	6. Reassessment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zack finds the possible dangers to Cloud getting a reassessment of his dynamic and getting into SOLDIER seems far more important and dangerous _now_ , and grapples with it. Cloud, in turn, has to grapple with said reassessment.

"You're getting better." Zack grunted at the impact of their swords, being careful to keep the right amount of pressure bearing down on Cloud so he didn't lose his grip on his training weapon. The point was, after all, to _help him learn_ , not immediately overpower him - no matter what some parts of him tried to insist on, the better Cloud got in _general_ to push back and act with more authoritative ease when he applied himself. 

Cloud always looked so _pleased_ when he managed something like that, and it was of course the goal, but some (maybe embarrassingly large) part of Zack felt challenged, and not in the natural way that might happen with other doms. It never got better whenever Cloud seemed a little antsy and confused at the end of their sessions, out of sorts in a way he could _feel_ itching in the back of his head that made him want help settle him, which would help him, too. But Cloud always hid it quickly again, never asking for anything. At the most, sometimes there was a glance in his direction, something tense around his eyes. 

Wanting, but wary. 

So Zack, too, always squashed the desire to make sure Cloud was responding as he _should_ , knew where he belonged and that he could trust Zack to help him with that. The desire to do so bubbled up less and less gently and more and more firmly as the weeks went by, turned into months again. You'd think it'd get easier, but it actually became harder. But it'd be over, soon. 

Cloud would be attempting to get his re-classification within the week, as the next batch of SOLDIER exams would be happening then as well, so Zack was keeping himself in check _very_ firmly; Cloud needed to be as self-assured as he could get in the coming days.

" _A lot_ better. Great, Cloud!" Zack grinned as he felt his sword slip with Cloud's sudden feint and then he lunged - of course, he side-stepped that and parried, but against someone unenhanced, Cloud would've gotten the result he wanted. Zack's ability to rein himself in while he taught only went so far, but Cloud seemed to handle it well and adjusted rather easily. He was a fast learner.

Faster than Zack had thought, which... it wasn't _bad_ , but he'd become far more attached to Cloud than he thought he would at the start of this, which just made everything harder. Especially after finding out Cloud hadn't known from the outset about the potentially dangerous reason why subs weren't allowed to try for SOLDIER, he'd started to feel less and less comfortable about this. Not to talk about if ShinRa found out that Cloud was faking it, if the reassessment went through. 

Hence why he'd pushed to have one last session, both to give Cloud one last boost _and_ to ask a few questions, since he wouldn't be able to be around during the reassessment or the start of the exams, as he was being shipped out for a slightly longer mission.

"Thanks Zack," Cloud said, smiling shyly up at him, and Zack paused, just _breathing_ for a moment, taking that bright-eyed expression in. There was no way he should be feeling even any _suggestion_ of Cloud's adrenaline-fuelled pleasure at his success, but something tingled with bright lightness at the edges of his awareness, like the best sort of times with a sub deep in subspace and everything going _well_. Not that he'd had the chance to indulge much in that as SOLDIER always kept him busy, and after meeting Cloud he'd slowly cut down on it, not intentionally but it'd seemed more important to spend time with Cloud, but... yeah.

"Just don't let it get to your head, Spike," he said with a laugh, shaking his head and rubbing his neck. Then he straightened, eyes narrowing, and while Cloud seemed to pick up on _something_ as he looked up from his training sword, Zack just smiled sharply and barked, "and _kneel_!"

Cloud twitched, eyes widening - and _almost_ did, widening his stance at the last moment to remain upright. 

The glare he got for that stunt was something like the exasperated huffiness of a chocobo told to lay down after being kitted with their saddle, annoyed but not really _angry_ , as Cloud clearly understood _why_ he'd done it. 

A last little test, which he'd passed. 

And if some part of Zack didn't feel _pleased_ at seeing Cloud remaining upright, that was _his problem_. Cloud being able to stand up to someone he might otherwise actually perhaps want to indulge (don't go there, Fair), was good. He just hoped Cloud would be able to draw on what he'd learned to actually be able to _dominate_ as well. He wouldn't just be asked for proof of less submission, after all, but Zack couldn't help him with that part. It couldn't be taught, and even if it could, Zack couldn't help him practice it. It'd have to come from Cloud alone, in whatever way he could produce it.

" _Thanks_ , Zack," Cloud said, rolling his eyes this time, and it was frankly hilarious how large of a difference it was between the first and the second time he'd said that. Zack just smiled mildly and held his hand out, Cloud handing over his sword without having to be told.

"Like I said, you're doing great." He walked over to the weapons rack and put both blades away, then paused there, staring at the nicked, sometimes even warped, practice swords without quite seeing them.

"... Zack?"

"You _sure_ you don't have any second thoughts 'bout this, Spike?" Zack asked as he turned around, making sure to neither cross his arms over his chest _nor_ plant his hands at his hips. Just frowning, which would be enough to make Cloud defensively bristle at the question, and _he_ was the one who crossed his arms over his chest.

" _Of course_ I'm sure! The only thing I'm _not_ sure about, is you saying no one would think it strange if I waited until the last second to get the reassessment before the exams! Still not sure that was the best idea..." Cloud's voice fell during the last sentence and he dropped his frowning gaze to the ground. Zack just shook his head with a snort.

"That's the _least_ of your worries, Cloud. Quite a few people go and try to get reassessments for reclassification, _especially_ right before the exams, and some of 'em get reclassified, so you won't stand out. It'll also keep you from worrying too much," he said, shooting Cloud a brief, sharp smile before he shook his head and dove right into it; "If you get found out, though... _and_ I'm just not convinced that risk about submissives and mak---"

"What, _now_ you think it's actually _true_? And you've been the one to encourage me from the start. You _suggested_ the ruse!" Cloud glared at him, blue eyes bright and something distinctly hurt in his expression before it turned into flat defensiveness. He instantly felt like a _heel_ and slumped, rubbing the back of his neck. It'd all seemed a lot easier, a lot less _risky_ back when he didn't know Cloud. Had said what he'd said mostly to cheer up a cute, upset sub, even if he'd definitely thought Cloud _could_ pull off the ruse part. Even more so after he got to know him.

Now, though, it was a lot more _personal_ , and the chance that Cloud, by virtue of what he was, might end up affected more badly by the mako... or, if anyone high enough found out about the ruse...

"Not... that it necessarily is, but _if_ it is, you're risking a lot, Spike," he finally said, pressing his lips together and quickly crossing the distance between them to slap his hands down on Cloud's shoulders, squeezing them. They were still far narrower than his own, and Cloud would always be leaner than he was, but he was definitely filling out, too. Still slender, however. 

And if he was supposed to admit things to himself, that was how he liked it. 

Liked that Cloud was leaner, _shorter_ , liked those large eyes that were a little wider when he wasn't defensive or annoyed. Liked the way the simple collar closed about his neck, graceful still, though if he put on much more muscle, it'd start to show around his shoulders and neck in the junction there... Shaking his head minutely, he refocused on the conversation, not staring down at Cloud's downturned head and the crown of his softly spiked hair. 

"I just like you _exactly as you are_ , and you know mako can mess with people, even those that fall inside the tolerance brackets. So _if_ \---"

"I don't care." Cloud had been staring at the floor, but he looked up now, face set and eyes fierce. If determination could be _seen_ , Cloud was practically radiating it. "I'm willing to risk it, _both_ of those things. And _besides_ , it sounds stupid. I _know_ there's, differences. Real, actual differences between dominants and submissives and I _know_ that means... it affects things," Cloud said, reluctant because he never liked to admit there might be some sort of basis in how things were, even if the way things ShinRa did it was a far stricter version of it than was necessarily natural. They just liked to claim it was, but then, the whole of the Eastern Continent liked to do that against the west. 

"But, you said it yourself, even doms and switches, who _are exactly that_ , and get through to the mako injection stage for SOLDIER can get messed up." 

That's what it boiled down to, didn't it? _That_ was definitely proven truth, and people exposed to mako in uncontrolled circumstances, like falling into uncharted mako pools, were all sorts. It was probably improbable that ShinRa's justification for not allowing submissives to try out for SOLDIER actually was true. 

But...

But, a very large part of Zack, as he stood there looking down at Cloud, into those bright, earnestly determined eyes trying to make him believe as much as they were beseeching him, wanted to force the issue. 

To pull on everything he was, and was _to Cloud_ ; yank on every little bit of what _Cloud_ was, and make him submit. Make him submit to him, and what he wanted. To avoid even the _chance_ that it was true, or the chance that ShinRa would find out that Cloud was _faking it_ (and unfortunately for Cloud, Zack was as sure as he'd ever been from simply using his senses for this, that Cloud actually _was_ a sub and not a submissive-leaning switch). To keep Cloud safe. To make sure he was doing what he should do, as a dominant, which was _take care of him_.

The urge burned in the back of his throat, made his fingers itch, and he could see and feel Cloud respond, however subconsciously, the longer the silence lasted. Saw the way he started to slide his gaze down sideways, the rigid line of his shoulders starting to soften under his grip. Felt the vague sensation he'd come to associate with _Cloud_ in the back of his head start to fold, malleable against him.

If he pushed now, if he told Cloud to kneel and ordered him not to do it, he knew Cloud would end up obeying.

It'd keep him safe---

And it'd be wrong.

Inhaling, Zack squeezed Cloud's shoulders and closed his eyes as he held his breath. It'd be _wrong_ , even if it'd be in the aim of taking care of Cloud, of keeping him safe, which he _was supposed to do_. 

He'd seen doms make subs submit to their will for less, both in Gongaga and here in Midgar, in the name of what was _best for them_ , even if they weren't more closely committed than friends.

And it still wasn't right, no matter what _he_ wanted, and that he wanted to take care of Cloud. _Maybe_ if Cloud had actually agreed to submit to him, if he was _his_ , then it might be different. Might, as Cloud would have given him the gift of taking certain decisions and steps to take care of him. But Cloud _wasn't_ his, and Zack... was his own master, which meant he should also master _himself_ and his damn instincts, in all ways that mattered.

He exhaled.

"Right. As long as you're sure. So I expect you to get through this _whole_ , all right?" He smiled, pretending like he didn't have to make sure to keep his hands steady so they didn't tremble as he squeezed Cloud's shoulders again. Pretended there wasn't a thwarted dragon roosting inside his veins, its breath hot in his lungs and its wings in the shape of his heart, still wishing to burst free and carry off the young man in front of him somewhere safe to hide him.

Cloud's smile, small but almost painfully bright for as brief as it was, made it worth it, though.

"Obviously. Don't worry so much, Zack. I'll be _fine_." Cloud rolled his eyes and elbowed him, which earned the brat a headlock and a thorough attack on his hair, in Zack's opinion, and he completely ignored the flailing squirming and shouts at him to _stop that, Zack!_. It made him feel better, on the whole.

"Right. Let's get you one last proper meal before I leave. A pre-celebratory dinner and then we can have another one after you get your results!" It got easier to let the enthusiasm warm his tone the more he spoke, letting the headlock ease up to just drape his arm around Cloud's shoulders, using that to lead him out of the training room.

"... Thanks, Zack."

"Of course, Spike. Whatever you need, you know? I'm just trying to look out for ya," he said, laughing like the dragon wasn't coiled about his innards, muttering that by letting Cloud do this, he was doing the _opposite_ of looking out for him. It'd be fine. Cloud _could do this_.

### 

Cloud had thought he could do this.

Staring at the door he needed to go through from his spot against the wall on the opposite end of the corridor, Cloud was no longer so very sure about that. He'd been standing here for the last fifteen minutes, feeling time creeping on _and_ slipping away from him, but convincing his feet to move was hard. 

It was time. 

He _was_ ready. 

He knew he could do this, but that didn't make the prospect of marching over and into the office any less daunting. What if they somehow found out he was faking, right after he'd gotten what he wanted? Odin, what if they found out even as he went through the assessment? Fingering the collar, Cloud shook his head.

No, he couldn't be thinking that. Besides, there was still a very real, if very _slim_ chance that he actually _was_ a submissive-leaning switch, and _that_ was what he had to keep in mind. Act as if that was true, and hope it was, and even if it _wasn't_ , just keep acting as if it was and use that as the basis for his ruse. He didn't need to aim for _dom_ , or even dominant-leaning switch. Just... a step to the left. That was all.

Switches were a minority, yes, but a _sizeable_ one, which was what would make this possible to do.

That thought firmly in mind, Cloud straightened up, firmed his shoulders, and crossed the corridor, slipping inside the door with only one last look around, but there was no one else to see. The man behind the desk inside was middle-aged, with a severe cast to his face which his baldness didn't do anything to soften up. He glanced up with a thoroughly disinterested look in his eyes, but arched an eyebrow when Cloud came to a stop in front of the desk.

Normally, Cloud would have waited for more obvious acknowledgement, for... several reasons. But Zack had given him pointers for what would be the best way to go about this, so he was ready, and simply held his hands behind his back as he came to a stop.

"I want a reassessment of my dynamic."

"You and everyone else wanting to apply to SOLDIER," the clerk said, voice flat and barely restraining an eyeroll, "I think, young man, that you should _turn your ass around and let me work_."

Maybe if Cloud had tried this shortly after his dynamic manifested, he wouldn't have been able to hold against the weight of pure, dominant strength behind those words. Maybe if he hadn't had been dealing with Zack for well over a year by now, he would have. Maybe if he hadn't been _prepared_. But he _was_ , and while his hands trembled, they were hidden behind his back and he stilled them soon enough. Setting his jaw, Cloud scowled.

"I'm _allowed_ one reassessment, since these things can be _tricky_ ," he said, barely keeping from snapping, and met the man's dark eyes with narrowed ones of his own. The clerk eyed him for another few silent seconds, then grunted and fished up a form, sliding it across the desk at him.

"You and every other fluffy-haired, wide-eyed piece of ambition coming through here who thinks they've been so vastly misjudged they're actually a dominant, or that _twenty percent_ of the population means surely they, too, are _actually_ a switch. But sure, you get one reassessment, as per policy." Another eyeroll as he turned back to his computer, letting Cloud fill in the form in peace and regather himself. 

He could do this. 

He'd gotten here, now, and while just _being granted_ that reassessment was barely past the gate, it felt like a victory, too. It was obvious the clerk was used as a way to get rid of the chaff before paperwork was even generated, no matter what _policy_ said.

"Here," he muttered as he slid the finished form over, the clerk taking it with a quick flick of his eyes scanning it and nodding as he stood up.

"Well then, Private Strife, let's see what you've got. _Kneel_."

His whole _being_ quivered with the need to do as told. It was a very near thing that he did do so, too, but that last session with Zack before he'd left for his mission was almost like a buffer, letting him stay on his feet and show no physical reaction. Other than being unable to hold back his sour expression, that was.

"Are we _done_ here?" Cloud grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. The clerk smirked and gestured to a door to the left of his desk.

"We are. You're gonna have to wait a bit, but since it's only you here right now, no need to schedule the reassessment for later."

Again, there was only that gesture and silent nonchalance - that Cloud act on his own or reveal what he was. This, however, was hardly _difficult_ , and Cloud rolled his eyes as he went over to the door and inside. There wasn't much there, honestly. Benches running along the walls to the left and the right, and the opposite wall to where he came in was suspiciously blank in a way Cloud was pretty sure meant 'one-way window', but he spotted at least one camera as well. 

With nothing else to do and not about to do something like _pace_ , he let himself thump down on the nearest stretch of bench, closing his eyes. Just _breathed_ , and tried to hold onto the firm surety he'd gathered as he strode into the office. He'd need every scrap of it for this, and sitting here waiting for who knew how long, there was a huge risk he'd lose it.

Which might be the point of letting him wait, with barely anything else in the room, and nothing to do. 

But it wouldn't stop him. Not that it wasn't easy to feel increasingly tense as the minutes crept past, increasingly more difficult to suppress the urge to glance between the door and the probable one-way window. Increasingly more difficult not to worry he was failing this part somehow, that he should be _doing something_ \---

The door opened, allowing a woman probably at least ten years older than Cloud inside, carrying a laptop case and dressed in the neat, severe lines and hobble skirt ShinRa's secretary force all wore. Cloud watched her with a frown, biting his lip in vague confusion that grew as she walked into the middle of the room, turned in his direction, and then just... stood there. 

There was a soft, expectant blankness on her face, as inviting as it was impenetrable. Ready to do whatever she was asked, but with only _him_ here---

Oh.

Cloud snapped upright quickly enough it felt like his joints got whiplash, but then he found he couldn't move further. Just stared at her, his gut twisting on itself.

He needed to...

He could do this. Or rather, he'd _have to_. This was the one thing Zack hadn't been able to help him with, _couldn't ever_ have helped him with. All his advice and pointers having to stand in for any real practice in being convincingly dominant _enough_ that whatever he lacked in real dominant presence would be chalked up to simply being on the lower end of the switch scale. Submissive-leaning.

Whatever else came after this, this would be the biggest test and greatest obstacle.

Taking a deep breath and having to push away the jumbled, piecemeal memories of Zack - moving in that easy, self-confident way of his, assured he would be given the space to walk in whatever direction he chose; the warmth in his voice, which could turn to steel in the turn of a syllable; the cock of his head, expectant but usually teasing - instead of suffering from his mind drawing a blank on everything through the past year, Cloud straightened his shoulders and walked up to the secretary where she stood waiting.

Once again, the biggest problem to knowing when he should _do anything_ was the fact that she didn't do more than glance towards him, up only because she had her chin and gaze properly lowered; otherwise she was a little taller than he was, and he was sort of expecting more of a cue. But of course there wouldn't be, if for a vastly different reason than the clerk outside hadn't given him anything _either_.

Right.

"Put the case down," Cloud said, surprised at how firm he sounded, but maybe keeping Zack in mind was what was helping him. Nothing would work if he couldn't be convincing enough now, but she did at least follow that command easily enough. Now, though...

"Kneel."

The moment felt like it stretched forever, even as Cloud felt like he was taking something that wasn't his. 

It didn't actually feel _freeing_ to demand that one thing of her, to get to say that word, no matter how firm he'd sounded or how straight he held himself, arms crossed over his chest. Not as he thought it would, having carried a vague sense of resentment since his dynamic manifested. 

He'd half been sure it'd be a revelation, doing this. That this would turn out to reveal something, that he wasn't _just submissive_... but no. 

If this had done nothing else, it made it starkly clear to Cloud that it really would be a ruse. There was no secret well of dominance within him to draw from, there was no sense of fulfilment, of _getting his due_. 

He was faking it. 

She knelt, and Cloud's determination wavered as he _almost_ ran forward to apologise. Almost turned around to run out and and drop to his knees in front of the clerk, asking for the only thing he deserved for doing this. For taking what wasn't his. 

Almost. 

He pushed those urges and thoughts down. He _would_ do this. It might have to be a ruse, but if this was the way to get into SOLDIER, then _so be it_.

A beat.

Two.

"This is for the rest of your reassessment, sir," the secretary said, head still lowered and only moving to reach over to the case, opening it up to offer the laptop inside. Cloud took it with a sense of unreality, his bones vibrating with quiet wrongness. Ignoring it, he took the laptop and settled himself on the bench again, aiming to get through this part as quickly as possible.

Maybe if he did, he'd feel better. 

But as long as he got what he wanted from this, he didn't care how uncomfortable he felt.


	7. Crime and Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world has a set order and ShinRa has its rules. Those who try to circumvent both and stick out like a proverbial nail may find themselves hammered down. ShinRa shows how unforgiving it is, and Zack tries to mitigate the damage the hammer might cause when it comes down.

It had been going so well.

Better than he'd thought it would, even! He might not be passing the various physical tests with blinding success, but _none_ of them were near the bottom or risked falling underneath the accepted results. Cloud was both pleased with his own results _and_ passing the tests. He was also getting used to the lack of a collar as the exam week passed; the first two-three days had been uncomfortable and weird, and while there might still be a quiet sense of unease, it was receding. It almost felt like back before he'd left Nibelheim, _minus_ the things he didn't like about Nibelheim.

He'd have to consider if he should cut his hair at least a little shorter, soon, but he didn't particularly _want to_ , aside from knowing that it wouldn't look very good at the in-between length most switches used. It'd have to be as short as a dom's hair to look _decent_ again, honestly. So he might just keep it, even if it would help his ruse to cut it.

It was also getting easier to keep with said ruse, even if not _that much_ had changed. It was mostly this vague tension with other subs, a sort of suspended expectation - even with his own dorm mates. It was a little confusing, but it also helped him. Cloud was honestly just relieved that he wouldn't have to deal with getting used to new people. This because he hadn't (unsurprisingly) "presented" strong enough on his reassessment to be put in a dom bunkroom, so he was still with the others, and that suited him just fine. 

If nothing else, it'd let him get that warning from Gray that he _really_ needed to watch out for Vex and his two friends, since they'd apparently seen him in the cafeteria, now without his collar. He'd had to ask _who_ Vex even was, and Gray had given him that flatly incredulous look before he spread his hands, _both_ eyebrows up in his fringe.

"Crow Vex? The dom who got put on several night shifts?"

Showed how much he'd been paying attention to _that_.

So it'd been going fine, and Cloud was actually kind of... relieved, that Zack's mission had been dragging out on the time. It might not have been so easy to adjust and get used to what he was doing with Zack right there, a familiar weight beside him that asked without _actually_ asking for him to just... bend. 

It was easy, because he _knew_ Zack genuinely was looking out for him. Wanted him happy. Cloud preferred not to think too deeply on that, though. He was so close to his goal, and _then_ he could think about if he maybe had a chance with Zack, think about the dim presence Zack seemed to have somewhere in his mind, stretched thin now that he wasn't close. Maybe actually go looking for more information about soul bonds, too, but it just... seemed to be too much to hope for.

But, all that said, given that it _was_ so easy with Zack, that would've made it harder to keep the mindset he was trying to hold firm in his head for the ruse. Didn't mean he didn't appreciate the mails he'd gotten through the two weeks Zack had been gone, however. Case in point, as his PHS pinged right then.

` To: Cloud`   
`From: Zack`   
`Subject: Well?`

`Know anything yet? I'm coming back today, so I wanna know how much of a celebration we're making of it! Didn't you say it should be today?`

`To: Zack`   
`From: Cloud`   
`Subject: Are you more impatient than I am?`

`I _did_ say it should be today, at least if they're not going to pass the five working days until results info that they gave me. I'll shoot you a mail when I know, okay? Guessing you're already on the way?`

He knew better than to ask for an ETA - Zack should technically not tell him he was on his way back _at all_ , so being careful about how much he asked was always a good idea. His phone pinged _twice_ in short succession a few minutes later, almost startling him into dropping it as he finally gave up on trying to go through katas with the practice sword - he should go get lunch soon anyway. Putting the weapon away and leaving the training room before he glanced at his PHS, Cloud's heart shot up into his throat as he saw the second mail, but made himself open Zack's first.

` To: Cloud`   
`From: Zack`   
`Subject: I'm just showing it`

`It's cause I know you're just _quiet_ bout things like this, Spike! But yeah, I'm on my way back, but should be a while yet, we'll see. And I'll hold you to that!`

It was very, very hard not to go for the other mail immediately, but Cloud jogged back to his dorm first, pulling out a towel and throwing it on his bed before he picked up his PHS again. Closed his eyes and inhaled, holding his breath until his lungs burned and he could feel his pulse thudding in his ears.

Exhaled, and then opened the mail.

`To: Cloud Strife`   
`From: SciDep Admin`

`Private Strife,`   
`Upon further review, we regret to inform you that your application into the SOLDIER program has been denied for the following reasons:`

`Mako Tolerance Results: 29/120`

`As per policy, all SOLDIER candidates are required to have a minimum tolerance of 65/120. As such, no denial of liability agreement may be signed between ShinRa Inc. and the applicant.`

`We thank you for your interest in the program.`

The words were swimming in front of his eyes by the time he finished. It was like he'd just been punched, and couldn't breathe. He had to reread the mail several times, and only during the last attempt did the words start to make sense again. His fingers prickled, like they'd fallen asleep, and there was a sudden hot, wet burn in his eyes. Blinking hard, Cloud was _extremely_ relieved he was the only one who had a day off right now, with everyone else in their platoons and on patrol, in practice, or on a mission, in Gray's case.

He hadn't actually thought _this_ would happen.

Coming so far as to get to do the exams at all, he'd apparently been holding onto the childhood arrogance and certainty that had had him _certain_ that he'd present as dom. That he was _better_ than all those immature kids. Failing where there was nothing he could do about it, regardless of his dynamic, regardless of all the training he'd done and the strength he'd gained...

Cloud realised he was biting his lip when he tasted iron, and jerkily scrubbed at his face while prodding the puffy bite he'd left on the inside of his bottom lip.

This couldn't _actually_ \---

The door swung open, and Cloud looked up to stare, wet-eyed and confused, at his commanding officer, two more Army personnel flanking her, and, behind them and looking even more confused than Cloud probably looked, was Danius. He mouthed a silent 'Strife?' over the commanding officer's shoulder, but all Cloud could do was meet his eyes and twitch his head before he looked to his commanding officer.

"... Ma'am?" His voice sounded a little _rough_ , but he didn't falter or stutter, so that was good enough. He had to swallow heavily though to try and get rid of the spiny lump lodged in the back of his throat, though. Belatedly, he also remembered to get off the bed and stand up properly, but _only_ because there was this tightening around the woman's eyes. Something that shot right through him and stirred resentment as well as a twisting guilt, turning into a need to--- He ignored it, and raised his chin. Watched her pale eyes narrow _further_ , and realised he was aggravating her.

Which was a weird realisation, because so far, for as little as he'd had to do with her directly, she had seemed to like him fine. He wished they would all go away though, whatever this was about.

"Private Strife, you're hereby arrested on suspicion of deceiving authority, wasting company resources, and attempting to upturn military and societal order. As you are in the employ of ShinRa, if your reassessment is found to be faulty and your dynamic still submissive, it's to the discretion of the company how any punishments after due investigation and established guilt are carried out."

For the second time in short order, Cloud felt like he'd been punched. 

It was then accompanied by a creeping cold up his spine, settling in the back of his head like a headache. He hadn't just failed getting into SOLDIER, but ShinRa had found out the reassessment was fake. Or would, shortly. But _how_?

Behind the officers, Danius, Cloud dimly noted, briefly had his 'I'm _impressed_ , dude' expression, before it morphed into sympathy - and then he scuttled aside, away from the doorway entirely as the three officers moved in. Reflexively, Cloud backed off, though he wasn't steady as he wove backwards to avoid them, his feet feeling distant and numb.

When his commanding officer went for his PHS, though, he jerked upright, a flash of _I didn't message Zack_ careening through his head. It was quite silly, since he hadn't even _intended_ on mailing Zack to tell him that he'd failed.

"Hey, tha---nffm!?" Cloud's protesting snap turned into a startled, wordless grunt when a simple ball gag was unceremoniously shoved into his mouth and strapped closed, and it was pure reflex that he twisted around, attempting to punch one of the guards while reaching for the buckle of the gag with his other hand. 

The satisfaction he got from the impact of his fist to the man's cheek was short-lived, and when his hands were handcuffed behind him, Cloud was staring, wide-eyed and with a flaring, spiralling sense of unreality pushing out everything else.

"You will be allowed to speak if it's deemed necessary," his commanding officer snapped, and for a brief moment she looked impressed before the cold anger slid back in. Like he'd _personally_ betrayed her just for trying to get what he wanted, what he'd wanted since he first learned of Sephiroth. It was hardly _his fault_ ShinRa thought submissives shouldn't be in SOLDIER!

That, of course, didn't change the situation _right now_ , and the stumble as he was shoved forward was less because he was shoved and more because he was having some difficulty telling his legs to work. Only the fear that they'd drag him, or, worse, make him _crawl_ and without the use of his hands, if he ended up on his knees from falling over let Cloud pull himself together.

It didn't do anything for the hot shame that thundered in after the cold shock, since _everyone_ would be able to see him, even if they didn't know who he was or _why_ he was being carted away.

Dread, like thorns sick with rot, was knotted in his gut as they marched through the corridors, then into an elevator. What was even the punishment for _one_ of those transgressions? Would Zack even know what happened to him? He should've yelled at Danius to tell Zack, instead of trying to _fight_.

Swallowing heavily, Cloud attempted to bite his lip, but couldn't do anything more than vaguely skate off the inner side of the rubber ball. Couldn't even do _that_ \--- Blinking sharply several times, he somehow managed to keep the threatening tears from overflowing. He refused to cry in front of _anyone_.

Not even Zack, if he'd been here.

_Zack_ \---

His stomach twisted around itself when the elevator doors opened.

### 

Waking up from a light doze with a start, at first Zack thought it was for the way the truck had jounced over a pothole. Rubbing the back of his neck, he idly pulled his PHS out, but there was no new mail from Cloud.

Cloud... the feeling of unease increased, and he realised _that_ was what had woken him up. Staring down at his phone, Zack frowned. Cloud had been fine - a little frustrated and annoyed, undoubtedly, but fine - when they last exchanged mails, several hours ago by now. Cloud wasn't even on a mission or patrol, as he'd been having a day off. There was literally not a single reason for this vague sense of disquiet permeating him.

There was also no reason he couldn't easily reassure himself nothing was wrong, so he sent off an innocent but purposefully obnoxiously phrased query about Cloud's test results again, and sat back.

He felt a little ridiculous after having done that, as he was only an hour out from Midgar at this point, but at the most he'd get an exasperated mail from Cloud in a few minutes and he could set his overactive protective instinct at ease. Whatever had tipped it off, the source seemed to be that vague, soft spot that was _Cloud_ in his awareness, which was more worrying than the sense of unease itself. The spot that seemed to have grown a little dimmer, a little quieter over the last two weeks, but he attributed that to distance. 

Maybe it was wrong to treasure that vague awareness of Cloud when he had no claim on him, and maybe he was torturing _himself_ with its existence at this point, but he was _really_ pleased with the possibility that he and Cloud were such good fits that they might have the beginning of a soul bond already, as fragile as it was like this.

Shaking his head, Zack straightened up, picking up his PHS again. Half an hour, and no mail from Cloud. That was... unusual, to say the least. _Zack_ was the one who was sloppy with answering immediately, not _Cloud_.

The sense of unease spread, and turned into very physical concern.

He resisted the urge to call Cloud, however, and shoved his PHS back into its pocket. Half an hour. He could wait that long. Cloud might just be busy - _training_ , for Shiva's sake! Obviously he wouldn't necessarily hear the mail message then.

Zack couldn't quite convince himself it was something straightforward like that, no matter how much he _wished it_. So the next half-hour crawled by, leaving him doing squats in the cramped transport truck, and jumping out before the truck had even been parked properly. He didn't get further than that, though, coming to a halt when he was approached by a neatly dressed, very pale young man, probably in his mid-twenties and in the secretary uniform.

"SOLDIER Fair? Your presence is requested for an internal investigation."

The question of his debrief died unsaid, and Zack didn't even ask _what for_ , just nodded. 

He knew.

He knew what this was for, he could _swear_ he did, but _how_ had they found out? What was he going to _say_?

"Guessing you're my escort, eh? Lead the way!" He grinned even if he didn't feel it, and even saluted, if a little sloppily. He was pretty sure it wouldn't win him anything at all, but the small, brief little smile that tugged on the secretary's lips felt like it was worth it anyway. A brief distraction that didn't last any further than the young man turning around and leading the way, steps frustratingly short thanks to the knee-length hobble skirt.

He might usually appreciate the aesthetics, but _right now_ it felt like a test of his patience not to shake the destination out of the poor secretary and storm ahead.

The whole trip up through the tower felt like it took forever, but barely ten minutes later found Zack on the 52nd floor, sitting down at one end of a table with a woman in a lab coat to the right, a man in a regular suit to his left, and four other people arranged by the far end of the table, two women and two men. All of them, of course, dominants. Zack would bet the man to his left was some sort of HR critter - and every time he was reminded that ShinRa even _had_ a HR department, he was always equally surprised.

Nothing was said even after he sat down, and Zack, antsy with the fact that Cloud was _not here_ , arched an eyebrow and gave them all the same blank, mild stare, a substitute for the narrow glare he would rather give them.

"SOLDIER First Class Zack Fair, you're here as a witness while he wrap up an inquiry into a charge against Private Strife regarding deception of authority," the fat woman who sat second in the little committee said. She could almost have passed for maternal, her round face and the angle of her eyes almost making her look _soft_ except there was a tilt to her head and a gleam in those eyes that implied that if she was 'maternal', it was only in a strict, no-nonsense way. She carried her weight with the authority of someone used to throwing their more metaphorical weight around as well. "It came up during our questioning of Private Strife that you're acquaintances, and that you helped him train... did you know that he intended to use said knowledge to help him through a falsified reassessment?"

She stared at him, clearly the authority here - they all did, beetle-eyed, judging stares that weren't even judging _him_ , but rather _Cloud_ and Zack instinctively wanted to bristle. 

He kept himself in check, though. Less because he needed to stop himself from snapping curses, more because he realised that what he said next would matter as to what he could influence henceforward. How much he'd be able to _protect_ Cloud, and no matter how capable Cloud was otherwise.

He remembered the unease he'd woken up with, the dimmer sense he _still_ had of Cloud, shortened distance clearly not strengthening Cloud's presence. Right now Cloud needed his help. Definitely so if they'd already found out he'd faked his reassessment. The sort of punishments _that_ could bring down...

"... No," he said, far calmer than he felt, and scooted the chair back, let his weight sprawl out over the chair. Not _quite_ slouching, but almost. It emphasized his size. "Was just trying to help him feel better, and he was interested in learning. I thought he pretty _obviously_ was a sub, what happened?"

Oh-so-innocently, he glanced from the chair of the committee to the other three, then sideways to the almost skeletally thin lab technician, who straightened up, taking it as a challenge of their skills, clearly.

"The basic test _can_ be gamed, SOLDIER Fair," she said, dark eyes narrowed, chin held high and jutting out, "but I noticed his test result for the mako tolerance test was abysmally low, and it seemed frankly _unlikely_ even a submissive-leaning switch would present results under half of the minimum. I sent them in for review." The technician finished with a viciously smug tone, clearly pleased with herself, and Zack stared, realising _she_ was the reason Cloud had been found out at all.

All because _of course_ doms and switches couldn't present test results of mako tolerance so low under the minimum. Of course. It took effort not to surge up in his seat and stalk over to her, not to practically _pummel her_ with his presence, make her submit in ways you weren't supposed to make other dominants submit outside formal complaints of encroaching on another dom's integrity.

"Uh-huh." He turned back to face the committee and the chair, who he bet was the biggest obstacle here, because out of them all, he could feel her presence in a way few presented so clearly to him. He simply didn't notice most other dominants unless they were actually _trying_. Meeting her narrow, steely eyes, set in that deceptively soft-looking face, Zack knew he had to weigh his words carefully. "Man, if I'd known he'd use me like _that_ , I wouldn't have taught him even so much as to _hold_ a sword properly!"

It made his teeth itch, saying that, but when something around the woman's eyes eased and the rest of the committee shifted in their seats, he knew he'd said _something_ right, if only playing to their prejudices. Cloud had already known how to hold a sword when he met him, after all.

"Some would do whatever they can to get what they want, even when that goes against their natural instincts, SOLDIER," the chair said with a disapproving huff, shaking her head, "but that does match up with Private Strife's confession. He insisted you hadn't known what he intended to do, and he clearly took even further advantage of your generosity, having a dom that close to observe..." Another disapproving noise, and Zack found it very hard to keep his expression under control.

"Thank you for your input, SOLDIER. We have what we need to---"

"Question," Zack said, eyes narrowing and holding his hands up, and _definitely_ not stopping when the chair's impressive presence seemed about to unfold for his infringing on her authority, "what's the punishment, for something like this?" This time, he glanced to the HR suit, betting he'd both know... and could, maybe, be prodded into revealing more than the most obvious sort of punishment.

"Well, ah..." he floundered, glancing to the chair of the committee, who seemed to suppress a sigh or a grunt and gave a quick, imperious wave of her hand, "punishment for deception of authority and wasting company resources would be public corporal punishment, number of swats and days it'd last at the discretion of the judicial committee, of course." 

He paused, clearing his throat as he shuffled the papers in front of him. About to _stop there_ , Zack could tell, but he shifted forward in his seat, eyebrows raised to urge him on. The man swallowed, then frowned.

"As for the last charge - upturning military and societal order - being the most serious but also nebulous one, merely applying corporal punishment alone has long been established as ineffective, and Private Strife will be assigned a dominant in conjunction with corporal punishment to assist in readjustment into his proper position in society."

"I want it."

"... What?" Both the chair and the HR suit said it, nearly in stereo, but Zack ignored him to focus on the head of the committee again, now sitting firmly straight-backed in his chair, arms across his chest.

"I'm the one he used," he said, and it felt like a betrayal, using those words, but anything else wouldn't help Cloud. Anything else might land him not just with _public_ corporal punishment, but someone else--- 

Carefully, Zack pushed that thought away, didn't finish it. If he did, he wouldn't be able to think clearly. Cloud wasn't his, and Cloud being his wasn't the reason he wanted to be given the responsibility. It was because anyone else would only see somebody to be broken back into shape - after the mould the Eastern Continent and ShinRa had made, which wasn't even what Cloud had grown up with. He would _not_ let that happen. 

"So, since he tricked me, I want to be responsible for the readjustment, and the other punishment, too."

Even as he said it, he had no idea if he _could_ do it, but he would damn well try. He'd rather break himself than watch Cloud break.

If absolutely necessary, he might be able to put that part on someone else - Kunsel or Sephiroth, he thought would be able to do it without any urge to right 'wrongs' against society. He would definitely trust Kunsel and might trust Sephiroth with that. But he didn't _want to have to_. That wasn't the only issues with this idea, but those could be dealt with later.

Silence followed his demand, and while most of the people in the room looked stunned, the chair and one of the men in the committee were looking more thoughtful as the seconds went by, and the HR suit was slowly looking less surprised even if he couldn't read his expression otherwise.

"Interesting proposition. Perhaps you could wait outside for a few minutes, SOLDIER?"

He didn't want to, because it felt like if he gave them a second to think about it, wasn't there to stare at them until they gave in, they'd figure out he hadn't meant a single word of the 'used' and 'tricked' words he'd used, and that he'd known. Was the one to _suggest it to start with_. But Zack merely nodded, stood up, and sauntered out, slumping against the wall outside as the door closed.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets and squeezing them into fists, Zack let his head thump back against the wall. If they didn't hand Cloud over to him... he wasn't sure what he'd do. He wasn't even sure, exactly, what would be expected of him being in charge of the 'readjustment', but they would surely give some pointers, and he could work from there. If he was given the responsibility.

If not---

The only reason he didn't start when the door clicked open and slid aside was because he'd heard the shuffling right behind it, the sound-proofing good but not _quite_ good enough right around the door. The pale secretary who'd led him up here and had been sitting next to the HR guy for the meeting peeked his head out, then dipped his gaze away from Zack when he spotted him.

"SOLDIER Fair? You may come in now."

He didn't even bother sitting back down as he came in, rather remained standing, hands behind his back and meeting the chair's dark eyes, and undertone of red to the brown.

"SOLDIER First Class Zack Fair, you will be given full responsibility for and complete control of Private Strife for the duration of his readjustment of a minimum of two weeks. The period can be extended if deemed necessary by two weeks at a time, after an appraisal at the end of the first two weeks. Private Strife will be suspended from the Department of Public Safety for the duration. The corporal punishment may be conducted in private if you deem that more helpful for Private Strife's readjustment, and he must be on leash outside your residence. You understand and accept these terms?"

"Yes ma'am." He didn't _have to_ address her as such, but it seemed like a small courtesy. Not one he particularly felt like giving, and the words 'complete control' echoed in his head. If they hadn't decided to give this to him... 

He pushed the thought away. 

It didn't matter. No one else would be looking at Cloud and seeing what he'd seen - those small defiances, the aborted looks that might otherwise have asked for help with the growing discomfort Cloud had clearly been feeling but less and less willing to accept, and of course then that left him even more tense – and would simply try to break him with no regard to the circumstances. 

Not that he was completely altruistic, since he _had_ felt his instinct rear up, teeth metaphorically bared, at catching those same defiances, but regardless of if Cloud was strong enough to get through this without breaking under someone _trying to do so_ , he merely wanted to get Cloud through it as whole as possible. Cloud didn't _deserve_ this, and while readjustment was the ghost threat thrown to make sure subs (and sometimes, doms) didn't step out of line, that was because it was probably mostly used as a bludgeon, not a cane. Because the real purpose of a cane wasn't to punish, it was to _support_.

"Good," the chair stood up, a vaguely satisfied but mostly contained air around her as she gave him a nod, "you will be sent documents to assist you with readjustment, and can requisition any equipment as needed. This is an important responsibility, SOLDIER Fair, but I'm sure you will handle it well."

Zack wasn't sure whether her sharp nod and small, tight smile meant she knew _exactly_ what he'd done, and why, and approved, or if she actually thought he would run as roughshod over a sub that had flouted the rules and very _order_ of ShinRa as well as the _world_ as most other dominants would.

It frankly didn't matter; he'd ensured Cloud was _safe_.


	8. An Important Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud finds out who's in charge of his readjustment, and then he and Zack have an important conversation. Not just about readjustment and what that will mean, but something far more personal...
> 
> It might make things a little better, but it sure won't change them.

It was cold in the cell. Cloud had hoped they'd take him back down to Internal Affairs since there were _definitely_ cells down there. But no, after the 'questioning session' (interrogation) where it was already clear they all assumed he was guilty even without the test results from the more exhaustive test, he'd been taken up to the 67th floor. It wasn't like they were _wrong_ , because he _was_ guilty, but what in Ifrit's burning hell gave them the right to _assume_ , just from their dumb assumptions and prejudices? The blood test had been easy, and would obviously take the most time - a few hours - to get results from, then there'd been an fMRI and he'd felt like he must be revealing exactly how guilty (how much of a _submissive_ ) he was from the first questions and comments. Especially since they hadn't been been looking for him to respond, just what his _brain_ was doing.

No way to hide _that_ , even if he'd tried really hard to just lay there, tried not to think of what they were saying or react to it, but... how were you supposed to avoid that, no matter how much you could avoid reacting _visibly_?

It wasn't _fair_!

That he was this, that he _reacted to things_ just... because of what he was, even if he could control it to some level, like anyone could. That the whole damn society, even back home where things _were_ better, prioritized dominants, that ShinRa was the _worst_ about that. That they automatically thought that submissives would _of course_ have a low mako tolerance.

It just wasn't fair.

Curled up on the cot, Cloud wrapped his arms around his knees, and tried not to think about what would happen when they figured out he really _was_ guilty of all they thought. They'd oh-so-politely informed him of what the punishments would be if ('when', they'd meant) he'd be found guilty, and while the public corporal punishment part was unsettling enough, it didn't feel much like something that he couldn't deal with. He'd lived in Nibelheim for fourteen years, would something like that be so different? What _really_ concerned him was the _readjustment period_.

A minimum of two weeks, in two-week intervals for as long as it was deemed necessary, with whatever dominant they assigned given _complete control_.

He felt like throwing up at the thought. He hadn't ever thought something like readjustment, which you only heard about in conjunction with far greater crimes than trying to get into SOLDIER. Of course, no one _really_ cared about that part. If that was the _only_ problem, it'd probably just have been an additional corporal punishment as a slap on the wrist. The _problem_ was that he'd tried to get into SOLDIER while pretending to be something he wasn't. _Usurping the order_ of both society and the military.

Rolling his eyes behind his arms, Cloud snorted.

Couldn't hold onto his nonchalant annoyance as cold dread settled back in, crawling up his spine. Whoever they got for this would be _thoroughly informed_ of the _awful_ crime he'd committed. It would be made clear to them - and they'd probably _agree_ \- that he'd need to be put in his place _very firmly_ \---

The door unlocked with a soft, muted click, and Cloud winced at the way his neck protested when he snapped up to stare at the door and then scrambled to untangle himself to get to his feet. He knew what was expected, knew he was probably making it worse by _not_ doing it, but he refused to start this out by kneeling. Forget it. If he was getting punished for this, he might as well earn it.

Resentment bubbled up like acid tar, thick on his tongue - and then dried out in a flash, leaving Cloud fighting to express his surprise past a clumsy tongue.

" _Zack_?!" He wasn't sure what this meant, but the relief cut through everything else, at least for a moment, lifted further by the little flash of soft smile on Zack's face, lighting up his eyes. And then his expression snapped closed, it was almost _scary_ how quick and complete it was. That alone was almost enough to make him drop his gaze to the floor and kneel, but Cloud just looked away. Didn't miss the twitch of Zack's eyebrows... or the flat, unimpressed look his commanding officer was giving him, as she stepped up beside Zack.

... He might just have made things a little worse, again. But, what did he care?

"Private Strife," his commanding officer snapped, and at least there was nothing wrong with his ability to snap to attention, even if he remained standing, again. Mostly out of the resentment returning. "You're hereby suspended from military service for the duration of your readjustment, the progress of which will be assessed every two weeks. Corporal punishment for the additional charges will either be administered by the dominant in charge of your readjustment, or by the corrections officer, the latter in public. SOLDIER First Class Zack Fair has been duly appointed as the dominant in charge of your readjustment. You have been informed of what this means?" She stared at him, face stern and her pose forbidding.

"... Yes, ma'am," Cloud muttered after a silence that stretched as he glanced between his commanding officer and Zack, whose expression was blank but with a pinch between his brows that Cloud wasn't sure whether he felt relieved or pettily smug over. If Zack hadn't suggested--- No. This wasn't _Zack's_ fault. It was his. He's the one who decided to do this, and Zack had just... been trying to help. Which Cloud wasn't stupid enough not to realise that he was doing that still, because if not _Zack_ then... anyone. Someone who didn't actually _care_. Someone who didn't sympathize or understand why.

"Lift your hair up, Cloud," Zack said as he stepped up in front of him, expression that same not-quite forbidding pinched look on his face, and it didn't help.

At all.

Because Zack being sympathetic or not, knowing exactly why he'd done all of this and had _wanted_ him to succeed, didn't change anything. Didn't change the way his insides rebelled and he wanted to back away, _snarl_ at him for the soft, familiar weight in his words. And he didn't care that something inside was tired, _flat out exhausted_ after two weeks of pretending, he wanted to dig his heels in. That part felt like it was lodged wrong... He didn't _want_ to listen to Zack, even if he knew exactly how easy it was, and how good that could feel.

He didn't understand why the faint presence he'd associated with Zack in the back of his mind seemed dimmer now than it'd been two weeks ago, and just standing there, watching Zack's eyes narrow minutely as he didn't immediately do as told, made it... flicker, almost. That, more than the fact that this would just force Zack to actually _work_ on this readjustment thing, made him lift up the base of his fraying ponytail. Frowning at the collar Zack held up, Cloud twitched back half a step, stilling when Zack's hand fell on his shoulder.

"What---"

"You'll get the regular service collar back after readjustment," Zack said, his lips doing something like it _wanted_ to be a reassuring smile, and not quite managing, "this one can't be removed by you."

Sucking a breath in, Cloud grit his teeth and screwed his eyes shut. Of course it couldn't. What would be the _point_ if he could? It made sense, honestly. He just hadn't thought about it - these sort of collars were _rare_ , even the less high-tech ones compared to the one Zack had been given to put on him. _Most_ people in this day and age didn't bother with collars the submissive couldn't remove, but they'd been usual all over the world in the past.

This one fit closely around his throat, so if he'd been wearing his uniform instead of his training clothes of worn t-shirt and pants, he'd have had to undo the collar of his uniform jacket. All he had to do _now_ was hold his hair and let Zack buckle the dumb thing into place, and squash the tiny, upset desire that wished it was _Zack's_ collar. That it could've come with his earring too, instead of being... nothing more than it was. 

Zack stepped back, and Cloud let his hair drop back again, grimacing at the feel of it. He was covered in dried sweat, was hungry and angry and _exhausted_. He hadn't gotten a shower before they hauled him off, and hadn't gotten lunch. He wondered if dinner would be happening either...

A soft snap near his throat brought Cloud out of his thoughts and he glanced down to stare at the sturdy leather leash now clipped to the collar, the other end held by Zack. His stomach turned because once again, anyone who saw them walking like this would see and _know_ \---

"Cloud? Come on."

Zack didn't have to say that. Could've just pulled on the leash, but of course he didn't. Glaring at the floor, Cloud kept his gaze locked there and walked off after Zack. Kept his gaze on scuffed metal and worn, probably fake, wooden panelling as they walked out of the Science Department, into the elevators, and went down twenty floors. His skin felt like it was prickling every time someone passed them or came into the elevators with them. It helped a little to stare at the floor, but mostly he did it less because he was trying to be 'good' and more because, no matter how much Zack didn't deserve that, the longer he kept his stare on the floor, the tenser he could feel Zack's grip on the leash was becoming.

Not that that was _fair_ , but he was just... angry. 

Zack would apologise, except this wasn't his fault, and apologising wouldn't fix or change anything. He couldn't even offer to step back, because then Cloud would be stuck with _someone else_ , and unless _he_ could choose who... everything he was rebelled at the idea of handing Cloud over to someone who wouldn't do this because they were trying to keep Cloud safe and help him.

Not... that Cloud necessarily would appreciate being kept safe.

Locking his door behind them, Zack turned around, hesitating before he reached out to unsnap the leash. He did not consider himself that traditional, but the chance, however wrong the circumstances, to get to lead Cloud like that, have him answer before he had to _pull_... (and he sincerely hoped Cloud realised that no matter what, he wouldn't ever pull) well, maybe he was a little embarrassed to admit it, but he'd _liked that_. 

He almost felt guilty, admitting it, if only to himself. His pa had always been _very_ firm about his opinion on leashes. Not to talk about the part of him that felt like he'd gotten to give Cloud a collar. It was ShinRa's collar still, _technically_ , but by the laws surrounding readjustment, it could just as well have been Zack's. Planet, right now he possessed _more_ rights than a dom normally did over their collared sub, because readjustment ignored several still pretty recent laws. It was, frankly, a little unsettling. Sighing, he shook his head and opened his mouth, but Cloud got there before him.

"... Sorry, Zack." Cloud was staring at the floor, still, but he finally flicked a glance up at him through bangs that looked like they needed a shower, tension easily visible even with that quick look. Cloud looked uncomfortable. Not just angry with the situation, but straight up uncomfortable in his skin in a way he hadn't seen Cloud be since he first met him. "This isn't, _your_ fault, but I..."

Zack waited, but Cloud merely shrugged, arms now around himself and his mouth a thin, flat line of what he could see with Cloud still looking at the floor. Running a hand through his hair, Zack resisted a lot of urges. To tuck Cloud right under his chin and hug him until he finally stopped _guarding himself_ and let that discomfort out. To... to tie him down until he, again, stopped holding himself like that, both the discomfort and the angry line of resentment in his shoulders, to make him _relax_. To get him into the bathroom and wash him from top to toe---

Shiva, Ifrit and Ramuh's fried balls, could he really not be professional about this?

Staring at Cloud, at his drooping spikes and the wrinkled clothes, the stubborn, defensive set of his mouth and the faint, dimming awareness of him in the back of his head, Zack realised that no, he couldn't be. He really, really couldn't be, no matter what he'd thought before, and before they went further, he'd have to give Cloud the chance to reject---

It felt like his brain did a record scratch and ice filled him at the thought, but Zack firmly pulled that reaction back and continued the thought.

Reject him, and find someone else (again, the only one who came to mind was Sephiroth, with Kunsel a vague second, and he couldn't say why he thought Sephiroth would handle this better than Kunsel), or, maybe... if Cloud would even be willing to go there now, with readjustment still between them and what he'd have to do, if he hadn't been misinterpreting both their compatibility and the little signs he could _swear_ he'd seen from Cloud, then _maybe_ Cloud might be interested.

"Right, I don't wanna have this discussion standing up. Let's go sit down."

"I still get to do that?" It could have sounded teasing, or even just wary - instead there was a resentful sharpness to the question, and Zack swallowed a groan. Swallowed his own annoyance and urge to whip around and say ' _now_ you don't!' because that just wasn't helpful, and he was supposed to be _above that_. Cloud's little glare might have been amusing if it hadn't been accompanied by the jut of his chin and if he didn't, again, practically scream his discomfort. He hadn't been like _this_ , even taking away the whole issue of getting found out and the current circumstances, when he left for his mission.

"Until tomorrow," he chose to say instead, flopping down on the couch and studying Cloud's momentarily flabbergasted expression before he clammed up again and practically threw himself onto the couch, "and don't _do that_ , Spike."

Tension. Instant and angry and was Cloud actually _fighting himself_? He could see the expression flicker between something that could've been an apology and what would normally have been followed by a teasing or exasperated comment that his couch had taken more rough treatment than _Cloud_ throwing itself at it, but now just closed down into mulishness. And discomfort. Zack _hated_ to actually think the readjustment was necessary, or that Cloud had somehow messed himself up in only two weeks, but...

Groaning, he threw an arm over his face and allowed himself to wallow for a precious, uncomfortable moment, in his own fear. The fear that Cloud wouldn't even trust or like him as a friend anymore, that being far more important than anything else; the fear that whatever connection they'd had had been irreparably damaged by letting Cloud do as he wanted. By _respecting him_ , and he couldn't ever regret having done that.

Time to face the music.

"Okay." With a sigh that felt like it knocked the air our of him, Zack pulled himself upright, and was gratified to see Cloud finally straighten up, watching him with a wary little quirk to his eyebrows. "Before we even _touch_ what readjustment's gonna mean and everything else... I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to do right and be _professional_ 'bout this, Cloud."

"Wh-what?" Cloud stared, upright enough it almost _hurt_ a little, hunger, resentment and something that might even be fear, even if he knew Zack wouldn't hurt him, exchanged for confusion. For something that felt a little too close to _hope_ , despite that some part of him wanted to only be angry at Zack right now. He kept stomping on it, because this wasn't Zack's fault, and again... rather Zack than someone else, here.

"I'm _saying_ ," Zack said, and then immediately paused, something soft to his expression that Cloud had never seen there before _at all_ , for all the shining, soft brightness of his smiles, and his stomach, the traitor, did a somersault. He almost leaned forward too, but _what for_ , he wasn't sure. He had no idea what Zack needed, right then. "That, unless you really wouldn't want to kneel for me if the situation was... different, if you wouldn't want me to _kiss you_ , then I need to go get someone else for this, Spike."

A pause, more deliberate than achingly hesitant this time, as the softness disappeared and Zack's expression darkened, but it was that sort of that made him feel as exasperated as it made him feel safe. Zack being protective. Again.

"And I'd really rather not do that."

His heart was what skipped this time, another somersault, and Cloud stared. Realised his mouth was hanging open, and snapped it closed. Was he really... Okay, yes, Zack _was_ , because there was no other way to understand that _if you wouldn't want me to kiss you_ part. Flushing, from the tips of his ears down to his _toes_ it felt like, the only thing that came to mind right then was...

"So--- That thing, with the chocolates, after my birthday. You..." He trailed off, blush darkening, and gestured vaguely with a loose hand, peering up at Zack through his bangs. Met a darkening look was thoroughly different than the other one, one that shot a jolt through him, and he was a little embarrassed to feel the twitch in his pants.

"I _really_... probably should've just given you the plate, but... yeah. It was. As close as I could... _would let myself_ get," Zack said, leaning forward and reaching a hand out - though he pulled it back before he was anywhere close to touching his face. Cloud wasn't sure if he was relieved or not, because the frustration, hurt, and anger was still there, but it wasn't _at Zack_. Not to talk about the knot of defiance that was now lodged somewhere in his spine, making every push for him to bend, to kneel do just _give in_ feel like claws raked down his back while at the same time that now-familiar part _wanted_ to listen. To finally get to relax.

It was a mess, and he wasn't sure how it could've gotten to this point in two weeks.

"... I'd, um... want you to do that," Cloud finally mumbled, glancing up, then took a breath as he met Zack's faintly glowing eyes, bright in the diminishing light of the setting sun, "and, I think, _usually_ I would... really want, to kneel for you." His voice strengthened as he spoke, but he looked away with a grimace at the end, not really having _wanted_ to admit there actually was a problem, that there was even the _smallest_ legitimate reason for the readjustment, if just on a personal level instead of meant as hammering down a nail that'd worked itself out of the plank.

Zack sighed, a deep, shuddering gust of a sound, and suddenly there was a hand in his hair, ruffling it.

"Zack---!" Jerking back, Cloud scowled, but felt _almost_ normal in that single moment, and the tiny little quirk to Zack's lips said he'd seen it, too.

"You don't know how glad I am to hear that," Zack said, and then smiled. One of those smiles that lit a glow from the inside of him, seeming to bloom outwards and transform his whole face. One of those smiles that made Cloud feel like he was the only one that mattered, and he ducked his head, unable to face that, right now. 

The new collar, tighter but slimmer than the regular service collar, dug lightly into the underside of his chin when he did that, and he could feel it when he swallowed. 

"Not _just_ 'cause that means I don't have to try to trust someone else to _help you_ instead of _kicking you_ just 'cause you broke some stupid rules, but, y'know..."

_This time_ , Zack touched him. 

A light little brush of his fingertips, and it might have been more than that, but Cloud twitched away before it could become anything more. Wasn't even sure _why_ he'd done so when the ghostly impression of warmth on his skin evaporated, and looked up to spot a slight frown on Zack's face. The apology didn't want to come, and once again he felt uncomfortable and angry. Limited, while at the same time something _ached_ from being refused to do what it wanted, which was let _Zack_ do what he wanted.

"Let's just focus on getting _this_ sorted out first, though. Even if I sure _do_ want to kiss you," Zack said and winked, Cloud's heart skipping again, and he scraped together a lopsided, wry little smile.

"What, like you _can't_ , right now? I'm pretty sure---"

"Yeah." Zack's open expression flattened out and he shook his head, "yeah, I can do whatever I want, in the name of _readjustment_ , if I think it would help you. That's why I'd like to save anything like that until you feel better 'bout it, okay? What's your safewords?"

Flabbergasted, Cloud could only stare, wide-eyed for a long, silent moment. Of course, one part of him was quietly scoffing at the rest - _of course_ Zack would wait until he didn't feel like everything inside had turned into a tangle of thorns and was tearing him up from the inside out, and he _knew that_. Zack was going into this with the only attitude one _should have_ when it came to a punishment like readjustment; actually _help_ , not just punish until the offender bent. Or broke, even, settling back not because they felt better, but because there was no other option. There was also a tangled mix of relief and disappointment, that Zack _would_ wait... not necessarily until however long the judicial committee thought the readjustment should last, just until he actually felt better.

And then there was the question of safewords, which was actually the most confusing.

"But... doesn't that, um, go against the _point_..?"

Zack smiled, though this one was rather humourless.

"You mean, does readjustment mean you've been stripped of your right to have safewords? Technically, yeah. And, you mean, should I really _trust you_ right now, to use them honestly?" The sharp smile softened, and this time when Zack reached out to lay a hand on his shoulder to squeeze it, Cloud could stay still and actually enjoy the solid grip. "Maybe I _shouldn't_ , but I'm gonna anyway. So what's your safewords?"

That wasn't fair. It wasn't _fair_ Zack could say things like that, smile like that, and somehow make this whole thing feel even just a shade better. Licking his lips, he shrugged.

"... Ifrit, Shiva, Odin?"

It was the standard set to go with, so there was no chance Zack didn't know what they meant whenever he might say them or if asked. He was also used to them, since they'd been brought up as a good set to start with from the earliest Safe Sex, Health and Relationships classes, pointing out that one could always personalize after the relationship had settled.

"Works for me. From tomorrow morning, you're free to use 'em as needed."

"From _tomorrow_?" Cloud cocked his head, confused again. Zack grinned and squeezed his shoulder, then let go and slumped back in his seat, waving a hand in the air.

"Sure. I need some time to _plan_ and actually see how you react to things right now, and I'm gonna have to go requisition stuff from the stores, probably," Zack said, his gaze narrowing thoughtfully. Cloud had a feeling he'd already showed _plenty_ of how bad things were, but what that meant, what Zack might choose _to do_ and how to go about it... His stomach twisted as he opened his mouth, then closed it again. Did he want to know? Would he _rather not_ know? He wasn't sure.

"That doesn't count for the corporal punishment part, of course, but..." Zack shrugged, and Cloud watched him run a hand over his face, something slowly tensing his shoulders in a way that, again, left him wanting to check if _Zack_ was okay, but how to even ask... "But that can wait until later, I bet you're starving!"

There was no way to deny that, and his stomach pitched in with a loud, long noise of complaint that turned his cheeks faintly pink and he frowned down at the traitor, while Zack laughed.

"Food it is, then. You might wanna have a shower, too."

That wasn't a suggestion, and Cloud grimaced, embarrassed. Yeah, he bet he smelled kinda funky to Zack at this point, if just because it'd all sunk into his skin and clothes and stayed there for _hours_. So with that in mind he got up to his feet, then paused as something else occurred to him.

"I don't, have anything else to wear. I'm gonna---"

"Sit, Spike."

Glaring, a hot flush spearing through him, Cloud remained standing for a second or two longer, then sat down, opening his mouth.

"Look, unless you're comfortable with going down to the barracks on the leash with me, you're not going _anywhere_. Just 'cause we're waitin' with some parts of it, doesn't meant the readjustment period isn't already in effect." Zack's tone brooked no argument, but then, Cloud suddenly didn't _feel_ like arguing. Mostly because this late, most people would be back in the dorms... He shook his head sharply.

"I don't. But..."

"Hey, that doesn't mean I'm gonna leave you in that," Zack said, a small smile on his face as he gestured to Cloud and his clothes, "I'll go down, get some changes of clothes for when you might need 'em, you have a shower meanwhile and then we make dinner, how's that? I should have enough to whip together _something_..."

While Zack frowned and rubbed the back of his neck, glancing over the back of the couch and across the kitchen island to his cabinets and the combined fridge and freezer across the room, Cloud realised just then that he might end up not getting to use those clothes much, depending on what Zack had planned. The twist in his gut at that thought was part resentment and part flustered worry, and he glanced towards the door. 

Running really wasn't an option, though. 

Zack was the best outcome, for more than one reason - and he couldn't still believe Zack had _actually_ been interested in him, in having something _with him_ ; that knowledge now sat like a warm ember in his heart, untainted by anything else. And anyone else would worse, so dealing with this as it was was his best option.

"... Yeah. _Fine_ ," Cloud muttered and stood up, this time stomping off to the bathroom. Just because it was the best version of a bad situation didn't mean he had to _like it_ , something that was hammered home when he attempted to take the collar off, fingers scrabbling around uselessly on the catches and the fingerprint lock, and remembered it wasn't coming off. Not for two weeks, at least.

And it could be longer than two weeks.

Not even the knowledge that Zack actually _did_ feel the same as he did, as much as he'd been stubbornly trying to ignore and suppress it, at least until he could get into SOLDIER and _then_ figure things out, made it any better. Because he certainly wasn't getting into SOLDIER now... and while he knew Zack would, indeed, help him, this _was_ still punishment, and he had nothing at all to say what did or didn't happen.

Except that Zack was giving him as much of a voice and control as he _could_ , which was... just like Zack, and he should be satisfied with that. Relieved too, probably.

Exhaling, Cloud stepped in under the warm spray and tried to relax. It was just hard, with the collar snug around his throat. Which was what was wrong, he realised. As unhappy as he'd been with presenting as submissive, he hadn't actually been _uncomfortable_ with the service collar ShinRa forced him to wear.

Annoyed that it made it so clear (aside from his longer hair) what he was? Absolutely. Frustrated that it was a visible and visual reminder of what his limitations were, what he could or couldn't do?

Yes.

But _uncomfortable_?

Never.

And the realisation that there was now some part of him that _was_ uncomfortable, when he knew there was another that definitely liked the weight of it... it was definitely unpleasant, if not unsettling. Because it felt like proof that in some ways, his 'punishment' was justified, and Cloud _refused_ to give ShinRa and, well, society at large, that much control over him.

Not like he could do anything about it, though. He was just really lucky to have Zack.

Even if, right now, he didn't feel lucky _at all_.


	9. The Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to actually have to deal with readjustment and what it means. Zack tries a few things, they have a conversation or two... and then they reach a breaking point. Not _Cloud's_ breaking point, however.

That evening before they _really_ got into things was the easiest to deal with. In fact, any of the evenings of the next few days were, Cloud would find, though the same didn't seem to apply to Zack. Not that it was pleasant by any stretch of the imagination, but Zack knew what he was doing. Knew how to control his strength, had been taught how physical discipline should be applied, and while it obviously hurt, especially towards the end, something else tugged on his attention.

Cloud had been sure he'd felt Zack's hand tremble, and had _almost_ caught something on Zack's face as he turned around that made his stomach drop. But it was also gone so quickly that first evening, that he was sure he must have imagined it.

Not that that made the next morning any better.

"Zack? Where's the rest?" Grumbling, Cloud frowned at the small pile of clothes he'd found next to the cot he'd slept it (he didn't even mind that, even if it felt a little awkward, if only because he was sharing _Zack's_ bedroom, not that he was sharing at all. It was better than Zack's old couch, no matter how comfortable it was to sit on), and had unthinkingly brought with him into the bathroom. Underwear, a pair of soft drawstring pants... and that was it. He _knew_ Zack had brought more than _just this_ with him from his raid on Cloud's wardrobe!

"That's all you get for now. And come out after you've dressed."

Head snapping up, Cloud stared at the bathroom door, incredulous. Plotted to go looking through Zack's apartment for his clothes the first moment he was left alone, if that was what it sounded like, but surely it _wasn't_.

"What'd you mean _that's all I get_?" It felt good to hiss, knowing that Zack would be able to hear it through the door anyway, and not because the door was particularly thin. There was a soft thump from the other side of the door, and Cloud could imagine Zack sighing, too, but he could hardly hear something like that without SOLDIER-enhanced hearing.

"Exactly what it sounds like, Spike. Technically I'm to leave you naked the first week, _at least_ , but I'm not gonna do that."

He was not childish enough to contemplate staying in the bathroom out of spite, and not because Zack could just tear the door open if he wanted to. It'd just be a ridiculous place to hide, and wouldn't change anything. Wouldn't change that Zack was, again, giving him more than he _had to_ , doing things how _he_ thought was best and it was just---!

It was fucking infuriating.

Infuriating because Zack was _considerate_ , and not just for show. Infuriating because he knew he normally wouldn't be so bothered by this; would normally be _relieved_ , if a little annoyed and flustered still. Nothing that couldn't be dealt with. Right now, though, every single thing rubbed him the wrong way. Yanking his pants on, Cloud unlocked the door and stomped out, just as Zack opened his mouth again. He closed it and eyed him silently for a beat, then shook his head and gestured over to the couch.

"Kneel in front of the couch," Zack said, waggling a comb and whatever earlier annoyance gone replaced with sullen resistance as the intent of what Zack wanted to do was clear. He could brush his _own hair_. 

That wasn't the point and he knew it, however. It was just... that evening, when Zack had used brushing his hair as his 'punishment', no matter the unpleasant reason for it, had been good. _Great_ , not just for the realisation of how it could (should) feel, but in general. And he didn't want to change the association of it, because right now he wasn't sure it'd work like he was sure Zack was _hoping_ it would.

" _Now_ , Cloud."

Twitching, he frowned up at Zack but turned around and circled the couch so he could kneel in front of it, stiffening when Zack slid in behind him and sat down.

As he'd suspected, it didn't help.

It was like sitting on the edge of a pool or something, and _theoretically_ it should be easy to push himself in, or ease his grip up and let someone else push him in, but... it just didn't happen. Instead he sat there, tension instead of practised ease keeping his back straight, with the urge to tell Zack he was wasting his time.

"You know, if you just let yourself _relax_..." Zack grunted softly as he went from combing to _braiding_ , and he didn't know he could _do that_.

"If I _could_ , then we wouldn't be here, would we?" Cloud muttered sharply, yanking himself away and upright the second he could tell Zack was done - and was stopped by a hand on his shoulder twisting him around. Zack's face was flat, with a slight pinch between his eyebrows.

"Well, we still _would_ , but it'd be easier for you. What's the _problem_ , Cloud?"

Staring at Zack, Cloud grimaced and looked away. Unsure whether it was a lack of words to explain, or a scratchy unwillingness on the inside that was the reason. Zack grunted and let go of his shoulder, for the moment apparently willing to let that be. It felt like some sort of spiteful victory that just twisted the tension inside _tighter_.

It wasn't so bad after that - they simply played a few games, and again everything felt _almost_ normal, at least until he caught Zack staring at him silently, a narrow, considering look on his face that reminded him things were _not_ normal. Which was driven home when Zack came out from the bedroom in his training clothes, and Cloud sat up straight, feeling a small smile tug on his lips despite the situation.

"I'm not walking down there like _this_ , right?" Cloud was half off the couch before Zack's slight shake of his head stopped him, and he froze, frowning.

"You're not coming with me, Spike," Zack said, crossing his arms over his chest, and obviously, _normally_ , that would have been the point to step back. _Now_ , though..?

" _What_ , just 'cause I'm supposed to be _nothing but_ a sub now, I can't train with you? I did that before and it was _fine_! What's---"

"Every time we trained before, it wasn't _just_ to teach you the sword, so I don't think training right now would be the right thing for you. Besides, you're suspended, remember?" Zack shook his head again, lips pursed. "If I brought you with me right now, you wouldn't actually get to train."

Suspended. Right. He'd almost forgotten that what with everything else, and honestly that was a perfectly legitimate reason to refuse him. But the way Zack had phrased some of the rest...

"I'm not _stupid_ , Zack! I can tell this will be different from before, I just want to---!"

" _Kneel, Cloud_." 

Two words, and Zack's whole presence thrown in behind them.

It didn't feel at all like it _should_ , even if Zack had never thrown all he was at him and _made_ him submit like this (because he never had to). Every time someone had tried to do that before, regardless whether they succeeded or not, or if he'd been willing, annoyed, or angry, it hadn't ever actually felt _wrong_. 

Something inside _hurt_ , like it had been twisted the wrong way and was now lodged somewhere, causing pain.

Breath coming in short gasps before he managed a deeper gulp or two, Cloud turned his eyes up to Zack, and couldn't even be angry in that moment. Zack didn't look particularly happy either, and reached out, stopping _right_ before his hand would have landed in his spikes, the only part of his hair not in that neat, fishtail braid Zack had painstakingly braided it into.

"Pretty sure it shouldn't feel like that," Zack muttered, and Cloud stared.

"... You could--- you could _tell_?"

Zack looked a little guilty, but nodded. Still didn't touch him.

"That's another thing we should talk about when we've got this settled. For _now_ , you're staying right where you are, _as you are_. I'll be back in one and a half hours." The stern stare made Cloud want to stand up on principle, just to get Zack to... to do _what_? He didn't _actually_ want to provoke him enough to make him feel he had no other option but try to punish him in some way. Not when the methods Zack might choose might not work, right now.

So he stayed, even as it grated, and he knew it shouldn't.

Zack used his one and a half hours to work himself sweaty and _exhausted_ , and tried to lay out some sort of plan. He had half-formed thoughts, certain that if nothing else, he needed to be _patient_. Make a routine of some sort. Try not to get drastic until a few days had passed at least, no matter how frustrating things might be, for _both_ of them. 

The dim sensation of Cloud wasn't, at least, disappearing completely, but it hadn't strengthened either, proof that Cloud was, and probably would be for a bit yet, a little messed up. He just had to try and help, as that was what he considered this readjustment to be, even if most other people wouldn't. He'd try to fix this, even if Cloud fought him every step of the way. Unfortunately, Cloud fighting him made him want to... well, do what he'd done just earlier, throwing his whole metaphorical weight against Cloud and make him submit.

He'd felt what that had done to Cloud, both in the general sense of how a dom close to a sub would feel them react, but also more intimately... but also far more distantly than it had been before he left, before Cloud had had two weeks to throw himself as hard as possible into trying to come across as a switch despite that 'submissive-leaning' modifier. Of course Cloud would be the type to manage to mess himself up by overcompensating his ruse. Probably hadn't helped that the authorities had known what he was before the reassessment, as well as his dorm mates and whoever he might be closest to in his platoon.

He had his work cut out for him, clearly.

Something that was more than clear when he got back, as while Cloud let him help him upright, he sat stiff and awkward on the couch, refusing to slump into him despite the tension around his eyes that Zack recognized. He let it be, for now anyway. Patience. Even if he'd never been that good at that.

Cloud got a loose bun the next morning, less so because he was still stiff and awkward, and using the leather cuffs he had used the first time he'd done this didn't change that, but more because if he actually _was_ going to indulge in playing with Cloud's hair, he'd need more tools. That was something more mundane to pick up, and not something he could requisition, so he'd need to do some regular shopping... As for tools to requisition, Zack realised he had to look over what he even had - it wasn't that much - so he knew what he needed to get, when it came to it.

For now, he was going to try something that didn't need something he didn't already have, but after getting the leash, Zack stared at it. He wanted to use it to see if it'd help, and they _had_ talked about this and he _didn't_ need to remain firmly professional about this, but his pa's scorn for leashes at any other time than when strictly necessary or at proper events echoed in his head---

"Zack, I don't really want to go _out_ like this," Cloud said, staring at the leash with shoulders drawn and eyes narrowed when Zack looked up from staring at it _himself_ and he quirked a wry little smile. He could reassure him about this, at least.

"We're not going _out_ , Spike. I was just..." Trailing off, he threw a frown down at the leash folded up in his hand again and shook his head slowly. "Maybe it's not such a good idea, though."

"... Doesn't seem worse than the rest?" Cloud hazarded, the wary defiance slowly melting into something more confused. Cloud was right, of course; from what little they'd done so far, which had mostly been leaning on trying to make Cloud follow his commands as easily as he'd done merely three weeks ago, snapping the leash on and walking him around the apartment was hardly a dramatic change.

"No, but---"

"You can _like stuff_ , Zack."

Startling, he clutched the leash tighter, the leather creaking in his grip and he felt almost _trapped_ as he took a step back. " _What_? I---"

"Just 'cause I don't like _anything_ right now, because _nothing_ feels right, doesn't mean you can't like it. That _was_ the point, of... um, that talk, right..?" Cloud's nearly exasperated tone softened and started to flounder the deeper he got into the sentence, a quick, dark-eyed hesitation in the look he cast him and Zack quickly reached out with his other hand, squeezing Cloud's shoulder.

" _Yeah_. Yeah, that _was_ the point of that conversation, buddy. Never doubt _that_ , okay? It's just... I, erm." He shrugged, and it was his turn to look away, forcing himself to continue only because he could still see Cloud's lingering doubt in his expression. "Readjustment or not, I don't _own you_."

"No, you don't." Cloud's easy, quick and definitely _defensive_ agreement embarrassingly enough made something in him snarl, and Zack firmly stomped down on it as Cloud continued, "What's that got to do with the _leash_ , though? And, um... I might, I mean, _normally_ , since it's you, I don't think I'd mind..."

Staring at Cloud as he avoided his eyes and a slow pink bloomed out faintly on his cheeks, Zack managed to ease up the tight grip on the leash. It didn't exactly silence what he'd heard for thirteen years, but... If it helped Cloud, even a little, even if it wasn't noticed right now, _and_ if Zack _also_ liked it (and Cloud did too, later) what was the harm?

"... I won't bury my leash back in the bottom of a drawer immediately when we're done with readjustment, then," Zack said slowly, warmth settling in his gut as Cloud's blush briefly darkened and he muttered something _almost_ unintelligible, but he did catch the 'yes, sir' somewhere there.

That didn't make the half hour he spent with Cloud on the leash particularly easy or natural, thanks to the reason they were here, but it didn't make it _not worth it_ either. 

He spent the whole half hour with a warm little pleasure seeming to gather in his hand, and it then travelled up his arm, settling around his heart. And maybe it wanted to crawl down his spine, too, with the light weight of the end of the leash around his hand, feeling Cloud walking in tune with him, the leash swinging lightly between them. It reason he neither could let himself go that far, or ended up that way was Cloud stiff and awkward behind or beside him, when he never had been before. The difference really was stark and jarring. Zack just hoped a routine _would_ work, or one of his other ideas...

Patience. 

He could do that. At least that was what he _told himself_ , the day being annoying or not. Any frustration he was feeling from the day and Cloud's stubbornness during it evaporated that evening anyway, and not in a good way. Because trying to get through the corporal punishment part was like wiping everything else clean and funnelling everything down into this one burning point.

Every strike, as measured and controlled as he was sure to make them, somehow felt like _he_ was the one who was doing something wrong, here. Cloud hadn't reacted much yesterday and didn't tonight either, at least not until the tail end. It didn't help, because Zack knew it was because his pain tolerance had started to waver in deference of the sheer amount of strikes that had been left, and the redness was starting to creep out beyond his boxer-briefs, staining down his thighs. Redness _not_ coming from playful struggling or leaving on ropes or cuffs a bit too long, but because _he_ was---

"... Zack?"

Yanking his hand back before the last strike hit, Zack stared at the gracefully bent back stretched over his kitchen island, pale except for a hint of pink peeking up above the waistband of Cloud's underwear at the bottom of his back. Steadying his hand and heart before he raised his eyes to meet Cloud's bright blue where he was looking at him over his shoulder, he summoned a smile for him.

"Yeah? You okay, Spike? Just one more and then, it's over for tonight." That felt more like he was trying to sooth and encourage _himself_ than Cloud, though hopefully Cloud didn't notice. He was probably a little preoccupied anyway from the way he shifted, his face momentarily splitting in a tense grimace.

"I'm, _fine_ , but what about---"

" _I'm_ not the one getting punished, am I?" The smile on his face widened, pulling on his face awkwardly, and Cloud's grimace twisted back into a frown as he tried to meet his gaze again. He looked down, something inside quailing at the sight of the pink skin, and he'd _intended_ to ask if Cloud was ready. 

Instead he immediately swung his hand down, and the resultant gasp from Cloud and quick, sharp blinking before he looked away felt like a slap to the face. He'd told himself he could do this, and he _would_ , no matter that he felt guilty. Anything to make sure Cloud wasn't put out in front of a crowd. 

"I'm gonna take a shower." He should be making sure Cloud was all right, not _leave him_ after that, and he knew it. He _would_ , too, he just needed to--- 

He just needed a moment.

Something was wrong. And Cloud _didn't_ mean the way he just couldn't settle down as Zack steadily worked with the rope. Not that anything was technically even wrong with what Zack was doing; Cloud knew, from the way he'd felt when Zack had cuffed him the first time he brushed his hair that this would normally help him relax. That this should be an easy way to get him into subspace, and yet it just made him feel constrained, one part of him sullen and defensive, while another part was chafing at the first, _wanting_ to relax.

But that wasn't what was wrong. What was wrong was _Zack_. Nothing he was sure exactly _what_ it was, but, again, like the first evening... he'd noticed something was wrong during the corporal punishment. Even more so last night.

"This is _not working_ ," Cloud hissed, attempting to wriggle and pull his leg out of Zack's grip. A useless proposition of course, considering how much stronger Zack was than him. Didn't mean he didn't try, but Zack didn't even seem to notice.

"Just settle down and _try to let it_ work, Cloud."

"Yes _sir_." Grimacing, Cloud almost felt a little bad. So far he'd only called Zack 'sir', when he was feeling annoyed or frustrated, which wasn't actually when he'd _like_ to want to use it, since he knew that Zack actually liked it, in the right situation. But maybe that was why it only came out in those moments, right now...

The rope was a winding, soft pressure down his arms and legs, crossing repeatedly between his arms in some sort of pattern he couldn't see from this angle, and while the position wasn't that comfortable, if he could _just_ relax...

That seemed impossible, though. Grinding awareness of what he was letting Zack do, that he wasn't protesting as much as he could, _should_ protest, some new part of him sullenly insisted. Because he needed to prove he was strong, he was _capable_ and wouldn't let himself be _pushed around_. It was an insistent, nagging flow that seemed to emanate from that part that was lodged wrong.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Cloud rubbed his cheek against the carpet, the braid Zack had made this morning resting flopped against his other cheek, having fallen forward during Zack's slow, diligent work. That was the one part he actually really _wanted_ to be able to enjoy out of all this, and Zack had even brought out the cuffs this morning, in a hope that it would help.

It hadn't, and it--- Wait. 

Squinting at the braid where he could see it in the corner of his eyes, Cloud's narrow look slowly twisted into a scowl.

" _Zack_! That's not funny!"

Behind him, Zack shifted, and then, when he clearly saw where Cloud was looking, just laughed like an obnoxious asshole.

" _I_ think it fits you perfectly." He could hear the smirk that Zack must be sporting, and Cloud attempted to whack him with his foot, grunting when he realised Zack had gotten far enough he could no longer pull it far enough to hit Zack. So _that_ was one of the things he'd disappeared after lunch to get; a clip of some sort that he'd snapped to the end of his braid, from which dangled a single, brass-coloured feather. It was _not_ funny.

Corporal punishment wasn't fun either, no matter his pain tolerance; since it'd be happening every day, and even with Zack pacing his strength and strikes, he was pretty sure it'd build up, the more days passed. He could endure it, but he certainly didn't look forward to it. It just made him think of Nibelheim, the bridge, and Tifa's coma. 

Children who didn't have their dynamic yet weren't usually (weren't _supposed to be_ ) punished after adult standards, but Tifa's father was the mayor and his mom was single, and poor. It didn't matter that she was also dominant; Mayor Lockhart had strong-armed his way through that, and no one else had said anything. They all probably felt he'd _deserved it_.

A whole damn week of that.

_That_ was honestly more what was getting to him, more than the pain, when he bent over the kitchen island again. It helped a little that Zack was the one doing this, and doing it in private, instead of this happening down in the assembly hall on floor 52. He didn't want to deal with any possible crowds, and anybody who came there definitely knowing what he was being punished for.

Especially if that Crow and his cronies would end up coming.

Funny, before Gray had told him the guy's name and that he was pissed, still, about those graveyard shifts, he wouldn't even have known to be worried. Or defensive over the thought that the asshole would probably be _smug as hell_ , knowing what he'd tried, and what he was being punished for. But he didn't need to deal with that; Zack was doing this.

Zack settled in behind him, exhaling a breath that felt a little exaggerated, since _he_ was the one who was almost naked and getting hit, here. At the same time, it reminded him of what he'd been feeling last night, that wavering _flinch_ he'd thought he'd felt from that dim sensation he had of Zack in the back of his head, the slight tremble in his hand. The way Zack absolutely _had_ flinched away before landing that last hit. So Zack was doing this, despite that it seemed pretty clear by now that it was having some sort of adverse effect on him.

So, this time, when he braced himself both physically and mentally and once again relieved Zack wasn't trying to break him with this, he focused both his mundane attention on Zack and his inner one on that faint flicker that he was just... _convinced_ was Zack. The thing that was apparently mutual, the thing that _could_ be proof of a nascent soul bond---

Cloud firmly pushed that hesitantly elated thought away, biting down on his grunt when the first hit landed. Focus. Something was wrong about this, this time with _Zack_ , and he was going to find out what, and if he could, fix it.

He couldn't pin-point anything at first as the heat slowly spread over his ass, a tingling sort of warmth that with a different context and someone who actually _enjoyed_ what they were doing would have been pleasant. But he could feel Zack's resistance in every strike, and while that had been reassuring at first, now that he was paying attention... it was starting to make him feel more uncomfortable, and not for _himself_.

Halfway through, and he had to start gritting his teeth - he was _definitely_ noticing the pain earlier tonight. By the end of two weeks, he wasn't sure how easy this would be to deal with, but he pushed that away firmly. Zack's hand was definitely trembling now, both earlier and more noticeably than the other three preceding evenings, and he was pretty sure that shouldn't be happening.

What settled 'pretty sure' into 'what the flying fuck, Zack?' was that he could feel it, all the way into that vague little presence Zack had in the back of his mind. It seemed to flinch not just with every hit, but _preceding them_ too. It was like tiny needle pricks into his awareness, now that he was firmly paying attention and Zack didn't seem to be able to hide it as easily anymore, because he certainly _had been_...

The next strike wavered, hit his tail bone instead of somewhere meatier, and Cloud couldn't help his flinch, which seemed to echo with _Zack_ flinching, the hit after sliding nearly harmlessly off the curving side of his ass. Zack sucked another breath in, too sharply, too _shallowly_ , and Cloud twisted around.

"Zack, what's---"

He didn't get further.

The wide-eyed, nearly hazily pained look was terribly familiar, and it wasn't right that _Zack_ should look that way. For a moment, as Zack just shook his head and gestured for him to turn back around, clearly gearing up to _finish_ , Cloud didn't know what to do. 

He knew he had to do _something_ , though, because - Zack curled his hand into a fist, clamping his other hand over his eyes and turned away, shoulders trembling and muttering apologies. That he was _sorry_ , and shouldn't be doing this. The guilt was easily recognisable, if confusing, but it also helped him realise what was going on.

He might not know what to do in the least, but he had at least had some generic lessons on dom- and subdrop back in school in Nibelheim, so he had something to go on, at least. He just hoped it'd be enough, that it'd be _good enough_. That he didn't make things worse. 

Pushing away from the kitchen island, biting down on a gasp and knowing he hadn't been quiet enough when Zack flinched, Cloud only hesitated a little before he slid his arms around Zack. Hugging him from behind, he felt the answering flinch as much in Zack's usually-strong body as in that dim sense of him in the back of his head.

That wasn't the worst thing, honestly.

What was much worse was the insistent, soft undertone mumbling litany of _I'm sorry_ that started up when he hugged him and Cloud scowled, shaking his head against Zack's back.

"Come on," he muttered, attempting to pull Zack backwards and around the couch. There was initial resistance, but then Zack went, even as he gestured with the hand he dropped from his face towards the kitchen island.

"We're--- we're not finished, yet."

" _Yeah_ , we are."

Zack flinched at that. His tone or the words, Cloud didn't know, and he regretted them but wasn't sure what else to have said. Because he meant that; whatever happened now, even if he _did_ have to tackle the 52nd floor and the corrections officer, he wasn't letting Zack do this part anymore. He didn't _care_ how much of a dom Zack was. If he was hurting himself like this, enough to trigged a drop, it wasn't happening. 

Coaxing Zack to sit, he snagged the blanket that was thrown over the back of the couch and wrapped it around Zack, hesitating again - he wasn't wearing anything but his underwear... but if he left Zack now... Grunting softly, he got up on the couch on his knees, wrapping his arms around Zack's shoulders and pressing Zack's face to his chest. Zack flexed his hands at his sides into trembling fists, opened them up, flexed them shut again, and then slowly, hesitantly, they came up to land at Cloud's hips. They'd barely settled before his hands flinched away again. All he could think of to do was hug Zack more firmly.

"I was--- _hurting_ you and you can---"

"You were doing _nothing_ wrong, Zack." It was surprising, hearing how vehement he sounded. "You've been doing nothing but trying to _help_ , and that _including_ not making me take the punishment in public. You're _great_ , okay?"

A shuddering twist of a breath from Zack, breath hot against his bare skin, and Zack's hands, back on his hips, clutched hard enough he had to force himself not to flinch.

"Cloud---"

"No, sir," Cloud said softly, but sternly. Didn't even notice it came out easily, with no hint of resentment or frustration. Felt Zack tremble against him, and continued even if his gut churned uneasily with what he wanted to say. Their conversation at the beginning of this felt distant, but even if Zack didn't feel the same later, he knew he had to say this. "You've... been the best thing about coming to Midgar and joining ShinRa, Zack. I don't... I don't care about the rest."

Zack made some sort of protesting noise, squeezing his hips in near-silent reprimand before his arms slid around his back to hug him properly. and Cloud huffed even while heat suffused him. Not that it was anything Zack hadn't done before - he _liked_ hugging, and had easily wormed inside Cloud's defenses to be able to hug him. 

But still. With the awareness of things, of all those months and the feelings actually being _reciprocated_ , it felt... different, now. Especially as they hadn't kissed yet, and Zack seemed to be very adamant about not crossing some sort of line until he felt better. _Why_ , he hadn't known at first, but right now he thought he understood, because while he certainly _wanted_ to kiss Zack, it wouldn't be the right thing to do, right now. 

"... Okay, yeah, I care 'bout not getting to, y'know," he muttered, unable to finish that sentence lest his voice betray him, but shook his head, "doesn't change that, you've been trying to help me from the start. And you were doing that _now_ , too... You didn't do anything wrong, Zack."

Hugging Zack tighter, Cloud finished the thought in his head. _He_ was the only one who'd been doing things _wrong_. If he hadn't wanted to get into SOLDIER (but he couldn't regret it), if he hadn't been _found out_ , then Zack wouldn't be here, driving himself right down into a drop trying to do something that he clearly couldn't handle just to make sure _Cloud_ would be all right.

Zack's chuckle was dry, and sounded familiar. It took Cloud a second or two to catch up; familiar because it was soaked in a feeling he recognised, and he didn't understand what Zack might feel guilty and inadequate over... he didn't need to wonder though, as Zack snorted roughly.

"I should be able to do this, though. I'm a _dom_ , and what sort of---"

" _You_ , Zack." Was he even doing this right? He didn't have a clue. But it felt very important to make sure Zack realised he wouldn't want him any other way. Hugging Zack, he buried his face in the wild nest of black spikes and floundered for a second or two, spurred on only by the worry that Zack might start talking again. "You wouldn't _be you_ , if you could."

There was a large hand at his lower back now, and another spread between his shoulder blades, reminding him that he was only in his underwear but also keeping him pinned right where he was as he listened to Zack's shaky breathing slowly even out. 

Hesitantly, he shifted a hand slowly upwards, awkwardly starting to card through the trailing end of Zack's hair, short but still long enough to let him do this. Long enough Zack should actually have longer hair, he whimsically realised just then; the spikes were just hiding how long it actually was. But that was a thought for later, maybe; clearly he was doing _something_ right as the tense shoulders in his grip started to ease up, and the dim sense of Zack was smooth and even now. A steady little flame, instead of a guttering candle.

"... Think, you should check, if this can't be done some other way, though."

Zack stiffened against him again, but didn't pull away; in fact, he somehow managed to hold him even more tightly.

"... And if there isn't?"

Grimacing into Zack's hair, Cloud shrugged and would have pulled away if he _could have_ , but Zack was still holding tight, and he wouldn't get much further other than straightening up.

"If not, I... take the rest, from the corrections officer," he muttered, everything inside rebelling at the thought and nothing at all to do with that wrongly-lodged part of him he'd messed up. It'd mean walking in public all the way to the 52nd floor, it'd mean people _seeing_ \---

Startling, Cloud pulled upright to look down, because he could _swear_ Zack had practically just _growled_.

" _No_ ," Zack said, growling _again_ and finally pulled away himself, effortlessly pulling on Cloud to get him to sit down. There was a part that was definitely sullen over the easy manhandling, and not because it was manhandling but that Zack thought he could just _do that_ , but right then Cloud didn't protest. Just let himself be pulled down and around and... okay, he squirmed when he ended up sitting next to Zack, the blanket pulled around them both, because he was _practically naked_ and Zack was fully dressed and this would be awkward and set his stomach twisting even if he didn't _also_ feel vulnerable. 

"I'll figure it out, _somehow_." Zack shook his head, leaning in until he was resting his cheek on Cloud's head, smushing his spikes under cheek and chin and apparently not at all bothered by the stray hairs tickling his lips and nose. Cloud knew he was blushing, but... but if this was helping Zack (and he could still feel a slight, intermittent tremble in Zack's hand at his shoulder, hear a slight, nearly slurring drawl to his voice), it was... fine. " _Without_ leaving you to the 52nd floor, buddy."

His heart skipped at the tone, and Cloud found he'd melted into Zack's side before he quite realised he'd done so. 

Zack's other hand was now playing with the end of his braid and fiddling with the brass-coloured feather at the end. He could only see that if he tipped his chin and glanced out of the bottom edge of his vision, so he didn't. He'd continue to pretend it wasn't there.

"... Okay. But you shouldn't have done _this_ to yourself, you know," Cloud muttered after a few minutes, and while Zack's laugh was a little strained, it was at least a laugh.

"I'll do it again if I have to. But I was honestly expecting _you_ to be on this end before _I_ ever was," Zack said, and only the cheerful, nearly teasing tone took the sting out of those words - sting Zack didn't even mean, even if Cloud felt a hot flush of annoyance at the assumption.

"You _wish_ \---"

Zack dropped his braid and used his hand to cover his mouth instead, keeping it there for a beat then shifted it down to tilt his chin up while he pulled away enough to look down and meet his eyes. The look in his faintly glowing eyes serious enough Cloud looked away without feeling even so much as a _twinge_ from that place that'd protested any show of submissiveness so far.

"Never, Sunshine. I wouldn't _actually_ want you to drop, even less be the reason for it."

_Sunshine_.

He didn't much feel like _that_ , hadn't _ever_ , and in a way it was such a funny juxtaposition to his mom's usual nickname for him (Raincloud), that he might have said something if it weren't for the situation and the topic. 

"... I believe you, Zack." His breath came out in a soft, slightly wavering huff, and he wasn't sure if it felt like something might have unwound, just a little, inside. Of course Zack wouldn't want to push him so far as to be _too far_...

"Good. And thanks, Spike."

He knew he didn't imagine the press of lips to the top of his head, hair in the way or not, but Zack didn't say anything about it, and _he_ didn't know how to say anything about it, so he just let Zack pull away enough to turn on the TV and then settle back against the couch again, one arm around his shoulders and the other playing with the end of his braid again.

For his own as well as Zack's sake, Cloud hoped there was some other way to do this.

He did _not_ want to be the reason Zack ended up like this, again. No, he _wouldn't_ be the reason, though what he could do to change that, he didn't know. But if Zack found no better solution that was acceptable to _him_ , Cloud would... figure something out. Because he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Zack would rather continue to administer the corporal punishment part himself, regardless of that leading to another drop, if there was no other way to avoid sending Cloud to the corrections officer.

He refused to let that happen... and that was what he'd forgotten, wasn't it? That just because he wasn't dominant, just because it felt natural and even good (good enough it led to subspace) to obey, didn't mean he couldn't take care of (Zack) other people.

So that's what he'd do, _somehow_.


	10. Going Up, Settling Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud has newfound determination to make today easier on Zack... and remembering a thing or two about what being a submissive means. Zack has a plan, both for helping Cloud and helping himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, a warning; this chapter features Cloud being tied down and used as a table - the language is respectful to positive generally, and the act also doesn't take the shape as humiliation or dehumanization, because I'm not interested in that, but if you think it might unsettle you, proceed carefully!

Fiddling near, if not _with_ the low bun Zack had twisted and pinned into place behind his pierced ear that morning before muttering he'd be back later, Cloud wondered when 'later' was. He wasn't sure if Zack had even eaten breakfast, and he'd woken him up earlier than they'd been getting up the last few days. Shiva, Zack had literally pulled him upright on the cot he was sleeping in just to get to do his hair before he left. He wasn't sure whether that was annoying or cute, at this point, but maybe the fact that he was wavering between the two at all was a good sign?

He didn't know.

What he also wasn't sure about was if Zack was all right, just yet, and how that'd affect this evening. He'd seemed a little slow this morning, faint tension around his eyes, but certainly not as bad as it'd been last night, even _after_ he'd come out of the drop. He'd also been twisting and turning after they'd gone to bed, so finally Cloud had slipped out of his cot, and, after hesitating at the edge of Zack's bed and in the end prompted into asking if it was okay when Zack asked if _he_ was all right, he'd slipped in behind Zack. He'd wrapped himself around him as much as he could, Zack's long legs extending far past his own and Zack's large hands wrapped on top of his against Zack's stomach, and Zack had finally fallen asleep like that.

He'd almost, kind of (really) wanted to stay right where he was for the rest of the night. He'd freed himself and left after just listening to Zack breathe for a few minutes however, worried he was rather feeding into the angry knot in his gut his instincts and normal behaviour had been twisted into during the previous two weeks. Besides that, it'd felt awkward just... having done this much, even with the knowledge that Zack definitely would want him here. Unfortunately, then _he_ had had trouble falling asleep, but that was fine.

He'd slept okay, even if being woken up earlier than he'd come to expect didn't leave him particularly happen. Especially since it was just so Zack could dig careful, patient fingers into his hair with an attention the early morning and the suggestion of his own lingering discomfort didn't match. It was more that than anything else that kept Cloud's fingers away from the bun, instead tugging on the strands falling near his ear while he frowned at the softly overcast sky outside the window.

It should be time for lunch soon... As if on cue, the door clicked open and Zack came in, shooting him a smile as he dumped bags of take-out on the kitchen island, but went back the same time he'd come before coming back with what looked nothing less than a large, rather thin plastic oval that _could_ have been a tray if it had had some sort of rim around the edges. 

As it was, it didn't, though Cloud could see several short leather straps and clasps on the underside of it, before the whole thing was put down on the coffee table, showing the mess of black leather and two short metal... poles? that were laying on top of it.

"Hey, Spike!"

Something inside of him _squirmed_ at the sight, while the rest, that thing that refused the heated squirming, frowned warily. Not as suspicious or instantly defiant as before, though - Cloud glanced up at Zack, and the soft, tired edge he could still see around his eyes softened the wariness even further. Zack had had a bad evening yesterday, after all, and he didn't really want to make it worse. And if that meant wrangling with that sense of tense unease until he could just ignore it or it _finally_ eased up, just a little, he was fine with that.

Which... might be an improvement, but Cloud didn't linger on that thought, rather looked back to the pile of leather straps on top of the plastic.

"What's that?"

"Let's get to that after lunch. I want you to eat something first," Zack said with an easy, dismissive wave to the distracting pile of _stuff_ , and only Cloud's resolution to _not_ let his problem affect Zack right after the evening he'd had kept him from bristling. That, and the smell of food. He _was_ getting hungry, and the take-out was some of his favourite.

"So what were you doing?" Glancing up from his plate and the chopsticks halfway to his mouth, Cloud cocked his head as he turned it enough to look at Zack where he sat beside him at the kitchen island, plates and containers strewn about them.

"Training, checked a thing or two, so I might have the situation for tonight handled, and then went to requisition that," Zack said, twitching his head backwards to indicate the things left on the coffee table, "I don't have enough myself to do what I'm thinking about."

Zack shrugged and went back to his food, Cloud waiting for a second or two, but Zack didn't elaborate. Sure, he's said 'after lunch', but...

" _What_ were you thinking about?" Cloud frowned, dropping his chopsticks, and while Zack looked up, the mild expression on his face wasn't one that Cloud would interpret as willing to give in.

"You need to finish eating and clean up before we have that conversation, so _be patient_." Zack's voice was soft, but implacable, and it _rankled_ while at the same time was just how Zack sometimes spoke and---

And Cloud grunted, annoyed. But he also went back to his food without further protesting. Out loud, anyway. In the end, it wasn't like Zack _wouldn't_ tell him, and the last few days had frankly been exhausting even if Zack hadn't actually gone out of his way to do much of anything. He'd always tried _something_ new every day, but that was one thing, set against the exceedingly soft (when it came to the idea of enforcing discipline, anyway) routine he'd established.

And it was obvious Zack was now aiming for something a little... more involved, as he shooed him off to the bathroom and told him to leave his pants there. _That_ took a little longer to actually comply with after he was done, because he was only... sort of... getting used to walking around with no shirt on. Whenever he got reminded of the fact that he was half-naked, and even when he wasn't thinking about it actively, Cloud often kept his arms crossed over his chest or sat somewhere like the couch. It really had nothing to do with Zack, or this situation; he was still uncomfortable in the shared showers, despite it being well over a year, creeping on a year and a half since he'd joined ShinRa. The awkward shyness still remained, after all these months.

He'd been here so long, and for _what_? He'd gotten nothing of what he'd been aiming for when he left Nibelheim, all because he was _submissive_ \--- Gritting his teeth, Cloud rubbed his neck. The only thing that'd really been worth all this, even if he _had_ done some good things, if not... gained the position and started working towards the fame he'd been envisioning, was Zack.

Zack, who was still waiting. 

Waiting, and _hadn't_ demanded he come out yet. Still didn't mean his face wasn't hot when he finally did leave the bathroom, wearing only his short boxer-briefs and fingering the collar around his neck. 

Zack stood by the couch, having moved the coffee table into the bedroom for some reason, and there was a thicker, fluffier carpet on the floor in front of the couch now. A neat oval, it was clearly hand-made and looked like it would be really comfortable to sit on, but Cloud couldn't quite figure out the reason for it. Zack had used his bed when he'd attempted some simple bondage before, after all...

"Hey, Spike. Almost started to think you'd gotten lost in the toilet or something," Zack said with a grin, hands on his hips. Blush darkening briefly, Cloud snorted.

"Yeah, right. Your bathroom's not large enough to get _lost in_ , Zack." Hesitating between sitting down on the couch or in the chair or remain standing, Cloud opted for the latter finally, head cocked but not _quite_ meeting Zack's eyes. Mostly because he could feel his eyes on him and was very aware of how little he was wearing, right then. All of which combined to him... actually having... um, _reacting_ , if just a little, for the first time since this whole thing started. Which he'd really rather _not_. Not right _now_ , anyway. "So, what's this about?"

Rubbing his hands over his thighs, he finally glanced up into faintly glowing blue eyes ringed by vivid green, slightly dark in a way that _almost_ made his heart skip. He looked away instead.

"Right. It's simple. Since _just_ tying you up one way or another isn't enough right now, I'm thinking we'll give you something else to focus on. A _purpose_." Zack sounded rather pleased with himself, and Cloud arched an eyebrow, looking back at Zack again. At least he looked his usual, warm self again, so that helped.

"Huh?"

"Instead of being focused on what I'm doing, or knowing you have to do what I say and not being able to follow through on that right now, all you have to do is not spill anything to the floor. Think you'll be okay with that, Cloud?"

Opening his mouth to ask, _again_ , what Zack meant, Cloud stopped when Zack picked on one of the messes of leather straps from where it lay on the couch, the oval, rim-less 'tray' next to it, and shook it out to reveal a harness. Glancing down to the rest, his brain started to actually be able to categorize the rest, too; cuffs, with attached, tooled leather straps, two spreader bars, and... well, with what Zack had said, he supposed the oval piece of plastic was supposed to be the tabletop.

"Zack---" He cut off when he met Zack's gaze again, more because he wasn't sure what, or if, he actually was protesting. The idea was... he wasn't sure. 

Zack smiled, small but not any less _warmly_ , and reached out to squeeze his shoulder. Then lifted his hand and trailed his knuckles over his cheek, and this time, Cloud just stayed still. Maybe he was too uncertain for that unsettled shard to push for angry refusal and defiance. Maybe he was refusing to let it get in the way of the way the little caress felt, tingling down his nerves and settling warmly in his gut. It wasn't helping his body's half-formed interest, but he'd just... ignore that.

"Remember you got your safe words, Spike. If you actually can't deal with it, it's fine. But I'm sure you'll look pretty... and do a really good job. I know you can handle this for me."

One part of him wanted to snort, rather exasperated with that comment. Who _couldn't_ do a good job if the job was just _staying still_ while being tied up? 

Nevermind it was also a question of strength and patience and _relaxing_ , especially when it meant not moving so you didn't spill anything, because that plastic would mean things would glide easily, and with the lack of a rim, they'd slide off even easier. Another part... another part soaked up the pre-emptive praise and wanted to make it actually real, even as he shifted away from Zack slightly. 

He didn't refuse, though. Because while this wouldn't be a solution to the issue of Zack having to deal with the corporal punishment part, actually doing as told, as much as that still made something squirm defiantly inside, would _also_ be taking care of Zack. Because he (both of them) should be getting something out of this.

"... Okay." Cloud sighed as he stretched his arms out, one part feeling like it was giving in, another part happy he _was_. Zack's smile felt like it lit up his insides, and he realised this was the first time in days he'd actually... acquiesced so easily.

"You're doing great, you know," Zack said, voice warm and sincere and it overrode his urge to roll his eyes and point out neither he nor Zack had actually _done anything_ yet. Instead his bones felt warm, even if he frowned right after and shrugged. Zack didn't seem discouraged though, just chuckled as he went to work.

Zack took his time with it too; little touches to hos wrists before he buckled the cuffs, adjusting them slightly so the straps fell on the outside of his arms, just dangling for now. Knelt and repeated the process at his ankles, rubbing one of his feet briskly as he winked up at him before he stood back up and buckled two pairs of matching straps to his upper arms and thighs, which were more mystifying than the cuffs or the harness that came last. It buckled to his collar, then fell down his chest from a middle strap, with three others attached to it going around his torso.

The leather warmed up quickly where it pressed against his skin and was surprisingly soft, even if it neither looked nor seemed to really have been used before; wherever Zack got to requisition this stuff, it was clearly quality. 

Which made him feel really awkward; all the stuff Zack had used so far had been his own, and if not used, then _cheaper_ , while still of as good make as it could be. And for all that they both came from middle-of-nowhere backwaters, Zack seemed at _ease_ handling this stuff, as expensive as it was, and Cloud was frankly starting to get more concerned about sweating with this on than the quiet, prickling unease he had stubbornly been ignoring.

Not that he'd been able to ignore it yesterday, or the few days before that, but now, drawing on his decision to at least _try_ to make it easier on Zack today, it... worked. And standing there feeling the warm pressure of the leather weighing him down, it reminded him this wasn't _just_ about making him obey for no reason other than a dominant wishing to. It was supposed to be for him too; he _would_ usually get something out of it, as Zack had shown before.

"Going well so far, isn't it?" Zack asked, squeezing his shoulder before guiding him down on his hands and knees on that fluffy carpet. It really was as comfortable as it looked - more than, even, as there seemed to be layers hidden underneath that made it springier than it seemed. It should help, if he was doing this for any length of time.

"Again, we've not really _been doing anything_ ," Cloud muttered, clenching his hands in the soft fluff when Zack knelt down with the first spreader bar, but didn't flinch away.

"We _are_ , though. It doesn't start after I've already tied you up; it starts the second I attach a cuff or say a word, and by that point you're already _doing_ something, you know. I've been so focused on _doing_ to try and get this over with as quickly as possible for you, I kinda forgot I can't just... steamroll you. Sorry, Cloud."

Zack's words stilled him, even beyond that he was being tied down and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. He hadn't thought about that, but frankly, Zack was far more conscientious and _kind_ than most dominants would be, even _outside_ of this sort of situation. That Zack might end up thinking he hadn't done enough to make it easier for Cloud... 

It was ridiculous, but again it lit a little spark of warmth inside, and being unable to shift his arms either closer together or further apart as Zack locked the first bar into place between his arms ended up not feeling so bad. 

Nor the second one, though the long straps hanging from his wrists and ankles getting snapped to his thighs and upper arms, respectively, made him feel a little ridiculous.

"Zack..."

"Ignore them. They're not _needed_ , but they sure make you look even prettier."

Heat rushed through him, settling in his chest and on his face and Cloud ducked his head, away from that _stupid smile_. He would have squirmed if he could, but he _couldn't_. Which was just as well, because Zack was buckling the 'tabletop' on place. The underside of it wasn't actually straight plastic - it had some sort of fabric covering it, soft and slightly flocked. Probably a good thing, with the way it was resting on his shoulders and lower back, to his ass. It wasn't _heavy_ , but he could still feel it, and he wasn't sure he liked it. It weighed him down in a way that---

"Remember Cloud, _don't spill anything_."

Freezing at those warm and heavy words for a second, Cloud blinked down at the soft carpet under him. 

Yeah. 

_That_ was what mattered, wasn't it? 

Not what Zack was doing or wanted, aside from this; not that he couldn't move (and technically, he still could, if he just pitched over or shook his shoulders), but that there were things he was carrying, and he shouldn't let them slide off. 

It was really no different from standing guard, just... on a smaller scale. Easier to deal with than anything else Zack had tried so far, while _at the same time_ , the point was that Zack would he pleased if he did it.

"... Yes, sir."

The soft but unmistakable sound of a sharply inhaled breath cut through anything else that might have been building, and Cloud found himself smiling, just a little. The piece that was still lodged wrong was even easier to ignore as Zack put... something down on top of him, probably not _all_ of the things that had been on the coffee table because Zack was _messy_ , but a few things. Some of them weighed nothing, but when Zack got a pitcher and a glass, he felt it. Just a spot of weight in the middle of his back, weighing the whole tabletop down, but in a location that made the weight radiate out and settle evenly.

And while he could even see the screen when Zack turned the TV on and started a game, humming the theme song, Cloud didn't bother to look. Closed his eyes instead and wrestled with the ugly little urge to _actually_ pitch over and spill all of everything that was on top of him to the floor. Pushed it down firmly, because with the last few days... especially yesterday, Zack deserved a break. And he _definitely_ didn't want to ruin this carpet.

Those thoughts were his focus at first, as well as a vague annoyance the first few times Zack reached down to touch him, but soon the subtle weight on the leather pressing against his skin and the firm refusal of the spreader bars to allow him movement settled in his bones like a warm weight. 

Soon what mattered wasn't what Zack was or wasn't doing, only that _he_ do what he was supposed to do, and a job well done was its own reward, wasn't it? Maybe it should have felt demeaning to be reduced to a literal piece of furniture, but Zack's foot against his calf, his toes digging gently into the muscle was a reminder he knew he was there. The same went for when he reached down and put a brief, light hand against his side, thumb following his ribs, or around his elbow and asked if he was okay. Zack _knew_ he was there, and valued him _being there_.

He focused on that, and could almost enjoy the feeling of having a place instead of being _frustrated_ by how limited it was.

"Cloud?"

"Uh-huh?"How long it'd been since Zack had guided him down onto the carpet, Cloud didn't know, but the carpet was still thick and soft under his hands and knees, and the weight of the tabletop on top of him felt more like it was his own back than anything else. Zack chuckled, his hand stroking over his ribs and flattening out over his stomach, which twitched under the long fingers and broad palm.

"You're doing great. Amazing, even. Better than I thought you would," Zack said, voice nearly _thrumming_ in a way that settled in his gut and bled warmth lower. But he didn't twitch into it. Kept still. "Sephiroth's going to come by shortly, okay?"

That... should probably mean something. That was a name, he knew. Important too, something distantly told him, but it didn't really seem to matter, right then. Zack knew what he was doing, and he wouldn't let anything happen he knew Cloud didn't _really_ like, so there was only one answer to that not-question.

"Yessir." It was okay. He didn't need worry about it, right then, because Zack would take care of it. Cloud was doing something else, and it was important he keep doing it. Besides, he felt good. At that thought, it felt like something inside dissolved and was slotting back into place, somehow. 

"Good. What's your summon, Cloud?"

Well, _that_ was an easy question at least, and not even the distant noise of something rapping against wood - the door, perhaps - was a distraction to answering it.

"Ifrit, sir."

Another soft noise of sharply indrawn breath, and Zack's hand rubbed over his stomach, almost making him wish it went _lower_ , right then. But it didn't, just disappeared from him with a light caress up his side, then the gentle press of Zack briefly putting weight onto his back (on the _tabletop_ , but right now it was the same thing), before he disappeared.

The conversation that followed was only a soft buzz in Cloud's ears - not because anyone was trying to be quiet and keep him from overhearing, but rather because he wasn't paying attention. Not to _that_ anyway, as two people now moved around the apartment, someone sitting down in the chair behind him. Clink of glasses, the weight of the decanter on top being removed and then put down again.

No, what Cloud was paying attention to, aside from the soft, fuzzy space he was perfectly happy to be in right then, was the bonfire-like presence of not just _Zack_ , but the other person. 

Sephiroth, right. 

That name still didn't mean much of anything, but he knew what the presence meant. Dominant. Almost, the realisation pulled him out of the comfortable, _easy_ space he was in, but Zack's presence, nestled closer than the other, kept him where he was. Because Zack would have said if the other dom would be doing anything, so it was fine. 

And anyway, Zack was _right there_ , distant and yet not - the presence that had been dim in the back of his head for... a while now, was brighter, _clearer_ again. It was as reassuring as Zack's physical presence, so the buzz of conversation continued to flow over him but meaning nothing.

At least it meant nothing until Zack said his name again and he belatedly acknowledged it with a questioning hum.

"I'm going to take a shower. Sephiroth will keep an eye on you, but you just continue to do exactly what you're doing, okay? That's all you need to do."

Confused unease warred with the ease of simply listening to the commanding, _comforting_ weight in those words, but the latter finally won out. He wasn't going anywhere, wasn't _supposed_ to do anything else, and Sephiroth wasn't supposed to do anything either. The towering weight of Sephiroth's presence was... comforting in its own way, too. He could easily let himself be swallowed by it and be fine, but it wouldn't happen. Sephiroth was only there to make sure he was okay. That was fine.

"Yes, sir."

"Thank you, Sunshine."

It was only three words, one of them a nickname, but they made his chest glow and his head feel light. Settled him deeper, and he couldn't remember when he'd felt this good - it'd been a long while, at least. 

Zack didn't even go far in the end; if he concentrated, he could hear the faint rush of water from where the bathroom was across the room. Concentrating was hard, though. He was fine, and if something happened, there was someone else here to help. Zack wouldn't have handed him over if he didn't trust the man to do what was right, and Cloud felt better about it the longer nothing happened, Sephiroth remaining sitting in the chair behind him. 

He knew it like he knew Zack's presence, but the difference was staggering; in contrast to Zack's bright, firestorm warmth when it was applied, Sephiroth's was a subtle, aloof pressure - like an approaching thunderstorm, if a thunderstorm might be a person. Contained power, but it was kept firmly under control.

Then Sephiroth moved, but as he came around to kneel in front of Cloud, the brief tension of heightened awareness bled back into the distant, soft space. The light was playing down the length of Sephiroth's silver hair in a really fascinating way, actually. He almost wanted to reach out, but the stiff weight attached to the warm leather around his wrists reminded him he shouldn't (couldn't) move. Cloud settled back just as Sephiroth slowly reached out, only touching him enough to tap a finger under his chin, calling Cloud to raise his eyes.

"Cloud?"

That, he should actually respond to. Sephiroth's eyes were cool and vivid green, with a warm-ocean tint to it at the right angle--- Right, he had something to respond to.

"Sir?"

Something around Sephiroth's shoulders eased, and for some reason that made Cloud pleased, but he didn't move. Not that he _could_ , but that wasn't the point. The finger still under his chin but not touching his skin twitched sideways, towards the side where his bun was, but remained in place.

"What are your safe words?"

It took a beat or two, and then he remembered the answer to that, and he felt, for some reason, even more comfortable with Zack not being immediately close (even if he was aware, in some way, that if he yelled, Zack would burst back out here wet and naked, if he had to). Something about that he didn't actually have any right to safe words right now, but Zack had _insisted_ , and that Sephiroth was honouring that...

"Ifrit, Shiva and Odin, sir."

"Good," Sephiroth said, voice warming a shade as he withdrew his finger and stood back up, walking around him to settle back in the chair. Cloud didn't even mind that the man was behind him, now. It actually felt strangely _companionable_ , in a distant way, Sephiroth having put one of his feet just short of touching the spreader bar between his ankles while they waited for Zack to come back out. When he did, Sephiroth almost stood up, but Zack said something, voice firm - it made _Cloud_ want to listen, but the weight in it hadn't been directed at _him_... Why not, though, because as far as he could tell, if he had to try and think about it, why would Sephiroth listen to Zack in the same way _he_ might listen to the command in Zack's voice? They were both doms, right..?

It was a fleeting thought, however, as both Sephiroth and Zack settled back down, Zack's foot resting on his calf again. That was all that mattered, his mind and body both weightless even as it was weighted down by the weight on his back and the leather around him. But that was fine. Or it _was_ fine until something slowly started to tug on his awareness, piercing through the fuzzy ease in his head.

The carpet was still soft, but it suddenly didn't seem _as soft_ as it'd been when he first got down on it. It didn't really make sense, but as if in response Zack stood up, and soon there was only Zack's presence in the apartment again. Zack kneeling down with a hand against his side, steadying him as his voice washed over him in an encouraging rush, wrapping around him and pulling him out and upwards slowly, as the weight on his back lessened and then disappeared.

Zack felt better than he had in days - in _weeks_ , even, or maybe longer than that. He hadn't exactly planned it, but after meeting Cloud he hadn't really gone looking for a sub. He'd flirted, and some things had happened once or twice, but nothing that had developed further. Cloud had nearly always been able to give him _something_ , however unintentional it was for either of them, with that potential bond between them... 

The potential bond which had bloomed back open again, Zack realised, breath catching in the back of his throat as he knelt down beside Cloud, and that felt _fantastic_. That settling back as it had been before, potential _almost_ fully realised, wasn't how he'd noticed the first twinges of aching fatigue from Cloud, however. _Any_ good dom could notice that sort of thing.

So he quickly removed the decanter and the glasses, the game controller he'd been using earlier, a few magazines and then his disorganised and half-full polishing kit. He paused there, however, hands smoothing over the black plastic tabletop for a second. Felt the resistance that was Cloud underneath it, perfectly folded and still, even with the warning signals still there in an occasional tremble or two. 

Cloud just... looked so good.

And he made sure to _tell him so_ as he stuck his hands underneath the tabletop and Cloud's back and started on the buckles. That he'd done a good job, _great_ , even. That he looked fantastic and beautiful like this. It was all true, of course. He wouldn't say anything that wasn't true, just find another way to express a good job done. But he also did it because Cloud's breath hitched each time he praised him, and Zack hadn't missed he'd started to grow hard the first time he'd praised him earlier, and had stayed that way, throughout this. He'd make sure he wouldn't say anything about _that_ , though, since while he was sure Cloud would, in the end, be fine with Sephiroth having been here, he might be a little too twitchy about it if he realised he'd ended up aroused and someone other than Zack was there.

But that was part of the beauty, wasn't it? Definitely part of the reward for _Zack_ , and anyway... Cloud wasn't the only one suffering. 

Sephiroth had given him such a _look_ when he'd been let in, but he'd just waved it off. It was his problem, and the fact that it now even _was a problem_ was a reward in itself. His body just hadn't been able to react like it usually would while Cloud had been tied in knots (metaphorical instead of literal, unfortunately), the last few days, but _now_...

A little smile quirking his lips, Zack ran his hands along the straps crossed between Cloud's arm and thigh on the side he was on, enjoying the view of dark leather against pale, but faintly flushed skin. The cuffs around his ankles and wrists, the straps around his upper arms and thighs... He'd had to admit he'd had more than one fantasy about the thigh strap the tonfa was attached to on the infantry uniform, which might have been where this idea of the crossed straps had come from at all. Cloud had very nice thighs, so why wouldn't he?

Shaking his head, he removed those and went for the spreader bars next, and carefully urged Cloud to stand up. 

"Come on, that's it. You can sit down again, just a few more steps, Sunshine." Smiling at Cloud as he was met with a hazy, almost pouty look on Cloud's face, he got him to sit down on the couch and took care of the harness and then the cuffs. Snagged the blanket draped over the back of the couch and tucked it around Cloud before he knelt back down and went over Cloud's legs with his hands, steadily massaging.

The sigh that erupted as Cloud slumped back against the couch pulled a chuckle out of him, but it was more rewarding than it was funny. Cloud had done an exemplary job, honestly. He'd expected him to hit his limit far sooner than he had, but maybe he should've expected that. 

Cloud was stubborn, even when he didn't even _consciously_ mean to be. It was probably what had led to him messing himself up in such a short time, so why wouldn't it also be what made him perform so well when he actually _let go_?

Going for his arms next, Zack got up and got another glass for Cloud, coming back to realise he'd fallen asleep at some point while he'd been working on the massage, but that was fine. He just put the glass on a slightly precarious perch on the couch arm and sat down beside Cloud on the couch - didn't even have to pull him close as Cloud turned towards him in his sleep, curling against his side and dropping his face into the crook of Zack's neck. 

His heart skipped, and this time, it felt like he actually could enjoy it, as he was enjoying the warm euphoria of having Cloud responding to him as he had the last few hours. Arm around Cloud's shoulders, he undid the bun and started to run his hand through the long, golden hair, revelling in the feeling. Glad Cloud hadn't gotten to the point of cutting it to a more switch-presenting length.

Cloud needed to drink and eat something, and he had to explain what his solution to the corporal punishment was, why Sephiroth had been over and why he'd actually _handed Cloud over_ , however briefly, but... that could wait a little, couldn't it? 

They'd both deserved this breather, Cloud more than anyone.

Turning his face, Zack buried it into Cloud's spikes and sighed into the soft strands, kissing his scalp. Against his side, Cloud mumbled something unintelligible in his sleep, and melted into him, fitting against him like he _belonged there_.

And damn the planet, Zack was going to make sure he _did_. Maybe not tomorrow, or even the next week or anything, but as soon as the readjustment was over, he would. Because while he certainly didn't mind indulging otherwise, since he had confessed and Cloud was clearly interested, Zack didn't feel like actually doing something about their potential soul bond was something that should be done while under constraints like the readjustment. Besides, Cloud needed a chance to feel comfortable in himself again. Just _one_ deep-dive into subspace would not do that, no matter what stunning results it had brought.

A small hand fell to his waist, and Zack smiled into Cloud's hair and tucked the blanket more firmly about him. 

A few more minutes before he woke Cloud wouldn't hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also if anyone has any suggestions of when this fic might warrant a higher rating, throw them at me? I'm uncertain whether we've hit that yet, or if outright sex is when a rating change would be warranted...


	11. A Step Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to deal with the issue of the corporal punishment, as much as neither Cloud nor Zack likes it. In return for the previous day, good and bad, they have a soft morning.

"You did _what_?" Cloud hissed, only stopped from twisting around by Zack tightening his grip on Cloud's hair where he was braiding it, deciding to go simple since most of the day had already passed anyway.

"Handed your---"

"I _heard you_ , but why _Sephiroth_?"

Zack heard what he couldn't see; Cloud's flustered embarrassment heating his voice, Like Zack was doing this to personally inconvenience or embarrass him somehow. Which wasn't it _at all_ and he sighed, tugging gently on the hair in his grip.

"'Cause I can't hand that part of your punishment over to someone of lesser rank than me, so Kunsel's out. I don't trust anyone else that's available, and I'm _not_ putting you at the mercy of the corrections officer. Sephiroth's going to be quick and correct about it, following the letter of the punishment... and I got a feeling he doesn't agree with it anyway, so he ain't gonna do any more than he absolutely has to. And... he, uh, don't mind it like I do." Zack frowned, shrugging. Didn't like thinking about it, but in the end it was better this was in the hands of someone he trusted, no matter if they might take some enjoyment out of it, rather than someone who thought Cloud needed to be broken into shape.

Cloud was stiff in front of him for another few seconds, and then slumped, a soft, frustrated sigh escaping him.

"... Yeah, fine. That's... definitely better than the other option. You couldn't have _warned me_ , though?" Cloud grunted and Zack imagined he was glaring at some spot in front of him and chuckled, tugging on the almost-finished braid in his grasp and earning a grumbling 'hey!' from Cloud.

"'Cause I'd like to imagine I have _some_ idea of your limits by now... your _actual_ limits, not the refusal to do _anything at all_ and fighting both yourself _and me_. I thought you handled Sephiroth _fine_ , Cloud. Really well, actually."

"... I guess. I just---" Cloud did a weird cross between crossing his arms over his chest and hugging himself and... and was Cloud's ears turning _pink_? Staring down at him, Zack was torn between a very primal need to suddenly stake his claim and deep-seated, fond amusement. Tying off Cloud's braid with the little brass feather ornament again, Zack leaned forward over Cloud's shoulder, turning his head so his lips barely brushed Cloud's ear.

"Do I have competition?" he murmured against the delicate pink shell and Cloud shivered against him, then started upright.

"Wh--- _no_! I just... it's..." Groaning, Cloud sort of sank into himself, fingers digging into his arms, and Zack felt sort of bad for putting Cloud on the spot. At the same time, that tiny spot of jealousy was soothed by the same reaction. Sephiroth was... _Sephiroth_ , and he didn't blame Cloud that he felt something for the stunning man (hell, he should be honest and admit that he could definitely relate). But _because_ it was Sephiroth, it was also hard to not let that jealousy run away from him. "You're, _you_ , Zack. I wouldn't, um..."

A pause, Cloud staring at some distant spot on the opposite wall, and Zack huffed softly, sliding his hands around Cloud and spreading them out over his thighs, near his knees. Felt Cloud relax a little after a startled moment, both like and unlike what he might have done _before_ all this, and wild pleasure sang up through him. He could do this, and Cloud would slowly get back to being more comfortable with himself again, and so would actually enjoy it as he usually would. He could do this _because_ he'd told Cloud he _definitely_ liked him. So he waited patiently, rubbing his thumbs over soft, pale skin, but didn't move his hands down towards Cloud's body. Later.

"... Wouldn't, want anyone else here. It's just..." Another shrug, and Zack decided to take pity.

"It's _Sephiroth_. Yeah, I know. Kinda agree, too," he whispered into Cloud's ear and then drew back enough to drop another kiss into Cloud's spikes, still a little mussed from where he'd slept against Zack's shoulder. He could've brushed them out, but it felt like proof that the afternoon actually had happened, that Cloud had finally gotten to this point, so he was loathe to remove it. "I was thinking take out again today. You deserve it."

Cloud snorted and pulled away, stretching before he slid off the couch and shot Zack an arch look.

"Are you just trying to make me feel better about having to go up to Sephiroth's apartment later?"

"Hey, _no_!" his cry of slightly exaggerated offence was met with a soft little chuckle and Cloud's eyes brightening, so that was worth it, "you deserve it for _being good_ this afternoon, okay? That's why."

And watching Cloud turn pink and look away, a softness in the blue of his eyes that hadn't been there just a second before, before he darted off to get his pants, made it even better. Zack grinned and ran a hand through his hair. Remembered how Cloud had reacted every time he'd praised him earlier, and filed that away. He'd have to remember to do more of that. Should, either way, but _definitely_ would if it would cause Cloud to react like _that_.

Later that evening, after a dinner that had been just as terrible and greasy and _good_ as take out always promised to be, Cloud couldn't even feel particularly pleased that he'd been tossed a t-shirt to wear. Not with Zack holding the leash and knowing it wasn't going on just for some time inside the apartment. 

No, it was in Zack's hand because they had to _leave it_. And he didn't want people to see that. He didn't care about it _in here_ , could now actually appreciate again that it would give Zack something if he let him attach the leash and _that_ was mostly why he'd liked the idea at all and had encouraged Zack about it earlier. But _outside_? Where people could see and judge and _make assumptions_ from it, completely aside from the fact that readjustment didn't _let him_ leave the apartment without Zack on the other end of the leash?

That still made him want to dig his heels in, embarrassed and angry both. It felt almost freeing, actually, to still have something he didn't like to happen, and could now be sure that it was _actually_ what he thought about it. That didn't change what needed to happen right now however, and Cloud threw a sideways glare towards the door.

"It's not even _that far_. Couldn't we... chance it?"

Zack snorted and ruffled his spikes, a wry, lopsided grin gracing his face, but it didn't light it up like his smiles usually did.

"Nope. I mean, if it was just up to _me_ , damn yeah we could. But if someone saw us and that went around and ended up in the wrong ears, it'd just end up with _you_ getting punished _more_ and possibly me losing being in charge of your readjustment. So no, we're not chancing _anything_. Sorry, Sunshine," Zack said with a little twist to his mouth, and not even the flutter to his heart accompanying that nickname could make the sympathy threaded through the command in Zack's voice better. Didn't help that if it was up to Zack, he _wouldn't_ make him go out in public at the end of a leash.

"Hey," Zack hummed softly and dropped his hand from his hair, gently tapping his chin with his knuckles, "what about, I have a look out the door and we leave when it looks empty... and take the stairs? Like you said, it's not _far_ , and you'd get some exercise."

" _Yes_! There's only so much I can do in here..." Groaning, Cloud met Zack's sympathetic smile with a grimace that turned into a small smile as well. He'd been trying to exercise as much as he could inside the apartment, and obviously it would be a lot easier to do so if he felt more comfortable, especially now, to go out with a leash. But he didn't, so he didn't actually want to spend time outside. His problem obviously, but he'd been starting to feel a little cooped up even before yesterday, and there was still a week and some days left to this... and that only if they decided the readjustment had been effective enough. Cloud suppressed a shudder and hoped that whatever they'd want as proof wouldn't be too... much.

"That's a plan, then!" Zack grinned and snapped the leash into place, and they paused at the door for several minutes while Zack stood pressed against the wall and peeked out of a crack between the door and the wall like this was some sort of secret stealth mission, giving him exaggerated thumbs down every time there was apparently someone out there. At the end, right before Zack smiled and gave him a thumbs up, it was _very_ hard to not laugh about the whole thing. 

Still didn't mean his amusement didn't dry up as soon as they left, and he couldn't help looking around - remembering well that he'd managed to glare angrily at the floor when they'd walked from his cell to Zack's apartment a few days ago, ignoring anything and everything, but he couldn't find the sort of Zen that had come with that state of mind. Mostly because he felt a little better, and didn't actually want to draw on it, since he'd used Zack as a scapegoat.

They reached the stairwell soon enough, though, and the air in it was sharp and cool. Breathing out, Cloud flashed Zack a small smile and they set off. It felt nice, actually being able to stretch his muscles this way. Normally using the stairwell would've been avoided at all costs, but right then Cloud felt like he'd have enjoyed walking the whole way to the bottom and then back up. 

Zack stopped before he swiped his card in the reader on the 50th floor and turned around. The look on his face caught Cloud's heart, but he didn't know what to say, so Zack was left in peace to skate his cheekbone with a few fingertips before his hand dropped to his shoulder and squeezed.

"You actually okay with this? I..." Zack didn't continue, which was just as well, but the helpless little shrug was nearly as bad as if he _had_ said he would _totally_ put himself in the position of continuing to carry out the corporal punishment if Cloud would deal with that better. Cloud shook his head, the words easy now.

"Still not sure 'bout the _Sephiroth_ part, but, if that's the best it's gonna get, I can deal with it," Cloud said slowly, trying to ignore the part that was shyly but not so quietly _very interested_ in the fact that Zack had gone to Sephiroth. 

Because he'd rather have met the man in some other way than this - than on his hands and knees and Sephiroth quietly asking him what his safe words were - he wanted to _impress him_ , and not... in any way related to his dynamic. On another hand, it didn't... feel quite right he was okay with this in some way, because _Zack_. Zack deserved to be the only one... but this was something that was going to happen regardless of what Zack could deal with or not, and if this kept Cloud away from the corrections officer and floor 52? Yeah, he'd _definitely_ take it. 

"Thanks, Zack. You're not, doing badly you know."

The smile on Zack's face lit his insides like always and gave him enough of a push to not start to sink inside of himself until they'd gotten out of the stairwell, walked down the corridor to Sephiroth's apartment and the door closed behind him, Zack leaning against the wall outside. 

_Then_ , as he stared at a spot on the floor that was just as polished as the rest of it, Sephiroth coming around from closing the door to stop in front of him, Cloud caught his bottom lip between his teeth and clutched his elbow in one hand. It didn't even help he _had_ met Sephiroth earlier that day - being in subspace was such a particular experience it was really never useful for navigating how you were _normally_ \- or had, however briefly, met him all those months ago... wasn't like he'd really _talked to him_ back when Zack showed him off.

It didn't even really help that he could feel the weight of Sephiroth's presence weighing down even when it was _restrained_ , because if there was one thing that was true was that Cloud Strife refused to make anything easy on himself, and if he couldn't come to Sephiroth's knowledge in a way he'd _prefer_ he'd do so while at least not folding like the most delicate submissive out there. And weirdly enough, _that_ decision felt good to come to too. To remember he'd thought the same back when Zack had walked past with Sephiroth and brought attention to him. 

Straightening up and dropping his hand from his elbow, Cloud raised his chin and met glowing green eyes.

"Good, Strife."

Blinking in surprise at the cool but still _encouraging_ tone, Cloud hoped he wasn't blushing. It probably wasn't an actual compliment anyway, and... he hadn't really done anything to _earn it_.

"... Sir?"

"Zack was right about your potential," Sephiroth said with a small shake of his head, tilting it so his bangs covered most of his face. Cloud only saw the faint quirk of his lips because of the angle he was looking at him from, and thanks to Sephiroth standing relatively close. Another step or so away, and he wouldn't have seen it. He might have been too distracted to notice anyway; as it was, the only reason he didn't let _that_ get to his head was because it _still wasn't_ the way he'd wanted Sephiroth to notice him. So instead he grimaced and looked away.

"... Wasn't exactly, what I'd had in mind," he muttered and then instantly regretted it, ducking his head as uncomfortable heat flooded him. A pale, long-fingered hand reached out but didn't touch him - it barely brushed the air above his shoulder, but it _did_ drag his gaze back to Sephiroth, if reluctantly.

"Perhaps not," he said with a shrug, and the nonchalance almost hurt, "you might be surprised how this sort of strength translates, however."

For a second time in short order, Cloud was reduced to staring silently, blinking wide-eyed up at Sephiroth as he gestured towards the rest of the apartment.

"I believe this wasn't what you were here for, however. Come."

And what with not quite braced for it thanks to his surprise, there was nothing to do _but_ follow that command as Sephiroth led the way out of the hall and through the rest of the apartment, into a small room beside the bedroom. 

The abrupt switch to a more businesslike approach was... almost a relief, despite that it felt like a failure - a more mundane, regular one and he was _almost_ happy to feel it - to have followed Sephiroth so... easily right after he'd praised his strength. It was a fleeting thought however, as he was more distracted by the room and the _equipment_ in it, though curiously enough most of it seemed to not have been used even once.

"Here. I think this will do," Sephiroth said, calling Cloud's attention over to a simple, padded sawhorse of a sort as he patted the closest side of it and eyed him in a way that sent a twisting rush of... something, down his spine. He almost felt guilty, somehow. "Just lean over it and hold on."

Exhaling softly, Cloud closed his eyes briefly and nodded. He could do that. Somewhere, he'd been half-convinced this would come with one of those other pieces of equipment, being fully strapped down and... 

And okay, that was a little ridiculous. 

Zack had chosen to go to Sephiroth for a _reason_ , after all, even if there were other constraints to his choice to take into consideration. He'd just... let all the stuff in here get to him and apparently unconsciously come to the assumption that Sephiroth would prefer something like that. With all of the equipment seemingly untouched, however, that was a little ridiculous--- he was stalling. Opening his eyes again, Cloud ducked his head away from the stare aimed down at him, a slim, silver eyebrow raised.

Sephiroth stepped away from the padded horse and Cloud stepped up, then paused, tugging nervously at the hem of his t-shirt.

"What about, my clothes---" Faint heat crept through him, but Sephiroth waved a hand as he retreated to a dresser, pulling one of the trays out.

"Just pull your shirt up a bit and drop your pants enough so nothing gets caught," Sepiroth said, then turned around and presented a paddle with a tilt to his head and a questioning quirk to his eyebrow. Cloud eyed it and nodded before he reluctantly did as told and then leaned over the padded horse, grasping the bottom edge on the opposite side. 

He didn't--- like this, when it wasn't Zack. However, this was still better than the alternative, and there was real, honest relief that he wasn't up on floor 52, with a probable audience as well as the corrections officer. Sure, the paddle Sephiroth had pulled out was closer to the sort that would be standard use up there, but _that part_ was okay. Zack using his hand had been all right because he knew Zack, but now Cloud wondered if it wouldn't have helped him if they'd used some sort of implement instead of adding the direct intimacy of using his hand to a situation that was already affecting Zack badly...

Sephiroth came up behind him, a few strands brushing his bare thighs, and Cloud tensed, right before a few fingertips brushed over the small of his back, pressing down just slightly, and then Sephiroth relaxed behind him. 

Not physically, but rather the distant weight of his presence was no longer really _distant_.

"Count for me, Strife." Soft, inexorable, but with no shade of smug eagerness; the dispassionate tone was exact and professional. Reassuring, in a weird way, and Cloud thought of Sephiroth asking for his safe words earlier that day, remembered the sincere lilt in the words... It was a quite clear demonstration why Zack had thought Sephiroth was a good choice. He really wouldn't do anything that wasn't strictly necessary, with no more intent than fulfilling the letter of the punishment.

"Yessir."

It was both easier and harder with it being Sephiroth instead of Zack behind him, but if nothing else - the weight of the hand that held the paddle lacked any sort of trembling tension. 

It was firm and steady, and Cloud was sure he could take it. 

It wasn't like he actually felt particularly (at all) guilty that he'd faked his reassessment and all the time and effort he'd made other people lose and put in as a consequence. Or, at least that's what he'd _thought_ , but partway through he was thinking of Zack, and that it was his fault Zack had had a drop the other day, and if he _hadn't_ done any of this, if he'd just accepted things as they were, then Zack wouldn't, wouldn't have--- his next breath shuddered in on the count, coming out in a stuttered exhale and he _was not_ going to cry, but Zack hadn't deserved to be put through what he'd offered himself up for.

Zack shouldn't have had to suffer like that just because Cloud had been an _idiot_.

"Good boy," Sephiroth's voice was strangely warm as it washed over him, and his next breath wavered as well. Got sucked in _almost_ wet as he finished the count, and then the hand at his lower back planted itself in the middle of his spine, heavy warmth radiating out over his shoulder blades for a beat. Then Sephiroth stepped away and Cloud grimaced down at the floor, scrubbing his face and feeling both weirdly _light_ and really rather annoyed as he put his clothes to rights.

"H-how the _hell_ did you, _do that_?" Cloud hissed, stuttering to an awkward, flustered stop as he _carefully_ turned around because at this point the days the punishment had been given were adding up _and_ Sephiroth was... thorough. He hadn't intended to, but Cloud somehow found himself looking up into green eyes that were warm and the pupils distractingly round for once. Otherwise, there was no difference at all to reveal Sephiroth's reaction to what he'd done, and his shrug was easy even as he looked away, the open expression on his face flattening out some.

"It's hard to properly punish someone when the punishment seems ill-fitting for the supposed crime committed, but even so..." Sephiroth paused, tilting his head so his bangs slid sideways, partially obscuring his face again. It couldn't hide the fact that he'd just admitted he thought the _reason_ for the corporal punishment part of his overall punishment was something he didn't agree with. If Cloud wasn't still feeling awkward and almost _naked_ in a way, despite being fully dressed again, he'd be smug. "I cannot know what you may feel guilty for."

Staring up at Sephiroth, Cloud grimaced. That was... true. He'd definitely been feeling guilty for having put Zack in that position, even if Zack had also _taken_ said position with both hands and had refused to admit there was a problem. And with Sephiroth clearly capable of doing this properly (unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how one wanted to see it), it meant he'd managed to get at Cloud's actual guilt... 

Grunting softly, Cloud wasn't sure whether he felt resentful or weirdly grateful.

"... Thanks, sir. I guess," Cloud muttered, then startled at the soft, muffled sound that escaped the man, who now looked properly away and cleared his throat. Had he just... _laughed_? Cloud had no idea what to do with that knowledge, except he felt weirdly pleased to have amused him.

"Let's get you back to Zack."

At least Zack didn't mind (or pretended he didn't mind) that he didn't want to be touched, either as he came out of Sephiroth's apartment and Zack clipped the leash back on, or when they were back down at Zack's. It was probably a good thing Zack had gotten used to that during the evenings since readjustment had begun, so he knew that Cloud preferred to just sit next to him but not touching, right then, so he didn't need to explain it. 

Still, he kept glancing at Zack, worried the different way in how the evening had gone would affect him, but Zack seemed... fine. Even if there had been that awkwardly tense question if _he_ was fine in the stairwell, and he'd had to assure Zack that _yes_ he was _fine_... Maybe he was just lucky their soul bond was only potential just yet, with base awareness of each other, instead of full, if limited, empathy. He didn't _want_ to talk about what Sephiroth had done. Wouldn't make Zack feel any better anyway if he'd picked up on any of those emotions, and he _was_ feeling better, so why slog through all that?

Cloud wasn't sure which part of this day was responsible for it, but he slept better than he had... for a good, long while, that night. Even the ridiculous and kind of rickety cot didn't change that fact, which made the difference all the more stark. And maybe a little annoying, with half a day between _now_ and coming out of subspace. But as Cloud pulled himself upright the next morning and listened to the distant rush of water from the bathroom, he... couldn't deny he felt a lot better, even disregarding the better sleep.

Rubbing his face, Cloud snagged his pants - Zack had spirited away the t-shirt after they got back yesterday, _of course_ \- and as he struggled into them, his gaze landed on the brush and comb Zack had been using the last few days to comb his hair with. 

Smiling a little, Cloud had picked them both up before he quite thought about it, then looked down at the items in his hand, shaking his head. He didn't understand why Zack took such _pleasure_ from doing his hair. 

Was that normal? Was it just _Zack_? 

Because while there were lots of scenes of submissives getting ready in movies that included doing their hair, the sub was usually doing that _themselves_ (he knew mostly because his mom loved the sort of movies those sort of scenes cropped up in), not having their hair done by their dominant, unless whatever hairstyle needed another angle or a second pair of hands. Scrunching his nose, Cloud wondered if he'd get it if he returned the favour. Would Zack even agree to that..?

Feeling awkwardly _shy_ suddenly, Cloud crept out into the main room and sat down on the couch, fiddling with the comb while he waited for Zack to come out. It seemed a bit... too stereotypical, but now that the idea had occurred to him, his brain didn't want to let go of it. And hell, if he wanted to do something like this when Zack already had been doing it for days, then he _could_ , right? Mutual, and all that.

"Hey, Spike!" Zack came out with a towel still over his hair and scrubbing away, a smile on his face even as he arched an eyebrow past the mussed, wet strands clinging to his forehead and cheek. "I think you're sitting in the wrong spot, though."

"I'm not," Cloud said, shaking his head and waggling the comb he'd been worrying just earlier. Floundered for a beat or two, because Zack's bright eyes on him were as distracting as the faint moisture still clinging to softly brown skin, a thought he _almost_ interrupted before he remembered it was okay to get stuck on things like that, now. "Can I... I, um. Could I brush your hair, first..?"

Pink heat warmed him up from the inside out, settling in his face and burning the tips of his ears as he ducked his head and looked away - but not before he saw Zack's pointed look blank out and then turn into a brilliant smile. He wasn't sure if it was the lightning in here or what, but he could swear Zack's cheeks were a little ruddy, too.

"Well, I'm not about to say no to _that_ , Sunshine."

Of course Zack wouldn't mind it at all. Staring down at the wild, still-drying mop of black spikes in front of him as Zack sat down as easy as you please, broad shoulders relaxed even if he couldn't exactly _sit still_ , Cloud didn't know what else he'd expected. It was almost a little funny, he supposed, but again it also made him feel a little awkwardly... stereotypical. _Taking care of his dominant_ \- but Zack was doing the same thing, and had been trying far more than could be expected, because he was _Zack_.

"I can't believe you, you know," Cloud mumbled, just shaking his head and pushing Zack's head back down and facing forward when he tried to look up at him, a silent question on his face, "nevermind. Just... sit still."

And Zack just laughed, reaching behind him to squeeze his shin before he leaned back against the couch and... again, he didn't really sit still, but it wasn't anything that interfered with Cloud combing through his hair, starting at the bottom to get at the clumps of hair there, reaching far past Zack's shoulders... far longer than it should be, and Cloud tugged it gently, grinning.

"Hey, Zack? How come you get away with this? No one noticed it's longer when wet?"

Zack froze and coughed, shrugging.

"No one that's tattled to superior officers at the time, and Angeal never cared," he said, an attempt at nonchalance that couldn't quite cover his unease, and Cloud's grin fell off for a grimace.

"It, looks good either way, Zack. You prefer it this way..?" Well, logically he would if he hadn't cut it shorter, which would make it the actual proper length for a dom even when wet. Choosing his next section of hair to attack and paying attention to where the divisions were for his spikes, Cloud focused very firmly on the hair in front of him instead of the angle of Zack's shoulders. Wished he hadn't said anything - or, at least not _as he'd said it_. 

He hadn't meant to make Zack uncomfortable.

Something which was still obvious in the pause before Zack said anything, shrugging again. Pulled at the thick, soft weave of the handmade rug, still laying on the floor, though now between the couch and the coffee table.

"Well, honestly, if it were up to me, I'd keep it longer," Zack said, and for once, there was a certain amount of caution in his voice, a softness that wasn't usually (if ever) there, because Zack was open and bright and always put himself forward. Except for now, apparently, and Cloud stared down at the crown of Zack's hair, his hands continuing to work while his brain paused, skipped, and then picked up again, an image of Zack with longer spikes flashing past his inner eye.

"... You'd look good, whatever you chose, Zack," Cloud said slowly, voice soft. Hoping it was the right thing to say, and when Zack tilted his head back and smiled up at him - smaller, softer than the usual big, blooming ones - he could swear his heart didn't just skip a beat, it jumped up into his mouth. 

It made him want to... do something else. 

Something _more_.

"Thanks, Cloud. Never... quite seemed worth the fight, is all. I've just kinda missed the length since my ma cut it off shortly before I left for Midgar." Zack shrugged, some of the tension in his posture bleeding out, and the thought from earlier struck again.

He really wanted more. 

He wasn't _how much more_ , and he wasn't sure what Zack might want either, because he hadn't said anything except for the confession at the start of this. Hadn't said anything aside from the vague 'we'll talk about it later', but Zack was soft and open right now, and Cloud could, in awkward but telling contrast, remember that Zack had definitely been hard, yesterday. 

Hell, _he_ had been too (he'd been hard _with Sephiroth in the room_ and he was going to _kill_ Zack), so clearly they _both_ wanted more. And it seemed like, right then, Zack might _need_ something more, too. Not that... he was very good at providing what was _needed_. Never seemed to be able to, but...

It was an impulse.

If he'd actually thought about it, he wouldn't have done it right then and there and in that awkward position, but Cloud _didn't_ think about it. With Zack's head already tilted back, Cloud leaned down, just tightened his hand in Zack's hair to _keep him there_ , feeling awkward and determined both. Also feeling a little like the _right thing_ , the _correct_ thing to do would be to wait for Zack to decide he was ready for a kiss, or whatever. He didn't care to do that however, and he didn't think Zack would _really_ care or feel like he was a bad sub for acting first.

So before he could think more than that, he pressed his lips to Zack's soft, dry ones. 

Caught the flash of Zack's blue, glowing eyes widening before he was too close to see anything but Zack's chin and arched throat, and closed his eyes then. Because there was a large, warm hand threading into his hair, tangling around the long strands and then pulling the mass up into his spikes as well and keeping _him_ in place as the grip tightened. 

It turned his stomach to liquid gold when Zack tugged a little, pulling him down more firmly against his lips.

"Cloud..." Zack sighed against his lips as he pulled back a little, still close enough their breath mingled and he could feel him speak, "you know you didn't need to do that to cheer me up, right?" It was teasing, but there was also a note of seriousness in Zack's tone, and Cloud rolled his eyes. Tried to pull back so they could have this discussion _properly_ , but Zack's hand tightened, his scalp prickling in response - prickles that washed down his spine, and Cloud relaxed again, even if the tingling sensation was anything but relaxing.

"That _wasn't_ why I did it," he said while trying to glare at Zack, but even glancing aside, all he could see was the arch of a cheekbone as Zack's grip meant he couldn't even turn his head. Grunting softly, he shrugged. "I wanted to. And you weren't... um. Doing anything."

Heat prickled his cheeks again as Zack smiled against his lips.

"Sure I was. But, I wasn't sure you were feeling well enough to go here yet... But if you _wanted to_..." Another smile, and Zack tugged him down that infinitesimal distance needed to swallow him in a kiss again. 

Cloud felt it all the way down to his _toes_ , and his head felt light. The presence of Zack in the back of his head seemed huge just then, hovering but unmoving, and then he opened his eyes and found himself not leaning over, but rather pressed into the back of the couch, Zack kneeling on the seat cushions and hovering above him, hand still in his hair. His lips felt soft and tingly when Zack finally pulled back and smoothed his hand through his hair, letting go of them in the same motion.

For a moment Zack just looked down at him silently. Cloud met his bright blue, mako-ringed stare for a beat or two before he had to look away, heat bubbling in his gut and Zack leaned in to sort of follow him and rested their foreheads together, their breathing synchronous. He didn't linger long, though, but straightened again with a shake of his head.

"All right, down on the floor with you. Your hair's a _mess_."

" _Your_ fault," Cloud said with a snort, and Zack snagged a handful of his hair just as he stood upright, forcing Cloud to freeze as he tugged it, then let go.

"No sass from _you_ , Cloud Strife!" Zack laughed through his reprimand, and Cloud didn't mind at all sitting down in Zack's previous spot on the floor.


	12. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We take a step back to Zack and Sephiroth's conversation(s) while Cloud was otherwise busy in chapter 10, plus some musings and remembrance from Zack regarding the lack of advice he's had through this whole situation.

_Almost two years ago._

"... and with Lord Godo handing over the Leviathan Rod to General Sephiroth and submitting to the seven strikes - one for each year of the war - Wutai has formally surrendered. While it remains to see if this is genuine submission, ShinRa will of course not insult such a show of proper correction to former hostility by not accepting it with all the dominant grace such submission inspires. We have been informed President Shinra will fly over to Wutai in a week to formalize the surrender and building a system of oversight for the future." The newsanchor, young, smartly dressed, and with a narrow, elegant collar around her throat to match her suit, looked up with a bright smile for the camera.

"And as always, General Sephiroth is a study in fair-handed dominance and a reflection of ShinRa's generosity and willingness to see submission given as genuine; the royal treasure - we're told it's over twelve hundred years old! - is now being handed back to Lord Godo to be returned to its case for safe-keeping. One wonders if it has met many other royal backs and bottoms through the years---" She suppressed a not quite sweet titter and shot the screen a wide-eyed look before she smiled sharply. "General Sephiroth and Commanders Hewley and Rhapsodos will of course remain until after negotiations over the surrender have been concluded, though one should hope they will all be given a well-deserved vacation after! Talking of vacation, the weather in time for winter break..."

_Yesterday._

If there was one thing Zack wished he could've had (wished he could _still have_ ) during all this, but _especially_ during the first few days of Cloud's readjustment, it was Angeal's advice. It wouldn't be happening of course, and by this point, with Cloud on his hands and knees holding up the tabletop, Zack hoped he wouldn't need it. Hoped he was doing the right thing, that this would set Cloud back where he needed to be... Hoped he would have the knowledge and instinct as a dominant that he'd be able to do what Cloud needed after this as well. Hopefully _without_ throwing himself head first into another drop.

Rubbing his foot against the strong, rounded calf it was resting on, Zack frowned at the screen, only half paying attention to the game while he waited for Sephiroth to show up. He still wished he could have Angeal's advice, but since that special mission where he and Genesis had been sent to Wutai as 'observers' to keep Wutai pacified, there'd been no contact except for a very few, official reports regularly sent back... by Lord Godo's request. In the interest of at least _appearing_ to care about Wutai's opinion after ShinRa's takeover, the request had been granted. So, as good as that was for peace, it'd left Zack without any real way to get advice.

Not that he _hadn't_ gone to ask a few other people at the start but, well...

(Kunsel.

"Not sure what I can do, Zack... I mean, if you want _examples_ and older cases where readjustment was ordered and anything like that, I can give you _that_ , but as for the _rest_..." Kunsel had shaken his head, then tilted in a way that meant his eyebrows were raised underneath his helmet. Zack had caught him on the way to a training session, so no chance to get him to take his helmet off. Not that it was that necessary; he knew Kunsel well enough to be able to read him by now, but he certainly preferred to be able to see his face. "I don't know the kid, Zack. _You_ do. And I'm pretty sure I don't have the right temperament for something like readjustment either, so you're on your own."

"But Kunseeel..." Groaning, Zack had slumped over, then looked up at Kunsel from below, clapping his hands together and had given him the best puppy eyes he had. Of course, Kunsel hadn't been impressed.

" _Not_ a time that's gonna work, Zack. If there's actually something I _can_ help with, I will, but _this_..." he'd shaken his head, tone wary, a little consternated, "I wouldn't even know where to start, and I wouldn't want to make things _worse_."

"... Me either." Another groan as Zack had rubbed his face, straightening up. "Just... give me all you can on readjustment, then. I'll take a look at it. Probably _won't_ help but any idea of what's been done before and how it was treated is a good idea, I s'pose."

Kunsel had clapped him on the shoulder and promised he'd find it for him, which he _had_. Not that he'd checked _all_ of that information right then, but it had been useful (if just as a forewarning, giving him firm ideas of what he _didn't_ want to do), and might yet be.

Aerith.

"Oh no! You deal with your own problems, Zack Fair!"

"Wh--- _Aerith_!" He could admit that even _now_ her tone still made him wince - back then, he'd actually flinched. Something of an apology on the tip of his tongue to make up for however asking her had offended her, but he had also felt a little hurt she was so dismissive, phrasing it like _that_.

And then he'd gotten his nose flicked while she had snorted, shaking her head.

"You misunderstand, silly! It has to be _you_. All you. He trusts you, doesn't he?"

She had looked at him then, in that way - bent over, arms behind her back, head cocked - and he'd been drawn into a smile, as reluctant as it'd been. It had made him briefly wonder why they hadn't lasted, even if he knew very well _why_ ; Aerith was just a little bit too dominant-leaning as a switch for it to work between them with no buffer, no _third_ to balance them out and soak up both of their need to command. He'd fantasized about it more than once – random, faceless subs at first, then after he'd met Cloud, soon it'd been Cloud, there. But he'd had no idea if that was a good idea, or how to even broach it, so he'd dropped it. Probably easier, that way.

"I'd like to _think so_ , anyway," he had said, and Aerith had snorted.

"Oh, _definitely_ , then. Otherwise he wouldn't have agreed to this. So it _has_ to be you, and I know you can do it. You got me out under open sky, didn't you?" She had smiled at him, pretty and bright and _teasing_. It'd been Zack's turn to snort, then.

"Oh, sure, but you'd have done that _yourself_ , sooner or later. You didn't need _me_."

"Hmmm. But not _when_ it happened. And then I'd had to wait a lot longer to take my business above-plate! Now I sell a lot more flowers. So I absolutely did need you, then and there, Zack," Aerith had said with another one of those little smiles, and he'd laughed, pulling her close for a one-armed hug.

"All for you and spreading your expensive flowers to people who actually can pay, of course!" He'd paused, dropping his hand to tug on her short braid, eliciting a cry from Aerith as she'd twisted away from him. "I still can't believe you tried to sell me a flower while I was laying in a whole patch of them!"

Laughing, she'd winked at him, her smile sly.

"Well, they were _all_ mine, so it doesn't matter how many of them you were laying in, _and_ you could pay for them! _I_ can't believe you gave it back to me during the date!"

Their laughter had swung up towards the rafters of the church and then she'd shaken her head, reached out to plant both her hands his his shoulders and squeezed, then she'd pulled him into a hug herself.

"Trust me, Zack, you have all you need to help him. You just have to trust yourself, too. And not push yourself too far!"

He hadn't understood the admonishing tone or look she'd given him, back then... and he wouldn't say she'd known what would happen and chosen not to warn him more explicitly, but he could believe Aerith might have known that _something_ that would affect him badly would happen. She had a sense for things like that. So he'd thanked her and went off to buy the things he'd wanted for Cloud's hair, with no more advice than before.)

He was dealing without it, of course, and maybe he wouldn't have needed any even if he'd gotten it, from Angeal, Kunsel or Aerith. But if he had, maybe he and Cloud could've gotten to this point without yesterday. Without _days_ of Cloud practically slamming himself against the walls his own mind had erected. 

Zack dropped his gaze away from the screen, down at the shiny plastic tabletop the cord to the controller was winding over. Looked closer to the edge, and saw the the black straps stretched between Cloud's upper arms and thighs, dark against both pale skin and the pale carpet. No trembling, yet.

Maybe, if this... actually worked, even halfway as well as it seemed to be, _maybe_ Cloud wouldn't mind (might even welcome) taking things further. Not the _soul bond_ ; that he refused to even acknowledge until they were finished with ShinRa's stupidity about the punishments for Cloud's 'crimes', but, well. Go further than the little touches so far, the ones Cloud leaned into as much as he _rejected them_ , sometimes without even meaning to.

Sighing, Zack looked up to the falling tone tooting out from the game and grimaced. Game Over. Well, whatever. He hadn't exactly been concentrating on it for the last hour or so. Not that he had concentrated on it much even to start with; Cloud where he was was _very_ hard to ignore, and he kept checking back to see that he was alright, too. But the tension in the calf where he was resting his foot never changed, and at some point it'd even become _more_ relaxed.

Bending down to check on Cloud only confirmed that, and the way he was responding... 

Well, Zack was dearly frustrated by the circumstances. He didn't actually much care for this particular way of doing things, and he doubted Cloud did either, but it was, at this point in time definitely _working_ , and Cloud was beautiful.

There was a faint little blush spreading over his face and downwards, his eyes were nearly black and... well. Zack resisted the urge to adjust himself, especially with the sharp, precise cadence of Sephiroth's knock on the door. Maybe he _should have_ , though, or made _some_ sort of attempt at making things less obvious, because Sephiroth took one glance at him and looked away, head tilted so his bangs hid his face more than they usually did. Didn't hide his arched eyebrow in time, though.

"If you're busy, I can leave."

"This is _important_ , Seph, so no. _Come in_ ," Zack snorted and waved him in, the words coming heavy and warm, matching the way he felt. 

Matching the vague sensation he had of Cloud in the back of his head, indistinct but _there_ as he hadn't been for over two weeks. He felt _settled_ , and while Sephiroth frowned at him, he didn't protest, either. There was still tension in his shoulders, but that was familiar and expected; it was hard to get Sephiroth to relax. But that was one of the reasons he _was_ here, as there was more than one thing that was important, right now.

Sephiroth stopped as he caught sight of Cloud, so neatly folded under the tabletop and just as easily holding it up. It was obvious when the sight made Sephiroth _respond_ , pulling on his dominant nature and tugging it outward from where he usually kept it firmly tucked up. Zack nodded to himself and exhaled evenly, because right then, the sight and faint sensation both set his teeth on edge _and_ made him smile, bright and relaxed, because this was _his_ doing, aside from what was Cloud finally relaxing.

"I apologise, it's---"

"It's okay, you know. I wouldn't expect you _not_ to react. You can sit down, Seph." Waving at the chair as he went to pick up a second glass, he watched Sephiroth shift on his feet, showing a hesitance he wouldn't allow himself out in public. His gaze flicked down towards where Cloud's legs were sticking out from under the tabletop, held in place by the spreader bar then along the sides of the table, and finally to the TV. 

Zack _almost_ told him he could sit down again, but bit down on it; with Sephiroth, you had to be patient. Ease him into it, but be insistent, and half of it was letting him go into it by _himself_ , too.

Finally, as he came back to the table and picked up the decanter, Sephiroth sat down with a controlled, blank expression on his face and carefully turning his legs to the side so he wouldn't be touching either of Cloud's feet, the spreader bar between them, or his ankles. _That_ wasn't why he smiled at Sephiroth as he handed the glass over, but that did reinforce his decision, and that Sephiroth was the right person for this.

"Thanks, Seph."

Sephiroth opened his mouth, then closed it without saying anything. Merely looked away, head tilted in _that_ way again. Patient and slow was the way to do it, while having this other discussion, too. Both of those topics pulled on his nature anyway, already roused and filling him to the brim like a heated potion, so it worked out.

"Okay, so..." Grimacing, mostly because he didn't want to think about this topic, he sat back down onto the couch, feeling a sense of warm ease when one bare foot met Cloud's calf. Tense, but not _trembling_. Strong but relaxed. Good. "Cloud got corporal punishment aside from the readjustment."

Sephiroth peered at him from over the rim of his glass and nodded, sharply precise but with a slight downturn to one corner of his mouth. Not _quite_ a sneer.

"Considering what they accused him of, I'm not surprised," he said quietly, and didn't continue. Zack nodded and let out the breath he'd been holding.

"Yeah. And it's either _me_ , or someone higher up who has to do _that_ part. I can't have someone of the same rank or lower administer it, or it goes back the corrections officer." There was no way to hide the way his tone curdled at those last two words, and Sephiroth raised an eyebrow in silent question.

"He doesn't have the right attitude. Cloud doesn't---" Gritting his teeth, Zack shrugged. No need to get into it. "It needs to be someone who can go through with the punishment but not _break him_ , Seph. I want you." He'd have said 'not hurt him', but Sephiroth would just have looked at him blankly, with a shade of irony to his expression, and said that _hurting_ was what happened during corporal punishment or impact play. So he avoided that phrasing, and now Sephiroth was staring at him, brilliant eyes slowly darkening. Glanced down at what he could see of Cloud, then back up. Sephiroth was now frowning.

"And you want _me_? I think you're overestimating me." Cold, self-recriminating irony like a whip-crack, but at least Cloud seemed to be deep enough he wasn't paying attention unless something was directed _at him_. 

Good. 

He really didn't need Cloud to be affected by that tone of voice and maybe be pulled into a drop, right now. Not when things were going so well. Zack shook his head and leaned forward, putting his glass back on the table - couldn't resist gently pressing down on the tabletop to feel the resistance underneath before he put his hands on his knees and met Sephiroth's eyes.

"I know _exactly_ what you're capable of, and I _trust you_ ," he said, and quickly continued before Sephiroth could so much as open his mouth to try and refute him, "you're not going to punish him for the _wrong reasons_." Zack let his presence bleed into every syllable as he spoke, pinning Sephiroth with his intent and sincerity both, but he could see he needed something... more. So he smiled and stood up. 

"I need to take a shower. Take care of him for me, would you."

Not a question; it was offered trust as much as it was a command, and the breath Sephiroth sucked in shuddered gently. Hopefully he hadn't pushed too soon, but sometimes Sephiroth _needed_ a push. The man thought he would hurt others if he so much as breathed wrong sometimes...

"... All right."

He shot Sephiroth a brilliant smile and then knelt down to make sure Cloud knew where he was going and that nothing had changed; all he was supposed to do was exactly what he was doing.

It still took some effort to convince himself to leave for the bathroom, but this was important. For Sephiroth, for several reasons. For _Cloud_ , and for himself too. To make sure he'd be able to leave Cloud alone with Sephiroth later. Something he was having trouble with while still in the same apartment; it was very tempting to hurry through the shower, so very aware of the soft fuzziness of Cloud's state of mind right now. That perfect, relaxed glow of subspace. It was precious, and he wanted every second of it. But there was a point to this, and Cloud wasn't alone, so even if something did happen, he would be all right.

So Zack forced himself to if not linger, then take his time. To methodically go through every part of showering without dashing through it. By the time he came out, dry and dressed, Sephiroth was sitting in the chair behind Cloud, far more relaxed than before and even with one foot just shy of the spreader bar. 

Smiling at the sight, Zack checked what he could see of Cloud, and he seemed relaxed, still, too. The sense of him was still floating bright in subspace. Zack was surprised, actually, considering everything so far, because Cloud had managed to stay there for an impressively long time by now... He wondered what the difference was, because surely it couldn't _only_ be this method of trying to coax Cloud to relax, as much as he'd like to _hope_ so.

Sephiroth standing up as he came around to stand by the table scattered his train of thought, and he crossed his arms over his chest and arched an eyebrow.

"He's very---" Sephiroth cut himself off and looked away. Shook his head minutely and turned back, tilting his head, "I will leave you two to it."

He could see Sephiroth would leave in the next second, and that was as much time as he had to plan and then react.

" _Sit down_ , Sephiroth." The steely, but _warm_ weight of his words flowed out like they weighed nothing; they carried his whole presence in them though, and he felt Cloud's attention shift just slightly, then settle again. Sephiroth had stiffened, vivid green eyes narrowing to flashing slivers. They stared at each other and Zack didn't move, didn't change his expression. Just kept himself open and determined. Not _quite_ pushing, but...

Sephiroth finally closed his eyes, his weight shifting infinitesimally back on his feet, his shoulders dropping just so as he folded. Fit himself inside the space given.

"If you insist, Zack."

Watching and remaining standing until Sephiroth had sat down again, Zack smiled and made sure Sephiroth didn't just _see it_ when he opened his eyes again, but _felt it_ , too.

"I rather do. _Thank you_ , Seph."

And seeing Sephiroth tilt his head again was a gift, as much as _Cloud's_ submission was a gift as well, and his finally fitting himself back into his skin was a relief; Zack felt like he could've taken on the world, right then. 

What he did was sit down and rest his foot back on Cloud's calf, feeling supremely relieved and happy that all the important things he'd wanted to accomplish today had been. The only thing left would be making sure Cloud was okay when he came out of subspace, which would probably be pretty soon. Until then, however, there was still Sephiroth in that chair, and Cloud holding the table.

Both things precious and given in their own way.

***  
 _Readjustment should be considered a last recourse, for submission should be given freely. Where that is impossible due to the submissive having, through whatever trauma, rendered themselves unable to follow through with their nature, readjustment should be a careful but thorough reminder of said nature. As such, readjustment means the submissive is brought under the dominant in all things, even moreso than whatever the state of society and laws currently prescribe, as nature must always trump such affectations as **civilisation**._ \- Musings on Submission and Society

_... it shouldn't be forgotten, however, that dominants may be as vulnerable to twisting their nature out of course as any submissive; dominance is neither faultless nor effortless, and denial of one's nature may lead to understandable trauma and might necessitate assistance in realigning the dominant nature. As such, readjustment is not, as many would think, the purview of a traumatized or rebellious submissive only, but may be effectively used for certain issues of dominant trauma as well._ \- Applications of Readjustment in Mental Health and Criminal Punishment


	13. Breathing Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a pause between Cloud finally settling back into himself and the next thing they need to deal with. It's not _quite_ tied up with a bow at the end, but almost.

He got his clothes back that morning ( _all_ of what Zack had brought up in a neat little pile under the cot, since Zack had so far been leaving out what he'd be wearing for the day each morning). It was a huge relief to just... be able to do something as mundane as shuffle through the scant amount (not like he had a lot of clothes to start with) and decide for _himself_ what to wear. If there were still bits that sat wrongly inside, one more of them slid into place as he pulled jeans and a t-shirt out of the pile and pulled them on.

Of course, _that_ didn't mean he got away from Zack gesturing him to sit down on the floor in front of the couch, but... Cloud really didn't mind this part, honestly. It wasn't just surprisingly relaxing, having Zack brush his hair and weave his fingers through it as he pulled it into some new configuration, it felt... good, to let Zack do it. To just submit to it. It wasn't like it mattered _that_ much, and it both felt nice and made Zack happy, so why not?

Still...

"Don't _touch it_ ," Zack said, clucking his tongue and snagging his hand to pull it away from a braid that sat against his scalp, low behind one ear and snaking up into his spikes, with the leftover of his hair filling the spikes out. Why Zack was so determined to go overboard with this, Cloud didn't understand.

"What's wrong with a ponytail, anyway? Also, you know I'm not gonna do this when we're--- back to normal?" Cloud pretended his throat hadn't closed up there, because _back to normal_ meant he'd be going back to his platoon, meant going back to a grind that would now have no chance of changing--- Gritting his teeth, Cloud looked up to meet Zack's eyes upside down as he pouted down at him.

"Why not? You look _great_ like this - with anything at all more complicated, and you just leave your hair in that low tail all the time." Zack grimaced as he stood up, then turned him around after he'd followed suit and led him around the couch to the kitchen island. Cloud just rolled his eyes, and almost said something teasing but meaningless as he hopped up on one of the bar stools. Almost, but then paused, rubbing his thumb along the edge of the kitchen island's top.

"... I'm not, gonna do that, 'cause it's _your_ thing, Zack," Cloud said, not looking at him now. He hadn't ever really cared - of course he knew how to braid his hair, that wasn't hard and a braid made things easier sometimes - but it was also a little that in the pictures of her when she was little, his mom had her hair in a ponytail, and of the one picture he'd seen of his dad, he had it like that, too. So no, he'd never felt any urge to do it differently than that, but... it clearly mattered to Zack. And _that_ was mostly why he _definitely_ didn't want to do it himself. "If you're not doing it, I'm just gonna wear it like I usually do."

"But Cl---!" Zack cut himself off in the middle of that protest, seeming to actually _process_ what Cloud was saying, and slowly the frustration softened and morphed into a smile, bright enough to make his stomach twist and flip. "Actually, yeah. Thanks, Cloud. I think I like that."

Even if it meant it'd happen less often when things went back to normal and they _both_ had schedules again. But it'd happen often enough, and it'd be... what, _proof_ of things, right? That things had changed now--- Cloud didn't even pay attention to the mug Zack put down on front of him, his stomach twisting, wondering if Zack had _really_ realised what he'd _meant_ with the kiss yesterday.

"Zack, this is... I mean, we're not... gonna go back to normal, when this is over, are w--- mff." The last little bit got muffled when Zack leaned forward, practically _devouring_ his mouth, and tension he hadn't even noticed, even _beyond_ the knot in his stomach, dissolved.

"You think I'm gonna let you go, after you showed me what it could be like, yesterday?" Zack grinned, a sharper one than his usual smiles, his eyes dark past the faint glow of mako and shook his head, the thumb on Cloud's lower lip gentle. "Forget it, Sunshine."

Zack straightened back up and cleared his throat, the almost hungry look in his eyes fading for a more familiar concerned look.

"... If that's what you want, I mean."

Odin, they were circling around each other, having the same worries even when he'd just said he _didn't_ want things to go back to how they were before, weren't they? Cloud shook his head, a lightness inside him that bled out into a small smile.

"That's what I _said_ , wasn't it?"

But it felt good to have reiterated it, in a way that was more than just his annoyance over Zack not _doing anything_ about the fact that they both were attracted to each other. Relaxing against the kitchen island, Cloud _would_ have reached for something to eat, finally, except there were nothing in front of him aside from his mug. Frowning, he glanced to Zack.

"Remember your birthday?" Zack said with a mischievous tone but with an expression that was bordering on awkwardly hopeful. _That_ was mostly why he didn't say 'we _didn't_ do anything on my birthday!' past the momentary confusion because they _hadn't_ , and then his brain caught onto what Zack meant, because there was a plate of toast on Zack's side, with jars of jam and honey and for the second time in short order his stomach twisted and flipped, but this time it was good.

Clearly, if he'd just been a bit more patient and not let his insecurities get to him, Zack would've gotten around to presenting his own version of asking 'do you want this to be more permanent?' Since so far, even if Cloud was pretty sure that Zack _could have_ gone for hand feeding him with how readjustment worked, Zack hadn't done that.

Had left it as something that would actually _mean something_ , and the little knot in his gut turned to butterflies.

"... Yeah," he said slowly, voice soft, and swallowed. Bit down on a shy smile and turned in his seat so he was facing Zack and cocked his head. "You gonna do it _properly_ this time?"

"If you're gonna question my methods you'll be eating by yourself, you brat," Zack said, but the smile on his face belied any intention of pushing their breakfast supplies (well, some of them. They'd need more than just _toast_ , admittedly) over so they were between them. Instead Zack reached for one of the jam jars, slow and deliberate.

Not slow enough the urge to tease Zack again turned into action - well, aside from the tilt of his head that was still lingering, and an arched eyebrow - but slow enough he watched Zack's hands move with some annoyance. He _was_ hungry after all, but he didn't reach out to snatch anything. Closed his eyes instead and listened to the clink of the knife against glass and porcelain.

"Cloud."

Twitching a little, he opened his eyes and met a small, bright look on Zack's face as he held a wedge of toast with blackberry jam on it. Cloud tried to pretend there wasn't suddenly tension crawling up his limbs. Sticking his hands between his thighs, he cocked his head again and obediently opened his mouth, the wedge of toast gone in two bites. Zack tapped his chin with a little grin and shoved basically a whole slice of toast into his own mouth in the time it took Cloud to drink from his mug, and he snorted.

"I know you eat like a pig, but you know, if you're gonna force _me_ to eat this slow--nfm." Glowering at Zack, he still bit off half of the wedge Zack had shoved into his mouth with a smirk and chewed it.

"SOLDIER don't eat like regular people, Spike, I thought you knew this by know," Zack chuckled and shook his head, introducing the second half of the wedge before he could decide to say something about _that_. 

But he suddenly didn't feel like it, gaze dropping down to where Zack's feet were twined around the legs of his barstool - and still twitching, like he was trying to swing his legs back and forth despite having made sure he couldn't. SOLDIER, yeah. Ate like the world was ending whenever there was food (or rather, _Zack_ did), but could also last longer _without_ eating. Just meant they needed more later. Things he knew, but now would _never_ \---

"Eyes up front," Zack said, voice firm and dragging his attention up as well as his _spine_ , making sure he straightened back up and reluctantly met faintly glowing blue eyes. "Attention on me, okay?"

Maybe he had to swallow heavily before he nodded, and maybe he held a hand up to pause Zack and hid himself in his mug for a few more seconds, but Zack's other hand landing on his knee and squeezing drained the knot building in his gut, and the sweet burst of the honey on his tongue was at least a _little_ distracting. Zack tapping his nose helped, too, as well as the thumb along his jaw for a moment before he went for another wedge.

Zack's other hand stayed on his knee, though, and Cloud was firmly pulled from the dark turn his thoughts had tried to take by something far more pleasant creeping in. Zack was a lot more touchy, he realised, on top of the careful hand feeding him bits of toast, intent and intimate both, and once again he remembered the slightly softened pieces of chocolate Zack had been handing over - _almost_ a year ago, by now. Would Zack remember, this time?

Meeting the bright eyes over the edge of his mug as he took another sip, Cloud wrestled down the urge to say something. If Zack remembered _and_ they had the time (and he wasn't still stuck in readjustment), they would surely do something. If not, then _not_. Zack had still, even a week or so late, managed to make his previous birthday far better than he'd ever expected it'd be without his mother there.

... Talking of mom, he should, maybe, send her a letter about _some_ of the things that had been going on.

That would be for _later_ though, as Zack brushed away a tiny smear of jam from the corner of his mouth before he could get it, and slid off his bar stool to get to the more _substantial_ part of their breakfast, and if his eyes lingered on the relaxed line of Zack's broad shoulders, well... he was allowed, now, wasn't he?

It seemed things like that - reminding himself he was _allowed_ to look - and Zack's touches becoming far less innocent and there just being _more_ of them, plus the kisses (to his ears, cheeks, pulse-point above the collar, lips of course) was the biggest change over the next few days, because the pattern fell back to what it'd been the first few days. They didn't really do anything in particular, but that just underscored how much better he was feeling.

The collar didn't feel wrong; there was no constant, angry churn somewhere in the back of his head that was evaluating every single little thing Zack did or _he_ did or thought to try and decide if he had to _show him_ he couldn't just do whatever he wanted, that he had to assert himself; there was no defensive, offended resistance when Zack gently made him kneel down on that fluffy carpet still in front of the couch after they came back from Sephiroth's apartment one night (and after he'd actually shifted closer to Zack when he felt ready to do so), and they watched most of a movie like that, Zack's hand carding through his spikes. 

They'd also gone into the stairwell more than just in the evening to go to and from Sephiroth's apartment, just to let him _move_ , and while the production Zack made of it every time to make sure no one would see them was a little... ridiculous, it was massively gratifying every time, that Zack would go through the trouble. It was, also, admittedly rather fun, too.

It was nice. It felt more like a private bubble of existence instead of a punishment (even with the evening visits to Sephiroth), and when Zack came into the room when there was only two days left with a long, thin rope coiled in one hand, hair still wet after having showered after the training session he'd left Cloud in the apartment for, all Cloud felt on seeing that rope was a faint rush of anticipation.

"I was thinking we should try something easy, to, y'know... _tie things up_ now that we're hopefully at the end of it," Zack said a wide smirk and he didn't have wait for Cloud to groan, rolling his eyes and giving him a flat stare. For his bad pun only, instead of the suggestion or for the presence of the rope, and that only reinforced that Cloud really _was_ better.

"... Yeah. I think, I'd actually like that," Cloud said, a small, shy smile on his face that Zack thought he wouldn't ever get to see again, but it'd made its reappearance in the last few days. It was a relief as much as he was _selfishly glad_ to see it; it was small, but it lit up Cloud's face in this particular little way, and it'd been _torture_ every time he'd been graced with it before. Now, when he could go over there and tilt Cloud's chin up and lean down to brush a little kiss against those smiling lips like he'd wanted to do every time before, it was a gift.

Pulling back, he slid a hand down Cloud's side and smiled at the little shiver that elicited, the twitch of muscles following his hand and the disturbed fabric of the t-shirt.

"Okay, so how undressed do you wanna be for this?"

Seeing Cloud blink, expression briefly dropping into surprise, was both pleasing and shouldn't be necessary, but readjustment did make it a surprise that he'd allow him this... Or, hell, maybe Cloud was surprised for the question _at all_ , readjustment or not, which was... a little frustrating, but not unexpected. But he didn't intend this as leading into anything else or becoming _more_ , right now. He was fine with the kisses (more than fine, it was very difficult not to spend every single second right now with Cloud pressed up against something and kissing him), and touching him... but he didn't feel comfortable taking this further while they were under the restraints they were right now, even with Cloud not fighting his own nature any longer. He did _not_ want to tie further intimacy into this situation, just yet.

"Um..." Cloud rubbed the back of his neck, frowning at the floor as he ducked his head and his bangs fell over his eyes. It was hard to resist to reach out and try to brush the hair out of the way to give himself a better view of those pale lashes lowered over brilliant blue eyes. Zack waited though, until Cloud glanced up at him again, head cocked. "... keep it all on?"

If that had been a question and Cloud _hadn't_ been stuck in readjustment, he'd have immediately broken it all off and put them down to have a talk, wondering if the Eastern Continent's (and ShinRa's) attitude to things was messing Cloud up. As it was, he still didn't _like it_ since he had already asked, but smiled anyway and stole his free hand out to ruffle Cloud's spikes, which, as usual, was the only part of his hair that was free to touch. Cloud, of course, gave him an indignant scowl and tried to duck away - a little too late.

"Absolutely! I'll move the coffee table, and if you just sit down for me..." Giving Cloud a wink, Zack suited action to words, waiting until Cloud sat down, if not without a little arched-eyebrow look thrown up at him, and he was _so damn relieved and happy_ to see all those pointed little looks from Cloud again, without any underlying tension or hostility. "Comfortable?"

"This carpet is really thick, so _yeah_ ," Cloud said with a good-natured huff, still watching him. Intent, now, bottom lip caught between his teeth, and they may both be fully dressed for this, but his nerves were buzzing, watching Cloud - so very different from a few days ago. He'd still been acting on the hope that it might help without knowing _that it would_ , back then, and his arousal had been a surprise and a response to _Cloud_ reacting to what was going on by getting turned on. 

Now, though...

Smile deepening, he squatted down in front of Cloud and grabbed his ankle, and Cloud helpfully tipped his weight back to rest of his hands, planted behind him.

"Say, Zack..?"

Looking up from where he was fishing for the end of the rope, he squeezed Cloud's ankle and cocked his head. Cloud hesitated when he saw he had his attention, rubbing the carpet under his hands with one of his hands, but finally huffed softly.

"I was wondering, the carpet? It's handmade, isn't it? Does it, y'know... mean something?" Cloud seemed embarrassed for asking, but that he was interested enough _to ask_ set Zack's heart alight, even as he used his free hand to scratch at his scalp, chuckling a little awkwardly.

"Yeah, it is. It's something the dominant parent gifts a dominant child when they become an adult... Pa had it made by the time I was thirteen, since it looked like I was gonna present pretty early, so I took it with me." 

He should've asked. Should've left it there to give himself some incentive to maybe _visit_ when he had the time, to come pick it up _then_. But he'd been so intent on getting into SOLDIER and leaving as soon as possible, and he'd not wanted to have an argument with his parents... _and_ he'd felt entitled to the rug, even if he didn't think he'd be using it the moment he came to Midgar.

Should've done the way he'd left differently in many ways, but it was several years too late by now. Maybe he should send them some sort of letter, at least, 'bout what'd been going on lately, especially with this development with Cloud...

"It's really well-made," Cloud said, small smile quirking his lips, and the warmth in his chest spread further, chasing away the awkward memories and let him beam at Cloud, reaching out to brush away his bangs.

"Thanks, Spike. All right, you ready for this?"

Ridiculous question honestly, considering the willing softness of Cloud's limbs and the way his faint awareness of Cloud in the back of his head was nearly _vibrating_ , it seemed like.

"Promise I won't interrupt any more," Cloud said with a snort and a teasing lilt to his voice, and Zack leaned in with a huff, brushing a kiss light enough against soft lips he felt Cloud try to follow him when he pulled back, but he soon subsided.

"It's not _interruptin'_."

It really, really wasn't. But it also felt good to have his focus narrow down to the rope in his hands, cool and smooth, and start with tying it off around one ankle. Wrapped it with careful attention twice more around the ankle, just to feel the rope _move_ , and Cloud's muscles underneath his hand tense and flex with the light pressure of the rope.

Pushed Cloud's leg back until it was pressed against his thigh, ankle resting up against the firm muscle, and pulled the rope over and around the thigh several times. Wound the rope back to the ankle and then pulled it across to the _other_ ankle, repeating it with the same deliberate movements. Cloud was now staring at him (he could feel his gaze, both at the top of his head, and the intent awareness Cloud was directing at him through the suggestion of their nascent connection) as he tied his legs that way, leaving him wide open at the front. The position _was_ probably rather incongruous with the fact that Cloud was still fully dressed, but it helped keep his focus, for now.

This was only about what was going on right now; about the way his hands moved and the rope stretched. About Cloud remaining still as he tugged at the hem of his t-shirt with a wink, then pulled it down so that when he wrapped the rope twice around his waist, one hand flattened against Cloud's stomach to feel him flex his building muscles there, the rope was above the shirt, fabric bunching up a little around it, folds radiating out from it.

It looked nice. Even if, admittedly, the dark, thin rope would've looked even better against Cloud's pale skin, but the _tease_ was just as good. The whole thing was settling deep into his muscles and bones, warm and heavy but giving him a strength that had absolutely nothing to do with his enhancements or basic muscle strength. 

Right now, he could've been weak enough for Cloud to easily overpower him, and Cloud would _still_ have weighed nothing to him as he helped him tip forward to lay on his front, checking the coils of rope around Cloud in passing before he settled behind him and to the side, at one hip, tapping his lower back.

In response, one arm was lifted back for him, and Zack grinned when he heard the little catch of Cloud's breath when he grabbed his wrist. Squeezing it, he rubbed his thumb against the thin skin on the inside of Cloud's wrist, watching as the tips of Cloud's ears turned red. 

Grin widening, Zack exhaled slowly before he pulled Cloud's arm back a little further, holding it straight as he wrapped the rope around it and _yeah_ , the dark colour of the rope did look real nice against Cloud's pale skin. He didn't regret letting Cloud decide to keep his clothes, because it felt important that Cloud got to have some sort of active participation in this. He'd just miss the lost opportunity, but there'd surely be time to have Cloud naked _later_. Humming softly, he got the other arm held out to him as he tapped Cloud's lower back again and tied it together with the other wrist.

Paused there, eyeing the stretch of rope that so handily went between Cloud's ankles, then back up to his arms, and considered. Had to shift where he sat before he focused on wrapping the diminishing length of rope criss-crossed between Cloud's arms, pleased at the contrast that created. 

Wound it twice around Cloud's upper arms when he got there, then thread the rope between the criss-crossed stretched all the way back down past his bound wrists, tying the last bit to the rope between Cloud's ankles.

Sitting back on his heels, Zack just sat there for a few. It wasn't anything _complicated_ , but adding the frog tie and the criss-crossed stretches of rope between Cloud's arms were nice little touches to the hog tie, he thought. 

_Very nice_ , in fact, but he ignored the tingling pressure of his burgeoning arousal and reached out instead, brushing light fingers along one of Cloud's legs, followed the rope to trail up an arm, then slid a fingertip along the criss-cross, squeezing Cloud's wrists when he landed back there.

Cloud's breath was deep and even, despite the slight arch of his back, and it stood in such stark contrast to when he'd tried this early on last week that it felt like his heart got uncomfortably squeezed for a moment. He was lucky to be here, to be given this, but more so, he was relieved Cloud had settled, now.

Could relax again and enjoy something that clearly did as much for him and it did for Zack.

He was just concerned, now, what the end of readjustment would bring. Not either of them going back to _normal_ and just adding the way their relationship had changed, but rather how to convince the judicial committee that two weeks had been enough. What sort of proof would they demand, and would Cloud be _comfortable with it_? Zack grimaced, shaking his head. Probably not, so the question was - was there some way to minimise what the committee might ask for, _beforehand_?

Possibly.

That was for _later_ though. Right now, there was _this_ ; Cloud spread out on his stomach on the rug, arms and legs pulled back and up behind him, trussed up and _relaxed_.

"Cloud?"

A beat, Cloud's even breathing turning into a faint shudder on the next exhale and he tilted his head up, causing Zack to lean sideways and forwards a little, just to see the way the collar (pity it wasn't _his_ , as impersonal and professional as the current one was) closed around the stretched arch of Cloud's throat.

"Yes, sir?" Soft and slow, the response turned Zack's stomach into a firework and he smiled, shifting where he was squatting still, and squeezed Cloud's wrists again. He'd never much liked being called _sir_ as part of his rank, in the line of _work_ , but like _this_ it felt like it meant so much more...

"How're you feeling?"

Pink lips pulled into a small smile, and the glint he spotted of Cloud's blue eyes were unfocused and bright. 

" _Good_."

And what was he supposed to do in the face of that response but shift his hand down to the rope going from Cloud's wrists to his ankles, pulling on it to force Cloud to strain a little further back, deepening the arch of his back while Zack leaned forward, his other hand coming up to tilt Cloud's chin back, and kiss him.

Deep and slow, it set his nerves on fire, and there was a quiet offer in the way Cloud opened up under the kiss. In the end, he straightened up and let go, letting Cloud slump back into his previous position and rubbed along his shoulders, no matter how tempting that offer was.

"You're doing fantastic, Sunshine. Thank you." And maybe it wasn't quite fair of him to whisper that right into Cloud's ear, voice a low rumble, but he was suffering (so good, though), so Cloud could suffer a little as well. He behaved after that though, simply enjoyed the plateau he'd landed on from using the rope and watching the stretch of it around and over Cloud's limbs, the warm presence of Cloud, both where he was right in front of him and in the back of his head.

Zack wondered what it'd feel like if the soul bond was properly established and allowed to bloom out in full, but that, too, was for later. A _lot_ later than just getting past the hurdle of the readjustment period, he thought, no matter how tempting it was to ask if Cloud wanted to do something about it the second they came out of the hearing and it'd hopefully gone the way they wanted. But for _that_ to happen, there was a question of somehow showing that Cloud was 'sufficiently' settled back into his dynamic.

Zack thought about it as he untied Cloud later and sent him off for a shower. Thought about it while they (for once) made dinner instead of getting take-out or Zack going down to the cafeteria to pick something up, even if that meant he had to rescue part of their dinner from Cloud absent-mindedly and accidentally nearly ruining it. Thought enough about it that Cloud was definitely side-eyeing him by the end of dinner, head cocked and an eyebrow arched.

"Okay, what _is_ it? You look like you're gonna run out of braincells, thinking that ha--- _Zack_!" Squawking, Cloud's attempt to fend him off was stymied by the fact that they were sitting at the kitchen island and Cloud clearly didn't want to fall off his bar stool or send _both_ of them to the floor (as if he'd let that happen). Zack only pulled back and let go when he'd thoroughly abused Cloud's spikes _and_ given him a few tickles as well, their barstools creaking and swaying threateningly.

"If you're gonna toss stuff like that around, you get _punished_. You should know that."

"Uh-huh." Cloud's unimpressed snort and dirty glare was a gift. "So what _were_ you thinking about?"

Clearly no way to get out of it, but maybe better to deal with it now, before it was tomorrow or before he had to get Cloud up to Sephiroth. Sighing, he ran a hand through his spikes.

"You're not gonna like it, Spike," he said and was pulled into a reluctant little grin at Cloud's expression, which told him amply that he'd not liked a lot of things going on lately, "all right, all right... So... I was thinking, 'bout what the committee might ask to prove you're sufficiently... well, _readjusted_."

"... What?" Cloud scowled, then frowned, one hand straying up to finger at the collar around his throat. "Wouldn't it be enough to just... _tell them_ how things have been going--- No, it won't, will it." Cloud cut himself off and then continued, coming to the same conclusion Zack had. Cloud's gaze dropped down to his plate and the bare leftovers there, scowling again and sinking in on himself.

"Hey..." Grimacing, Zack reached out, squeezing Cloud's shoulder and both regretting bringing this up and knowing it was necessary. Cloud didn't shake him off, but he didn't look up either. "You can do this, Spike. It might not be _fun_ , but if we plan things right, and do something we can present in the right way that'll make even more of an impact even if it's _simple_ , then maybe they won't ask for anything much when we're in front of them."

Cloud grit his teeth as he stared at his leftovers, then reluctantly looked up at him, bangs mostly shielding his face still. "... What were you thinking?"

Cloud was _definitely_ not going to like this, but... unfortunately, that was part of the point. Zack just dearly hoped Cloud wouldn't be so aversely affected by it that subdrop would happen.

"That I could take you out in the tower over lunch."

"But---!" Cloud snapped upright, eyes wide and leaning away from him, then he stilled. Stared at Zack silently for a moment that dragged out and Zack did _not_ like the pleading light in those eyes. It wasn't the _good_ sort of pleading, the _fun_ kind. It just made him want to hide Cloud somewhere, so they could avoid dealing with the end of readjustment and the judicial committee. Sighing, he brought up both hands to Cloud's shoulders now that he was facing him more instead of the kitchen island, and held him there.

"Remember, you've got your safewords. I think you can do this, but if you _really_ can't you just _tell me_ \---"

"And deal with what the judicial committee think I need to do instead," Cloud said sourly, shaking his head, "and that's if they even think this idea would be _enough_."

There was that.

"If you don't think it will be, we won't do it this way, okay?" Letting go of one shoulder to tap Cloud's chin, he smiled at him even if Cloud didn't look up to meet his eyes.

"... No. I think--- it's a good idea." Cloud finally looked up, and the tension around his eyes and in shoulders wasn't something Zack liked to see there. It certainly wasn't the same sort of tension that had held them stiff when he'd first seen Cloud in the cell after being handed responsibility for his readjustment. Wasn't the same tension that had lingered until things had gotten better, but it was still the sort of tension he would rather suffer dropping for again rather than see it on _Cloud_. 

Unfortunately, this seemed to be all he _could_ do for Cloud. Wasn't like he could take his place. Shrugging, Cloud straightened up and thrust his chin out, but even the collar couldn't disguise the way he swallowed. 

"So, let's do that. Tomorrow?"

"Considering there's only two more days left, yeah," Zack said, sliding off his barstool so he could stand in front of Cloud, cradling his face. Leaned in, not to kiss him, but rather to rest their foreheads together. Cloud was stiff against him, but soon softened and slumped.

"And don't be me, okay? If you need to stop, we stop. Just _say the word_."

Cloud's soft little snort, as much as it didn't change anything, still sounded good.

"... 'kay. I'll do that."

Now, whether Cloud _actually_ would, or if he'd be his familiarly stubborn self and dig in until he had nothing left to give would have to be seen. Zack wasn't going to _order him_ to make sure to use his safewords if he needed to, however. That felt counter-productive to just about everything. So with a sigh, he nodded.

"Right. Make sure you do that."


	14. A Complication Topped by a Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud and Zack put their "plan" for making sure Cloud won't be asked for much "proof" when they go in front of the judicial committee to work, and it goes... okay, at least until right at the end of it.

The leash being snapped in place before they left for lunch the next day, instantly turned his stomach to water. It was such an unpleasant contrast from it having become something he'd kind of started to look forward to if only because _Zack_ enjoyed it and one of the few things he seemed embarrassed _to enjoy_. It was nice in private, but outside of the apartment, people would see, and this was _not_ how he wanted anyone to see him. Others might not care, or even derive some pleasure from it, but the idea just unsettled him. Made him feel _judged_ , in the exact same way that Zack worried about and why he was awkward about why he liked it, himself.

"Cloud..?" Zack's faintly glowing stare was concerned, but Cloud just shook his head.

"It's okay." 

It wasn't, but he'd asked Zack during breakfast if he had some idea of how other cases of readjustment had been considered to have reached their goal and how the judicial committees presiding over those cases had come to that decision. The way Zack's mouth had flattened out, Cloud had stopped him before he could elaborate. He didn't actually want to know, didn't _need to_ when that reaction more than convinced him this might be one of the easiest ways to show 'progress' and side-stepping any other proof the committee might want when they went back there tomorrow.

It didn't make it any _better_.

At least he could just... stare at the floor while they walked to the elevator, and as long as he remembered to keep his back straight and _hopefully_ look more relaxed than he felt, it'd come across as 'properly demure' instead of insolent or... whatever else the committee might see in his body language if they checked security footage after they presented this little (unpleasant) excursion as proof he was 'properly' submissive again. Why couldn't it Zack telling them he'd stopped resisting and gone into subspace, twice by now, be enough?

Zack bumped a fist to his shoulder in the elevator, and Cloud glanced up with his head cocked at an angle, mostly looking at Zack through his eyelashes as he flashed a tiny, tight smile - feeling awkward both because it felt weirdly gratifying to look up at Zack like that, neck bared above the collar, and see the brief flash of darkening of Zack's eyes, and because he knew what it'd look like on the footage. 

It made it feel as much natural as _staged_ , but damnit. If it helped making the readjustment period only these two weeks, it sure was a cheap price to pay. Wasn't like other parts of this wouldn't be steeper to pay, something that he was sharply reminded of as the elevator slowly filled as they descended and his stomach twisted in response at every stop.

Not that anyone threw him more than a cursory glance; it wasn't like he was dressed weirdly, and the collar would look normal unless anyone was close enough to really study it or knew what they were looking at. Not even the leash was strange, either inside ShinRa's premises or in Midgar in general. 

Cloud knew he looked like nothing less (or _more_ for that matter, which, maybe, was one of the issues here, for him at least) than what he was. Which was why it was so hard not to lash out when he caught sight of someone's hand aiming for his hair. That was bad form and impolite, but ShinRa didn't exactly foster anything but _entitlement_ in the dominants in their employ.

Gritting his teeth and unable to not stiffen, he managed to, at least, not step away or whack the hand away. He _could_ defend himself, and he should have all the right to do so, but right now he didn't actually _have to_. And it'd look better if he let Zack do it.

"Hey, man," Zack growled from where he'd been lounging back against the wall of the elevator cabin, his hand tightening on the leash and shortening it, but he didn't forcibly pull him back - or even step forward, but clearly his tone was more than enough to make the man pause, face reddening, "pretty sure it's rude to touch someone's hair without asking."

Cloud found himself relaxing, just a little. Zack not phrasing it as 'pretty sure it's rude to touch another dom's leashed sub' made him feel a little better about not lashing out himself. And, maybe, it'd been a little gratifying, not just _knowing_ Zack would stand up for him, but having him _do so_. Not like that happened a lot (at all), before he met Zack. 

That... was honestly worth keeping in mind. 

Just because he shouldn't (and didn't) need someone to ride in on a golden chocobo like a shining knight in armour didn't mean it wasn't... maybe, a little nice, when someone was willing to. It was _mostly_ the situation that made it frustrating, and a little because Zack was _way too protective_.

But mostly, Cloud could concede it was sort of nice.

"Uh---" the man stuttered, muttered something that _might_ have been an apology, and got off as the elevator's doors opened. Probably why he'd timed his attempt like he had. Cloud glanced up, accidentally meeting the eyes of another submissive squeezed in between two doms, and she shot him a little quirk of a smile before she got off as well.

They were left alone for the rest of the trip down, a rather noticeable bubble around their side of the elevator, and Cloud, despite that that made him all the more obvious, didn't care since it at least made sure no one else tried anything.

Cared far more when they stepped out on the fourth floor to the lunchtime rush. Swallowing, he was torn between leaning _into_ the quick, light little brush of Zack's knuckles against his cheek and pulling away, pink-faced. He did neither, and watched Zack worry the end of the leash he was gripping.

"Okay, buddy. Eyes on me. Ignore everything else, and you'll be _fine_."

Closing his eyes at the soft, rumbling weight to those words, Cloud nodded. It didn't quite unseat the tension in his shoulders or still his stomach, but... it helped a little. Enough that he kept his eyes on Zack's back as they walked inside and didn't let himself hunch up or get tempted into looking around to see if there was anyone he knew here already. 

They could've chosen the small SOLDIER cafeteria that would've been much closer to Zack's apartment, something that Zack had suggested it at first, even. Cloud had pointed out there'd be more of an effect if they chose the general cafeteria (even if it was mostly in use by the army), both for the longer trip and the fact that there would be more people there.

He regretted that now, but... too late.

They were here now, and if he made Zack take them elsewhere or, as he _really_ wanted, back up to the apartment, it'd probably count against him. Scratch the probably, it would _definitely_ count against him, Cloud was sure.

The noise in the cafeteria was at a familiar, buzzing roar - no one was yelling, but lots of people were talking at the same time - and Cloud stared hard at Zack's back, focusing on _not_ listening to any of the conversations they passed or paying attention to who they were, so even if his name was said, he wouldn't notice. He really, really didn't want to hear anyone noticing him and talking about it, though admittedly it was improbable anyone _would_. He was just worried, still, so it was a blessing when he was handed a tray while Zack filled a second one for himself, the leash wrapped around one hand.

Somehow, Zack found a rather isolated, empty table, though there were still people close by. His gaze almost strayed, but a gentle tug on the leash, which pressed the back of his collar against his neck, reminded him where he was supposed to keep his eyes. On _Zack_ , not anywhere else. And he found it was a little easier to do so now that they were sitting down and he had food in front of him, instead of walking past all of the people in the cafeteria. 

It wasn't untwisting the knot in his stomach, but when he took a slow sip of juice, the liquid went down without feeling like there was a lump in his throat, and looking up into Zack eyes - bright, concerned - Cloud found he could twitch into a small smile.

"You gonna eat anytime today, or am I more interesting than breakfast?"

Zack let out a pfft-choke and snorted on a chuckle, but then he smiled; a soft expression that widened as the smile drew on. "Definitely more interesting than breakfast." Zack winked at him as he ducked his head to try and hide the blush, scowling down at his tray, and _then_ Zack bent to his own food.

It was a reprieve to eat, to have one of Zack's feet pressed against his both as a reminder and an unseen show of affection. It was something he would definitely have been happy with if it happened normally, too, nothing _obvious_ for people to notice or judge but something substantial still. Unfortunately that wasn't _all_ , as the leash trailing over the tabletop to Zack's side was proof of, but if he kept his gaze on his food, or flicking up to Zack every now and then, he could (almost) forget the leash was there. Almost forget there was anything out of the ordinary at all. The weight of the collar, even if it was a little heavier than his regular service collar, was familiar and expected by now after all.

"You ready for the next part?" Zack reached a hand out, then pulled back as he caught himself, and Cloud could admit to being disappointed, but also relieved. He didn't want to give people _more_ things to stare at, even if the chance people were staring at all was... pretty minimal.

"... No," he said, grimacing, but shrugged and continued before Zack could say anything, "but it's okay. I can _do this_ , and I don't need to use my safewords."

Blue eyes with a faint green tinge to them eyed him evenly, and Cloud, finally, ducked his head. Shrugged as he hunched up a little, a silent confession of his discomfort, and Zack sighed.

"If you're sure. You know we could just find an empty room and take a break, too. That's what your _slow down_ word is for, after all."

"No." No, they could _not_ do that, and Cloud only didn't stand up, take his tray to take it off to the drop-off point because he spotted the leash out of the corner of his eyes. Stay still. Let Zack lead right now, otherwise the whole point of this was, well, _pointless_. Be as stereotypically obedient as he could manage. Give the dumb committee _reason_ to think he was what they were hoping he'd be from the readjustment, not just... back to his own baseline. "If we take a break now, I'm not gonna be able to go back out."

Grimacing at that confession, Cloud hated the awkward flush of heat that followed it. So weak--- A hand landed in his spikes and ruffled, though more carefully than normal to not pull on the rest of his hair, and Cloud bristled.

"Hey!"

Funny (and a relief, too) how Zack couldn't give up on assaulting his hair even when he took pains to making it (impractically) _nice_.

"You're doing great, Cloud," Zack said and smiled at him, and Cloud, even as he whacked Zack's hand away, smiled faintly up at him as well, "but okay. Let's go, then. Think you can handle both trays?"

"Oh, _that's_ how you're gonna use this?" Scoffing, but moving things around so he _could_ take both trays while Zack grinned toothily at him and didn't deny it, he followed after him, dumping the trays and the dishes where they were supposed to go and then they left the cafeteria. 

Unfortunately _not_ for the elevator back up to Zack's apartment, though. Instead they went down, to the little shop ShinRa had above the lobby, and took a round through there. Cloud focused on Zack's back or the items he pulled off the shelves, turning around to wave right under Cloud's nose, grinning when Cloud scowled and smacked them away.

There was a point to this too, of course, and not _just_ a longer exposure to give as much of a chance for video of them to be picked up as possible of Cloud taking the few items Zack wasn't putting back, eyes on the floor (like a _good little submissive_ ), trusting his dom to lead him by the leash without risking walking into anything. 

Which he did - he'd trust Zack with _anything_ , and trusting him to lead him right with the leash was frankly such a tiny thing it was laughable. But it didn't make it any less annoying, completely aside from Cloud's other misgivings about being in public on the leash. Hopefully it'd do what they needed it to, though. That was all that was necessary, even if his heart wasn't quite steady when they came out on the mezzanine floor of the lobby, and he might have been clutching the bag of the few essentials they'd needed to stock up on without having to go out of the tower to get them a little more firmly than necessary. His nails was digging into his palm.

But it was fine. He didn't think he was really at risk of dropping (yet). He could do this. _Would_ do this. It would be over soon anyway; they were at the tail end of their little excursion, and while he'd _just_ thought he wasn't about to drop, Cloud was still relieved it _was_ near the end, even if that relief felt like weakness. There were still far more people than he'd like in the lobby as they got down to the ground floor, and more people actually _looking at them_ now. Though they were probably looking because Zack was in uniform and a First Class SOLDIER always drew looks. Zack looked over his shoulder at him with a bright, encouraging smile.

"All right, not much longer now. Let's ju---"

"Zack." Silver and black strode down the stairs and up to them with the sort of suddenness a man that tall and with his presence, even held back as it was, shouldn't manage. Somehow he did. "Cloud."

Belatedly, Cloud nodded up at Sephiroth, keeping his expression contained and resisting both the urge to salute and do something worse like _wave_. The latter in particular would be unsuitable right now. Less so because he should probably not be greeting ShinRa's elite SOLDIER with a _wave_ when he was a trooper, and more because that wasn't _proper_ for a _submissive_ to such a strong and high-ranking dominant. Internally scoffing, Cloud glanced between Zack and Sephiroth, frowning.

"Seph! Something happen?" The change in Zack's previously open and relaxed body language was immediate and always amazing to see - similar but at the same time _extremely_ different from the times Zack's full dominant presence came out.

"Do you have a few moments?" Sephiroth asked, a small frown pulling at his lips.

"Oh, yeah--- Spike, just stand here, okay?" The leash tugged against his collar for a step before he caught up with Zack, ending up standing against the side of and partially shielded from the main entrance by the stairs they'd just gone down. He was in full view from the reception desk and everyone at that angle, but it still felt a little less exposed. Then he was handed the end of the leash. Blinking down at it, he looked up at Zack with an eyebrow arched. "Yeah, just hold that. Ignore everything else until I'm back and we're ready to go."

Talking of Zack's dominant presence... it threaded through his words starkly enough Cloud found himself automatically nodding, back straightening a little. It wouldn't make up for the discomfort of being out here, like this, but... it helped, to have something to focus on again.

"Yes, sir."

Zack smiled brightly and winked at him, then he and Sephiroth retreated further away behind the stairs, the curved shape of it creating a shadowed spot that was usually empty, and definitely became empty _now_ as the few people nearby reflexively drew back to give the two SOLDIERs privacy. Cloud couldn't hear anything of what they're were saying from here, which was probably just as well depending on what they were talking about, even if he was curious. Curiosity wasn't the only reason, though; it would have given him something more to focus on. Squeezing the end of the leash, a little tingle running through his fingers like there was something of the warmth and strength of Zack's grip in it still, Cloud wondered if this was strictly within the limits of what was allowed...

But, well. Zack was barely a few meters behind him, he _was_ still wearing the leash, and he was doing as he was told. That should make it all right, shouldn't it?

While he stood there contemplating the finer points of readjustment, a handful of troopers came in through the main doors, probably having been out on the morning shift. He tried to keep his eyes away from them, tried to stare out into the space above them, or on the floor. The chance that they were people he knew was honestly infinitesimal, but that... didn't really help. His stomach twisted and flipped as the group passed him, talking among themselves as they went up the stairs. Okay. Good. Then they _weren't_ anyone he knew---

And then one of them _came back down_ , and Cloud peered at him out of the corner of his eyes, his hand around the end of the leash tensing until the leather was creaking softly. Maybe it'd be okay if it was someone he knew that he didn't _mind_... they'd probably judge him anyway, he'd gambled so much to try and get into SOLDIER and _lost_ after all, but some of them would, hopefully, not taunt him over it.

" _Strife_?"

The smirk he caught out of the corner of his eyes and in the voice, not instantly familiar but connecting to familiarity after a second, told him he had no such luck. Humiliated rage bubbled up and he narrowed his eyes, shifting his weight in preparation to swing around and glare at Crow and then froze as the way he'd started to pull his head stretched the leash he was still holding. Right. The only thing he should be doing was standing here and hold the leash and the bag from the shop.

But how in Ifrit's hell was he supposed to just _ignore_ Crow?

" _What_?" Cloud snapped, which wasn't following Zack's order to ignore everything else, but he didn't turn around. Didn't even turn his _head_ around. Instead he stared down at the polished floor. Of course he'd end up running into the asshole who thought he could take more from any submissive than even ShinRa let their doms do, at least per policy (not like there wasn't a lot of ignoring said rules in favour of any dominant who could flout them and get away with not being reprimanded).

"Is that _any_ way for a sub in _readjustment_ to address a dom, Strife?" Crow's sneer was smug, and Cloud could _still_ see the suggestion of a smirk out of the corner of his eyes and what he _wanted_ to do was whirl around and punch the asshole. He didn't need to do _shit_ for Crow, because ultimately, the young man was a trooper just like him, not an officer. Beyond that, with Cloud suspended, he was really a civilian at the moment, so Crow had even _less_ he could demand from him. And even if none of that was true, the asshole wasn't even correct about what he had to do while under readjustment.

All he had to do, the _only_ dominant he really had to listen to unless Zack said otherwise, was Zack himself.

... And Zack had told him to ignore everything else, to focus on standing there and holding the leash (and the bag) until he came back.

Wouldn't that rankle the living hell out of Crow, who'd taken so badly to being denied the respect he thought he was due from a couple fellow trooper cadets? Cloud smiled thinly and could finally relax. Maybe it wasn't exactly what he wanted to do, but what he wanted to do wouldn't actually let him get back at Crow, as it would just make things worse for himself.

If he instead did what he'd been _told to do_ , obeying the words from the only person that mattered right now, he'd deny Crow what he wanted, do what he was _supposed to do_ , and maybe even this, too, as much as it rankled, would help him make sure the readjustment wasn't further lengthened in the end. And, ignoring all those other reasons, even if Zack hadn't been in charge of his readjustment and even if they weren't now getting involved, Zack's words mattered a hell of a lot more than anyone else's did.

The pressure of the leash wrapped around one of his hands was a good grounding weight right now. Tightening his hand around it, he redirected his stare back at the floor. Was uncomfortably reminded that there were _other people_ in the lobby as he caught feet passing through his field of vision, and closed his eyes briefly. He could deal with that. Even if no one did anything, nothing _unusual_ was happening, so it was fine. And he was better than Crow anyway.

Admittedly that was a train of thought Cloud had been trying to train himself _out of_ after he'd left Nibelheim, and it'd... been maybe embarrassingly easy to do so after he presented, and not for a really good reason. He even knew it wasn't a good reason, but could he ever consider himself _better_ when he was just a sub? 

Not that... he (or any other subs) was _weak_ as they were, necessarily, but that sort of strength was hardly what was lauded except as a shadow to one's dominant, at best. A good counterweight and a perfect complement and all that rot. But hell, if there was anyone he was better than at all, it was _definitely_ Darin Crow.

"Strife," Crow snapped, _still there_ of course, and Cloud tried to block him out by thinking of Zack praising him for having done a good job, "I can't believe whoever's responsible for your readjustment is this _lax_ , just letting you stand here."

_That_ dig had him dig his nails into his palms again, gritting his teeth. Crow wasn't even necessarily wrong, because Zack _had_ been lax, at least a lot of people on the Eastern Continent would view it so. Maybe even back home, as well, considering the circumstances. He didn't actually know how readjustment was used there. But Zack's methods had _worked_ , hadn't they? Cloud closed his eyes and tried to ignore everything but the little flame of Zack's presence in the back of his head. It didn't tell him anything other than that Zack was close, and for the first time he sort of wished they could already have had a full connection.

Sure, he'd hesitantly been considering that before, but always ignoring that it meant some level of mutual ability to tell the other's emotions, and he wasn't certain he wanted Zack to do that. Was sure he'd be unimpressed. But right now it'd have been another anchor to use, and he sorely needed it.

He didn't have that, though. He just had himself, and that, unfortunately, would have to be enough. It was just... he failed, so often. _Especially_ when it was important.

"If you _kneel_ , right _now_ , Strife," Crow said, his voice startlingly close as he leaned in, voice tight and thrumming with his dominant presence, pushing _down_ on Cloud, "I won't go straight up to the judicial committee and tell them you're breaking your readjustment."

Fear more than the fury bubbling up almost made him whirl around again, and only the reminder that Zack had _told him_ to stay right here and ignore everything else kept him still. Ignore the asshole. He didn't deserve better, and it was what he was _supposed_ to do. He wasn't breaking any rules at all. In fact, paying Crow any mind at all _would_ be going against Zack's command, and would thus be breaking the terms of readjustment.

Sucking in a sharp breath through his nose, Cloud pulled on the memory of how the ropes had felt yesterday, holding him in place, _grounding_. As well as maddeningly teasing, which Zack was _as well_ , but he didn't want to think about _that_ part of the experience with Crow right here. That'd be sullying it.

He'd almost reached a plateau of uncaring calm that would normally have come with shooting the offender a 'not interested' comment, but that would be paying attention to Crow. So he wouldn't do that. But hovering on the edge of it, wondering how long Zack and Sephiroth would take with their conversation and wishing for the reward of having managed to ignore Crow so they could _leave_ , he found himself yanked sideways, smacking into the staircase with a grunt.

"Wh---" Snarling, Cloud would've reared back except Crow had grabbed the leash, holding it close to where it attached to his collar, forcing him to remain leaned over. Yanking on it from where he held onto it at the end didn't really do much of anything, and neither did trying to push away from the staircase with one hand. It just caused the back of his collar to dig into the back of his neck.

"Paying attention now? Crow still had his helmet on, rendering him nominally anonymous to anyone at a distance, but the bared-teeth rictus of a smirk was still plenty visible. He tightened his grip on the leash and tugged on it, forcing Cloud to lean closer over the side of the stairs. Cloud dug his heels in and used the staircase he was pressed up against to resist being pulled further off his feet and any closer to Crow than he already was. "You know this thing's kinda usef---"

"And _not for you_." Zack's voice was tight, but low enough it sounded like he would really start growling if given half a chance and he wasn't human. "Let go of that."

"I hardly think it's fitting for a submissive, _under readjustment_ , to---" Crow's faintly smug expression melted into tense alarm when his helmet was snatched off his head, by _Sephiroth_ of all people, who stared down at him with flat, alien eyes. The hand on the leash disappeared, and Cloud could shift away, pulling himself upright again. It was extremely hard to ignore the desire to sneer at Crow, but instead he just looked away.

Ignore him.

He didn't deserve better.

"You don't think he might have been _under orders_ , and was doing _exactly as told_? Man, what do they teach young doms today?" Zack's fake-concern (as if he wasn't only a few years older) was convincing, but the way his eyes burned made it clear he wasn't any less angry. Cloud watched him out of the corner of his eyes, past his bangs, then flicked his glance over to Crow, who was now looking a little... pale. Also very straight-backed.

"How do you want to deal with this, Zack?" Sephiroth sounded _bored_ as he handed Crow's helmet to Zack, who just scoffed and tossed the helmet back to its owner.

"Like I did the first time, though I'm pretty sure this warrants more than a few nights of graveyard shifts. I don't need my hard work undone by a _meddler_." And then Zack smiled. It wasn't one of his usual ones. "Dismissed."

And sure, Zack wasn't a commanding officer, being SOLDIER and all. But even if Crow opened his mouth to maybe protest just that, he looked up to Sephiroth at the same time and then turned sharply on his heel without saying anything at all and thundered up the stairs. Cloud refused to do something like slump in relief because _nothing had happened_ and the asshole didn't deserve that much of a reaction. He _did_ startle when Zack's hand landed on his shoulder, though.

"You okay, buddy?"

Letting out a long breath, Cloud nodded. "I'm _fine_. Nothing happened, right?"

He could admit his smile was a little tight, and Zack set his jaw, but he reluctantly nodded.

"Didn't think he'd even do that much with people around..." Grunting softly, he turned to look at Sephiroth, who was staring up towards the mezzanine level. "You think it'll be okay?"

It seemed to be part of another conversation entirely as Sephiroth tilted his head.

"Perhaps. I shall see when I get there," he said slowly, then looked over to Cloud, nodding sharply, "you did well." Sephiroth didn't wait for any response or comment, just turned on his heels and strode across the lobby and out. Cloud wasn't sure what he'd done _well_ , but it felt a little reassuring, having been told it.

"He's right, you know," Zack said, squeezing his shoulder, and _now_ Cloud shifted his weight just enough so he could lean into that hand, turning to look up at him, "you did _great_. Here." 

Zack held his hand out, and Cloud didn't even need any elaboration to know to hand the leash over, something which came with a curious feeling of relief. Like it'd weighed more than a leash ever could. Stupid, honestly; he was _used_ to taking responsibility for himself, and he didn't even _want_ Zack to take charge all the time. But he supposed there'd been some connection made between letting Zack take more full control and the leash. And the situation of this _walk_ certainly made it more attractive to let Zack make the decisions. Grimacing, he met Zack's gaze and tilted his head, pulling against the collar a little.

"Zack, can we..."

"Yep. Going now. That was way more excitement than I'd planned to inject into this," he said, voice light, but there was a tension there that betrayed that Zack still didn't feel pleased. It wasn't a displeasure that showed itself in anything but Zack's shoulders drooping in brief relief when he closed and locked the door of his apartment behind them when they got back up, but it seemed to linger a little. He didn't move after removing the leash, rather he stood staring at it for a few silent seconds, and Cloud couldn't figure out what he was thinking.

"... Zack?"

"I'm fine," Zack said with a shake of his head, but he still raised his head with a rather considering look in his eyes, "you sure _you_ are?"

Valid question, honestly. Sure, being yanked about by the leash by someone who was not in the least his dominant was kind of unsettling, but the only thing that had really stuck in his head was Crow's charge against Zack. His threat of going to the judicial committee was too ridiculous to bother with.

"Uh-huh," Cloud paused, frowning, "you know I'm glad, it's been you, right? I don't think I'd have gotten here otherwise." Voice dropping into a soft mumble as he spoke, uncertain how else to say what he needed, Zack's smile in response was all that he needed.

"What's _that_ about? And I just... did what anyone _should_ have done." Zack waved a hand as if to try and dismiss it, and Cloud snorted and turned around to cross the room and drop down on the couch, Zack following after.

"Yeah, sure. _Should_ have, but..." He didn't need to finish, really. He looked up, meeting faintly glowing blue eyes and Zack dipping his head in silent admission. Should have wasn't 'would have'. Most people wouldn't have. But all that aside, there was something still nagging at Cloud. "What'd Sephiroth want?"

"Oh---" Zack dropped down with a grunt beside him, and rather than pull him close, buried his face against his shoulder. The weight was a surprise, but the solid warmth of Zack against him was nice. "Getting sent to Wutai for a few days... Special request, or somethin'... I hope Angeal's okay." Zack's voice was muffled as he spoke, and suddenly the way Zack had curled up against him made sense, even if he still wasn't sure how to respond. Finally, Cloud dropped an arm around Zack's shoulders and stole his hand up into his spikes, just burying it in the thick hair. And then paused, wondering what this would mean for the last night...

"I'm sure he's okay, but---"

"Seph went to the committee, so don't worry 'bout it. Apparently he managed to convince 'em you'd been _properly impressed_ about the weight of your crimes and fully disciplined, or something. Sephiroth's good at getting people to---"

"Submit?" Cloud interrupted with a grin, a lightness bubbling in his veins despite that this didn't take away that he still needed to go in front of the committee. Zack snorted against his shoulder and whacked his thigh.

"Don't interrupt me, brat! But yeah, that. And you're probably right, I bet Angeal and Genesis are okay."

He could feel Zack smiling briefly against his shoulder, and relaxed against Zack. He was... admittedly still worried, but after having Crow running off like that, it somehow seemed like their excursion _must_ have some positive effect on the committee's judgement of things. _Surely_ it'd be over and he could then just go back to...

To normal. 

To nothing else but being a trooper. 

It'd be a relief, but it still carried a strong echo of failure, since the whole reason behind all this was to get into SOLDIER... Unintentionally tightening his hand in Zack's hair and getting a grunt - _and_ Zack's breath catching, something to keep in mind perhaps - before he chuckled dryly, rubbing the thigh he'd whacked earlier while Cloud pushed those thoughts away. 

He'd... deal with the fact that he was stuck as a trooper. Somehow. At least Zack being what he was was a gift. It didn't make up for it, but it was far more than he'd expected to get on a personal level.


	15. Something Like Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting past the readjustment committee might not be the biggest obstacle Cloud has to deal with in the end, but it sure is a pretty large one nonetheless.

Despite all that confidence he'd felt yesterday after the confrontation with Crow, now that they were going up the few floors between the residential SOLDIER floor Zack had his apartment on and the 52nd floor, Cloud didn't feel as confident any longer. As little as he was looking forward to going back to his position in the Infantry, something he'd been _sure_ he'd be able to quickly get out of when he'd left Nibelheim, and then later thought he could still work out of with a bit more work after Zack pointed out he could try getting his dynamic adjusted and _then_ go for SOLDIER, he wanted to be stuck in readjustment even less.

And while he still couldn't think of any additional things they could've done yesterday to hopefully bolster his chances of being taken out of readjustment that _wouldn't_ have had a much greater risk of leading to a drop for him, he was wondering if it'd be enough. It'd felt like a solid display yesterday, but now...

Now nervous energy felt like it was prickling him from the inside out when they paused in front of the door to the room used for the hearing, and as he shifted from foot to foot, Cloud knew he'd had _plans_. Something that might help push the committee's decision in the direction he wanted, but now he couldn't remember what he'd been thinking of.

"Hey," Zack said, a finger tapping his chin, and Cloud looked up with a grimace, "that's it. Just _breathe_ , okay? It'll go great. _You_ will do great. We've got this, Spike. Just relax for me, okay?"

He might have been annoyed at any other time as Zack started to weave his commanding presence into his words, but right now it helped him focus. Cut away enough of the tension he found he _could_ breathe, eased into a spot where his thoughts fell back into place instead of being a jumble of white-out tension. He could remember what he'd planned, now, as well. It wasn't much, but... it might be enough, especially if it might circumvent them asking for things he wouldn't - _couldn't_ \- do, which he was definitely still worried about. If he could just avoid that, and remember that anything else he did in there wasn't for _them_ first and foremost, but for Zack (and for himself), maybe this would go well.

"... Thanks, Zack." Cloud had to open his eyes to meet Zack's, not even sure when he closed them, and smiled just a little at the brilliant one he got in response. Zack even twitched forward, then snapped himself upright as the smile turned a little sheepish and Zack scratched the back of his neck. At least Zack caught himself, even if he really _would_ have liked a kiss right then, but not... right out in the corridor.

"Anytime, Sunshine." The sheepish look flicked over into softer smile before Zack straightened up and strode in, Cloud trailing after, gaze trained on Zack's heels, no matter how much he wanted to look up. Wanted to raise his chin and sneer, despite that that was _completely counter_ to what he needed to do right now.

Contrary to the first time he was in here, though, that desire was only an urge, not something he _did_. He'd have liked to do it, just to show this hadn't broken him, but, well... they weren't looking for defiance. Or rather, they _were_ , but defiance wouldn't be read as 'charming' brattiness in need of a firm hand or correction, it'd be read as something to be _scrubbed out_.

So he didn't.

Instead, when Zack came to a stop, Cloud went down to his knees, hands held behind his back, back straight and knees slightly spread, and eyes down on the floor. Not how he would usually do this. Not how the army required the submissives in its ranks to kneel, but he was hoping the effect would be worth it. And maybe, as he heard Zack draw in his breath faintly, he should use it for Zack, too, later. He just hoped Zack kept his expression under control otherwise and didn't give away he hadn't expected this, since then it might come across as _not sincere_.

A beat of silence, and then the woman who chaired the judicial committee hummed.

"Well, SOLDIER. It looks like you've had some progress. We were uncertain if you would, since there'd been neither hide nor hair of the two of you outside aside from going up to the General's apartment for the last two weeks... and then yesterday." 

Cloud couldn't tell anything by the tone of her voice, and it was _real hard_ not to look up, even to peer up though his lashes and past his bangs. But if anyone saw _that_... so Cloud kept control of himself and tried to focus on Zack's presence beside him, instead of listening to anything that wasn't directly addressed to him. He didn't like doing that, but it helped his nerves a little. Helped him keep his position and answering (and 'properly' so) when he _was_ addressed and in the end the whole thing was both less complicated and took less time than they'd both been worried about.

It was only when the chair pinned him with a look he definitely felt but couldn't see as she wasn't subtle about the weight of her dominant presence that Cloud felt a squirm of worry. What for, he wasn't sure, but it had sounded like they were done and all that was left was this whole thing getting dismissed, and she'd completely changed the atmosphere in the room with that stare aimed at the top of his head.

"Present yourself to your dominant, in the correct position," she said, voice like a whip-crack, and since he'd kept himself deliberately open, Cloud _would have_ moved immediately... except he didn't have a clue what she was talking about.

"Ma'am, I---"

"You have _five seconds_ , Strife."

He knew she meant it, but it didn't make him any less _confused_ , or any more capable of doing what she was asking for. Zack shifted half a step forward and in front of him before he could try to speak up again, and he could hear by the tone in his voice that Zack was frowning.

" _I_ don't know what you're talking about either, and I'd sure like to before you have _my_ sub do... whatever it is you want him to do."

Hearing Zack say _my_ left Cloud hard pressed not to grimace at the floor... or give in to the fluttering warmth in his gut, reluctant to admit how much he liked the sound of that. To actually have belong somewhere... which he did just _fine_ with Zack as a friend, but Zack was things _in addition_ to his friend now, wasn't he? So it was fitting he would say that. 

Focus, Strife! 

Cloud saw the woman chairing the committee shifted her weight in her seat and leaning forward, just at the edge of his vision, though one of the other committee members got there before her, sitting closer to Cloud and thus he could see the considering look on her narrow, long-nosed face as she turned her laptop partway around on the table.

"You're both from the Western Continent, aren't you?" She didn't look to Cloud as she said it, so Cloud assumed Zack nodded for both of them as she soon continued, glancing to the woman beside her, "that'd explain it. They haven't exactly had a culture of enforcing _proper_ respect for their dominants... which probably explains why we're here at all." She sounded like she was smiling, indulgently amused somehow, but it wasn't like Cloud could tell at this angle, having dropped his gaze back down again. He scowled at the floor, then quickly wiped that expression off his face as the same woman continued speaking.

"No disrespect meant, of course, SOLDIER. One can't help one's upbringing. Can I borrow your submissive for a second?"

Zack grunted, and he probably waved his hand if the sway of light and shadow above his head was anything to go by. This was really frustrating. He far preferred to have a better idea of what was going on, the little lapse earlier having made things a lot easier, but he was still worried that if anyone saw something like that, they'd take it as a reason to extend the readjustment.

"Strife." The snap of her voice was bright and immediate and this time he could react immediately since it wasn't hard to tell what she wanted, straightening up enough to glance at her. Hated the feeling of being this open, at all, for anyone (except Zack, now), but again... he didn't quite dare anything else right now. He wanted this to be _over_. "Come here."

No 'please' or anything, but whatever. Cloud got to his feet and walked around the table to look at the screen of her laptop as she gestured to it, the image on it more than explaining what it was they wanted him to do. 

His gut twisted while heat warmed his face, but in the end, if this was all he'd be asked to do, it certainly was a lot better than it _could be_. He had, against his better judgement, gone searching for info about other readjustment cases on the Eastern Continent, and while the older final assessments were definitely worse than the more recent ones, _none of them_ were anything Cloud would've wanted to happen. In some cases at all, in some cases just with other people watching. So this... was more easily dealt with, no matter how mortifying it was.

Turning on his heel (he probably should've acknowledged her with a 'yes ma'am' at the least) Cloud walked back to Zack, resisting the urge to glance up into those faintly glowing blue eyes, and instead simply leaned on the little nugget of warmth that was Zack's presence in the back of his head, took a breath, and went down on his knees again.

This time, though, it was practically prostrate, his forehead against Zack's foot and his ass higher up than his head, knees spread. He was lucky he was dressed, but it didn't really help and Cloud was hard pressed to not snarl and grit his teeth while the earlier blush practically exploded as he grabbed Zack's ankle and pulled himself, slowly, to a sitting position, leaning on Zack's leg the whole way up and ending with his cheek pressed to Zack's thigh, _very_ close to Zack's crotch.

If they'd been alone, he might... have pulled this thing out to surprise Zack at least once, because he was very soon faced with Zack trying to pretend he wasn't now half-hard. If they'd been alone, it might even have been fun to tease him. But they _weren't_ ; there were four hard stares aimed at them, and this was just to see that he could comply with what _these people_ thought a sub should be and how they should act. Zack's hand landed on his shoulder, warm and solid and it was nice and a relief he hadn't put it in his hair right now. Zack was probably touching him at all because he could feel the tense pressure of Cloud's fingertips digging into the leather at his ankle.

"Very well, SOLDIER Fair. It seems you have produced the results society would hope for, and in such a short time, too. Congratulations," the chair of the committee said, the actual chair she sat on creaking softly as she shifted in her seat, "you may remove the current collar and replace it with Private Strife's regular service collar, as I remind you that ShinRa doesn't allow personal collars during work hours."

It took effort not to slump against Zack, embarrassment fighting with a hot wave of relief that turned his limbs near liquid. The secretary that'd been standing behind the committee came around the table, stopping behind him while Zack's hands went to the back of his neck, undoing the lock there so he could pull the collar away. Cloud swallowed in that moment between the collars being switched, feeling almost dizzy with furious relief and freedom, as well as vaguely bereft of the familiar weight.

It didn't last long. Zack wrapped the regular service collar back around his neck, buckling it in place, and the sound of the _buckle_ and not the electronic beep of the collar he'd worn during readjustment brought another fresh wave of relief. This one didn't meant anything. This one, he could remove himself, even if he was supposed to wear it while on duty, and this collar or someone's private collar while out on the plate, but that mattered less right now.

Zack let him get back to his feet himself, and despite the sour curl in his gut from what had just transpired with _other people watching_ , Cloud was still surprised when they found themselves in the corridor outside and _things back to normal_. All he had to do now was to report to his commanding officer in preparation for tomorrow. 

It felt a little unreal, after the last two weeks.

"Cloud?"

Twitching, Cloud looked up at Zack, blinking a few times before he actually felt like he _focused_ on him.

"... Yeah?"

What was even going to happen now, when things were going back to _normal_? Would they even have any time at all, for... for whatever would happen now?

"Wanna have dinner to celebrate the _unpleasant_ part is over?" Zack was grinning, his voice warm and teasing, but he shifted on his feet and seemed half a second away from breaking into squats. Cloud snorted softly, but couldn't keep himself from a tiny smile.

"... Yeah. _Definitely_. Take out?"

Then it was Zack's turn to snort, and no way to avoid his hand coming for his spikes before Zack finished the whole thing off by tugging on the braid he'd done for Cloud that morning.

"Zack!" Grunting in annoyance, he glowered up at Zack, who just grinned down at him and shook his head.

"No, Spike. I'm taking you _out_. We're celebrating this _properly_ now that we can, so get a shower and clean clothes before we meet down at the entrance at five, okay?"

The 'yes, sir' was on the tip of his tongue, Zack's words warm in his gut, but he held it back. It didn't feel like it fit right here, so he nodded instead.

"Sure. I'll get the clothes in your apartment on the way down to report for duty tomorrow, too," he said with a smile that slowly grew as tension eased from his shoulders the further they got away from the room behind them. Zack's look, which he caught out of the corner of his eyes, made him pause though, and he cocked his head, an eyebrow arched. "What?"

"... Well, you can do that," Zack said, nearly drawling the words, "unless you wanna leave at least one set in my apartment."

A flush of warmth shot through him at that, and much less so for any possible implication that he might need them for any... particular reason, and more so for the openness that implied.

"Sure. I'll do that. You took a few changes up from my dorm, after all." Trying, and probably failing, to sound nonchalant, Cloud led the way to the elevator and hit the button first.

After that, it took depressingly little time to gather most of his stuff and leave. Depressingly little because the closer Cloud got to get _back to normal_ , the more reluctant he became. He could admit he dragged his feet on the way to the elevator, and the only reason he didn't take even more time to go drop his stuff in the dorm room was because there were more people around in those hallways. Loitering would make him stand out. The room was, luckily, empty, but as he stood in the middle of it, just looking around for a bit, it felt weird. Not new, just... not right.

This wasn't what he'd wanted. As much as he'd wanted to be out of readjustment, this wasn't where he'd been planning to be, wasn't what he'd been training with Zack for. It wasn't _fair_. Nothing to do about _that_ , though. 

Not right now anyway, even if he wasn't sure what to replace it with. He'd done what he could, probably _more_ than that, and he'd just landed back where he started. Arguably a little worse off in some respects. Slumping, Cloud grimaced and threw the plastic bag with his clothes on his bed and turned on his heel to go report for duty for tomorrow. At least there was still Zack, both as a friend and now, well... He bit down on the little smile.

After that, things went back to normal, if still a little different.

Different because before, his platoon's commanding officer, the times she'd noticed him, had certainly always been pleased. Now, though, he found her gaze on him more often, and very suspicious and scrutinizing. It would probably have been worse if he _hadn't_ decided to kneel when he went in to report.

He had felt her stare narrow and the temperature in the room had seemed to drop by degrees as soon as the door opened, and he'd had to take a split-second decision there. What he had wanted to do, what he had _planned_ to do was to stand at attention, chin out. What he had done instead, because she was one of the officers that could really make life hard for him since he was now stuck here for... a while at least, was to step inside and then kneel, hands on his knees and staring at her desk.

If not without glancing up through his lashes, but she wouldn't have been able to see that with his bangs in the way. She had stared at him, her eyes flat and cold, and then she had snorted softly.

"Am I going to have any more problems from you, Strife?"

Like what he'd done was a problem _to her_ , personally. He'd _wanted_ to sneer, but he hadn't.

"... No, ma'am."

And at least she had seemed to take that at face value, despite the narrow looks she'd been giving him the last few days, and had said the schedule for the week would be sent to him as usual, barring the usual possible missions and emergencies, of course, but she'd put him back on all the proper alerts.

Different because a couple of his roommates were clearly judging him, and had stopped talking to him, but he could deal with that. Wasn't like he wasn't used to things like that. At least Gray had only asked if he was okay, and had clearly meant it, the young man as soft and diligent as anyone would want a service sub to be, and Danius, while nodding at Gray's question, had immediately followed up with; "what about that _attitude_ of yours, Strife?"

It would've felt like mocking if the look in Danius' eyes hadn't been so very serious. So he had rolled his eyes and said that Zack had taken care of him. It was true, too. And then, remembering what'd happened just the other day, he looked to Danius, head cocked.

“Know what happened to Crow?”

“... What? What do you know, Strife?”

He'd just shaken his head, because it wasn't as if he _did_ know anything, just wondered if Danius, given the way he seemed to absorb gossip, might have picked up anything. Zack _had_ said he'd make sure Crow was dealt with... 

Which apparently he _had_ , as Danius had tapped him on the shoulder the next morning at breakfast, hissing that Crow had gotten transferred to Junon, so _what happened, Strife?_ A knot in his gut had unwound in vaguely smug relief, and he just shrugged, saying Crow had taken a step too far with what he thought someone under readjustment had to do. Danius hadn't liked that short answer, but he didn't actually feel like dragging the whole thing up again, even less to someone who hadn't been there.

Different because while _most_ of his squad in his platoon were now somewhere between mockingly smug and practically sympathetic, but only because he was yet another Infantry who'd tried for SOLDIER and failed, not because he'd gone so far for his attempt. Some of them, some he hadn't even expected to, had closed up around him and expressed some surprisingly impressed sentiments, one or two even echoing Gray's honest concern for his well-being. That wasn't such a bad outcome, overall.

Different because now he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself, skills he'd been working towards that would no longer matter, and Zack had practically harangued him into their usual training session two days after that dinner (both so much like and _unlike_ the few other times they'd had the chance to eat out together - the handholding Zack kept sneaking being one glaring and warmly appreciated difference), sounding so disappointed when he pointed out that he could still _use_ this knowledge, even if not right now and was he _giving up_?

He'd said no and rushed to the training room, but... it sure felt like it, anyway. It wasn't like there was a real reason to continue anymore, was there? He wouldn't be able to get far even within the Infantry, and it'd be another year before they'd reintroduce actual swords, since Infantry only incorporated swords into their service after two years.

There would be no real way to get the strength he'd been aiming for, leaving Nibelheim, and that meant no way to show them all up. It wasn't that they really mattered, but he'd wanted---

Tilting his stare down to the asphalt where he stood guard beside the entrance to the Sector 4 train station, Cloud grimaced at the ground. He just didn't know what to do now, even if it was unpleasantly easy to just let the routine _try_ to smooth over the jagged edges of frustration that had nothing to do with getting himself into knots thanks to pretending to be something he wasn't, and all because his failure to get into SOLDIER. There was nothing else, now.

Patrols and guard shifts were easy and familiar. Drills were almost _comforting_ in their predictable nature, carving the reflexes being trained into them deeper, just like the sword fighting practice he and Zack were _finally_ getting back to was doing. Despite his frustration with feeling like it didn't matter, he still liked honing his skills with a sword. It was just a little like nothing had happened, except it most certainly _had_.

It was all just... routine.

Was that what he was going to be stuck with now, just because he was... what he was? Of course there was strength in submitting, he _understood that_ from the warm stillness that came from subspace, but that didn't mean it was the sort of strength he'd wanted. It wasn't the sort of strength needed to do what he wanted to do.

Honestly, what had he expected? Cloud slumped against the wall, ignoring the flow of people coming through the entrance to the Sector 4 train station. He wasn't any better than this, any _stronger_ , and he wouldn't be able to get any stronger than this either. All because his tolerance to mako was too low. It was probably just as well. Considering his track record with important rescues, maybe he would just have messed up as SOLDIER...

Straightening up before anyone who might tell on him might see him, Cloud frowned as the ground seemed to rumble, faintly. Probably just a train in a tunnel, as close as he was to the train station, but he hadn't really felt anything like that all morning---

His ears popped.

The explosion ripped through the station behind him, half shattering the entrance arch and throwing the people in the thinning crowd forward.

Sector 4 was, at the least, that train's end station, wasn't it? Shouldn't have been any people on it when the bomb exploded, and hopefully as few as possible on the platform itself.

Debris bounced off his helmet and pauldrons, cut into his arms and legs and Cloud rolled over onto his side, head ringing. Watching people scattered on the ground - less than had been passing through earlier, but there was... a lot of blood, still. AVALANCHE, or Wutai. Staggering to his feet, Cloud looked around, teeth bared. He couldn't _see anyone_ , but surely they'd be around, and his phone was pinging with alerts. He itched to run off, but he swayed with the first step and fell against the cracked wall with a grunt.

Fished out his PHS instead and frowned at the screen. Supposed to gather with the rest of the Sector's current patrol in search of terrorists. Nodding, Cloud winced as he straightened up, steadier on his feet now, and his hearing was starting to return too. With it, the sound of screaming and crying.

Was anyone gonna help _these people_?

Turning around again, Cloud's stomach turned at the sight, and he should probably do as told, but he was here to _protect people_ , wasn't he? Even if he didn't have a SOLDIER's strength. Eyes narrowing, Cloud put his PHS back into his pocket and shuffled his rifle up over his back instead. He'd just... have to pretend he had that strength, then. He'd need it, with some of those people laying under larger pieces of debris, and if he just ran off, even if that was what he'd been told to do... Zack would probably be disappointed.

Maybe he wasn't strong like he'd wanted to be, and maybe he couldn't even try to borrow Zack's strength since their soul bond was still only a warm _potential_ , but he was okay with that. He might have been annoyed at first when Zack had asked if he _really_ wanted to deal with that _right now_ when they'd had their dinner the other day, but he'd realised he hadn't actually. At least a few days of... _hah_ , normal, of just feeling _them_ out as they were now was... probably a good idea. 

Nonetheless, it was reassuring to feel the soft presence in the back of his head as he ran over, helping a little girl pull a large piece of the arch off her father.

The ground trembled again, distantly.


	16. Conversations and Offered Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sephiroth comes back from Wutai, with some information, which he and Zack discusses, until Cloud's situation draw attention.

Getting back to normal had been a relief, even if Zack could admit he definitely missed those few days in the second week of Cloud's readjustment that had been as problem free as they could've expected from the circumstances. That just wasn't the same as actually trying to live in the _real world_ though, and while Cloud had seemed a little withdrawn in the last few days, that was probably to be expected. Not like he'd ever been the brightest and most extroverted flower ever.

That wasn't what he was concerned about right _now_ though. Right now, he was forgoing the bell on Sephiroth's door to attack the door itself, _knowing_ if he didn't make himself as obnoxious as possible, Sephiroth would ignore him. Maybe it'd be nice to let the man settle down and breathe after coming back from Wutai a few hours ago, but he knew if he allowed that, then the risk that he never got to catch up with Sephiroth about it was very large.

Thumping the door again, Zack drew his hand back and almost smacked it into Sephiroth's chest when he finally opened the door. If he was a lesser dom, he'd now be on his knees considering the look Sephiroth was levelling at him, as well as the furious and barely held-back pressure of his presence.

" _Zack_ ," Sephiroth ground his name out like a mussel takes a grain of sand and encases it to make it into a pearl; furious frustration with the disruption, and yet accepting of its presence.

" _Sephiroth_ ," he said, too loudly, and planted his fists at his hips, meeting those ice-cold, green eyes flatly. A second. Two. _Five_ , and then Sephiroth sighed, shoulders slumping just a hair. He got control of his dominant presence and disappeared from the doorway, letting Zack follow him in as he wished and close the door behind him. "How'd it go? Is he--- Are they okay?"

Zack hurried after Sephiroth's long-legged stride, barely avoiding being smacked in the face with the letter tossed at him and catching it instead, glancing down at it. No address or even name on the outside. He looked up at Sephiroth again while he tossed himself into the chair beside the couch Sephiroth was... for once, not sitting upright in. He was, in fact, practically _sprawling_ , head tilted back against the back of the couch in a way he'd never seen the man do. Not like Sephiroth couldn't relax, but... _not like that_.

"... Are y---"

"That's from Angeal," Sephiroth said, gesturing to the letter without looking or even straightening up, "and they were healthy when I arrived and when I left."

If that wasn't bait to let himself get distracted, he didn't know what was, but he would _not_ let Sephiroth succeed. Carefully folding the letter in half, he shoved it into a pocket while keeping his gaze on Sephiroth.

"I'll check it later. Y'know, you saying they were _healthy_ is weirdly specific, and _you_ don't look relaxed _at all_. Do you need me to---"

"Not now, Zack." Sephiroth's voice now flat and tight, and he could see the lines drawn around his mouth. With a snort, he shook his head and stood up, planting his hands at his hips.

" _Definitely now_ , Zack. Or do you need someone at your feet and pet _their_ hair? I can proba---"

"Hair petting does not solve all problems, Zack, and _no_." Sephiroth grunted, throwing him a dark, narrow look from under his lowered lashes, the green of his eyes livid. "I don't think that would be wise, right now."

All right, that was it. 

Zack darted around the couch, smacking his hands down on Sephiroth's broad shoulders _just_ as he tensed to fly up on his feet, and while Sephiroth certainly couldn't growl, he could almost swear he could feel his chest rumble from that impossible noise, half a second away from one threat or another.

"Just _sit still_ , Seph." He squeezed those tense shoulders and pushed against Sephiroth's weight, his voice dropping down, deeper than his usual register, thrumming against the rumble in Sephiroth's chest as Zack let it fill him and then spill _out_. 

A tremble went through the shoulders he was gripping, a resistance that in one moment seemed like an impenetrable mountain threatening a rock-slide to _specifically_ get rid of you, and in the next folded like a hawk in a nest, soft, but still deadly.

Zack didn't allow himself a moment to close his eyes and relax. Instead he stroked his hands up over Sephiroth's shoulders and into his hair, rubbing away at his scalp. Let the tiny motions be the way he kept holding Sephiroth in place; not with actual, physical strength, but the repetition and his own demand for Sephiroth to _let him_.

"This solves... nothing, Zack." Sephiroth's voice was softer, now. No less deep, of course, but it'd lost that nearly imperceptible edge of command that (almost) always permeated it, permeated _Sephiroth_ like he was the very epitome of dominance. Which was what ShinRa wanted to present him as, of course. They would probably rather Sephiroth never bend like he was now doing, folding himself figuratively under Zack and accepting where the hands were and what they were doing.

"Know that. It still makes you relax," Zack said, keeping triumph out of his voice by a bare hair, sliding one hand down to the base of his neck and slowly twisting the hand around his hair, pulling tight. Sephiroth went stiff, then, for lack of a better word, _melted_. 

It wasn't subspace, of course. That took far more effort and time than _this_ , but the line of Sephiroth's shoulders were now softer, and his presence, usually pressing out and demanding attention and submission from all who came near, had turned into a still, dark pool. Waiting. Complacent. Zack was sure Cloud would never believe him, if he told him this, but he'd never know. It wasn't something he would divulge without willing permission.

"All right. That's better. That's _great_ ," Zack said slowly, feeling a heavy warmth creep into his tone, glowing praise and pleasure bleeding into his words as much as it was sinking into _him_ , making him stand straighter, feeling more centred. Even more so when Sephiroth's shoulders drooped slightly further at his praise and his head tilted back a little, _into_ his hand instead of pulling at the restraint. " _What happened_ , Sephiroth?"

Silence stretched, but it felt less reluctant this time, not a refusal, just a moment for Sephiroth to catch his thoughts, and Zack settled against the back of the couch, waiting. Kept his firm grip on Sephiroth's hair, but started carding through the end of it with his other hand. Finally, there was a nearly imperceptible sigh from Sephiroth.

"Angeal and Genesis... found out there are two... projects, attached to SOLDIER while trying to figure out why his wound wasn't healing. Projects belonging to the Science Department."

Zack suppressed the urge to either growl, or let out a far more inappropriate 'uh-oh' and instead just hummed encouragement. Sometimes dealing with Sephiroth was like dealing with Cloud. Or maybe that was the other way around, really, since he'd met Sephiroth before he'd met Cloud, and Sephiroth was six years older, besides.

"They seem to have been the basis for SOLDIER, involving some rather... different, methods to achieve much greater enhancement than the regular SOLDIER process," Sephiroth paused, his flat, nearly dead recitation taking on some dry humour as he continued, "which would not be particularly useful when used for SOLDIER."

"... It's you, Angeal and Genesis, isn't it? But wait, you said Genesis wound wasn't healing? But that was so long ago!" Zack shook his head, anger turning into unsettled confusion and his stomach turning. For Genesis and his injury, for this about _projects_. Nothing that involved the Science Department, he'd learned rather quickly, was good. "And what was it that was..." He couldn't finish. Sephiroth tipped his head, though.

"Done? We're not sure yet. Angeal and Genesis can't get further from where they are and what they're working with. I... might do some research myself. And yes, Genesis injury apparently never healed.."

"But that's---?!" Zack reared back, still mindful enough to remember to stretch the arm he was holding Sephiroth's hair with before he settled back again, his free hand now on Sephiroth's shoulder. No wonder he was tense, even aside from the question of something being done... well, Sephiroth would already have known he wasn't a regular human being, having grown up as he had, but... still.

"It was also getting worse. Enough so Genesis didn't feel well enough to attend to his needs. Angeal finally convinced him to, a month or so ago..." Sephiroth trailed off, a frown just barely seen by the way his head was still tilted, confusion and intrigue colouring his voice and expression both. "Curiously enough, when he _did_ attend to his dynamic needs, the injury's progress was halted."

"... And we don't know why." Not a question, because it was obvious they hadn't figured that out yet. Sephiroth nodded anyway, deeply enough to deliberately pull against his grip, though it wasn't an attempt to get away from it. Zack grunted, squeezing Sephiroth's shoulder and turning it into a brief massage before he tugged a little on Sephiroth's hair. "All right. Awesome. We'll... uh. Deal with that. _Right now_ I think we should have a shower, though."

"Zack---"

" _No_ , Sephiroth. Get up and strip---" The firm snap of his voice, diving down into the dominant register so close at hand right now, was interrupted by the bright, angry jangle of an all-stations alert from _both_ of their PHS. Instantly, Zack's stomach sank and he just _knew_ , even before a useless check on his nascent bond with Cloud, which didn't tell him anything but that he was alive, that Cloud was involved in this. "Shit."

Sephiroth stood up, all that quiescent softness evaporating in a flash, and Zack let go of Sephiroth's hair, giving them both free hands to check their phones.

"Go, Zack," Sephiroth said, command and self-possession radiating from him, but the glance he got before Sephiroth swept past him and left him scrambling to follow was understanding. Clearly he'd guessed what Zack thought was going on. Or rather, where someone he thought was important was.

Which was of course right in the middle of what was happening.

Zack would really have liked it if he'd been wrong about Cloud being in the middle of it, though. He'd known where Cloud would be stationed for his guard shift today, which had squeezed his stomach uncomfortably when he read _where_ the explosions had happened. He could also bet Cloud hadn't followed orders to join up with the rest of the Sector's Army patrols for a coordinated search effort, so instead of going for where there was most ShinRa presence, Zack hurried towards the Sector's main train station instead.

He felt jittery, the interrupted conversation with Sephiroth conspiring with his worry to leave him unable to rein his presence back in. On the plus side, that meant every single person he passed leapt clear of him before they even noticed he was _there_. Unfortunately, where he'd usually apologize because shit, he was being _rude as hell_ , right now he was keyed up enough all his brain could think of was _get to Cloud_. Find his submissive and make sure he was all right. Which again, was such a base and primitive reaction that he knew Cloud would be offended by it, but right now there was no way to shut it up.

"Cloud!" He was practically bellowing as he careened into the debris-scattered area in front of the train station's entrance, ignoring the many heads that lifted to watch him - and just as many did _not_ , even as everyone shifted away from him slightly, giving him a clear path... to the only trooper present at the moment. It wasn't very hard to figure out who _that_ was.

"Zack, what---"

Luckily Cloud had just let go of the person he'd handed over into the care of someone who was clearly a doctor when Zack rushed up to him. Lucky for Zack, to avoid an angry Cloud if his concern had gotten someone else _more_ hurt, lucky for anyone else around that they _didn't_ get more hurt being almost barrelled into by a tall, heavy, dominant SOLDIER. 

Didn't mean Cloud was particularly _thrilled_ about being swept up in a very public hug, grunting at the force of it and wriggling until he was put down. He could feel Cloud's glare at him from behind the protection of the helmet Cloud was still wearing, and as pleased as he was that Cloud was well enough _to glare_ , that helmet was now _in the way_.

"Take that off."

Cloud's breath got lodged somewhere in his throat by the way he drew it in, and while there was a pointed, telling pause, Cloud still _did_ take the helmet off, putting it under one arm as he straightened up but... kept his chin low, his bright blue eyes fastened on Zack's chin instead of glaring him in the eyes. There was still _heat_ in those eyes, and not of the flushed sort he could still see setting a slight tremble to Cloud's hands, but he could deal with that. 

Cloud's concession to obedience smoothed some of his jitteriness out, and it continued to smooth out as he ran his hands down over Cloud's shoulders (rather, over his pauldrons) and arms, squeezing his upper arms. Managed to keep his hands to just skimming Cloud's hips, and didn't continue down his legs, getting more control over his roaring need to _protect_ and make sure Cloud was all right the longer he had Cloud right in front of him.

"Want me to strip naked, too?" Cloud's voice was quiet, but sharp, and Zack would've had to lie if he didn't draw a sharp breath in and had to literally smother the words that _wanted_ to spill out in response to that snark. Because yes, some part of him _definitely_ wanted that. Just to make _absolutely sure_.

"Maybe later," Zack said instead, winking as he squeezed Cloud's arms again and got rewarded with a faint cast of pink to Cloud's cheeks, even if that also brought his glare back, "for now... got a moment?"

Cloud blinked, then glanced around the small square, debris still scattered around, the people who couldn't remove themselves for a hospital themselves sitting on the edges, waiting their turn as one ambulance left and another arrived.

"... Yeah. Can't really... do much more, now, I guess. As much as I did." Cloud was frowning, and Zack knew he knew he'd done all he could, and that it wasn't _bad_ , but Cloud being Cloud would think it wasn't enough. So with a loud snort he pulled him in against him and ruffled his spikes.

"C'mon now, Spike! You did all you could, and it was definitely more than would've been done if you'd left for the gathering point." Zack raised his eyebrow pointedly, completely ignoring Cloud's muffled complaints, and was rewarded with a guilty little twitch and Cloud glancing up, cracking a hesitant grin.

"... Yeah. You're right. thanks, Zack."

Hugging Cloud around his shoulder and closer to himself for a brief moment, he let go so they could walk off to the edge of the square. Zack didn't think he'd have to intervene - if anything, while Cloud had ignored direct orders, his staying and helping, and being the only ShinRa employee on site the whole time, would be positive for the company, and everyone relevant would hopefully realize that without any extra prompting.

"Right. So I'm probably gonna get sent off, considering our manpower issues, if this turns out to not be an accident," Zack said with a grimace, rubbing the back of his head, " _hopefully_ it's not gonna be long enough I'm late for your birthday, but if it is, we're still doing things."

Cloud nodded, and there wasn't any sign he was feeling disappointed. Knowing Cloud, he wouldn't feel it (or wouldn't let himself feel it) until the moment Zack was actually late, and then berate himself for feeling disappointed because they were both busy and this was _work_.

"You know you don't have to---"

"Ah!" Shoving a finger up, practically in Cloud's face, Zack shook his head, grinning. "Nope, I _definitely_ need to. Besides, I wanted..."

Seeing Cloud standing here in front of him, the still slightly dusty air turning the light fuzzy around his blond hair, and, less magically, granting him a layer of dust over his face, sweat having carved tracks in it, Zack wished he could've reached out to Cloud through a proper bond. Wished he could've gotten a confirmation he was all right. Wished to be able to be right beside him, because all he'd learned of and experienced with Cloud so far... He definitely didn't want to let him go.

"Wanted to do something, 'bout our possible bond," Zack smiled, and it widened when Cloud's breath caught and he stared up at him, eyes widening.

"Already?"

As if they hadn't been wanting to do something about it earlier, as if this wasn't... pretty quick, anyway, after figuring out it was there. People had definitely gone into cementing a nascent bond into a real one far quicker than they had, and with far less time knowing each other, too. They weren't exceptional in any way.

"If we don't _plan for it_ , I'm kinda worried I'm gonna be stupid."

"Like the way you ran over here?" Cloud asked, eyebrow raised and voice amused, if flat, and Zack staggered back half a step, hand over his heart.

"Right in the heart! Do you---"

"I don't! Mind, um... if that's what you meant," Cloud said, his quick interjection followed by his cheeks pinking and ducking his head, and Zack was hard pressed not to do... any number of things he'd have liked to do. Mostly he had to push down his still-riled dominant urges at such a display, a pale slice of neck bared above uniform and service collar both. "Mom's gonna be annoyed..."

Cloud laughed softly, though, and Zack slumped in relief. Not a bad sort of annoyed, good.

"My folks will probably be disappointed, but..." He shrugged. He had only just about sent them a letter about being involved with Cloud, and his general progression through ShinRa, so... "We can do something for 'em all later. Cloud..?"

Cloud looked up, and Zack, while he tried, really tried, gave in and reached a hand out, gloved fingers brushing Cloud's cheek, the black leather stark against his pale skin.

"Do you trust me?"

"What?" Cloud blinked, his nose scrunching. "Of course? Obviously. I already said that, didn't I..."

"This isn't for _that_. This is for what comes _before that_ , for your birthday." Zack felt warm pleasure pool in his gut and reach outwards, hooking into his heart, the way Cloud's confusion turned into a shy smile, even if he did shift on his feet.

"Oh. Yeah. Of course."

And he said that so easily. Though considering the two weeks they'd had with readjustment, and Zack keeping his secret before that, it wasn't like he didn't have _cause for it_. It still felt like a slightly unearned gift. Zack wasn't generous or selfless enough to give that gift back, though.

"You won't regret it," he said slowly, feeling heavy and full with Cloud's smile and his own, soothed dominance. It felt good. It was also probably a good thing he'd gotten that settled, because then his PHS rang, both of them startling. "And that's probably my marching orders."

Grimacing, he dropped his hand to a pauldron-clad shoulder, then paused.

"Uh--- Could I ask you to check on Sephiroth later? If he's not been shipped off, too."

"... Sure?" Cloud frowned, cocking his head, then glanced away as if he could see the man from this spot. "What happened?"

"Just... an unpleasant revelation. I had to leave him before I could help him get settled," Zack said with another grimace. Cloud turned back to look up at him with an expression that wavered between hesitant and determined.

"You think... I could help him?"

Could he? Not in the way Zack had been, of course, but the help he _could_ give would undoubtedly be as useful, but Zack didn't _want_ to see the result--- and he might not, if Sephiroth showed some restraint and he was gone until the day before Cloud's birthday. It was still hard to shove down the part of him that definitely didn't want to share, now that readjustment was over and he didn't _have to_ send Cloud to someone else to take care of something (that shouldn't have been happening anyway, in his opinion) that was needed when it came to Cloud's dynamic.

"I know you could," Zack found himself saying, briefly closing his eyes. Opened them again and quickly continued before Cloud had a chance to take his offer back, which he could _see_ was what would happen in the way Cloud opened his mouth. Not that he didn't want to let him take it back, because he did, but Sephiroth... Sephiroth wouldn't go to someone else, and he needed to unwind, at least a _little_. "And if you think you can deal with it, I think you should. Just... ah, don't do anything we haven't done?"

He felt downright ridiculous for having worried when, after Cloud's bright blush, he gave him a narrow, reproachful stare.

"Who do you think I am? Of course I won't!" Cloud grumbled, then paused, ducking his head again and only glancing up at him through his bangs and lashes, which pushed buttons he didn't need pushed right now, so close to another mission. "I'd... um... wear your collar, instead of my service one, if--- y'know, if you wanted."

And there went the rest of his tension, and he smiled, pulling Cloud in for a hug.

"If I had one to give you right now, that... thank you, Cloud. Just imagine it for now, okay?"

Cloud laughed and shook his head, cheeks a warm pink again, before he waved him off.

"You better go catch your transport, _sir_."

Zack wished he'd had the time and opportunity to pull Cloud somewhere more private and kiss him, but that would have to wait for his return. He couldn't even resent the low heat in his gut as he saluted and turned to jog off - the _way_ Cloud had said that, as correct as it was for the situation, made it as intimate as if he'd had him naked and kneeling in his apartment.

***  
As determined as he'd been, and still _was_ , to help, Cloud was still hesitating in front of the door that evening. He'd gotten a message from Zack saying Sephiroth _ought_ to still be in Midgar, but... that didn't mean he'd even open the door, if he felt off. Or he might have barricaded himself in his office, working to try and get back in balance that way. If it was the latter, Cloud... couldn't see himself go down there and knock.

(Aside from the fact that as Army, he didn't actually have access to those floors. He still did the SOLDIER residential floors because Zack had given him a card explicitly for that after readjustment was over.)

Looking up at the door in front of him, Cloud exhaled and rung the bell.

He _did_ want to help, and he understood very well what that help might entail, considering how Sephiroth had... reacted, while being in charge of the corporal punishment part of his sentence. That was fine. In fact, Cloud felt like he could deal with it even better if it was for something like this.

" _Yes_?" Sephiroth, when the door snapped open, looked... not exactly wrung out, but there was a tension around his eyes. One which Cloud only got a glimpse of, breath shuddering a little at the weight of Sephiroth's presence and unable to keep his gaze on his. That was okay, though, he supposed, when he could feel the intensity pull back a little in response to his ducked head. "... Cloud? Are you all right?"

Confusion, and Cloud barely held back a snort. He'd ask that, when _he_ was clearly not all right?

" _I'm_ fine, sir. Can I..." Another breath in, which he held for a few seconds, then let it out, tilting his head up to look up at Sephiroth from under his bangs, "can I come in?"

As Sephiroth stared at him, Cloud wondered if he shouldn't have phrased that differently - hopefully pushed some of those buttons that'd be more closer to the surface, given what he was picking up on. It wasn't a great difference from Sephiroth's usually-composed towering presence, but it was... frayed. It was pressing more insistently down on him than it had even that first time he'd been close to him, wholly unprepared for how he'd _feel_ passing by.

Finally, just when Cloud was opening his mouth to rephrase his request, Sephiroth ducked his head, bangs sliding forward, and stepped back, giving him the room he needed to at least come into the hall. That was enough. Cloud strode in and took his shoes off - presumptive, Sephiroth might refuse , but it felt more correct to do this, if not barefoot, then only in his socks.

"Is it Zack not being here so soon after readjustment?" Sephiroth was frowning, which Cloud could see mostly because he was short enough, so Sephiroth's ducked head and his bangs weren't as effectual a shield as it might otherwise have been. Shaking his head, Cloud turned half around and, eyes sliding closed, dropped into a kneel.

Immediately, the sense of Sephiroth's presence sharpened, but Cloud, as he cracked his eyes open, could tell he'd be told to get up if he didn't do something in the next few seconds. Sephiroth didn't look relaxed, he looked even _more_ tense now.

"It's not, sir. Zack said something happened... I'd like to help." He looked up, briefly meeting those incandescent eyes, and then, to make things _extra_ clear, bent forward, planting his hands on the floor in front of him and bending down. It felt... well, it wasn't his favourite way of doing this, but Sephiroth was such a strong dominant that, with his control slipping, it _felt good_ to show that bit of submission. The way Sephiroth's breath caught was far more satisfying _personally_ , though.

"You don't know what you're offering," Sephiroth said, his voice tight, quiet.

"Sir... I think I have a pretty good idea." Maybe he shouldn't sound so flatly wry, but it came out that way anyway. The brush of long fingers skating through the tips of his spikes made it clear it maybe _hadn't_ been such a bad idea. "As long... as you don't use SOLDIER strength, I can deal with it."

Well. He thought, anyway. The hand slid through his bangs and landed, heavy and hot, on his head. Sephiroth was now kneeling in front of him, but it felt less like deference and more like having a predator crouched in front of him.

"So you say. What are the rules?" Sephiroth still spoke slowly, like he was trying to stop the words from coming out and failing. Cloud swallowed and twitched his shoulders in a shrug.

"Zack said... nothing more, than I've already done with him. _Mine_ is, you let me do this."

_That_ earned him a low, quiet chuckle, and the hand in his hair tightening into a fist, which made his breath catch in his throat.

"Treat the collar you're wearing as if it's Zack's." A statement. The hand eased up, brushed through his spikes, and Sephiroth shifted back up on his feet. "You know your safewords, Cloud. If it's too far, you use them." Sephiroth's voice was cold and hard, and Cloud closed his eyes again and nodded.

"Yessir."

"... Thank you," Sephiroth said, his voice heavy with real gratitude and still an edge of distance. If that was because he expected Cloud to take his offer back, or simply because he knew he couldn't actually _let go_ , just... give in, a little, Cloud didn't know. He'd do what he could, either way, a determination that only solidified watching the tense line of Sephiroth's shoulders and back as he followed him into a room that was by now quite familiar.

The sight of it didn't cause a surge of wary resentment or guarded tension, only Cloud's steps evening out with purpose. He was here for a reason, one he actually _wanted_ to happen, compared to the punishments earlier. It was far easier, now, to strip down as much as he'd ever done in here and go where directed.

He couldn't see what Sephiroth chose, and it didn't matter. He closed his eyes and breathed out at the same time as the first strike hit, and the hot lash brought to mind some of the tension running out of Sephiroth in that same motion. He kept that imagine in his head and was soon floating with it as an anchor. Subspace, surprisingly enough, riding high with it and distantly noticing how Sephiroth's movements had gone from choppy and awkward, fighting his own carefully calculated strength, to fluid.

That made it worth it.

That made him want to do _more_ , but the wave he was on was also starting to wane, he could _tell_ it was. The next strike hit slightly wrong, or he was just not quite as ready for it, and he jerked, breath stuttering out on the word he'd been determined not to say. Sephiroth stopped mid-strike, also managing to catch the end of the flogger before it hit him, and Cloud groaned even as his muscles trembled.

"Y-you can, con---"

"Cloud." The tone froze him, and Cloud closed his mouth. " _Good boy_. I was wondering when you would stop being stubborn."

Sephiroth moved away, then came back shortly after, standing close enough Cloud could feel the heat from his skin hitting his too-hot, too-tender back. Large hands wrapped around his where they were attached to the cross, and Sephiroth's long, silver hair fell forward, whispering against his shoulders and sides. 

"You have done... far more than I expected," he said while he shifted his weight to give himself the room needed to undo first Cloud's wrist cuffs, then the ankle ones, and Cloud didn't even protest the hand that caught one of his shoulders, leading him out of the room. "I'm going to go wi---"

"Sephiroth!" Cloud protested, then snapped his mouth closed, realizing _how_ that had sounded, and felt his face go hot as well, ducking his head as he slumped into the couch.

"I will go with you to the elevator and ride it down to your residential floor, when you feel ready to go." There was a small smile on Sephiroth's face, one which Cloud first _heard_ and had to look up to confirm. He smiled faintly in response and nodded, gingerly leaning back against the couch.

"... yeah. Okay."

It wasn't that he wanted to keep this a secret, really, but he also didn't want... People would assume a lot of stupid things and he didn't want that. 

Opening his eyes again, he looked up at Sephiroth and, after a beat of staring into green eyes, tilted his head. The hand that crept into his hair was far more hesitant than it'd been when he'd knelt after being let inside, and far more so than Zack had ever been. He closed his eyes and melted into the warm weight anyway, because it was _good_. At the same time he couldn't help but noticing the sharp differences to Zack's hand and the way he usually ran it through his hair, and hoped he'd be back soon.


	17. Birthday I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first part of Cloud's birthday! It involves presents and a dinner.

Zack didn't come back from his mission "soon". But he _did_ still come back right before Cloud's birthday, and thanks to a mix of luck with a day off, Zack really not having much of anything to do when fresh off a mission and still 'on duty' even if he wasn't explicitly working, they had the whole day free.

Cloud almost wondered if there'd been some tinkering going on somewhere, but hell. He didn't care. This wasn't just a rare treat, it was a _very special one_ , and he'd take it without asking any questions. Which was why he was waiting for Zack by the fountain, expectant... and half expecting to hear his PHS ping with a mail from Zack that he'd gotten sent off on another mission already. It _would_ be just his luck if that happened.

"Spike!"

Cloud looked up, a smile on his face the moment he spotted Zack and his bright, wide grin. A second later he was pulled against a broad chest, breath practically squeezed out of him and Zack's arms and hands seemed to manage to be _everywhere_ while yet doing nothing more than hug him. Cloud didn't even get the chance to grunt in protest before he was just... warm and soft, all the way down to his toes, and finally had the chance to wrap his arm around Zack in return.

"Happy birthday!"

"Thanks," he said, a little breathless and feeling surprisingly... settled, deeper inside. Like Zack had somehow reached in and squeezed his ephemeral _insides_ too, settling the squirming displeasure that'd been growing while Zack was gone. He'd been ignoring it, because he was capable of existing by himself, and didn't _need_ someone else, especially not to soon after Zack had left, but it sure felt so much better, now. He'd be annoyed if he wasn't so happy Zack was back. "If that was my birthday present, I think it was one of the best I've gotten."

... Maybe a little too revealing, and he ducked his head, half of a flustered chuckle mostly swallowed. Zack stared silently but didn't say anything, just snorted after a moment and ruffled his spikes, though not as vigorously as usual.

"If that's what you call one of your best birthday presents ever, I'm gonna blow you away today." He sounded so _certain_ as he said that. Rolling his eyes, Cloud straightened back up and felt less embarrassed now, thankfully. Didn't regret having phrased it exactly like that either, and just elbowed Zack.

"Don't bet on it. One-hit wonders can rarely be repeated."

"Cloud!" Zack groaned, loudly and dramatically as he slumped over, practically radiating hurt. "So cruel. I guess I'll just have to prove you wrong." The grin as he straightened and dropped an arm around Cloud's shoulders was as bright as the sun, and Cloud hoped Zack wasn't adding more onto whatever other plans he had for today.

"Uh-huh. If you say so. So where are we going?" he asked, more than ready to _get going_ , but Zack held a finger up instead of answering immediately or starting to walk.

"Now, here's the rules for today, 'cause clearly we're gonna need 'em; if you ask about what I've planned, or where we're going, I'm going to have to gag you, sorry."

"Wh--- _Zack_!?" Incredulous, Cloud stared. Didn't want to acknowledge the weird little flutter in his gut, but either way surely Zack couldn't be serious?

"I'm serious, by the way," Zack said and pulled a little cloth bag out of a pocket, pulling it open to reveal a ball gag inside like it was nothing, "and if I tell you to look down or close your eyes, you do, okay? Otherwise I'm gonna have to blindfold you, too." The smile both took the edge out of Zack's words and made the flutter in his stomach turn into a storm of butterflies.

It wasn't that he wanted Zack to gag or blindfold him out here (not that it was too weird for public, at least _in Midgar_ ), because he didn't. Really didn't. But Zack was being _serious_ and that--- Well, that was what was setting him off, apparently, which somehow seemed more embarrassing than the actual hypothetical of walking around gagged and blindfolded. He wouldn't have minded if it was in Zack's apartment, though. Covering all of that with an eyeroll, Cloud cocked his head and shot Zack a stare from under his bangs. Frowning a little, but that was mostly to, again, cover for a very real creeping anticipation for whatever Zack had planned.

"Okay. Didn't think you'd get so _serious_ about this..."

He'd never had anyone actually go through the effort. Not that his mother hadn't always given him _some_ present and a cake or _something_ , but this was... a little different. A _lot_ different with the way Zack's faintly glowing blue eyes turned almost incandescent with his smile, and a strong arm dropped around his shoulders, squeezing.

"Only the best for you, Spike! Now, come on."

At least Zack didn't drag him off with his arm still around his shoulders. That would've been quite an awkward way to walk, far more awkward than a leash (not that he wanted to walk around with one out in public, still). Despite having implicitly promised he wouldn't ask where they were going, and he wasn't _going to_ , there was still one part of that whole thing... 

"Did you _seriously_ take a gag with you just so you could threaten to use it? You could've just told me you want it to be a secret!" Incredulity turned to amusement somewhere mid-sentence, and Cloud was grinning, soft laughter lurking behind his words, before he was done. Zack didn't look at him, and even raised his head a little, nose sliding higher in the air.

"I wanted to make an impression," he said, with an impressive amount of dignity for something so ridiculous, though he didn't quite manage - or perhaps didn't bother to - put any dominant authority in the words. _Then_ Zack glanced down at him, a grin hovering at the edges of his lips as he winked. "And I have been informed you're one intractable submissive, Cloud. Got to keep you in hand, right?"

"Uh-huh." The noise practically dripping incredulity this time, Cloud rolled his eyes. Yeah, he was so very intractable. He could admit that maybe he turned _bratty_ sometimes, when he wasn't really frustrated or angry (or defensive), but needed a nudge or two, but Zack had never seemed to mind.

They walked the length of Loveless Avenue and then turned down a street a couple blocks away from the entertainment offered around the avenue and into one of the nicer shopping areas of Sector Eight, and Cloud couldn't help his sidelong glance up at Zack, but he just squeezed his hand and led him on. Maybe they were just walking through, because even the glimpses of prices in the display windows they passed was enough to make him wince. There were cheaper places even in Sector Eight, though, so if they were heading for those it wasn't odd that they hadn't aimed for the train station to start with.

It was nice, anyway, to just... get to walk. 

Do nothing more special or goal-oriented like that, with Zack's large, warm hand around his, and no leather between them or the weight of armour and straps. He bumped his shoulder into Zack's upper arm a few times, not because there was too thick of a crowd he was being jostled, but because he _wanted to_ , to feel the solid presence of Zack's weight just... being there. That was undoubtedly also a really good birthday present, even if his thoughts kept wandering to _later_ and what it might, or rather, _would_ , lead to.

He quickly yanked his thoughts away from that again and pulled his eyes up from the ground to the surroundings instead. The crowd was probably pretty typical of a Thursday early afternoon - the lunch crowd was returning back to work, thinning out, but there were teenagers around too, either skipping school or there was one close enough they could wander these streets and still be back on time. Cloud wouldn't know.

_Most_ people were clearly alone, as there was only a scattered few where a sub was obviously following someone, on a leash or not, but they passed a whole group of well-dressed submissives who, despite that _every one of them_ were wearing rather tricky heels, though not all of them were in hobble skirts, and clearly going somewhere in a hurry, slowed down from their earlier pace as they came up to pass him and Zack. Eyes narrowing, Cloud squeezed the hand wrapped around his and could only _barely_ resist turning his head to glare.

They could comment and stare, surely doe-eyed looks following Zack, but that was _all_. And Zack, because he was an asshole, laughed as soon as the group was somewhere safely behind them.

"You got nothing to worry about, you _know that_ , right?" Zack's voice was warm, but there was enough pointed teasing in it Cloud ducked his head, cheeks warming. Muttering something indistinct not even he was sure what it was, Cloud ignored that Zack had surely winked at some of those subs. Because Zack was both friendly _and_ flirty like that. He didn't even care if he had; he knew where Zack stood there, otherwise they wouldn't... well, they wouldn't actually be about to try to make the nascent soul bond into a _full_ one. Zack snorted and squeezed his hand, then turned them sideways.

"All right, here we are. I want your input."

Looking up, Cloud blinked and stared up at the sign, then the display window.

"You're getting a collar?" He wasn't sure why he was questioning it, but maybe it was the location. _Anything_ would've been good enough to him, as long as it actually was _from Zack_ and here...

"Yep." Zack said brightly, leading the way inside. "And since you're the one who's gonna wear it, I want your thoughts on it."

"Zack, you don't... have to buy it _here_. I'm fine with anything. This place is---" Cloud cut himself off, mostly because they were by now in hearing range of the attendant and he really didn't want to be heard saying it was too expensive. Even if it _was_.

"Hey."

Grunting softly as he was pulled to a stop, distracted enough he walked into Zack instead of managing to be distracted _and_ hold that knife-edge awareness that was so prized in subs to manage to stop right in tune with their dominant, Cloud reluctantly looked up when Zack's fingers brushed his jaw.

"I don't _want_ whatever. It should be for _you_ , okay? And no, this isn't your birthday present. I guess it's more for _me_ , actually," Zack said and grinned and Cloud had to admit, it sort of was, wasn't it? "And if I want to get you a collar from _here_..?" 

The way that trailed off made it so obviously a leading question and Cloud _wanted_ to protest some more, but Zack's bright eyes were serious and a little low-lidded, and his heart skipped a beat.

"... Yessir," he mumbled, tilting his head a little to the side, the simple collar he wore easy in view due to the t-shirt and the open jacket he wore, and was rewarded with Zack's nostrils flaring. Worried he didn't have Zack's interest? Not at all, really.

"Okay. Good." Zack cleared his throat and crossed the shop to talk to the attendant for a minute or two, coming back with a slim case in his hands, flipping the lid open when he stopped. "So... what do you think?"

Peering into the case, Cloud picked the heavy leather collar from the cushioning it was laying on. It was about half the width of his service collar, but curiously a bit thicker. Notably had a proper lock at the back, and warmth skidded all the way down to his gut. Shifting it in his hands, Cloud frowned. It felt... both heavier and more harder to move than it just being leather could account for. Changing his grip, he tried to bend it, and blinked, looking up at Zack with his eyebrows high on his forehead.

"There's _metal_ in it?"

"Too much?" Zack cocked his head, his expression unreadable, lips slightly pursed. "I like the heft of it, but i---"

"No! It's _fine_!" Cloud blushed at the way the words had spilled out, quick and sharp, but it really _was_ fine. Ignoring the fact that it practically bled both gil and quality, it felt like a collar that meant _business_. Maybe he wouldn't be able to wear it aside from in Zack's apartment or on his days off, but it didn't matter. With the service collar and this one being so very different, _this_ one would be easily remembered... and make the service collar feel less important. Which was about right, anyway.

Zack's smile was brilliant, and while he leaned down, he only rested their foreheads together briefly. The heavy spot of warm pressure felt as good as a kiss.

"At home, yeah?" Zack asked when he came back with the case in a bag, and Cloud nodded. _Definitely_ at home. If Zack had already properly collared him, then it wouldn't have mattered so much, but for _now_... it wasn't something he'd want to do quickly, in a shop or in a side alley. 

That it mattered so much _at all_ , though... Cloud shook his head, snagging Zack's free hand as they left the shop, and frowned thoughtfully.

"... Never thought, it'd matter so much to me, _at all_ ," he muttered, voice softer than usual and the words coming slowly. Zack squeezed his hand, but didn't say anything. It was a waiting silence, though, Zack's attention heavy on the top of his head. "I mean, I guess... I never really thought, I'd have any at all..? And they're not... worn often, in Nibelheim. But it was always important, when they were."

He's not sure what he's trying to say, here. And Cloud realizes right then, collars might not have been worn often out in public, but what people did at _home_ was probably another question. It wasn't like he knew, since it'd been only him and his mom, aside from those vague memories he had of his dad. That was so long ago, he didn't really remember anything specific or useful.

"Hey," Zack's voice was surprisingly soft, though easily heard under the noise of the people around them, "even if it isn't that they're such a big deal _here_... if _you_ like it, even if it's just when you have someone else, then it's good, right?"

Cloud felt a little like he was listening to a variation of what he'd told _Zack_ , about the leash thing... Laughing softly, he shook his head, glancing up at Zack with a small smile on his face.

"... yeah. And lucky for you, it'll work out with how you like _leashes_."

Zack actually _blushed_ , dark enough it was easily visible under his bronze tone, and squawked something unintelligible which just made Cloud laugh harder, all the way until Zack tapped a finger against the back of his hand and pulled on it a little.

"Okay, okay, enough of that. I want you to close your eyes now."

He said _I want_ , but there was unbending weight to those words, and Cloud swallowed and nodded and Zack needed to _stop this_ because he didn't want to go around with his pants awkwardly tight. He did as told, and when Zack started walking again, Cloud realized belatedly that it was a little... like being led by a leash. He wasn't sure whether he was annoyed or not, but since he knew that hadn't been Zack's intent, he relaxed and just followed the pull, down the street, left across it and past the ringing of a store's bell.

He wanted to open his eyes. Really, really wanted to, but Zack had said to close his eyes and hadn't told him to open them yet, so Cloud stood there, feeling like he was _vibrating_ while at the same time not wanting to spoil the surprise. Even if, still, they were in a part of town he thought Zack shouldn't have bothered to waste his gil in... surely less expensive would've been good enough? By now, though, he wasn't going to say anything more about _that_ , knowing Zack was determined about it.

"Stand still, okay Spike?"

Scrunching his nose in confusion, Cloud shrugged, and stilled when he felt fingers at his left earlobe, his heart skipping a beat. He'd already gotten a collar, but that wouldn't be visible at all times, and not _just_ because they worked for ShinRa, so was that..? He brought that thought back in, even if the assumption that it _would_ be matching earrings wasn't that far-fetched. Not with what they were both going to do, and try for, later.

"Zack---" Frowning as something pinched around the cartilage in the upper part of his ear, Cloud only barely kept still, uncertain what Zack was doing, now.

"Just a sec, Cloud." Another moment of fiddling, Zack's fingertips brushing along the shell of his ear and sending an electrified jolt through him before the hand disappeared, but it took another few seconds before Zack spoke up again. "Okay, you can open your eyes."

The first thing he saw, above the edge of the mirror Zack was holding up, was Zack's wide, warm smile. He lowered his gaze to the mirror and turned his head. Almost immediately flicked his eyes up to _Zack's_ left ear and swallowed, a smile pulling at his lips even as he ducked his head away from the deepening warmth of the look on Zack's face.

They were simple, both of their earrings. His was still a silver stud, but there was a keyhole set into the stud, which was larger than his old one. From the stud went a tiny chain up to the clamp holding it there in the upper curve of his ear, and from it...

" _Zack_ ," groaning, Cloud scowled (or well, tried to. He might have been pouting, as much as he was trying to _not_ do that), causing Zack's warm smile to turn into a wolf's grin.

"Come on now, Cloud. It fits you, and, you _do_ like it, right?" The confidence in Zack's voice petered out into something softer, more vulnerable, and Cloud couldn't keep his scowl on his face anymore. Sighing, he lifted a hand to make the tiny feather dangle and looked back to Zack's matching earring again. On top of _his_ stud there was a tiny, perfectly replicated little key, and he _did_ have the exact same chain with the feather dangling from the cuff keeping it in place. "The chain can be removed, so there's not gonna be any risk of tearing while on missions or duty."

_That_ was mostly what did it, aside from that Zack had at least not exempted himself from the silly feather which made it feel less a comment about _him_ and just... matching iconography, and Cloud found himself smiling again, tilting towards Zack.

"Yeah. I do." He wanted to kiss him. Or maybe kneel, resting his cheek against one of those strong thighs. Just hugging him would be good too. What he _did_ , though, was snatch up Zack's hand the second he put the mirror away and squeeze it, feeling hot and soft inside. "Thanks, Zack."

"Happy birthday, Spike," Zack said, and his smile seemed to stop the world, if just for just a few seconds.

As they left the store for a movie, Cloud quickly decided that obnoxious feather or not, he liked the dangling chain. Even after he got used to it he'd still _feel it_ , whenever it was safe to have it attached, and it'd be a reminder far more than the collar would be able to be. He also decided he'd avoid explaining any of this to his roommates, except Gray, maybe. Not that his _roommates_ lingered long in his thoughts; the movie quickly took his attention when they got there (some terribly overacted sci-fi about an alien invasion, though the special effects were great), and afterwards... well, he was more focused on the weight of Zack's hand around his, at least until they ended up in front of a restaurant.

"Zack---"

"Just _let me_ , okay? Besides, you might end up thinking this is more for me than you, but bear with me, Spike. You know I wouldn't make you do something you can't handle."

Cloud shot him a narrow and slightly confused side-eye, but when they got past the doors and the tastefully darkened windows, it became clear what Zack had meant.

It was a traditional restaurant.

No wonder Zack had thought he might balk. For once, though, Cloud felt... okay, a little tense, and a little flustered at the idea that someone might pay attention and he would make mess out of himself, but at the same time, it wasn't at all as bad as his dislike of having to be leashed in public during readjustment. Throwing a glance around the softly lit space while Zack dealt with the host (apparently he'd made a reservation, which wasn't that surprising), Cloud frowned. Mostly for the fact that he felt out of place as _most_ of the other guests present were dressed far more nicely than either of the two of them.

It was apparently not a problem, though, as they were quickly led from the door after a short conversation, and down a path through the widely spaced, heavy tables, each with less chairs around them than would be normally used, but that was because on the floor next to each chair was a thick pillow.

It was obvious where he was gonna be, for this.

They weren't led to any of those tables, however. Not even to any of the booths, half shielded from view. Rather they were led towards the back, up a couple of stairs where there was a sort of lounge area around a fountain, and several doors set in the walls. They were led to one of those, the host opening the door and letting Zack and Cloud in.

Private room.

The rest of his tension melted away.

There were no windows in here, but one wall had a huge painting of some wide-stretched grass land with mountains in the distance, and there was a small water feature in the corner. The table was heavy and dark, the single chair the same, and the pillow, when he knelt on it after Zack had sat down, was stuffed enough to be firm and give him support, but not so firm as to be hard. He could probably sit on this for a couple hours, at the least, with no problem at all.

"You okay?" Zack brushed his shoulder, and Cloud looked up, a slightly dizzying sense of _realness_ settling in as he looked up at Zack, the edge of the table in front of him and Zack and the chair to his left, half boxing him in.

"Uh-huh. I'm _fine_ , Zack." He rolled his eyes at the slightly suspicious look on Zack's face, which slowly morphed into a growing relief. Good. "But, all of this... y---"

The hand still brushing his shoulder angled sideways, a finger against his lips.

"You finish that by asking me how much it cost, and I'm going to gag you until the food arrives," Zack said, sounding admonishing and cheerful in one. Cloud scowled and snorted, resisting the urge to nip the finger against his lips.

"I'm going to search your apartment and hide all the gags away, if you continue like that."

Zack stared at him, blue eyes bright and glowing and then he burst out laughing. "Clearly I'm gonna have to lock all my toys and tools away with you around!"

Grinning, Cloud relaxed onto the cushion, hands folded on his lap and, admittedly, back slouched until Zack tapped the back of his neck and he straightened up. The hand tugged on his braid and then disappeared. Zack neither showed him the menu nor counted up what dishes were on it, but he was... surprisingly, fine with that.

He could leave it to Zack, right now. He knew he wouldn't get him anything he wouldn't like, so he didn't _need_ to think about it.

And, it was just for now. All of this was just for _this meal_. That made it more okay, too. More _interesting_. He wouldn't want it to be like this _every_ day, and he doubted Zack would like that either, but as an... indulgence, an exploration, and, maybe, a treat, it was interesting, and maybe even fun. In a way, it was also sort of leading in to _later_ , as Cloud just shut his eyes and enjoyed the warmth of Zack's hand on his shoulder, near the crook of his neck. It was almost hidden from view that way, so when a server came in to take their (or, well... _Zack's_ ) order, Cloud didn't move.

He cracked one eye open to peer at the server though, a little curious since he certainly had never been in a place like this before. She was dressed not in a hobble skirt, long or short, but rather neatly pressed, narrow slacks with restraint spats over her low boots and hemming the bottom of the slacks in. The chain between the spats was thin, and long enough to give a reasonable step but not long enough to drag or be easily tripped by. She knelt down as if those restraint spats weren't there at all. They, along with the slim tie and the shirt revealed by the scooped cut of the front of her jacket and the cuffs on her upper arms, were the only thing that were in white. The rest, along with the posture collar, was all black. Cloud wondered how safe the chain that went behind her back between the cuffs on her upper arms were, but... they must have accounted for that when creating the uniform.

She looked poised and elegant, and Cloud felt a little more out of place. At least Zack wasn't any more fancily dressed than he was, so they were _both_ looking a little out of place in the subdued colours and rich, heavy wood of this place.

She didn't even write anything at all down, just murmured an 'of course, sir. Your food will be arriving shortly' before she scooted backwards and stood up in the same motion, making it into a single sinuous curve. Cloud had never really _wanted_ to have more actual training, and he wasn't sure if he was suddenly jealous, now, or if he was just incredulous of the sort of work it'd take to learn all of this for a _job_. Maybe the servers at a place like this enjoyed it, though. Combined it with how they liked to submit... or they took it as what needed to be done and relaxed into how they preferred to submit on their days off, who knew.

"You're thinking too much," Zack said, tapping his temple. Shrugging, Cloud tilted his head a little so he could glance up at Zack, who was looking down at him, the glow seemingly stronger from this angle, and his smile warmly amused.

"How can you tell?"

"Oh, _easy_."

But he didn't explain, just widened his grin into a smug shark's smile. With a snort, Cloud thought Zack was just guessing, he was sure. Zack had on the other hand _guessed right_ , and was now trailing his fingers along the edge of the collar, only accidentally touching skin, and Cloud's attention zeroed in on the slight pressure, the intermittent brushes of skin-against-skin, like fireworks.

When they got back, Zack would exchange the collar, and it'd be heavier than this one. Cloud smiled at the thought, then blinked as the door opened again and the server came in, walking precisely but somehow making it look _simple_ , even with the (only partially aesthetic) restraints against carrying a heavy tray. He hadn't thought that much time had passed...

His stomach, though, gurgled quietly, informing him in no uncertain terms _it_ was certainly glad the food was here.

He couldn't just dig in, however. Not when he was kneeling down on the floor _next to_ the table, instead of sitting on a chair by it. All he could do (unless he moved, but he'd have to stand up or go out and get another chair, in that case, and there was only one plate, anyway), was wait.

"Here."

Which he didn't need to do for long, as Zack presented a ball of dark, sticky rice, fragrant with spices. Turning his head and leaning forward slowly, Cloud met Zack's gaze above him as he opened his mouth, and a callous-tipped thumb brushed his bottom lip as he closed his lips around the rice, and he leaned into it slightly, then sat back upright. The scent of the rice had lodged in his nose and the back of his mouth - the taste that followed as he chewed fulfilled the promise, and he groaned.

"That wasn't a _good_ groan," Zack said, fork halfway to his mouth and an eyebrow raised, and Cloud almost choked on his mouthful of rice as much as the chortle that came with, shaking his head.

"No, just--- We still have to eat at the cafeteria, Zack."

The way the inquisitive expression fell with realization, Cloud was glad he'd already swallowed by now. Zack's soft little curse just made it even funnier.

"Uh-huh." Good thing he didn't try saying anything else, or he'd have burst out laughing. Zack snorted and presented a generous cube of pale meat, sauce precariously balancing on top of it.

"Don't know if you deserve this, remindin' me o---" Zack cut himself off with an indrawn breath as Cloud leaned forward, cheeks darkening to pink as he _slowly_ took the bite of meat out of Zack's fingers, tongue darting forward right before he pulled away to catch a dribble of sauce he hadn't been quick enough to catch before it'd rolled off onto Zack's finger.

Zack's eyes were dark, even past the glow, but all he did was get him another little ball of rice. Though maybe the tip of his thumb lingered a moment longer than necessary against his bottom lip, compared to the brush before. He felt hot, radiating out from the pit of his stomach, caused by the food as much as the expression on Zack's face and his own, slightly shy, flustered daring.

It was nothing at all like the chocolates last year, and yet it was similar, _building on it_ , sort of.

Zack presented a handful of fresh pods of peas, feeding them to him one at a time, the greens bright and crunchy against the loaded spices of the rice and the thick sauce that went with the meat. There was a sort of slow indulgence to the whole thing, and by the end the little ember in his gut might have turned into a tightening of his pants. Just a little. 

But who could fault him when Zack was feeding him bites of chocolate mousse with whipped cream for dessert? Who could fault him, when it was only _mostly_ with a spoon, as some of his mouthfuls of it came as dollops balancing on two of Zack's fingers and Cloud was _really relieved_ they had their own room. It was... embarrassing, to take enough of Zack's fingers into his mouth to not miss or drop anything, but the burning weight of Zack's stare and the proof he wasn't the only one feeling this, made Cloud bold enough to slowly lick the fingers clean, every time.

It felt a little disorienting when they stepped out of there, into the soft murmuring conversation that was more like a buzz and the clinking of utensils against porcelain. Blinking, Cloud just... stopped, taking a breath and slowly letting it out. Zack, noticing he wasn't right by his shoulder any longer, turned around and came back to him, a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey... you okay?"

Looking up into bright, warmly concerned eyes with their familiar, faint glow, Cloud felt reality slide back to normal again and nodded.

"Yeah. Never better."

Zack smiled like he alone was responsible for the sun and squeezed his shoulders.

"And maybe I can make you feel _even better_ soon," he said with a wink, and while the hand on his shoulder tightened as if he wanted to pull him along and in front of him, he let go and they walked, "properly" out of the restaurant and onto the street.


	18. Birthday II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other half of Cloud's birthday, with Zack and Cloud deepening their relationship... on several levels.

Cloud could barely remember the walk back to the Tower. Or, more like, didn't care to focus on it even as it happened beyond the warm weight of Zack's large hand around his, the slight, constant tug as Zack's longer legs pushed him onwards. Long strides Zack would usually curtail to match him, but Cloud didn't bother to remind him this time. It matched the growing tension in his own limbs, like something was winding his nerves tight throughout his body.

Every step was another turn, sending little lightning jolts up his arm from the minute changes of Zack's fingers pressing against his skin. He didn't want to _let go_ , however, so by the time they got back to the Tower, Cloud had only one thought in his head. One thought which transformed into action the second the door to Zack's apartment was closed and locked behind them, and he pushed into Zack, pulled him down, and kissed him.

Zack's laughter into the kiss was hot, bubbling over with breathless amusement, but a second later it was _Cloud_ up against the door, not Zack, and he practically melted against the hard surface behind him, and into the lips on his.

It was like there'd been something stuck, wound tight, inside of him for... definitely far longer than his issues with his dynamic, and as Zack hoisted him a little higher against the door, it started to unwind in response to the simple strength and surety of the motion. Not that they remained there for long, even if it felt like he could taste Zack in his own mouth when they were done and he chanced a brief, tentative nip to Zack's bottom lip when he pulled away, but it was more than _long enough_.

"All right, come here." Chuckling, Zack swung them around, his hands under his thighs and easily fielding the change in balance and weight until he put Cloud down next to the coffee table. They hadn't turned on any lights, so the only thing lighting the apartment was reflected citylight and the distant green of the mako reactors. Zack's eyes seemed nearly incandescent in the shadows as his fingers brushed against his collar.

"Time to take that off," he murmured, his voice almost rumbling with the soft weight in every word, and Cloud nodded, mouth immediately dry.

Pretended like his hands weren't trembling, just a little, and like his heart wasn't marking out an uneven beat as he raised his hands and undid the clasp on his service collar, dropping it on the coffee table beside them. It wasn't like Zack hadn't already showed his intention; the new earring sat snug in his earlobe and the chain with its feather on the other end was a constant, gently dangling and weighted reminder. But this was... it was a little different than _that_ , as much as he'd _like_ to consider it no different at all. As much as he'd always thought he'd never _care_ about wearing a collar. Wearing _someone's_ collar.

But he did, so when Zack put the slim box down on the table beside his service collar, Cloud watched, eyes wide. Zack moved with deliberate exactness - not slow, but certainly not as whirlwind certain as he _usually_ did - as he unlatched the box and picked up the collar he'd bought. Unlocked it, and stepped behind Cloud as he slipped it around his throat.

The braid was easily pulled aside, and Cloud closed his eyes as the weight of the collar settled around his throat and against his collarbones, _there_ in a way the simple leather of the service collar just couldn't be. The soft, subtle click of the collar locking shot his heart up into the back of his throat for a second, then it seemed to melt out into his veins, his nerves, his _limbs_ , the heartbeat encompassing all of him before it drew back where it belonged; in his chest, below the collar.

"Okay?"

Cloud startled at Zack's soft question and chuckled, sounding maybe a bit embarrassingly breathless as he nodded.

"Yeah. It could be even better, though," Cloud said, raising his eyebrows even if Zack couldn't see that, still standing behind him as he was. The snort he was rewarded with though, revealed he'd absolutely heard the cheeky tone he'd used. Zack's large hands fell to his shoulders and squeezed.

"If you've got time to be sassy, I'm clearly being too easy on you." He leaned in, the last few words whispered against the shell of Cloud's ear, and he shivered, teeth catching his lip. "So. Strip."

A jolt went through him as the low command, barely voiced as Zack's lips moved against his ear, but he couldn't have missed it even if he had been deaf, the intention of it rocketing through him. No half-way, this time. No, this time, Zack meant _completely_ , and while he flushed, flustered, Cloud... wanted to, too.

Swallowing heavily, Cloud stepped away from Zack. Didn't _turn around_ , but Zack hadn't said he had to do that, and he was rather relived for it. He could more easily focus on what he was doing that way, even as aware as he was of the weight of Zack's attention on him, sweeping from the top of his head, down to his feet, and then back. Settled there. Waiting.

There was a warm, tingling spot at the back of his neck, a crawling sensation that could've been a caress if there'd actually been fingers drawing those nonsense patterns over his skin. There was nothing but Zack behind him and his eyes on him. Shaking his head slightly, Cloud pulled off his jacket first. Dropped it over the arm rest of the chair next to him, aware of the faint draft from the air con now as it tickled over his neck, more of it bare than it usually was with the service collar.

Weirdly enough it made him feel more exposed than normal, but it was also... kind of freeing. Which seemed kind of contradictory since he _was_ still wearing a collar, and its weight was more noticeable than his usual one. It felt good, though.

Cloud pulled off his t-shirt quickly, dropping it on top of the jacket, then almost bent down like he usually did to yank his socks off. Paused, considering it for a second, then knelt down on one leg, pulling the other foot's sock off first, then switched to do the same with the other. Behind him, the weight of Zack's gaze grew warmer it felt like, and Cloud smirked behind the protection of his ducked head and bent back. 

Nevermind that he was blushing, too.

Standing back up, he bit his lip, digging in and exhaling sharply before he undid the buttons in his pants and pulled them off. Cool air was now tickling almost all of him, but it wasn't any more than it'd been during the first week of reassessment. It was the next step that would take it further.

This time, there was no pause, and while Cloud could swear his blush had reached his collarbones by now, he pulled off his underwear in a single, smooth motion and dropped it on top of the rest of his clothes. The only thing he was now wearing was the earring, the feather swaying gently with every little twitch and movement, and the collar.

"Cloud..."

Zack didn't need to finish. The tone settled in his breastbone, sunk deeper in, and Cloud trembled slightly with it. It was a call, and as flustered as he still was, he turned around with no hesitation, briefly meeting Zack's seemingly incandescent eyes, and walked the few steps back, sinking down to his knees.

Zack's hand in his hair was heavy, and felt _good_. He closed his eyes, just for a moment, and breathed.

"You sure you want this?"

Snapping his eyes open, the furious incredulity died before he got a chance to voice it, because as soon as he opened his eyes he saw Zack was dangling two thin bracelets in his free hand, right in his line of vision. From them hung two tiny pebbles of polished mako. No larger than half the size of the smallest finger's nail, they were both uneven, but gleamed in the low light.

Oh.

"If you really would rather wait with _this_ part, just tell me and I'll put these away right now," Zack said, voice warm and dark, and Cloud looked up, past the bracelets, past the arm with the hand buried in his hair. The expression on Zack's face was as warm as his voice, bright and patient and _wanting_... but also not demanding anything.

"... I want it." His voice didn't tremble or waver, and that was a relief. It'd have been embarrassing if he revealed how much he _did_ want it by his voice betraying him that way. He just... the fact that they had this possible connection at all was more than he'd ever have expected, and Zack _wanted_ to try and deepen it.

Why wouldn't he want that? It was _Zack_.

"You're too good to me, Spike." Zack chuckled, the hand in his hair briefly tightening. Cloud rolled his eyes and mumbled something that might have been 'and don't you forget it', resulting in Zack waggling his head a little before he let go. He left, then, but only the couple of steps needed to get into the kitchen area on the other side of the room, rummaging around briefly. Cloud knew what he was looking for, and was proven right when Zack came back with one of the few cutting knives he possessed.

The thing with soul bonds, and even more so potential such, was that, _naturally_ , they took time to develop and establish themselves. A full-fledged relationship, with or without actual sex, would, in time, turn potential into reality and there was of course a lot of romance around that moment, the _eventual sweetness_ of the reward.

Of course, humans being humans, they'd rather early on found out ways to take a shortcut, for those who had the opportunity by proximity or simply the money to get what was needed. Materia was rare and prized, but tiny pebbles of mako were easy to find if you lived in an area where liquid mako came up close to the surface.

"All right, here we go." Zack remained standing as he cut a tiny jack into his thumb, gave the knife to Cloud, and brushed the little mako pebble set into one of the bracelets to the cut. Nothing magical happened, of course. The blood didn't do something as silly and dramatic as _get absorbed_ by the little stone (but that was a favourite to portray in stories), and they wouldn't even know if this would work until it actually happened, but it was a well-used and old method. Mirroring Zack, Cloud cut himself, put the knife on the coffee table and took the other bracelet, touching the pebble to the blood that welled up. They exchanged the bracelets then, wearing each others.

"You know... I always thought this part seemed like wishful thinking, even with how long it's been used---"

"And those studies!" Zack laughed as he cut in, shaking his head. "Me too, but... if it works, regardless of _how_ , then I'll take it."

"Yeah." Snorting softly, Cloud still nodded in agreement. He absolutely _would_ take it, even with the only working theory being that everybody had tiny bits of the energy mako was made of inside of them, and the tiny stones, dipped in the potential soulmates' blood, connected that energy together a lot quicker than would otherwise happen.

It made sense, he supposed, but it still sounded utterly ridiculous.

"Now then." Zack's voice dropped, and Cloud looked up again, a single, heavy throb of his heartbeat rattling through him at the look on Zack's face. That, more than any actual thought or idea, was what made him shuffle forward the little bit needed, leaning in the rest of the way, and pressing his face to Zack's thigh before Zack had a chance to continue talking. Tilting his head until his nose was brushing against the slight, curving resistance of Zack's cock through his pants while the heat in his face bloomed outwards and then rushed down into his gut, Cloud bit his lip. Didn't lean _further_ , but the hand that was now back in his hair was trembling a little as Zack exhaled above him. "You're gonna be the death of me, Spike."

Grinning, Cloud shrugged lightly, then straightened up when Zack's hand in his hair tightened.

"Stay here."

"Yes, sir." He glanced up through his lashes, his heart skipping a beat again, as much at the sight of Zack towering above him as the dark-eyed look on his face. Zack disappeared into the bedroom, but quickly came back, and the sight of the leash in his hand caused nothing but the heat in his gut to curl a little tighter. Right now, it just felt _all too right_ as it was snapped in place and Zack guided him up onto his feet and both of them walked into the bedroom this time.

The lamp on the bedside table was lit, but on low, casting a muted, golden light that contrasted with the distant glow coming in from the bedroom window. It looked exactly like it had when Cloud had slept in here during readjustment. The only difference was the warm atmosphere that seemed to radiate out from Zack, and the _expectations_ for what they were about to do.

It made his fingertips tingle and his mouth dry. Swallowing, Cloud couldn't help but pull up against Zack's back when he stopped, wrapping his arms around his waist. Zack didn't say anything, just leaned back against him a little, so Cloud took that as encouragement. Flattened his hands against Zack's stomach and pulled them _up_ , pulling the shirt with his hands until he could drop his hands down again, hesitating before his fingers skimmed along skin, settling on Zack's hipbones as the shirt fell down again.

"I was gonna wait with this, but... would you _want_ to undress me?" Zack's voice was soft, a quiet rumble in the half-lit darkness, and Cloud's insides clenched at the question, his fingers twitching against Zack's hips.

"... Yeah."

Found he really, _really_ wanted to, in fact, something in the idea of getting to do it for Zack as much as getting to reveal the body hidden under the clothes. Which he did, but slowly. Slowly peeling Zack's t-shirt up over his torso, stretching up to yank it the rest of the way off. Threw it behind him and pressed his forehead to the back of Zack's neck, bare as anything and a sharp juxtaposition to the weight around his own throat. Slid his hands slowly around Zack's hips to unbutton him from behind and slide the zipper down. Knelt in the same movement as he pulled the pants down from Zack's legs, revealing muscled thighs above the curve of his ass.

Zack stepped out of the pants and kicked them away, turning around with a widening grin on his face and his hands at his hips.

Now faced with looking up at Zack from the _front_ , Cloud hesitated, heat flooding his face. But it wasn't going to stop him, so with a tingling burn lighting his palms, Cloud pulled Zack's underwear off, careful around the half-hardness that matched his own, and then they were _both_ naked, Cloud tilting his head back to look up at Zack where he was kneeling. _Trying_ to avoid staring at the most obvious thing there was to stare at, but he'd make a fool of himself if he let himself do that so... he pulled his eyes up higher.

"You are... so damn pretty," Zack breathed, and then promptly laughed as he tangled his hand in Cloud's hair while Cloud grimaced, "yeah, you _are_ , but don't worry. You're also real hot in the training room."

Cloud squirmed, a small grin erupting past his previous annoyance and the blush crawling down towards his collarbones, this one for an entirely different reason than being flustered. He could live with that, he supposed. It also did confirm that he wasn't the _only_ one who'd felt the energy that sometimes... had seemed to permeate the room while they trained.

The hand in his hair fell to trace the shell of his ear, and Cloud shivered, then stilled. He caught a widening smirk on Zack's lips and tried to wrap his determination around himself like armour, but something told him he'd fail. It was one fight he wouldn't mind losing, but not fighting at all just wasn't possible.

A nail skated along his ear again, and Cloud bit his lip, Zack's other hand feathered along his throat, tugging on his collar and then back up to press a thumb against his pulse, which was already thundering through him. Zack leaned in as his hands slid down over his shoulders, and he didn't have _that_ narrow shoulders but Zack... always made him feel smaller than he was. His hands were large, and warm, the calluses on his fingertips and palms dragging against the softer skin.

"You think you get to keep any reactions and noises to yourself tonight?" Zack's voice was low, right against his ear, and Cloud, despite his very solemn decision earlier, squirmed. "Like that. All right. Up on the bed, Spike."

The words settled like drops of molten lava in his gut, and what he _wanted_ to do was follow the voice to its source and _kiss Zack_ , but at the same time he couldn't _not_ do what was asked of him, his skin tingling with the need to _move_ , to follow the weight of Zack's order. He stood up without help, but stole another glance up at Zack and then looked away, tilting his head as he crawled up on the bed, kneeling there.

Feeling very naked and a little uncertain, because Zack had only said _on the bed_ but nothing else. He really didn't want to disappoint him, but when he looked up again through his lashes, the look on Zack's face---

"You could never disappoint me, you know. You're a damn delight, Cloud."

The words themselves, at that point, didn't exactly matter. It was the warm weight of them, the glowing _meaning_ , and Cloud swallowed heavily, felt something that could've been a noise get stuck in the back of his throat as he shifted, aware of the way his cock had _twitched_ at the praise, and Zack's gaze darkened in response.

He didn't stare for too long, though, even if it _felt_ like an eternity. Using the leash, Zack tugged Cloud to weigh forward enough he could kiss him, pulling his chin up by tugging the shortened leash upwards. The movements were light, just as Zack's hand on his knee was the ghost of a touch, but every little pull or light brush sparked a firework behind his skin. With a nip to his bottom lip, Zack _leaned away_ , dropping the leash onto the bed.

"Zack---"

"Uh-uh. You stay right there, Cloud," Zack said with a smirk, just chuckling at his expression, and went and rummaged in one of the drawers for what turned out to a length of dark blue rope that shone in the muted light when Zack swung his hand, coming back to the bed and trailing the soft fabric down Cloud's thigh. A little shiver followed the rope's trail, and Zack's smirk softened into a grin.

"Feels good, right?" He cocked his head and dropped the scissors onto the bedside table, and Cloud nodded. It _did_ feel good, and the rope was just wide enough it shouldn't dig in too much, but silk really wasn't the best to use. Too slippery. The presence of the scissors was all he needed for the slight resistance to fold into anticipation and acceptance. Zack knew what he was doing, after all.

And what that meant was a kiss to his shoulder, then another one to the pulse-point under his jaw, which turned into Zack _sucking_ on that spot and Cloud squirmed. Both wanted and didn't want to pull away. Tilted his head _back_ instead, when teeth scraped over that spot and his breath hitched.

Meanwhile, Zack pulled his arms up above him, pushing him back enough with the kiss to his throat that he was half-laying on the bed, and his arms close enough to the sturdy headboard with its metal bars to be within reach. First one wrist got tied to it, and Cloud didn't know if Zack _deliberately_ tied it so he couldn't even grip the bar his hand was _tied to_ , but he flexed it emptily and made a noise of frustration, answered by a chuckle that _thrummed_ against his skin, into the blood beating away underneath.

Oh yeah, Zack _knew_.

"That's--- not _fair_ ," Cloud hissed, arching up, but Zack was kneeling high enough above him nothing at all interesting really _touched_ , and Zack squeezed his other wrist.

"It's as fair as I wanna be. Stay _still_ , Cloud."

His heart smacked against the inside of his ribcage at Zack's tone, and his muscles were melting even before he could _consciously_ make himself relax against the bed, no matter how much he wanted (though, not as much, anymore, not with the way the weight of Zack's words had lit a light inside) to thrust up enough to grind against Zack. He was rewarded with a kiss that made him dizzy, and he didn't even notice Zack finishing with his other wrist, the rope and Zack's hands sliding down his body.

Left thigh was caught and pulled up, a few loops around it and tied off before the rope was pulled back towards the headboard, a few indulgent criss-crossing stretches of the rope back and forth between headboard and Cloud's thigh before his lower leg was tied to his thigh and the rope wound in another indulgent criss-crossing fashion down his lower leg.

Cloud couldn't even come up with anything witty to poke Zack with, because the rope slid like water over his skin, and as frustrating as it was to slowly be less able to move, it crystallized his attention on his body, on Zack's hands, and on _Zack_. There was literally nothing else to do, after all.

The rope was pulled up behind him, wound around his right thigh and his leg tied together, but it wasn't hauled up towards the headboard. It was like a single point of relatively free contact, which just served to emphasize how everything _else_ was firmly tied away. Letting out a slightly shaky breath, Cloud looked up to meet Zack's gaze, and instead of feeling awkward and silly for being so clearly _on display_ , the look on Zack's face...

The blush was less about embarrassment, and far more a creeping fire of arousal.

"You are so beautiful," Zack grinned, but it was soft and warm more than rakish or teasing, "and respond so well."

The first brush of Zack's fingers over his stomach sent a skittering twitch down his muscles, and while the tiny glow of Zack's presence in the back of his mind was no greater or smaller than usual, he could feel the blooming weight of Zack's attention and command settle like a blanket, wrapping around _everything_. There was barely a touch needed to tilt his head into the kiss, and he shuddered into it like Zack's hands were on his erection instead of merely resting against a hip and squeezing his raised thigh.

He wanted---

No, it didn't matter. 

Zack would give him what he _needed_ , even if that might not be what he wanted, knowingly or not.

Cloud's awareness was floating warmth as Zack's hands skated around the throbbing heat of his erection, ignoring it. A slick thumb pressed against his entrance, and Cloud shuddered against the pressure... and then his muscles just _gave_. The soft, wondering noise from Zack was heady praise on all its own, the words Zack whispered against his chest weren't even needed, but he couldn't avoid them. They joined the stretching burn inside, wrapping around his nerves and senses from the outside, tugging on the pleasure enough his hips arched with it, _so_ very close---

" _Calm down_ , Cloud."

Shuddering, he slumped back, as much as he could with the ropes, release _just_ out of reach by the weight of those few words alone, even as Zack pushed inside and stretched him open and he squirmed, breath getting stuck in his chest. That felt--- huge. But not more than he could take as Zack thrust in in one single, slow stroke.

It was like it opened something up, far deeper inside than a simple physical penetration could achieve.

"Zack---"

"Y-yeah, I know," Zack grunted, a hand clutched to his hip while Cloud couldn't do more than flex his own hands emptily, trying to thrust up towards Zack's cock, or his _own_ for that matter. There was no _friction_ there and yet it felt like the air was heavy enough to squeeze down on him. 

Zack pulled out, and it was like he took all his insides with him. Thrust back in, and Cloud squeezed down around him as if that would hold not just Zack's _cock_ , but the whole of him, inside. Still, he let go just as Zack pulled back, and the rhythm felt like it wasn't just pushing him into the _bed_ , but like it was pushing something else inside of him. Something new that definitely hadn't been there before, but it didn't push _him_ aside, it didn't destroy anything. It just pushed at the things that could be moved, reshaping them _just right_ so the new presence could fit as well.

There was a tingling hot weight in the pit of his stomach, but he couldn't voice the need.

He didn't need to.

Zack bent forward with his next thrust in, mouth locking onto his throat above the collar, over the opposite pulse point he'd assaulted earlier, one hand closing around Cloud's so-far neglected erection. It didn't exactly feel _neglected_ , though. He would have been fine without Zack's hand on him, hadn't even known that was what he'd wanted, hanging in a perfect spot of _whatever happens is exactly what needs to happen_. But Zack's calloused palm around him wrung a moan out of him, and he clutched at Zack as the thrusts became more erratic, the sparkling energy rising along with impending orgasm.

There was a spot on his wrist that was hot, and it took Cloud a second or two to even remember _the bracelet_ , and then Zack _groaned_ as he gave him a rough stroke, thumb rubbing over the head and he slammed in again, setting off a firework that turned into a whole sky on fire, because he could feel---

He could feel Zack inside of him as much as he could feel _being inside_ , fluttering muscles clamped tight around him as he pressed against his prostate and there was a glowing warmth that matched the feel of Zack's smile, but he could feel it _inside_.

_I can feel it too. Let go, Cloud._ Zack's voice was fuzzy, indistinct, but not because he'd whispered it against his throat. Rather, it was fuzzy with newness, with coming from a direction it had never come from before. With a shudder, Cloud _did_ , hesitantly letting go of the last thing he hadn't wanted to show, for fear it wouldn't match the solar flare of Zack's affection.

He needn't have worried.

Not with the way Zack kissed him right after, the sensation double and weird and _thrilling_ , though it slowly settled back into just his _own_ physical sensations, leaving Cloud blinking up into dimly glowing blue eyes and feeling both distinctly alone and knowing he was _not_.

"So, how was that birthday?" Zack was smiling, and if he focused he could _feel_ the glowing happiness, knowing that that was exactly what it was. The bracelet felt, somehow, weirdly lighter now.

"The best. Because of you," Cloud's smile was a little unfocused and his response was drawled, but that may be because he was still floating in that perfect spot that meant that _despite_ the way he was tied, he was comfortable, his limbs warm and relaxed. Didn't stop Zack from using the scissors, to Cloud's vague complaint... which just turned into pleased humming when Zack gave him a brief but thorough massage, even if he didn't _really_ need it.

Try dissuading Zack when he'd decided to do something, though; it was practically impossible. And maybe, right now, he didn't really _mind it_. At all. The only thing Cloud could say he did truly mind right now, as he burrowed into the couch with a mug of hot chocolate in his hands, Zack with one arm around his shoulders and a mug of his own in his other and some mindless action movie on the TV, was that there would be no chance to really soak this up. He had to work like normal tomorrow, so there was no chance to explore the new extent of their awareness for and of each other that could be found in their minds, but there was something reassuring in the fact that he'd _know_ if Zack was fine now, at least. 

If he got hurt, where he was, how bad it was; anything like that. The glowing knot at the back of his mind which hadn't been more than a vague awareness that it _was Zack_ , before, now unfolded when he paid the slightest attention to it.

He knew their proximity and the newness of it was responsible for its responsiveness at the moment and that they'd actually have to work at it to make it completely reliable later, but simple, straightforward things would be easy to pick up quickly and at a distance. He could've taken or left all of that, though. All he really cared about was that he could feel the warmth of Zack's affection, and the solid weight of his presence right beside him. Best birthday ever, even if he'd ended up giving up on some things he wanted in the process of getting here.


	19. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go to Nibelheim, dealing with what that means both before they actually leave, and after they've arrived. Cloud's concerns about the town and Zack's concerns about Cloud's mother aren't the _only_ concerns they end up having, however...

There was something special in waking up with his nose against Cloud's neck, right above the weightier collar he'd gotten him. Something _very_ special about the way Cloud was molded to his front, his spine relaxed and his dozing body responsive enough that as soon as he shifted, he didn't even need to pull Cloud closer himself; Cloud simply followed, fitting himself back in against him. Those things were gifts, mundane but delightful. What was far more precious was the quiescent presence of Cloud in the back of his head, which bloomed out into bright awareness (and he could _tell_ that's what it was) as he kissed Cloud's neck around the collar by way of waking him up.

Even better was Cloud turning around, sleepy warmth in his limbs but a reproachful pout on his face, to kiss him.

Not that that could last very long, since while _he_ didn't have anywhere to go today (anywhere to go at all just yet, though he did of course have a schedule for when he wasn't on a mission), _Cloud_ certainly did, which meant there was no time to linger in bed, or in the shower, or at breakfast. 

"Let me do that for you," Zack said and held out his hand for Cloud's regular service collar, and the half of a protest he could see on Cloud's face melted away into an eyeroll and a little smile.

"Okay, Zack."

Not that he _necessarily_ needed permission, but for this, it was much more satisfying to get it, to have Cloud _let him_ do this. Maybe in the future he would just automatically allow Zack to do it, instead of going for exchanging the collars himself. It felt... strangely good, to be able to do it, like he was handing him over and knowing who had responsibility---

Which, Zack realized as Cloud slipped out the door, was something he should probably stomp firmly on. Cloud _could_ take care of himself, and while he sure _would_ hold ShinRa responsible if something happened that could be laid at the corporation's feet, the chance of any actual responsibility being taken was slim. Besides, it was the sort of mixing of dominant urges and societal opinion that Zack didn't even _agree with_ , and Cloud was definitely not the sort of submissive who would enjoy that sort of hovering attitude.

Which was good, it just meant he had to remember to _control himself_. It was also just... a little embarrassing, that the thought had popped up at all. He'd thought he wouldn't react like this. Not that he didn't have control of the needs and urges so they didn't interfere, but Zack had never considered himself to be _that_ deeply touched by them, _either_. Maybe that was just because he hadn't _truly_ had a serious relationship before (the soul bond part was completely aside from that). Obviously he'd cared for the others he'd been involved with ( _definitely so_ for Aerith), but... this was absolutely more serious, and he felt...

Felt full with it, in a way that was utterly impossible to define _or_ describe.

It was embarrassing to admit that some of those cliche things he'd made fun of with his bunkmates during his short time in the infantry, or the things he'd scrunched his nose at in quiet confusion and tried to compare it to his parents as an unpresented child might actually _be true_ , even if they were _also_ cliches. Which was probably why they _were_ cliches. Which included the one that it'd been surprisingly easy to let Cloud leave this morning... surprisingly, but he could also admit, to himself at least, that the soul bond helped, there. Sure, he wasn't there in person at Cloud's side if he should need it, it would take him _time_ to get there, but... he knew he was okay, too, and would know when he _wasn't_.

Not that he expected anything to happen right now, or at all necessarily, but he hadn't expected the bomb in the Sector 4 end train station either. You never knew.

Something which was proven amply true over a month later as he watched Cloud nearly vibrate with a very well-suppressed urge to pace... or hit something, either would probably have been to his preference right then instead of standing there waiting for flight clearance for the chopper that'd take them Junon, and then onwards on the ferry to Costa del Sol to take a truck from there to Nibelheim. Zack couldn't see much of his face; Cloud managed to be hunched up and hiding the bottom of his face in his scarf while keeping the proper attentive stance, but there was a subtle, and constant, shift from foot to foot.

More than that, the sensation of Cloud through the soul bond was a tightly wound bundle that was as liable to snarl into a mess as it was to break. Sure, they hadn't even... talked about how to breach what their relationship was now to respective parental units, but he _knew_ Cloud was both close to and very fond of his mother, so _why this_?

_Cloud?_ Learning to at least exchange short and simple sentences and their own names over the bond had been simple, so Cloud stilling and twitching his head just that shade _further away_ meant he had heard him and was _choosing_ not to answer. Zack suppressed a sigh. They didn't have a lot of time, but he _also_ didn't think it was a good idea to wait several hours until they were on the ship, especially not as Cloud would be feeling awful for basically the whole trip, even _with_ his motion sickness meds.

"Sephiroth! I'm calling timeout," he shouted (completely unnecessarily) across the landing pad, getting a vague wave of Sephroth's gloved hand in response, which was spread out to hold up all five fingers, then two alone. Ten minutes. Hopefully enough to at least get Cloud a _little_ settled. So as to not waste a single one of those minutes, Zack promptly grabbed Cloud's shoulder beneath the pauldron and hauled him off, ignoring his protests. Yes, they were technically on a mission already, but they weren't about to get on the transport _right that second_ , and as a dominant with his submissive on the mission, he _did_ have certain privileges afforded to him.

And so he abused them, because he wasn't going to have Cloud run that tight for basically the one and a half days of travel it'd take them to get to Nibelheim. Getting Cloud to _talk_ would be the biggest hurdle here, and as the door to the small room off the waiting area closed behind them, Zack watched Cloud nearly bristle sullenly as he turned around to face Zack. Cloud shifted on his feet but stayed still and didn't start pacing. Possibly only because he was about half a second from saying something, so Zack didn't give him the chance.

" _Kneel_ , Cloud." He didn't throw his whole weight into the command, only _enough_. Only enough to let it bleed over their bond, more wrapping _around_ Cloud than weighing him down, and the way Cloud's pupils widened and he unintentionally swayed before he stopped himself, exhaled, and then knelt with surprising gracefulness despite the armour he wore showed he wasn't nearly as opposed to it as Zack honestly had thought he would be.

It was what had him walking up to Cloud, tugging a glove off by his teeth, and burying his hand in Cloud's soft blond spikes, only somewhat flattened from the helmet. Some of the tension winding Cloud's shoulders tight bled out of him as he rubbed his scalp, and Zack smiled faintly. Aware of the seconds trickling away into minutes and those minutes eating away at that ten minute allowance, Zack didn't wait too long as he carded his hand through the spikes. Finally, he just tightened his hand and didn't need to do more than move it slightly back for Cloud to tilt his head back, eyes soft and dark but _still_ not quite meeting his gaze.

"Okay, so what's got you wound up? I was sure you'd _like_ our destination when Sephiroth said where we were going."

Cloud opened his mouth. Closed it. Looked away and then back, finally grimacing. Zack shook his hand slightly, shaking Cloud's head as well.

"It's just--- I..." Shrugging, Cloud dropped his gaze but didn't try to duck his head against Zack's grip. "I don't, want anyone else to see me, Zack. Not like _this_. Mom... she'll think I've done well, but I really---" Cloud's choppy sentence broke up into a soft, unintelligible noise in the back of his throat, and Zack grimaced. For a brief, shameful second he'd thought Cloud had meant _them_ but _obviously_ it wasn't about that.

It was about SOLDIER. What Cloud _was_ and what he _wasn't_ within ShinRa, and what he'd done. And hadn't been able to do.

"They're gonna be looking at me and Sephi---"

" _That's the problem_!" Cloud yelled, his outburst accompanied by a red of stab of guilty anger over their bond, which then collapsed with Cloud as he hunched up, this time pulling against Zack's hand. Zack didn't let up. He didn't want to give in and let Cloud hide, as much as he could right now, but he'd also said the _completely wrong thing_ and letting Cloud just... have some _space_ was probably the best course of action. So, despite his initial reaction, Zack let go and let his hand drop back to Cloud's head only after he'd hunched forward, head ducked so all Zack could see was the wild fluff of slightly messy spikes.

"... Sorry, Zack."

Ah, _hell_.

He didn't bother to say something immediately, just pushed through the resistance Cloud had put up and wrapped the wordless apology around him like an invisible blanket, and exhaled only when Cloud's stiff shoulders drooped again, a minute tremble in them that was quickly quelled.

"No, I messed up. Sorry, Spike." Pressing his hand down against Cloud's scalp, Zack groped for something to make up for what he'd just said, squinting out the dusty window to the landing pad outside. Sephiroth was a fuzzy black spot and his hair a swaying silver banner in the wind that nearly always whipped around the Tower up here. "But look, I know you probably wanna show 'em up, don't you?"

He stopped and didn't continue until Cloud reluctantly nodded, but still didn't look up at him. His hands were now behind his back, where Cloud was gripping a wrist with one hand, whether out of belief he owed Zack that, or unthinking _need_ to solidify the current submission, Zack didn't know. He wouldn't say anything about it either way.

"Yeah, 'course you do. But they don't matter, Spike. Even if you were SOLDIER and had gone on several missions with me, or hell, even Sephiroth... would whatever they've done _change_? Your mom's gonna be _real proud_ , I bet, of what you did during the train station bombing, and they oughta be _too_ , but it doesn't matter, 'cause _they_ don't matter. Your worth doesn't change based on the opinions on some _backwater townies_ , Cloud."

Sliding his hand forward and tightening it in Cloud's spikes again, this time when he pulled, Cloud went. And if his eyes were a little shiny, he wouldn't say anything about that _either_ , just smiled down at him.

"Watch what you're saying 'bout my mom, Zack," Cloud said, his huff a little wet but the small smile as much of a gift as the way Cloud suddenly tipped forward, pressing his forehead against his thigh. "... Thanks."

That soft word carried the weight of Leviathan with the way he could feel the unspooled light of Cloud's presence _inside_ , and Zack's smile widened. He was sure Cloud would be a tense mess again later, the closer they got to Nibelheim, but _for now_ , at least, he'd done _something_.

"'Course, Spike. And you listen to me; keep your eyes _on me_ and not anyone else when we arrive. Understood?"

Cloud's shoulders shuddered with the weight of his words, but maybe paradoxically some more of the tension dropped away and he nodded, rubbing his forehead and bangs against the rough fabric of Zack's uniform pants.

"Yessir."

That wouldn't solve everything either and Zack knew it, but maybe it'd be _something_. Just because he _wished_ he could dominate - cough - Cloud's attention and keep anyone from noticing him if he didn't want to or keep Cloud from noticing _other people_ paying attention to him in a way he didn't wish, didn't mean he could. But perhaps he could at least cushion it, a little.

And just in time, too, given the sudden rap on the door.

"All right. Up you go, Spike." Helping Cloud to his feet again, he squeezed his upper arms and grinned at him, drawing Cloud into another little smile. Then there really wasn't much else to do but to jog out of the room and back onto the landing pad and to the chopper, tugging his glove back on, Cloud trailing after him.

That he'd been right about Cloud's tension about returning home coming back the closer they got to Nibelheim was a disappointment, but at least he _could_ help him a little there, reminding him of his presence _and_ his order about who to pay attention to. Of course, Cloud had his own ideas about how to deal (or not) with the whole thing too, keeping his helmet on like that...

Zack found himself deeply wishing Cloud's clearly fraught relationship with his home and his own slowly mounting nervousness about facing Cloud's mother was _all_ there was to deal with, but both of those things seemed to pale a little in the face of the _third_ thing that had so roughly inserted itself yesterday.

There was something wrong with Sephiroth.

Not that he could _fault him_ , given what they'd found in the reactor and _he and his big mouth_ , but Sephiroth had just... tossed him out of the basement laboratory area when he found him there this morning. Scrubbing his face as they walked back to Nibelheim, Cloud silently trudging on alongside him, Zack felt... quite out of his depth. Sure, he could march right back and demand to be let inside (or just force himself inside), but that seemed a little drastic, even with the wild tension in Sephiroth's body and the drawn expression on his face before he'd tossed him out, snapping about leaving him alone so he could _concentrate_. Maybe letting Sephiroth have today and try again for dinner was a better idea. Sephiroth would need to eat, after all, and there could definitely be no food anywhere in the closed-up mansion, not to talk about the _secret laboratory basement_.

That decided, Zack deliberately - and maybe a little too loudly - clapped his hands together, making Cloud jerk and throw him a glare he _just_ caught from under the edge of the helmet.

"Well then, Spike! When are you introducing me to your mom?" Nevermind his smile might be a bit tight, and just thinking about it brought a twitching flutter to his chest. He might, as ashamed as he was to admit it to himself at least, be just about a second or two away from suggesting they wait until tomorrow. Or maybe the day after, depending on when he could get Sephiroth out of the basement. Let Cloud meet his mom on his own first, get the reunion and all that over with _first_ before they added _him_ to this, even if Cloud's mother of course already knew they were together.

"I was thinking, now?" 

Cloud looked up, head tilted enough not even the helmet could hide the pink-cheeked, wide-eyed glance that flicked back and forth between him and away down the little road back towards Nibelheim. Zack's intention to say Cloud wait with introducing him died on his tongue as he actually started to pay attention to Cloud again, and not Sephiroth or his own thoughts. Even _without_ the bond he could tell Cloud was nervous.

"I don't... want to go there, alone. And you should meet her anyway," Cloud continued, voice so soft it was almost a mumble, and Zack could _definitely_ not protest or procrastinate meeting Cloud's mother _now_. Not when faced with... _this_. Cloud's presence through the bond was a tight ball in a way it hadn't been since they'd at least gotten through Nibelheim without him being recognized when they arrived the evening of the day before yesterday, or yesterday morning when they were sent off with their guide. Cloud himself was partially hunched over even as he walked beside him, looking up at him from under the edge of his helmet. With a sigh he didn't let out but definitely _felt_ , Zack nodded.

"Sure, Spike! Lead the way." He could do this. He _would_ do this, and the little flash of relieved smile he got before Cloud buried the bottom of his face back in the uniform scarf told him it was the right decision.

It was just hard to keep that conviction in mind when they were sitting at the kitchen (or rather, the only) table in Cloud's childhood home, him and Cloud on one side, Cloud's mother on the other. She'd greeted Cloud enthusiastically, and she'd been pleased to see _him_ , but now there was a certain, cool weight to her gaze as she watched him, one hand on top of Cloud's. 

It was understandable parental concern. Even _more than that_ , though, it was _dominant_ parental concern over their _submissive_ child and Zack was pretty sure this would all have been easier to deal with if he'd only had to deal with the first part and not the latter. Partially because some primal part of him didn't like the feeling of being _challenged_ , but he refused to try and lever his dominant presence against Cloud's mother, even more so when Cloud was _right there_. So instead he smiled, if maybe a bit tensely, and squeezed Cloud's knee under the table.

"It's great to finally meet you, Mistress Strife! Cloud's mentioned you quite a lot, so I was looking forward to see if you resembled each other..." What the hell was he saying. What was he about to _do_ \--- well, his mouth kept going, so Zack simply relaxed into it and hoped he wouldn't completely mess things up. Cloud was going tense beside him, bond nearly vibrating with reproachful outrage. "And you do, though I'm missing a crest!"

There was a moment of silence, and then he was practically _drowned_ in Cloud's incredulous embarrassment.

" _Zack_!?" Groaning, Cloud even slid a little in his chair, but Zack kept his attention on Claudia, even if he squeezed Cloud's knee again. Her lips were pressed in a thin line, which wobbled - and then she laughed, a soft one that sounded familiar and only different due to the change in pitch and the years between her and her son.

"The hair crops up only intermittently in the family, and neither of my parents had it, but my sub had similar hair... so Cloud got it," Claudia said, chuckling and reaching out to tug on one of the longer bangs framing Cloud's face before she dropped her hand back to cover the back of Cloud's, looking between Cloud and Zack, hovering somewhere between cool observation and amusement before a smile tipped it over again, "and if you can pull chocobo references around my Cloud, it's clear how he feels about you. I know you'll take care of him, Zack, but I knew _that_ even before you got this far."

She smiled, short and sharp.

"Cloud told me a bit about the readjustment... I really am glad he has you, as a friend, a partner _and_ as a dominant." Claudia frowned as she mentioned readjustment, and beside him Cloud grimaced.

"I didn't... make it easy."

At that, she snorted and Zack bit down on a chuckle. He felt a lot more relaxed now that Claudia had said she approved... not that he'd necessarily thought she _wouldn't_ , but, ah... _if_ it'd happened, he had no idea what he'd do.

"You aren't easy to deal with, raincloud," she shot him a look, eyebrows raised, and Cloud huffed, raising his chin, "like that. Talking of _not easy to deal with_ , though. You couldn't have waited with bonding until _after_ you told me?"

Oh shit. Zack stared, a little wide-eyed, as he felt the weight of her presence, so suddenly unfolded, and Cloud opened his mouth, closed it, and then slumped a little, ducking his head silently acquiescing. Yes, it'd been Cloud's birthday, there'd been a _point_ to doing it then... and maybe they still had been a little selfish, going through with it so soon. They _could_ , after all, have stopped with a scene and sex, and not added the bracelets, not gone through with dripping their blood on the mako stones. They hadn't, though. Zack opened his mouth, too, but a sharply raised hand made him snap his mouth closed so quickly his teeth clacked together.

"You're not solely responsible, Zack. Not for something like _this_."

True. There was still this undeniable urge to step in front of his submissive and shield--- ah, maybe better Claudia had stopped him. Cloud wouldn't appreciate him "protecting" him, especially not from his own mother. Zack busied himself with stuffing the offending urge deep down and shot Cloud a sheepish smile when he felt the annoyance over the bond. Cloud _had_ noticed that, huh.

"She's right, Zack. You're _not_ the only one responsible. I'm sorry, Mom." Cloud ducked his head, his shoulders a soft slope of at least the _image_ of pentinent sub...

"But you would do it again if you got the chance," Claudia said with a soft snort and a sigh, "all right, I suppose it'd be too much to hope for... I remember how it was at the start, even if your father wasn't my _soul bond_." She rolled her eyes, dispelling any potential melancholy from that statement, then got up out of the chair. "Come here."

Cloud was quick to get up out of his own chair and Zack found himself smiling, happy at how _easily_ Cloud hugged his mother. He'd done so when she first opened the door for them, of course, but there was no lingering tension in his limbs or shoulders now, only relaxed ease. Claudia stroked a hand through her son's hair, then slid it down to grip his ponytail, gently tugging it before she looked up past Cloud's shoulder to Zack, which somehow didn't look ridiculous despite her being shorter than her son.

The sudden weight of her dominant presence made up for her lack of height - not in any way as to make her appear _taller_ , rather it simply let her take up far more of the space in the room, her eyes narrow and shoulders at a straight, authoritative angle. Cloud had stilled against her in the middle of the motion of almost pulling away, clearly picking up on the change. Zack, too, found he couldn't - or rather, _wouldn't_ , move. This was another dominant's space, and he'd been _invited_.

"Cloud." Claudia's voice was soft, but steely. Warm, while demanding attention, and Zack's stomach fluttered at the somehow ritual cadence she'd infused into Cloud's name. "Would you tend to this dominant's needs without neglecting your own? Submit to his correction and care?"

They were old words, and they filled the single-room cottage to the brim. They sucked all the air out of Zack's lungs with his recognition of them. She didn't have to do this. Nevermind that this sort of exchange should really have come _before_ they went through with establishing the soul bond, nevermind that, until relatively recently (comparatively, anyway), the submissive wouldn't have been expected to say anything but _yes_ to those questions, everything else agreed-upon by the sub's dominant parent and their intended dominant partner. The exchange was falling out of favour in some of the larger cities, or turned into a ceremony that didn't need the dominant parent or a stand-in officiant present.

"Yes, Mistress."

They were still old, important words, and Zack found himself suddenly breathing again at the soft agreement from Cloud, using the equally old answer instead of calling her his _mother_. Which she was, but that was not the position she was embodying at the moment. 

And then his heart and breathing stopped again as that intent blue stare transferred from him, the tiniest of crow's feet around Claudia's eyes deepened into visibility by the sternly solemn expression on her face.

"Zack Fair, would you master my child according to his needs, without overstepping your bounds? Take his care and correction in hand?"

His heartbeat was loud in his ears, and he had to swallow against a suddenly-dry throat. _Also_ had to swallow down the completely inappropriate 'absolutely!' that wanted to spill out. Claudia was doing it _this_ way, and Zack would respect that. He also couldn't say he minded; it might be backwards, or backwater, maybe, of him, but it felt important.

"Yes, Mistress Strife." Zack was damn relieved his voice didn't come out in a dry croak, right then.

Claudia closed her eyes, exhaling in a shudder, then slid both hands to cradle Cloud's face and tipped it down for herself, kissing his forehead.

"Then it's your collar he'll wear from now on."

_This_ was the point he really should've collared Cloud, wasn't it? Or at least have had the collar he bought handy, but it certainly wasn't _here_. Claudia substituted it with a clever little slide of her hands down to Cloud's throat, laying her hands over his collarbones and up the sides of his neck for a second before she dropped them and stepped away. Cloud turned to him with a bright, wide-eyed look on his face that couldn't have stopped him from smiling at Cloud if his life was at stake.

Pulling him into a hug, it was silent for a few seconds as Cloud's arms came up around him, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

"I hope you're better at cooking than Cloud, Zack," Claudia said after another few seconds, and the still, thick snow-blanket heaviness in the room disappeared as if it'd never been, "because I need help with dinner, and Cloud can only be relied on to cut things up."

" _Mom_!" Cloud groaned loudly but didn't otherwise try to refute her, and Zack stepped away, ruffling Cloud's hair in the same motion.

"You can count on me, Mis---"

"Claudia, Zack. Now come over here. Cloud, set the table." And Zack could see where Cloud had gotten his smile from, right then. With a grin, he followed her to the counters while Cloud shuffled off towards the cupboards with a quiet grumble that was _so familiar_ , even if he'd heard it in different situations entirely, that Zack had to suppress a laugh.

What had he even been worried about, anyway?

***  
Staring out over the driveway down to the rusted gates now standing shoved open, Cloud fingered the service collar and kind of wished he'd brought the collar Zack had bought him with him when they went off to find Sephiroth this morning (because he _had_ packed it with him, on a whim), but... that'd had been pretty weird, if he'd done that, even with having planned on asking Zack to go meet his mother after.

And it didn't matter, in the end. It'd meant a lot when Zack had put it on him on his birthday, and he wouldn't give that up for anything. What his mother had done earlier this afternoon _also_ meant a lot, just as it'd happened. It actually meant a surprising amount, and before all this, he'd have claimed he wouldn't have wanted it. Hell, before _today_ , if asked, he'd have said he wasn't interested and meant it, as far as he knew! But he wouldn't want to give up either of those things, exactly as they'd happened---

Turning around as the door creaked open, Cloud frowned at the slump to Zack's shoulders, even if he straightened up the second he caught Cloud watching.

"How'd it go?"

Nevermind that Zack had clearly not managed to convince Sephiroth to leave the hidden basement.

"Man..." Zack grunted, rubbing the back of his head. "He would barely look at me, even less _talk to me_. Good thing we got some of the leftover stew, I left it as close to him as I could. Hopefully his stomach will remind him it wants to be fed, right?" Zack flashed a grin, but it was short and tight.

"We'll just keep trying. He can't hide in there _forever_ ," Cloud said, throwing a glance past Zack to the doors behind him.

"You said it, Spike. Let's go back to the inn. We'll just try again tomorrow. He'll need breakfast, after all!"

Zack smiled, but it didn't quite light up his face as it usually did.


	20. The Nibelheim Incident: Sephiroth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud goes to the mansion to try and get Sephiroth out of the basement after Zack has failed to do so for a week. Things go... weirdly.

'Tomorrow' turned into the day after that, and then the day after _that_ , each with the same amount of luck in getting Sephiroth to leave the basement. That was, none.

Zack was starting to look not just _concerned_ , but _frazzled_ every time he came out of the mansion, and they almost had an argument when Cloud wanted to go with him instead of waiting outside on the second day. Cloud finally waited in the room where the secret passage was, watching as Zack pointed the mechanism out to him even if the door had already been open when they came in.

Four days of no luck, and Cloud glanced at Zack sideways as they walked back towards Nibelheim proper after trying to both give Sephiroth dinner _and_ get him to leave. Zack's face was... flat, in a way he'd never seen it before, and the sense of him over the soul bond was withdrawn, even as it was as close as it always was.

"... Something's really wrong with Sephiroth, isn't it?"

Zack opened his mouth, his chest expanding with the breath he drew in, paused... closed his mouth again. Scrubbing his face with both hands, Zack nodded, slowly and reluctantly and heaved out a sigh.

"I have no idea what's going on, but he ran off like he had Ifrit on his tail after I---" Zack stopped, slumping, his gaze as he stared at the hard late September ground grimly. "You know those things in the tanks I told you about?"

Cloud nodded when Zack glanced up, both wondering where this was going and already not liking where it _seemed_ to be going.

"Yeah. When Seph said they'd been exposed to a lot more mako than a regular SOLDIER like me, I opened my gob and said something about more mako turning those exposed to it to monsters."

Oh. Oh hell. Cloud grimaced, and, uncertain what else to say or do, stepped in close and snagged Zack's hand. Leather was in the way for both of them, but he squeezed it anyway, hard. He wished he was as open as Zack, but trying to make the soul bond open enough to express what he wanted... wasn't easy. For several reasons. You'd think not having to _say anything_ and simply _sharing it_ with the bond there to do it would make things easier, but... apparently not.

Zack squeezed his hand back, staring at the horizon of jagged peaks that made up the Nibel mountains.

"He's been muttering 'bout the ancients and how humans hid and let them take the brunt... I don't really get it, to be honest. Today he mentioned his _mother_ too and I just keep thinking about how there was a sign inside the reactor that said 'Jenova', but I don't know what that's supposed to mean. I don't know at all, Spike..."

Cloud wished he could fix this - Zack usually _always_ seemed to know what to do, or at least simply _acting_ and it turned out _fine_. It didn't seem right that his usually so _exuberant_ dom was like this, now (and that he _was_ 'his' to think of like that sent a secret thrill through him Cloud felt a little bad about, right then).

And then there was Sephiroth...

Cloud hadn't gotten a good look at him as he'd stormed past him and Tifa and disappeared down the trail, but he'd gotten at least a brief glimpse of his face and it'd looked... haunted. Sephiroth had been in that basement for _days_ now, and clearly nothing was getting better. Glancing to Zack, Cloud shook his head.

"Come on. Let's get back to the inn. Maybe we'll have better luck tomorrow."

Maybe they just needed a different approach, but Zack, Cloud knew, was set in how he was doing this.

"... Yeah." Squeezing Cloud's hand, Zack set off again. "I haven't wanted to try to get him to submit, 'cause it doesn't feel right to do it when he's... well, _like this_ , but I'm outta ideas." Zack grimaced, and Cloud nodded. Tilted his head back to watch the colours painting the sky as the sun set.

"Maybe he needs the push," Cloud agreed quietly, and was at least relieved to see Zack _attempt_ to pull himself together - which also meant he _pulled ahead_ slightly, while the sensation of him swelled and pressed against him as much as it _wrapped around him_. It made Cloud feel warm as much as it was exasperating, but Cloud met Zack's smile with a small one of his own, too relieved to be annoyed.

"Maybe that's it, yeah! Only one way to know!"

Zack's enthusiasm was a little forced though, and even when he revealed he'd brought the collar and let Zack put it on, kneeling for over an hour by Zack's feet that evening, there was still something tight around his eyes by the time they went to bed. And it lingered even all through the night, Cloud could tell when he woke up before Zack and Zack didn't so much as _twitch_ when he slipped out of bed for the bathroom. Usually trying to escape Zack while he was asleep, Cloud had quickly learned while sharing a bed with him at the inn, was like he imagined escaping a beachplug would be.

(Arms. So many arms, _everywhere_ , despite that Zack only had two of them.)

Pausing at the edge of the bed, Cloud frowned down at Zack. Unguarded in sleep, there was a crease between his eyebrows that usually wasn't there, and despite _being asleep_ and that they'd certainly slept more than they usually got while at the Tower, there was a cast to Zack's face that spoke of exhaustion.

Turning, Cloud looked out the window, though from this angle all he could see was roofs and the western slope of Mount Nibel in the distance, with the smaller, more distant peaks attending it. The mansion wasn't at all in view, and further to the west from the inn besides. Another glance to Zack, and Cloud flattened his lips into a tight line. Remembered Sephiroth's expression, not when he'd stormed past him and Tifa outside the reactor, but when he'd knocked on his door asking if Sephiroth needed the company.

Cloud left the inn with breakfast for Sephiroth and eating a sandwich as he walked. The air was chilly and the sky barely dove-gray towards the east, with mist creeping along the ground, turning Nibelheim into an archipelago set into a white ocean. The trees were stark black with the rare wet leaf clinging to thin branches in the white fuzziness, the pines draped in veils of dark green needles and mist. The mansion was almost swallowed by the fog when he arrived, the slight valley it sat in the middle of soaking up the wetness like a sponge. It made the open gate seem like a broken cell door, and the house beyond the prisoner, long dead---

He was getting morbid. Or maybe it was just all the stories and whispers and _gossip_ Nibelheim had about the ShinRa mansion that was getting to him this morning, and with Sephiroth's weirdness since what happened at the reactor, and Zack's exhaustion trying to deal with that.

Still, Cloud paused in the doorway, exhaled, and then straightened up, pulling his shoulders back, and walked with deliberate force all through the mansion, knowing that Zack had taken care of any critters or monsters that'd have settled in here and in the basement underneath on his many trips back and forth during the week. Maybe he should've brought his rifle, but it'd seemed... wrong, to walk in here armed when Sephiroth was wound as tight as he seemed to be. He was here to try to _help_ , not force him out at gunpoint.

Still, there was a tension in the air when he pushed open the metal door at the end of the winding basement that partially looked more like a cave. Tension that settled in his spine and made his steps slow down.

"Sephiroth?"

Nothing.

There was a faint rancid smell in the air that Cloud couldn't figure out; one which he at first thought was because of the _mako tanks_ he passed in the outer room, unsettlingly like a lab. Compared to what he imagined a real lab looked like though, it didn't look very sterile.

Soft, shuffling noises from deeper in startled Cloud and he looked over to another door, left half open. Sticking his head inside, the rancid smell was stronger, and there were books... _everywhere_.

"Sephiroth? Sir?"

The noises stopped for a moment, then continued, along with a nearly droning mumble just loud enough for Cloud to pick it up.

"Here again... What do you think, Mother?"

A shiver stole down his spine, but Cloud pressed his lips together and walked on in. Stepping over books as he went down the corridor lined in bookshelves that probably _had_ been pristine, but now were disorganized and jumbled, Cloud soon found out where the smell was coming from. Last night's meal stood mostly uneaten on the tray it'd been brought in on, and Cloud understood without seeing anything else, that Sephiroth probably hadn't eaten much of _any_ of the food that they'd brought. Zack had probably dumped the food somewh---

Yeah, there was a trashcan to the side of the heavy desk Sephiroth sat leaned over, and it was definitely half-full of food, and the _real_ source of the smell. Great. Why not dump it somewhere _else_? The mansion had a kitchen, and probably at least one other door out onto the grounds! Grimacing at the trashcan, Cloud froze when he looked up and was speared by a vicious, icy stare, half-hidden by hooded eyes.

"I--- um. I brought breakfas---"

"They keep coming back, these worthless vermin, despite being told to _stay away_ ," Sephiroth hissed, the gleam of his eyes narrowing into a slash of backlit acid green. Another shudder scratched down Cloud's spine, but the wide-eyed stare wasn't out of fear. Well, not _only_. 

It was because despite the pure, focused _poison_ in Sephiroth's voice, there was no familiar weight to it. The words rolled off him like they'd come from an unpresented child, and while Sephiroth's presence seemed to _seethe_ around him, it didn't... feel, like it should have. It was... flat, almost? No all-encompassing command, just _weight_. Intimidating, sure, but it wasn't hooking into his own submissive nature like it _usually would_. It wasn't just strange, it felt _wrong_. 

"Perhaps it's time to put you in your place."

The words were almost familiar, _almost_ said with the right cadence, but again they were flat. Missed a mark, somewhere, even as the livid green of Sephiroth's eyes took on a near manic light, shoving the chair back with a rough push and a loud screech of wood on stone.

When Sephiroth stood up, his unbound hair swirled, then settled in a dishevelled veil around him, as if it was lighter than it usually was and lacking its heavy waterfall drape. It lent the tall SOLDIER an unsettled air that threaded through the tense, tilted expression on his face, even as he pinned Cloud with a glare.

"Start with you, then the _rest_ who left the Ancients to die and Mother to rot, alone."

The large, still gloved, hands Sephiroth held pressed to the desk were trembling slightly, but it was something noted in passing as Sephiroth straightened up fully, seeming about to not so much walk as _lurch_ forward, his face pulled into a snarl, but even so it was... distant. _Brittle_ , almost, and all through it, there was no dominant weight to anything Sephiroth was saying or doing, which, considering his usual presence...

Cloud swallowed heavily, shifting his weight backwards on one foot as Sephiroth came around the desk. Right then, watching the man move, Cloud realized that if he let him get close enough to touch him, something _very_ unpleasant would happen. How he could tell, without getting even a suggestion of Sephiroth's dominant presence, he wasn't sure, especially with how _off_ Sephiroth's movements were, but he knew.

The knowledge was in his spine, in his shoulders, spread around him like hooded wings.

"It will be what you deserve," Sephiroth muttered as he jerkily strode forwards, and the room was large, but not _large enough_. Sephiroth's legs were long and in another few he'd be able to reach him, and lack of dominant presence or not, there was an aura of _menace_ that Cloud had never felt from Sephiroth before, making all the small hairs all over his body it felt like, stand up. Sephiroth reached a hand out, growing in his vision, and Cloud's warring instincts between _fighting_ and defending himself as he _should_ , fleeing, and doing something that was so natural but felt _useless_ in the face of single-minded intent he was faced with collapsed in on themselves.

" _Odin_!" Cloud shouted, the noise half strangled as Sephiroth's black gloved fingers brushed the tips of his spikes and instead of doing any of the things he'd been sure he'd be able to do in a situation like this (except it seemed like no situation he could've imagined), Cloud folded up, knelt down like his knees had been knocked out from under him, arms behind his back with his hands grasping each wrist and his forehead against the floor, breath shuddering in his lungs.

"Wh-what?" A waver in the air, Sephiroth sounding like he'd just been punched, startled and rough.

"Odin, Sir." It was a bare whisper against ratty, threadbare carpet, the neat weave long since worn away, and Cloud was both massively ashamed this was all he'd been able to do, and relieved it'd actually _stopped_ Sephiroth. In addition, there was a faint, indistinct pressure of Sephiroth's dominant presence against him again, but... sort of fuzzy. Like it was there, and yet not. It was better than whatever had been going on before, however, and Cloud grit his teeth as he swallowed. "I need you to stop, Sir. Odin."

He hated how his voice trembled a little before he managed to still it, hated the way he _flinched_ when Sephiroth's hand landed on his head, light and yet heavier than anything. It turned into a fist, tangling in his hair, and then... stopped.

_Zack!_ There was no shame left as he threw that over the soulbond, fairly _hammering_ at Zack's sleeping mind to get his attention, for whatever he had or hadn't been able to do didn't matter insofar as he _definitely_ needed help with Sephiroth. Or _Sephiroth_ needed help, and Cloud didn't think he would be enough. He barely knew the man.

_Wh-what? What's going on?_

Not that those words were as obvious or clear as all that, but the jumble of words and confused _intent_ he got back was enough of an answer to know Zack was awake now.

_It's Sephiroth, Zack._

There was no other way to explain, but he didn't need to. Zack's response was a flare of alarm and the insistent push of 'get away!'. Not that he could do that and he wasn't exactly willing to do so even if he _could have_ , because he was doing _something_ right he was utterly convinced, but Zack would be coming. That was enough. _Had to be_ enough, and Cloud's attention was pulled back as the grip in his hair eased into half of a stroke.

"... Cloud. I... I need to---"

He couldn't let Sephiroth finish that distracted, broken sentence. Not with the wavering weight in the words, the way Sephiroth's barely there dominant presence swayed _with_ them.

"Can--- May I sit up, Sir?" Another whisper, shuddered out over his racing heart, and Sephiroth's grip in his hair tightened again, but he didn't yank.

"Yes." Even. Flat. But also instantly full of dominant indulgence - _desperately so_ , even, like Sephiroth was looking for direction somehow while allowing him what he'd asked for. Cloud could only hope he could give that direction, or focus, until Zack came, and so he sat up more by pushing Sephiroth's grip upwards than simply straightening up, but couldn't suppress a slight sigh of relief.

Laying in full obeisance while dressed in cold weather uniform and in his boots, even without the armour pieces, was not comfortable or easy, but he would have continued to do it if he hadn't been allowed to sit up. Anything to keep Sephiroth from... whatever had been going on before.

There was a sea of black leather in front of him; Sephiroth had squatted to reach his hair when he prostrated himself, and Cloud didn't bother to do anything else but lean forward as soon as he was sitting upright, face ending up pressed against one strong thigh and tilting his head into the hand in his hair.

"Could you..." He flushed, feeling awkward to ask and wishing for it at the same time, and forced himself to continue. He knew there would be no action coming from Sephiroth right now, and having him fall back into that furious, dynamic-less... hole? was to be avoided at all costs. "Could you pet my hair, Sir?"

"Oh... Of course," Sephiroth mumbled, distracted, but the slight tremble in the thigh Cloud was leaning against stilled while the grip in his hair eased up enough to start carding through it instead, and Cloud felt his breath shudder out on something that might have been relief. The full, thundering weight of Sephiroth's usual presence was still not towering around or against him, but what _was_ there was solidifying, becoming less unfocused.

Long, silent minutes later, only marked by the soft shift of Sephiroth's hand in his hair and the creak of leather every time there was a minuscule shift of Sephiroth's weight, the metal door to this inner area banged open, echoing through the rooms and corridor that led into the library. Cloud tightened his hand around his other wrist, but managed to keep from stiffening otherwise, and Sephiroth... Sephiroth didn't move at all, but Cloud could _feel_ the softening of his dynamic presence, like sand falling through his fingers and that was _not good_.

"Cloud?! _Sephiroth_ \---!" Zack thundered down the book-strewn corridor, almost falling over as he came to a halt upon seeing them and Cloud opened his mouth as he felt Sephiroth's muscles tense, the disappearing weight of his presence, but Zack got there before either of them. "Stay _right there_ , Sephiroth."

A shuffle of booted feet against stone, with Zack almost seeming to _teleport_ from where he stood at the mouth of the room then appeared next to Sephiroth, which Cloud mostly saw thanks to legs in the corner of his eyes.

" _Kneel_ , and continue what you were doing."

Wide-eyed, Cloud almost fell over when Sephiroth's knees thunked down on the worn carpet, and if it weren't for a hand catching his shoulder he would've faceplanted. He couldn't move even if he would've wanted to (wouldn't have moved even if he might have wanted to, because it was _Zack_ ), the weight of Zack's words slamming right through him and hitting somewhere deep inside. Maybe that was just because of the soulbond, but it'd clearly affected Sephiroth as well, as he, after making sure Cloud was still upright, tentatively resumed carding through his hair, like ordered. The weight was mechanical at first, but as the seconds passed, it became smoother and heavier both, and Cloud dared to tip his head just enough to get an idea of what was going on.

What was 'going on' was Zack with his hand fisted in Sephiroth's hair at the base of his neck, silver tresses wound about his hand several times like the hair was both collar and leash in one, with Sephiroth kneeling properly now and the hand that wasn't buried in _Cloud's_ hair splayed with tense preciseness on his thigh. The green eyes were distant, and there was still an uneven weight to Sephiroth's presence, but it was slowly solidifying again.

"Yeah, like that. That's good, Seph. You take care of Cloud, and I'll take care of you," Zack's voice was soft, but firm, the praise in it sliding down _Cloud's_ spine as much as it must have done the same for Sephiroth. Cloud, as he briefly met those distant green eyes, experienced one of the weirdest sensations of his whole life. The instant their gazes met, that wavering sensation to Sephiroth's presence hardened and all he could do was _look away_ , bending under the demand for submission - but at the same time there was a yield to it, but not directed _at him_ , and there was a relaxed ease to Sephiroth's pose that had been missing while he'd been squatting and petting Cloud's hair.

Sephiroth, ShinRa's star SOLDIER and dominant, was a switch.

Not that there hadn't been hints from what Zack had said a few times, what he'd gleaned from what little he'd seen of Zack and Sephiroth interacting, but it was still incomprehensible to see (feel it) played out right in front of him, as seamlessly as this. Helplessly, he glanced past Sephiroth and up to Zack, and the vibrant blue eyes cut to him briefly, shot him a bright, but tense, smile.

_You okay?_ Zack's voice was followed by concern and the strain of possessiveness he didn't like to admit was _there_ , but for once Cloud didn't care if it was. It was a _relief_ , something that made solid sense and was there to hold him up, even as he knelt for Sephiroth (and Zack too, unavoidably).

_... Yeah. Just, y'know, relived._. Relieved Zack was here now. Relieved he'd done something that worked long enough to keep Sephiroth from lashing out. Relieved... well. Relieved Sephiroth hadn't had the chance to attack Zack when he came bursting in, because that would have happened if Zack hadn't stopped him. He closed his eyes at the wordless warmth that surrounded him, but frowned a little.

_Did you notice..._ Uncertain how to phrase it, or if he even had the ability to explain over their relatively new bond, Cloud tried his best to recreate his impression of Sephiroth's lack of presence that he'd felt earlier, and then the unstable one right now, and how Sephiroth definitely got a little better when he'd been jolted into responding either dominantly _or_ submissively.

_Yeah. Like Genesis._

Cloud had _no idea_ what Zack meant by that, but while his confusion was loud and clear to Zack, all he got in return was a 'later' which... was pretty fair, because long-winded explanations didn't have much space to fit, right now. He could wait.

"All right," Zack said, and Cloud watched him tightens his grip on Sephiroth's hair out of the corner of his eyes, "explanations, Sephiroth. What's _going on_? I know you told me all that about your mother, but the Ancients--- well, they're _gone_ , right?"

"And whose fault is that?" Sephiroth's voice was a sibilant hiss, the hand in Cloud's hair turning into a yanking vice. Cloud swallowed a very tiny whimper, but a noise of protest sounded through the room _anyway_.

Though not from him. Blinking his wavering vision straight again, Cloud glanced upwards as Sephiroth's grip lightened. The man's back was a taut arc backwards with Zack's pull, accompanied with a literal _flinch_ and a loud crack of leather on leather. How hard had Zack hit him, to make _Sephiroth_ flinch?

"What was that, Seph? Pretty sure I told you to _take care of him_." The usually cheery, warm voice was ice and steel in a way Cloud had never heard Zack before, and Sephiroth... somehow, Zack pulled him even further backwards as any ambiguity went out of Sephiroth's presence and it swelled up to thunder. Cloud refused to kneel down any further than he already was as it weighed down on him. If things were normal, if Sephiroth was as he usually was, then maybe. Now, though, he _would not_ \---

The pressure lightened.

"I... I am sorry, Zack." It was a bare whisper, tight but _soft_ , not hollow. Zack eased up on his grip. "It's all so clear, however... to avenge Mother, avenge the Ancients and go to the Promised Land, not be _bound_ by human dynamics---"

"The Ancients were dynamic, though." Cloud froze, feeling two weighty gazes swing to him, and swallowed. Shrugged minutely and tilted his head so he could glance up at Zack, only seeing Sephiroth from the edge of his vision. "That's, um, one of the things... we do know?"

"... The professor has always said my blood was to allow me to rise beyond it, and with Jenova as my mother, it should be clear they weren't."

"But, um..." Cloud could _feel_ Sephiroth's gaze slowly growing heavier on him, and swallowed again, keeping his eyes closed this time, "dynamic comes, from both parents, right..? So then she _has to_ have had a dynamic, for yours to be working normally."

(Well, working normally _usually_ , anyway.)

Sephiroth didn't say anything, but the weight of his disbelief was heavy, heavy enough that guilt for even having suggested it started to bubble up through Cloud's veins. It shouldn't, and he shouldn't have to feel _guilty_ , but there it was. Before he got the chance to apologise, Zack shifted next to them.

"No, no, I got this!" Zack's loud interjection cut down on the growing weight resting on the top of Cloud's head, and he wasn't quite proud enough to pretend he didn't sigh in relief. "What about the woman who carried you, Seph? She _clearly_ \---"

"What importance is she? My legacy is the Ancients and Mother deserves---!"

" _Sephiroth_. Stay _here_. You're not going _anywhere_." Zack's voice had dropped again, and he pulled on the improvised leash he'd made of Sephiroth's hair. "Besides, we're right, Seph. You've got dynamic, which means your parents had to have 'em as well, and that makes you as human as the rest of us, even _if_ you've got some stuff from elsewhere and no matter if the Ancients were dynamic or not. Isn't that a _good_ thing? I opened my big gob earlier this week, but look, even if you've got more mako than the rest of us do, you're _still human_. This is _proof_ of that!"

There was a tremble in Sephiroth's broad, armoured shoulders, making the pauldrons clink softly as they shook against each other. It took several seconds before any noise at all came from Sephiroth, and then it was a tight, high chuckle, threatening to crack. Cloud's stomach turned, and all he could think of doing was lean in against Sephiroth, biting his lip until it throbbed.

"You're allowed to be angry even if you're human, Sir." Cloud hadn't even intended to say anything, and was surprised to hear his own voice, slightly muffled against leather. The hand in his hair was still, but the corpse-like stiffness eased up and Sephiroth flattened his hand out.

"Oh? You understand what I can be capable of, do you not?" The strangely stilted cadences of his speech was off, still, but there was a softness back in the words, dominant indulgence and something like desperation both, that felt far more reassuring than anything else so far.

"Just... make sure you aim it _the right way_." The words felt easy, _dangerous_. Sephiroth wasn't actually back to any sort of normal stability, and one step wrong...

"And what, then, is the _right way_?" Sephiroth rumbled, flat tension in his voice, but there was, again, something like desperation, asking for _direction_. Cloud glanced up and met Zack's blue eyes, faint glow seeming nearly incandescent in the dim light. He nodded faintly, his presence bleeding reassurance over the bond while he tugged a little on Sephiroth's hair.

"Didn't you mention a project, when I came down here before? And Genesis and Angeal had found out 'bout one too. So, that'd be... Hojo, and ShinRa."

Sephiroth's hand jerked in his hair, but didn't tighten. Instead it carded through it again, after long minutes of being still, and while Cloud could still feel tension where he was leaning against Sephiroth, it... didn't feel _quite_ as dangerous anymore.

"... Why would the Professor _lie_ , though?" Sephiroth sounded honestly _bewildered_ , for as much as he didn't like Hojo and thought him a hack. Cloud watched Zack open his mouth to answer, and decided to interrupt.

"Can we, um... talk 'bout this, _elsewhere_?" He didn't dare move yet, didn't _want to_ unless he was given leave to, but flicked an awkward glance to meet both Sephiroth and Zack's faintly glowing gazes.

"All the... information here, however..." Sephiroth looked away, his eyes turning distant as he watched the messy spread of books on the floor, the desk, the shelves. Zack shook his head.

"That's _why_ we should go elsewhere, to give you some _distance_ to this stuff. Though I'm not sure the inn is the best... doubt that'd be private," Zack said, his smile lopsided and not as relaxed as it looked. Cloud frowned. Glanced down the corridor towards the door out to the lab and then the rest of the basement. Could he..? Closing his eyes and feeling Zack's confusion over the bond, he hoped this would be worth it. Hoped the gesture would be seen for what it was.

"We could... talk at my house. Only my mother there."

He could feel both of them staring at him again, but Sephiroth didn't get the chance to do more than frown before Zack grinned.

" _Great_. Let's do that then, and we'll have to thank her for putting up with us!" Despite the brightness of his tone, across the bond was a quiet _Are you sure 'bout this?_ and Cloud did his best to push his determination and not his worries over to Zack. "Right, if we're getting outta here... Cloud, stand up. Seph, you too, and I want you to let Cloud carry Masamune over to his mother's house."

Cloud froze just as he'd straightened up, eyes wide as he stared at Zack, then glanced to Sephiroth. Watched his expression darken and his presence settle into a churn between _bending_ and rising up like a furious dragon - and in the middle of both of those, like lightning in a storm, were flickers of _emptiness_. Sephiroth's chest heaved with his breath as Zack tightened his grip on his hair, and then Sephiroth's overwhelming presence settled like a hooded falcon, his chin dipping towards his chest.

"As you wish, Zack." Sephiroth turned around, and Zack let that long, silver hair trail through his hand like water, spilling it back against Sephiroth's back as the long blade was picked up and held out sideways. Cloud stared at it, not quite believing this was happening.

"Take care of it, Cloud," Sephiroth said, and Cloud couldn't have been more relieved to stand under the sudden pressure of Sephiroth's dominant focus. His knees threatened to drop into a kneel, but he remained standing as his hands closed around the sword.

"Yes, Sir. I will."

Looking up, he met incandescent green eyes, and a faint, knife-like smile that nonetheless tilted at the edges, _almost_ soft.

"I know you will." Sephiroth paused, mouth open for a moment, then closed it, shaking his head - and then he twitched when Zack's hand squeezed his elbow.

"That was great, Seph. You're _fine_. Come on, maybe Claudia will even get us breakfast?" Zack flashed a grin, first to Sephiroth and then to Cloud, and went to fish up his sword where it'd been left on the floor as he'd rushed forward to contain Sephiroth earlier. Thus, only Cloud saw the brief, faint reddening of Sephiroth's cheeks at Zack's praise, and smiled.


	21. The Nibelheim Incident: Mothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sephiroth needs distractions while Zack and Cloud deal with what's in the reactor.

"The weapons will be left at the door," Claudia said, and her voice brooked no argument. Not that it mattered much, as the house was not large and was all one, large room with only two level differences, one at the entrance and one up to where the heater was. Sephiroth, who'd been staring up towards Mt. Nibel the whole walk and hadn't really reacted otherwise, came to stiff-backed attention and swung a narrow stare down at her when she said that, however. Cloud winced, watching it, and opened his mouth.

"You," she said, getting there before him and levelling a small, stern hand at Sephiroth, causing green eyes to widen, "weren't you raised better than to challenge another dominant at their own doorstep?"

Whether that was the right or the wrong thing to say, Sephiroth... shuddered, a weird sort of little shoulder-roll, and then _laughed_. Soft and dry, but it was an honest laugh, not edged in glass and strung tight around his chest. Cloud felt the tight knot in his stomach loosen, and on Sephiroth's other side, Zack's shoulders drooped just slightly.

"I had no one who cared to teach me such _niceties_ , Mistress Strife," Sephiroth said, his voice dropping into flat reserve, but he seemed... more present, again, though his body was still angled towards Mt. Nibel. Towards the reactor. "The professor barely deigned to teach me how dynamics worked, as I was to be above them."

Above them. _Sephiroth_? Who carried his dominance about him like it was a second skin, and, well, seemed to fold into submissiveness with a natural grace if not _ease_? Cloud snorted, and froze when he felt three sets of eyes drop onto him. 

"Um--- Going inside?"

His mother snorted in turn and waved them all inside, but she pulled him into a hug as soon as he'd carefully put Masamune down, tight enough to squeeze air out of his lungs, and there was a slight tremble in her hands before she stilled it. She hadn't escaped _unaffected_ from Sephiroth's erratic but clearly returning dynamic presence.

Zack got his desired breakfast, and while both Sephiroth and Cloud picked at theirs at first, food was steadily disappearing, and Sephiroth's gaunt, paler-than-usual look was returning to _something_ like normal. He kept picking up food and putting it on his plate every time he looked up and saw Claudia watching him, eyes narrowed and lips pursed. The whole affair was hardly _silent_ though, with the need to catch up Claudia and to continue talking the whole thing out, though Cloud kept thinking about how Sephiroth had said his mother's name was Jenova, Zack had said there was a sign in the reactor over a door that led deeper in that said _Jenova_ , and Sephiroth had said he wanted to go to the Promised Land with her. He shivered, focusing back on his food.

"Jenova?" Claudia frowned, nose scrunched, and shook her head. "The only woman, the only _pregnant_ woman among the group up in the mansion around that time was named Lucrecia... I can't believe she'd do something like this. To her _own child_ \---"

"She merely _carried_ m---"

"Sephiroth." Claudia's expression was steely and admonishing at once, and despite that he'd commanded legions and was, most certainly, a dominant with far more personal heft than Claudia Strife, Sephiroth still quieted. Maybe it had more to do with the fact that one of Zack's hands was occupied with holding the bottom length of his hair wrapped around it. Maybe it was just that he was clinging to _the rules_ as much as possible right now, and as the dominant of her own house, Mistress Strife was to be listened to.

"There is no _merely_ to carrying a child, but even so," she frowned, pointing her spoon at him, "Zack and Cloud already pointed out that dynamic presentation is a delicate issue, and that any disturbances from either parent means the child might end up non-dynamic? You surely know that, too. Whatever was contributed by this Jenova, either she was dynamic as well, or whatever she contributed had no impact on your dynamic, which is quite a big part of what makes us what we are, isn't it?"

He stared at her, silent. This wasn't anything Zack and Cloud hadn't already said, but perhaps _this time_ it would sink in. Cloud watched him out of the corner of his eyes, biting his lip.

"But if she..." Sephiroth was staring at the table, the food and the dishes in front of him, and he looked to be quite far away again, though maybe not in the same way as before. "What am I, then?"

"Merely a bit quirkier than the rest of us," Claudia said, and the smile was almost teasing before she sobered up, "isn't the more important question what _you are going to do now_? Medical experimentation on this level..." 

Cloud watched his mother's expression darken impressively, but his attention was more on the way Zack's hand had tightened around Sephiroth's hair, on the tension in Sephiroth's shoulders, the not-quite-waver in his presence.

"Didn't you say you wanted to leave?" Zack broke the tension, and while Cloud and Claudia looked to Sephiroth, Sephiroth was staring at _Zack_."Sure, it'll be harder to get to Hojo that way, but one of the best revenges would be to deprive ShinRa and Hojo of your presence, right?"

"I..." Sephiroth trailed off, then slumped over the table, elbows on it and his face in his hands, "I should---"

"Sir." Cloud somehow got there before either his mother or Zack, both of whom looked ready to argue. "What do you _want_?"

Maybe that was dangerous, considering what he'd walked in on in the mansion earlier, and Sephiroth looked up with something that could've been a snarl on his face and his eyes livid, but he didn't get further than staring at Cloud, then down at his hands. Slowly, he reached out, a finger barely brushing Cloud's cheek before the hand dropped again.

"... I don't know. Leaving... has never seemed feasible." He sounded so _lost_ , and in that moment Cloud wondered what ShinRa had _done_ to this man. Maybe nothing they hadn't done to the planet and everyone else, admittedly, no matter how mako energy had helped drive society and supply what it needed, but still.

"So, we gotta give you more _time_ , right?" Zack grinned, slapping a hand to the tabletop. "Why don't you think about it while we get our stuff from the inn?"

Cloud finally looked away from Sephiroth and over to Zack, arching an eyebrow. Zack didn't respond in _words_ , but the image of his rifle in their room, and then the reactor, was pushed through the bond and he nodded shortly. Yeah. They should do that, _without_ Sephiroth.

"You can help me clean up. Unless you'd like more food?" 

Cloud looked over at his mother as he stood up, watching her watch Sephiroth, and he wasn't sure _why_ she was offering him more food, because she didn't know he'd not eaten well for the last week, did she? Sephiroth just shook his head, bangs over his eyes.

"No, Mistress Strife." He did, however, start to stack the dishes, and Cloud, almost reflexively, went to help as well and almost banged a foot into his chair when Zack clapped a hand on his shoulder and steered him towards the door.

_Come on_.

With one last, hesitant look over at Sephiroth and his mother, Cloud took a breath and followed Zack outside.

***  
He should be going with them. He should be going to _Mother_ \--- Sephiroth startled, looking down at the dishes that had just been planted in his arms, the last of the things that had been on the table. Mistress Strife cocked her head and waved towards the bench next to the kitchen sink.

"Put that over there, and then you'll help me dry things as I wash them." She did not ask, and while a furious, offended flare at the _assumption_ bloomed up, he managed to reign it in. Because he was a guest in another dominant's house. Because he remembered the look on Cloud's face when he'd first yelled his safeword, then dropped to his knees. Because he remembered the _other_ look on Cloud's face, the hesitation in his voice that he probably hadn't wanted either him or Zack to notice, when he offered his home for them to continue their conversation in.

They were only humans, though. He had no _obligation_ to do anything by them. In fact, his only obligation, as descended from the Ancients--- Sephiroth shook his head minutely and stalked over to the sink, picking up the towel. Simple, mundane movements for simple, mundane tasks that he... honestly, had barely ever done. Only after he met Angeal and Genesis would such things happen, reminding him he was something other than ShinRa's weapon. 

Was something _human_ , as Zack, Cloud and Cloud's mother had said, several times now. And he had to be, for they were right that he certainly had a dynamic. Could without any issue pick up the solid, if ephemeral and not as weighty as his or Zack's, presence of Mistress Strife beside him. Knew the exact feel of Cloud's submissive presence, had had it answer to him at more than one occasion. And while humans certainly were not faultless, in many, many things (was he? he wasn't even particularly _good_ at being human, but it was hard to say that's not what he was, and that was nearly a relief)...

It was ShinRa who'd dug Jenova out of the ice. It was ShinRa who had been using the mako, not just for energy, but in research, using SOLDIER. Using their army. Using _him_ , like Cloud had pointed out. Sephiroth almost dropped the plate he was given when another fine tremor racked him, but he caught it - and almost cracked the plate with his own strength instead. The urge to storm out and do... _something_ , choked him, and he thought of Jenova, she was supposed to be in the reactor, and he could still get her, take her with him to the Promised Land, just _leave_ everything and burn it all, no concern for who had done what or not.

Wasn't all (even him) guilty of _something_ , after all?

"Here, Sephiroth."

Swaying back as if the offered cookie was a bomb and not a piece of baked goods, Sephiroth stared at it, uncomprehending. Looked from it to Mistress Strife, who met his gaze with a _nearly_ unreadable one. She was afraid, though, he could see it. But she was also _concerned_ , and not... for herself.

"People who help me without complaint get rewards, after all," Mistress Strife said, dominant warmth and weight heavy in her voice despite that she was _nothing_ compared to him, and Sephiroth found himself taking the cookie. She put a whole plate of them on the sink next to his elbow, a small smile on her face and her blue eyes bright, lacking any mako glow. "And you're being _very_ helpful at the moment. I could never get Cloud to do the dishes without _bribing_ him instead of _rewarding_ him."

Laughing softly, she shook her head and turned back to washing the still dirty dishes, and Sephiroth finally bit into the cookie. It was thick and softly crumbly, sugar and oatmeal and Angeal had had a plate of them on the table, the first time he'd managed to drag Sephiroth to his apartment. He'd said he was too old for cookies. Angeal had just looked at him and said no one was too old for _sugar_. It'd been so simple, then. Not like _now_ , when he _knew_ he wasn't just human.

But he was also _definitely_ human, as the taste of the oatmeal cookie reminded him, as the warmth of Mistress Strife's _praise_ made amply clear, reminding him his default wasn't dynamicless force, but simple dominance with shades of submissive hiding underneath, his switch status vastly weighing towards one but that didn't take away the other. Usually, it was easy to ignore, to power through. Today... today, Zack had punched through it with ease and so firmly even someone of only average strength like Cloud's mother was having an effect.

An effect that...

"You are distracting me," Sephiroth froze in the middle of reaching for another cookie. Pulled his hand away like they'd burned him, despite that they certainly weren't newly out of the oven and he was wearing gloves still, besides.

"Yes." Claudia didn't even pause what she was doing, didn't look at him, and he--- Humans were all treacherous beings, weren't they? He didn't _need_ to be one of them, he could rise beyond that, he--- "Are you going to let me?"

All the fury left him as he stared down at his hands, one of them holding a plate, the other still halfway towards the plate of cookies. She'd not made any pretence of it, and why should she? She knew he could leave whenever he wanted to, knew he could do just about anything he felt like, in revenge. For this, for being _human_ \- which he was, too. He was, even when he felt like he wasn't, when Zack's careless commentary days ago had cemented the thought that he _couldn't be_. He was, even with the confusing addition of Jenova into the equation, which Hojo insisted meant he was above any dynamic needs, and he'd always agreed, because he should, but he'd moved through the world with the same needs everyone else had.

"I cannot make sense of what I ought to do," he said slowly, eyes closed even as he very carefully put the last plate in place, without looking, "so yes."

"Thank you, Sephiroth."

He could hear the approval in her voice, and he couldn't even muster any offense at how it slid right in, warmed the base of his spine. He needed it. He needed it like a plant needed water, and why had Hojo always insisted he didn't? Insisted that his origin meant he was not like everyone else, which apparently had more to do with Jenova than just mako, and how did that make sense when the Ancients supposedly had been dynamic as well? He needed the approval, the _direction_ as much as he needed, thrived, on putting everything _exactly so_ , thrived on watching submissives kneel in front of him. He'd just never thought much about it, because there'd never been need to. He'd simply moved where he needed, told to...

"But shouldn't you consider what you _want_ to do, not what you _ought_ to do? Zack said you wanted to leave ShinRa?"

"I..." Licking his lips, Sephiroth frowned. Yes, he wanted to leave. He'd wanted it, a cold, distant ache in his chest, since shortly after he'd met Angeal and Genesis. He hadn't known what it was, had taken it for dislike of those two, so similar to himself while still so very much more easily _human_ , having had a choice (seemingly, anyway) in joining ShinRa, in getting involved in a war he'd simply found himself put down in, pointed in a direction and let loose. "I'm not sure... it's actually feasible. They would find me."

They. Hojo, or ShinRa in general? Both. Either. And what would he even _do_ , if he left? All he knew was what he'd been told, taught, how to do. All he knew to do was _fight_ , and fight where ShinRa pointed him.

"They used your image as their perfect dominant, and yet seems to have relied on the submissiveness of your switch dynamic to keep you under control."

For a second, the world froze, and Sephiroth's inner eye cycled through event after event, orders... And Hojo, too. A hack of a scientist the man might be, one who seemingly twisted the facts to say what he wanted, not followed them to their scientific conclusion, but he knew how to use Sephiroth's dynamic (use them against him), and his knowledge of dynamics in general, while yet insisting _Sephiroth_ was above it all. 

He felt like he was breathing tar. 

A glance to Claudia showed her not with pity or condescension on her face, but a look somewhere between anger and protectiveness. Anger at others, protectiveness _for him_. He could _feel it_ , her dominant presence wrapping around him as much as it could, and it was nearly _laughable_. He didn't _need it_ , but she was... she had no reason to feel either, but here she was doing it _anyway_.

Any desire to burn it all to the ground, Nibelheim, humans, _the planet_ , like he'd wanted to do, like had seemed _obvious_ he do since he started reading, died right then, but in its place rose fury that was both similar and different to the previous desire, and all he wanted to do was storm out right this moment, with no plan or thought at all.

" _Distract me_ ," Sephiroth rasped, and he didn't even recognise his own voice. 

The hand on his shoulder was small and calloused, but not weak - not a soldier's hand, no, but there was firm, practical strength and dominant weight in it. He allowed Mistress Strife to turn him around.

"You share your mother's bangs, you know," she said, and Sephiroth felt like the ground disappeared from under him, and just as quickly was replaced. Softer, not as firm, but _there_. He blinked, staring at the wall, then down at Claudia. All he'd known of Jenova was her name, Hojo never telling him anything more than that, but that, perhaps, was why it'd been so _easy_ to soak up every scrap of information about her that'd been in the books, so easy to start thinking of _doing something_ for her. He knew even less of Lucrecia, supposedly his mother, having at least _just as much_ influence on his DNA as Jenova had, but in one, simple stroke, Claudia had offered something to know. Something practical, something _real_.

"... I do?"

"Yes," she smiled and squeezed his arm, "seems like it must be as genetic as Cloud and Zack's hair. Hers was brown, though. I... don't know much, of course, I didn't _know her_ , much less why she would give her child to scientific experimentation, but I can tell you what I remember seeing of her while we pack."

She stated it so obviously he was moving with her before he even thought of it and stopped.

"... Packed?" At the same time as he said it, all the reasons to do so cropped up, as obvious as Mistress Strife had been about it. Her smile, when he glanced down was tight and reluctant.

"Yes. I don't fancy myself important enough they would bother with me, but Cloud is still involved with you and I believe whatever happens from here on won't be anything ShinRa would like, so---"

Sephiroth held up a hand, head cocked, then turned and left her side. He didn't know what had caught his attention, but he exploded like oiled lightning out of the door and simply broke the neck of the woman outside without further thought. Stared down at the dead Turk and exhaled, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Sephiroth---!"

"A moment, Mistress Strife." It was easy to pick the corpse up, walk around the house and dump her, for the moment, in the shed there. Crush the phone she'd pulled out to make a call with under his foot on the way back inside, and felt, for the first time in _days_ as settled as he probably could be at the moment as he closed the door behind him.

"You are entirely correct. The rest of the town ought to be safe enough, but your... interference with me, along with your son's, might draw some ire," he smiled, short, sharp and knife-thin; to her credit, she didn't flinch, just nodded, "tell me what do to, and we shall be ready by the time Zack and Cloud are back."

He knew where they'd gone. Perhaps it was for the best, but a distant, empty howl of loss still twisted in his gut. It was silenced when Claudia gave him one of the suitcases she'd pulled out from a closet, hands trembling slightly around the handles and looking around her with a mix of uncertain loss and stern determination.

"We will pack, and I'll tell you what I know of Lucrecia," she said on a sigh, a deep shuddering breath as she glanced towards the back of the cottage, the wall that faced the garden in the back and the shed out there, then straightened back up again, "I know this is no way to make up to Cloud for not leaving when I probably _should_ have packed us up and left, but... leaving home isn't easy. No matter." She shook her head and waved him up to the crowded half floor that held the water heater and the floor hatch that led down to the basement bathroom.

"I'll do my best to have us finished by the time the boys are back."

Sephiroth understood then, far more than from her earlier words, that he wasn't the only one that was at a loss, and yet she was determined to give him what he needed, pointing him to one of the closets set into the wall. Giving direction in this mess, much like both Zack and Cloud had been doing, in their own ways. 

Hesitantly, he turned back around and reached out, squeezing her shoulder. The action felt alien, but by the way Claudia shifted subtly into it even as it had her straightening, it was apparently _right_. It gave some sense of control back even as it pleased him to have done right by the dominant in the house.

She didn't say anything, just touched his hand and smiled, and he let go. They had a job to do. _Before_ whoever was in contact with the now-dead Turk would try to check in and realize they _couldn't_.

***  
"You realize that could've gone badly," Zack said, his head tipped back to take in the entirety of the reactor towering above them, hands on his hips and stance unselfconsciously broad. Cloud refused to acknowledge the dominant disapproval in his voice, however. Zack hadn't forbidden him in anything but implication to go into the mansion and confront Sephiroth. He hadn't done anything _wrong_.

"Uh-huh. But it didn't." No apology, no _remorse_. He felt no need to ask for forgiveness for it. Zack sighed, an explosive puff of air that brought a faint little cloud of mist with it - it was cooler today, and just cold enough up here for their breath to be seen.

"Alright. It didn't. And I didn't actually _say anything_ 'bout what you could and couldn't do," Zack said with a grunt and then sighed, deflating a little, "and I wouldn't, either."

Cloud felt something unwind inside, even if he'd _known that_ already. They wouldn't be here, like this, otherwise. Still, it felt good to hear Zack say it. Reaching out, he took one of Zack's hands and squeezed. Zack turned to smile at him, then leaned in. The kiss was warm in the chilly air, softening stiff muscles. That kiss might have been the very reason Cloud didn't protest when Zack used that grip on his hand to both lead him up the stairs to the entrance, _and_ lead the charge. He could give Zack that.

"How are we gonna do this?" Cloud found himself whispering, even if there wasn't really any reason to do so. They'd mostly gone up here on a whim, but Sephiroth's behaviour and focus on his supposed-to-be-dead mother, and the sign above the door, was... concerning, at least. Zack had agreed when Cloud said they should check it out. He'd half suggested it on the hope that giving Sephiroth some space, but _away_ from the books and reports he'd been reading, would help, even if he... really rather would've wanted to stay to make sure his mother was okay.

"The door to whatever's inside the room under the sign is probably locked, but I'll get it open one way or another, and then..." Zack rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged, even as his expression hardened, "we deal with it, in whatever way seems best."

Simple and straightforward, but with how little they knew and could plan for, that was probably the only way to do it. The metal grating rang under their feet, muted and thick out in the open and turning tinny and echoing as they got inside. It was warmer inside the reactor, which was nice at least, but it also smelled heavily of metal and mako, which made breathing oppressive. That was all there was, however; they went deeper and deeper inside the reactor with nothing happening, nothing bursting out of the shadows to stop them. Then they came to the pods Cloud supposed was what had triggered the whole interaction between Zack and Sephiroth and he couldn't _help himself_.

Zack didn't stop him, just grimaced and went up the stairs to a door with a sign over it that _definitely_ wasn't standard in a reactor. The sign with Jenova's name on it. Throwing a glance up at it, Cloud turned to peer into one pod - empty - but the second had him thumping down on his feet with a soft curse. That was _creepy_ , and why the hell were they _here_?

"Cloud, over here." Zack's voice was tight, and Cloud could feel his desire to push Cloud out of the reactor through the bond, even when he'd already called to him to come up. He jogged up the stairs and stopped beside Zack, staring.

"What _is that_?"

The innermost chamber - which didn't have any railing by the observation platform, or the cubicle that should be _on_ that platform, to protect from the radiation below - looked more like someone's deranged idea of a shrine than a piece of engineering. Was the thick cable that wound across the open space of the mako container below even standard? What was clear was that what was _across them_ past that cable certainly wasn't standard. There was a winged figure rising up out of smooth metal curves, wings on its back, its face - possibly female - cold, serene and utterly expressionless.

Despite the distant beauty of it, Cloud thought it was lacking something, but what that was supposed to be, he wasn't sure.

"Good question," Zack muttered and squeezed his shoulder, "alright. Stay here and I'll have a closer look."

Cloud opened his mouth to protest, but the glance he got, shot at him only quickly sideways from bright blue eyes and the silent weight of Zack's presence through the bond, had him closing it again without saying anything. He nodded instead, and, while Zack crossed the cable with all the easy grace of the SOLDIER he was, Cloud pulled his rifle out into a more ready position. His fingers tingled.

Zack stood under the gaze of the metal goddess for a few seconds, then patted around it, peering around its sides - and then tore the thing straight off, a shearing, electric ripping screech filling the air, something wet spilling out of its empty eyes and mouth as it fell. Zack might have intended to put the heavy effigy aside as well as he could on the rather narrow platform, but the tank that was behind the protective casing had _both_ of them swearing, and the casing fell off the side out of Zack's suddenly lax grip.

"... Is _that_ \---"

"Jenova."

Cloud twitched at Zack's pronouncement, the tingle in his fingers spreading up his arms and down into his spine, and even Zack standing in the way couldn't cover up the horror show in the tank. Whatever she was, she _must_ be dead. There wasn't even a whole body; Cloud could see only loose, organ-looking things in the bottom half of the tank, what Zack wasn't covering. There were outgrowths on her... breasts? that he couldn't see what they were from this distance, and lividly red growths rising from her shoulders. They could have been called wings, if wings were solid, twisted things of (supposedly) flesh and tissue instead of delicate appendages covered in membrane and feathers. The liquid in the tank made the stark white hair float, serene and delicate compared to the base, organic _fleshiness_ of the rest.

And for some unearthly reason, somehow, the eyes gleamed still, red against the blue of her skin, visible even from the distance Cloud stood at.

"Is she--- is it dead?" There was an uncertainty in his voice that Cloud didn't like, and he scowled and shook his head, pushing down the creeping unease that'd settled in his limbs.

" _Must be_ , so at least, whatever Sephiroth might've done with it, it wouldn't have mattered." Zack snorted, shaking his head until black strands flew around him and planted his fists on his hips and his feet wide. Cloud had felt the light shiver, the reaching for him through the bond, though, belying the ease with which Zack was taking this. "Let's get rid of it just to be safe, yeah?"

Cloud nodded, even if Zack couldn't see that, and wondered how in hell that thing was human enough for it to have been able to be used as Sephiroth had told them its cells _had_ been used. It did look human... kind of. The things that were all wrong, though, couldn't just be due to mutations of some sort, could it? Cocking his head to try and look past Zack, Cloud frowned. Looked back to Zack, eyebrows raising upwards, because Zack _hadn't moved_.

"Um... Zack?"

The startle was as much physical as it was metaphysical, a jerk that seemed to start in Zack's presence in the bond and work its way outwards, but... slower, than it should be.

"Uh--- Yeah! Just gimmie a, uh, moment."

Still Zack didn't move, and the tingle in Cloud's spine turned into a buzz, wound tight. He didn't know what to do. Go up to Zack? Stay here and call him again? Or... The solution crystallized, and Cloud shifted his grip on the rifle.

"Zack? _Duck_!"

Zack ducked, his belated surprise turning into a startled squawk when bullets sprayed into the tank, most of them burying deep into the glass and creating a spiderweb of surface cracks, but some of them _bounced off_ , tinny metal pings announcing their altered paths and dull cracks where they hit other targets.

None of those other targets being either Zack or Cloud, _somehow_ , and Cloud flushed, grimacing. Should've thought of that. He could have hit Zack.

"Zack? You oka---"

" _Put the rifle down_!" The bellow was understandable, really. He _had_ just risked shooting both of them. But there was an edge to the voice he'd never heard Zack use before, _and_... there was no weight to the words. 

Staring across the chamber, Cloud was suffused by a very uncomfortable sensation of deja vu. He could still feel Zack across the bond, which was a massive relief, but the warm familiarity of Zack's dominant presence just wasn't there, in any sense of the word. There was a light emptiness instead, which didn't rob the words of any of the threatening anger, but made them into nothing Cloud actually needed to _listen to_.

_Zack?_

“Put. it. down.” Zack growled, weightless fury in his voice while the shudder in his presence in reaction to Cloud's silent call was distant and distracted. Cloud shoved against it like one might shove a heavy door open, fighting for even some form of proper connection even as an idea popped into his head and he slowly bent down, putting the rifle on the floor.

_You gotta--- think of something, Cloud. Something's wrong._ Zack couldn't sound distracted, but that was the sensation of him as the meaning made itself clear, feelings more than actual words, and Cloud nodded, jaw set.

"Why don't we take it back with us?" Cloud didn't actually want to get particularly closer to that thing now, but Zack was there, and it was there, too. So he had to. Slowly walking across the cable, Cloud watched Zack frown at him, his expression kind of distant, and he was more than halfway across when confused alarm registered over the bond.

_I've got an idea._

Zack didn't pull his sword when he finally stepped up in front of him, which was all Cloud could've hoped for. Zack was still _here_ enough to be _that much_ in control, despite that this close, the _lack_ of his usual presence was even more obvious. It was kind of nauseating actually, because he was closer to Zack than he was Sephiroth. He was _connected_ to Zack, and yet---

He felt like he was alone, and all he really wanted to do was look to Zack and get some sort of direction, but when their eyes met, there was... nothing. 

He had to do this himself. Ironically, wasn't that what he'd wanted to be able to do? Not have to be forced by his own dynamic into things? That wasn't really how it worked, though, and Cloud knew it. Could see it far more clearly now; it wasn't being forced into things that you had no use for, it was a _need_ , like breathing or eating or, hell, talking to people and hugging (and sex). Sure, dynamic expressed itself in very general ways across the whole population, but it was still _personal_. You had as much an effect on your dynamic as it had on you, and right now, what he really, really wanted - _needed_ \- was the reassurance he was doing as he should, and some pointer to follow.

All Zack did, though, a slow hand raised to trail down his cheek, was to turn around and find the controls to open the tank up. Cloud used that moment to do what he hoped would get them the result they needed, ghosting close to Zack's back and reaching up while Zack fiddled with the controls. Didn't go for the sword itself, but rather the materia there.

Cura and Firaga.

He took the second one with a soft exhale, stepping sideways out of Zack's way as he stepped back while the liquid drained, swaying a little on his feet. He didn't so much as twitch when Cloud unsnapped his empty bangle. Normally, he'd have checked what Cloud was doing, _why_ he was doing it. Normally, while he of course trusted Cloud with things he shouldn't have (like materia, especially more advanced such), he'd have asked what he was doing. There was nothing but emptiness however. From Zack, from the figure in the tank, a curved lump of misshapen flesh where it hung in the emptied, open tank.

Cloud was of course deeply relieved he wasn't having to _fight_ Zack, and that, compared to Sephiroth's killing intent, Zack seemed more distracted. He hoped it was because he was fighting it, whatever it was, but he didn't dare ask.

"Okay, let me just..." Trailing off, Cloud stepped up besides Zack, snapped the bangle on his own wrist and the materia in place, and was already drawing on the magic, the pull of it a sucking thrill through his veins, when Zack actually _turned his head to look_.

The emptiness turned into a blade of ice, aimed for his mind through his connection to Zack, but it was too late.

The firaga was a beautiful conflagration, a ball of energy and fire about as large as his own torso, and the twitching convulsion of Zack's hand coming up around his neck wasn't enough to stop it from being released.

_Duck!_

He was yanked off his feet before he could blink, having hoped that'd work, and thankfully it did. What was the most unsettling, as he was slammed to the floor of the platform, was that he could see the figure in the tank twitch, a shuddering convulsion rolling through the flesh like it, too, wanted to move, but couldn't. The heat of the firaga going off at such a short distance sucked all the air out around them, turning it into a dry tornado. It made it hard to breathe, even more so until Zack's hand lightened up, slid down from where it'd been pressed against his throat to rest below it, like a necklace almost, trembling.

He could smell burning hair, and Zack was muttering frantic apologies.

" _Shut up_ , Zack." He was tired, and he was trembling as he snaked his arms between Zack's neck and the back of his sword, pulling him down so he could bury his face in the crook of his neck, ignoring how the edge of the shoulderguard dug into his cheek. Zack baulked, then swept to surround him both physically and with the winged weight of his dominant presence, pouring back in like water from a broken dam.

The air smelled of mako, smoke, and things best left not thought about while the world righted itself. It was only when Zack's heartbeat stopped thundering against his chest that Cloud looked up at all, watching fire in colours it shouldn't have slowly devour whatever had been in the tank. It was still hard to breathe, but less because of the firaga, now.

"What _happened_? You went... I, I couldn't feel anything." Cloud pretended like his voice didn't waver, and was _ridiculously relieved_ to hear a soft, if uncertain, laugh, from Zack.

"Guess that's pretty apt. I don't know, Spike... it was like being surrounded by cotton, I guess? An' then I couldn't even _feel myself_ , which... that just ain't right. It was like I was missing something."

"Like what happened with Sephiroth. It felt, your presence, it just wasn't _there_ ," Cloud whispered, then grunted as Zack hugged him closer tight enough his ribs creaked before suddenly standing up, hauling him with him... and up in his arms. " _Zack_!?"

"Stay _still_."

It wasn't loud. It wasn't even particularly _stern_ , but the weight of the words demanded he listen, burrowed right in and Cloud was even glad to feel it, to just... give in to it, and feel the light brush of warmth that came with submitting.

"Gotta get out of here, I bet that smoke isn't any good to breathe in," Zack said tightly, arms tightening around him even if he'd already stopped fighting the hold. 

Just as well, because with one last look to the burning corpse in the tank, ash and embers flaking off to float in the air and mix with the puddles of sludge on the bottom of the tank, pieces falling off when the burning body couldn't support them any more, Zack burst into motion and Cloud would've been slammed back against his chest by the speed if Zack hadn't already been holding him there.

Zack didn't stop until they were down the path from the reactor, the chill September air rushing into Cloud's lungs like a punch as soon as Zack came to a stop, reluctantly letting him down onto his own two feet. Air brushed his hair, and Cloud realized he'd lost his helmet somewhere. Even the prospect of walking into Nibelheim like this didn't seem particularly important as he looked up at Zack, a laugh bubbling up helplessly, and Zack patted him down, then practically yanked him up off his feet into a kiss.

Wrapping his arms around Zack's shoulders, Cloud let Zack remember he had to hold him up if he wasn't going to bend down, and soon there were hands under his thighs, allowing Cloud somewhere to sit with Zack stole his air again, and Cloud did his best to return the favour.

He was dizzy by the time Zack finally pulled away, a couple light kisses dropped at the corner of his mouth, then finally the tip of his nose before he let go, Cloud sliding down to his own feet again. He didn't feel like letting Zack go completely, though, so he snagged his hand and squeezed it. Zack's hand trembled once, then steadied and squeezed back.

"Let's get back down and see where we're going next."


	22. Regroup, Going Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They decide where to go, and what to do from here, which will take a lot more work, but then, that's life isn't it?

"Mom?" Cloud stood in the doorway to his home and stared at several bags and suitcases spread out on the floor in the middle of the one-room cottage, not quite comprehending what he was seeing. Almost all of them were closed, with Sephiroth kneeling over the last open bag, carefully wriggling a few books into place so this bag, too, could be zipped closed. He could see the corner of the blanket that'd been on first their common bed, then his own, since he was little, and when he looked over, both of the beds were empty of the blankets that'd been draped on top of the duvets. Claudia Strife turned around from where she was packing food, and smiled. Tightly, yes, but happy and relieved.

"Cloud! Zack, good to see you're... why do you smell of smoke?" Her nose scrunched, and Cloud bet they smelled of worse things than just _smoke_. Caught Sephiroth's shoulders tensing out of the corner of his eyes and couldn't help himself as he took one step towards him, but Zack got there before him. He squeezed his shoulder while dropping the bag he'd been carrying on the floor, as they'd passed by the inn to get their things there before coming back here.

"There was a fire in the reactor," Zack said lightly, stopping by Sephiroth's shoulder and squeezing the back of his neck, thumb rubbing along the pale, slender column. Cloud had to tear his eyes away, an embarrassing amount of heat in his gut from watching that, and his mother's brief, knowing look didn't help at all.

"Good," Sephiroth said, and while he zipped the bag closed, he didn't stand up, "and we are finished here, so we're ready to leave."

"... Where?" Cloud asked, looking with a frown between the other three. Finally remembered to close the open door behind him and actually walk further inside, gaze wandering around as he caught sight of what was still left in the cottage and what had disappeared, clearly packed away.

"I..." Sephiroth stopped, ducked his head so his bangs fell forward, and shrugged. There was an uncomfortable uncertainty in that movement and _now_ Cloud came up beside him too, squatting next to him. Uncertain what else to do, but when a long-fingered hand came up to rest on the back of _his_ neck and he caught a slight quirk of Sephiroth's lips, he relaxed. Looked up to meet Zack's eyes, and was graced with a big grin and a thumbs up from the hand Zack still had free.

"What about Wutai?" Zack said, and didn't get further when Sephiroth snorted.

" _Wutai_? When I was there... we were _both_ there, Zack, to help tear it down."

"And Wutai's still not takin' that lying down, Genesis and Angeal have _both_ made noises of leaving, I know you know that, and _you_ want to leave... well, maybe it'll take some convincing, but why _wouldn't_ Lord Godo appreciate some very powerful additions to help him regain his country's independence? He'd even get a reactor in the bargain, if he wants to keep it running!" Zack grinned, but Claudia was frowning as she turned around, arms crossed over her chest.

"If he wanted to leave because he was tired of fighting, Zack, you shouldn't push him into a position where he'll just be doing _more of the same_ at some point."

Zack blinked, bright blue eyes flicking from Claudia to Sephiroth, and then there was a sheepish smile crawling over his face.

"Oh, yeah, I guess... sorry, Seph."

"No, it's alright," Sephiroth said, squeezing his hand around Cloud's neck carefully, soft leather rubbing against his skin, right above where his collar would've rested if he'd been wearing it. He sort of wished he'd put it on before he left the inn this morning, actually. "Attacking ShinRa with no plan, as individual entities, would not do much damage. Joining with Wutai, if Lord Godo would have me... us, would."

And damage was clearly what Sephiroth wanted to do, if the way his voice dropped on the last word was anything to go by. Cloud found himself smiling tightly.

"I suppose it would be... worth it, to at least petition Lord Godo to offer our swords, and perhaps as many of ShinRa's assets on Wutainese land that we can secure." Sephiroth sounded composed again, certain and relaxed, and his presence was a stable firestorm in the room, not large enough to contain him, and yet it didn't smother anyone else in there.

"Okay," Cloud said softly, then looked over to his mother, his stomach knotting again, "but why... packing?" He gestured to the bags, then swept an arm to indicate the ransacked cottage. Claudia's smile was small and pained.

"Sometimes you need outside forces to get you to do what you should've done a long time ago, raincloud," Claudia said, coming over and bending forward so she could slide a warm, strong hand over his cheek, cradling it, "it seems ShinRa had at least one person out here keeping an eye on things, and Sephiroth isn't optimistic about my... _our_ involvement in his desertion going unpunished."

It was not difficult to figure out what she meant, and Cloud almost surged to his feet, with only Sephiroth's hand on his neck - and Zack's soothing presence through the bond - to keep him where he was

"What happened!?"

Sephiroth laughed, a soft, dark slide of rumbling chuckles, and squeezed his neck again.

"I have taken care of that, Cloud. I would not have Mistress Strife injured on my behalf." There was dark promise in his voice, and Cloud felt both weirdly jealous and pleased Sephiroth apparently had bonded with his mother. Claudia laughed herself, then leaned forward enough to brush a kiss on Cloud's forehead.

"See, I'm fine, and will _continue to be so_ , since I'm coming with you. We should probably warn Mayor Lockhart, however," Claudia said, glancing to Sephiroth and Zack with a frown as she straightened up.

"Nibelheim ought to be alright, but yes. Zack?"

"On it!"

All of them stood up and let go of the various parts they'd been holding, though Zack was looking between him and Sephiroth several times before he finally left, something thoughtful on his face.

_Zack?_

_Later... not sure I can **share**._

Cloud stared at the closed door, then shook his head. Share? What was he even talking about..? The thought trailed off as Cloud's gaze wandered over to Sephiroth, and he immediately looked away, his stomach fluttering, feeling both guilty at the blush crawling up on his cheeks and a breathless sort of anticipation. Maybe. Would that even work? Would _Sephiroth_ want that?

Nothing to deal with right now though, as they finished the last of the packing and then Sephiroth took a sheet from the linen closet and left, coming back with a lump thrown over his shoulder.

"Uh. What?" Cloud stared at what was _definitely_ a body rolled up in that sheet. Sephiroth shrugged, lips pressed thinly together.

"Turk."

Turk? There'd been a _Turk_ here? So that's what his mother had meant with their involvement not going unpunished, but... Cloud stared at it, not even aware he was gritting his teeth until his jaw started to ache, and looked up, catching his mother's frown and the slight, tight twist to Sephiroth's mouth.

"But that means they were here the _whole time_..."

Sephiroth nodded and said nothing, his eyes dark as he looked down at the sheet-draped corpse he'd dropped on the floor. Indeed, they would've had to have been here the whole time. Which meant there must have been something else expected from this than dealing with a malfunction in the reactor and the unexpected issue of an agitated dragon. Cloud's thoughts wandered to Sephiroth in the basement again, the empty fury with no dynamic to anchor it, and couldn't quite suppress a shudder.

Surely _that_ , and Jenova, hadn't been the point? Cloud had to forcibly push that thought aside, helped mostly by the door opening, Zack's voice floating in.

"The mayor was sceptical, but listened. And I've shot Kunsel a message, so he can warn Aerith," Zack said as he stomped back in, snapping his PHS closed, for a moment looking very unhappy before he shook his head, "not that they have any reason to go after her right now, since this has nothing to do with _her_ , but just in case... Even if she probably won't want to leave."

Zack sighed, and Cloud, after picking up one of the bags, came over to bump his shoulder to Zack's arm, earning a quick flash of a smile. He knew nothing about Zack's one-time girlfriend, but whatever the reason he'd have to think ShinRa would pay attention to her, he hoped she'd be okay. Zack threw an arm around his shoulders and squeezed, shooting him a quick grin before he looked up, between the three of them.

"So. We try Wutai first?"

Claudia closed her eyes and tipped her head in a nod that was simply agreement for whatever might be decided, her solid drive now folding under the uncertainty of the moment, of _leaving_. Cloud ducked away from Zack's one-armed hug to stand over beside his mother instead, giving _her_ the same sort of hug Zack had given him while Sephiroth picked up the other bags he and Claudia had packed, his eyes dark and expression tight, but determined.

"We do."

***  
Wutai it was, but their method was maybe a little _unorthodox_. Especially the way they intended to gain an audience with Lord Godo, since none of them thought it was safe to walk up to the front gate of ShinRa's base in Wutai _or_ up the front steps of the residence of the leader of Wutai. 

For more than one reason, Zack thought as he tilted his head back, peering up at the short wall and the building peeking up above, rubbing the back of his neck. They had no idea what sort of orders might have filtered through the military grapevine, if not officially then _unofficially_ (because the the risk of Angeal and Genesis being ordered to detain them and ShinRa believing that it'd be obeyed was small). Completely aside from that, though, there was, well... the whole issue of the war, and Sephiroth's (and his own, as brief as it'd been) involvement in it. Sure, Angeal and Genesis were on Wutainese soil, but that had been the result of many long hours of negotiation. They would be showing up unannounced and without ShinRa's weight behind them.

Which might even be to their help! But they couldn't know that until they could get in front of Lord Godo and present their case, so that led to this, and Sephiroth bent over the panel of wires they'd exposed.

"Well?" Zack swayed on his feet, shooting Cloud a grin and blew him a kiss, which earned him an eyeroll and the mental equivalent of a hiss of his name over the bond, even while Cloud stood beside Sephiroth, holding some of the wires out of the way. They looked natural like that, and Zack was hard-pressed not to stomp over. He didn't as much for their current mission as for the fact that he'd _more_ than once had the same sensation of _this feels natural_ when it came to having Sephiroth next to him, the few times he needed to submit. Thinking about it made him feel guilty now, with Cloud right there, even when he was sure Cloud would call him ridiculous over it.

This couldn't continue like this, but for now...

"For once in your life, show some _patience_ , Zack," Sephiroth muttered, eyes narrowed, "and be ready."

Ready, he could do, especially since when Sephiroth said that, it meant---

" _Now_."

Zack leaped straight upwards, chasing the tingle of receding electricity and the disconnected alarms, grunting as he slammed harder than he'd planned into the wall, fingers _just_ gripping the windowsill of the window he'd aimed for. It was a lot of weight on a very small surface, and he also couldn't linger, so he hauled himself up, turning at the same time, and, while pressing one side of his body against the wall to keep himself in place, he pressed the fingers of his other hand against the corner of the window, hoping... the soft crack was exactly what he'd wanted to hear. The windowpane shifted away under his grip, not having shattered or even cracked, but rather popped out of the frame. With a grin, Zack hauled himself inside and threw a thumbs up out the window before he carefully fitted the windowpane back into place as well as he could.

He could hear the subtle crackle of the electricity outside coming back, and that meant the alarm was back on too. Just as planned.

The room was dark and empty of anything but furniture, neatly arranged in a curious blend of Wutainese and continental styles. It was also overflowing with plants, so that meant they _had_ gotten the right place. His shoulders drooping in silent relief, Zack took off his boots, not so much to necessarily keep quiet (but that too), as to minimize the dirt he was tracking around, and crept deeper inside. He passed an open kitchen to his right, banora whites in a bowl on the kitchen island, and stopped by the door almost opposite the window he'd entered by. Bedroom. And if he was lucky... though why they'd be out, he didn't know, but they _could be_. Hell, with their disappearance, maybe Angeal and Genesis would've been called back to Midgar.

Luckily, the bedroom was occupied. Even more luckily, no one was having sex and both Angeal and Genesis were sleeping. For now, anyway. With a grin that felt tight around the corners of his lips because of the last two weeks of tension, Zack slipped inside, choosing Angeal's slide of the bed. Sidled up and leaned over him, hand coming down to cover his mouth.

"An---"

A hand clamped down on his arm, and his feet were pulled out from under him, Angeal not so much rolling off the bed as he _threw himself_ off it, and the sudden slam of his dominant presence against him was enough to leave Zack as spiritually breathless as the slam of his back against the floor left him _physically_ breathless.

_Zack!?_ Cloud's startled yell over the bond, followed by a clumsy, but instinctive, rush of energy steadied him in the middle of the unexpected and completely ruthless assault of Angeal's presence against his own, and he found enough breath to groan.

_I'm okay, Spike. Thanks._

" _Angeal_!"

"Wh--- _Zack_!?" The pressure eased, Angeal's hands on his arms merely bracing instead of threatening to break the bones now, as he blinked sleep out of his eyes and stared down at him.

"Angeal, what's... _Zack_?" Genesis was crouched on the bed, peering over the edge to stare down at Angeal and Zack, and Zack, now that he had his thoughts back in order and could actually think instead of feeling like a butterfly pinned to a wall, grinned.

"Uh, hey guys! Could I convince you to let the others in, _without_ any fuss made?"

"Let the others---" Angeal's shoulder slumped before he abruptly got to his feet, hauling Zack with him. "Let us dress and we'll get Sephiroth---"

"And Cloud and his mom," Zack added with a grin, just to watch both of them stare at him blankly before they nodded.

"And Cloud and his mom, inside. Zack, are you _okay_?" Angeal's hands was on his shoulders again, but squeezing firmly, not crushing this time, and he closed his eyes, just for a moment, and nodded, firmly.

"Well, so far. It's, uh... these last coupla weeks, man." He shrugged, and it was such a relief to see Angeal's reassuring twist to the lips he almost threw himself at him. He had a little more self-control these days, though, so he didn't. "I'll let you guys dress, sorry for, uh, the wakeup call, but it seemed the easiest way to get your attention." With a wave and a grin, he went to leave, freezing in the doorway when Genesis spoke up.

"Zack? _How_ did you get in?"

"Well, you might have to have someone pop the windowpane back in place for you," he said with a chuckle and then slipped out, closing the door behind him. Walked back to the window and peered out, giving the three shadows he could barely see another thumbs up.

Half an hour later, they were all ensconced in Angeal and Genesis' apartment. Sitting, all of them, except for Cloud, who couldn't seem to settle. Watching him from the corner of his eyes while explanations of the last two weeks were dealt with, Zack frowned. Cloud had already reassured him once through the bond that he _was okay_ , but in that case, he would probably be sitting down and still. They were inside, they were... well, not exactly safe, but as safe as they could be at the moment... and Cloud was the only submissive in the room.

Pursing his lips in thought, Zack glanced around. Angeal was paying attention to Cloud intermittently. His mother was too, but she only raised an eyebrow at him when their eyes met. Sephiroth... Sephiroth was _also_ paying attention, despite that all his focus appeared to be on reluctantly explaining his part in Nibelheim, for as little as anything happened. Zack was paradoxically both pleased to see Sephiroth _was_ paying attention, and instantly annoyed. He squashed it, but sooner or later they'd have to do something about this. Talk about it, if only between himself and Cloud and what they might, or might not, want to do.

It wasn't like Cloud was wrong, in the end; what _they_ had, he didn't have to share.

With one last glance around the room (if Genesis was paying attention to Cloud, he was doing a very good job of pretending not to), Zack slumped back in his seat.

"Cloud, you're getting _me_ nervous, pacing like that. Come sit." He'd hesitated before he started speaking, but at the last two words he allowed just a bit of firm demand to weigh them down; not enough to be overbearing, but also to make it more than just a suggestion. 

Direction, if Cloud wanted it. The way Cloud's presence in the bond warmed up and instantly _melted_ , even if all he got from Cloud physically was a flick of a glance and Cloud frowning before he nodded, was reward enough. It was even better when Cloud, after a beat of hesitation, didn't choose sit down beside him, even if that would've been good enough for him, but rather knelt right by his legs, a strong, narrow shoulder digging into his knee. Cloud wasn't the only one who shuddered lightly and relaxed, actually relaxed, with that.

And while he could feel some apprehension through the bond, it, too, melted away when no one made any note of what he'd done. And why would they? There was nothing wrong with needing this, for _either of them_ , after almost two weeks of things being crazy and them having barely any chance to properly touch down. In fact, it almost felt like the only real grounding they'd been able to indulge in was Zack brushing and braiding Cloud's hair in the mornings. Zack focused back on the conversation around him just as Genesis huffed, arms crossed over his chest.

"So. What do you want to do?" It was weighted, both distantly wary and with a tension underneath, Genesis watching Sephiroth through narrowed eyes. Sephiroth was staring somewhere off at the wall, but he glanced first to Cloud, and then to Zack, who shot him a grin and tilted his head in a nod, trying to project as much encouragement as he could.

"I've... wanted to leave, for a long time," Sephiroth said quietly, frowning, head tilted again so his bangs hid most of his expression, and Zack could feel Cloud leaning a little harder against his knee, but he didn't otherwise move, "and the only reason _you two_ haven't 'disappeared' is because you're here."

The flat pronouncement made both Angeal and Genesis twitch like stung, and both of them started, at the same time, to try and say something and then both broke off, looking at each other. Zack grimaced, tightening one hand into a fist. He'd... kind of suspected, when the distance that had sprung up with Angeal and Genesis being placed on the base in Wutai hadn't _just_ been physical, but it hurt hearing it and knowing Angeal hadn't _said anything_ about it.

"If you had _asked me_ \---" The way Sephiroth shook his head was almost a shudder. "Disappearing would be hard, with ShinRa being so... ubiquitous. But we're not the only ones who aren't pleased with ShinRa's behaviour." Sephiroth finally straightened up, looking between them all, though the firmness of his shoulders was belied by the uncertain darkness in his eyes.

"I am... We all know what I did, here. Would Lord Godo consider listening, or should I leave?"

And let the rest of them stay, was implicit underneath, and Zack shifted in his seat, leaning forward, but Cloud got there before him.

"You wouldn't be going alone, in that case. Right, Zack?" Cloud tipped his head to look up at him, and Zack ruffled the blond spikes with a grin.

"You bet, Spike!"

"Charming---"

"Genesis." Angeal shook his head, and it was his turn to glance between them. "I think he'd _listen_ at least, but Sephiroth... why _this_ course of action?"

"It's the most productive one. And it seems... only right, to repair some of the damage I have done to Wutai, if Lord Godo wishes to extend the opportunity for me to do so." Angeal's question was met with a smile that wasn't a smile, and Zack knew that whatever happened, whatever they did, he was _definitely_ not letting Sephiroth go off alone. He didn't deserve to be left to his own devices, without any anchors, and not just because he'd cause far more devastation than if he had some direction in the form of Wutai's freedom. He wanted to see a real smile on Sephiroth's face, however small, and not one to do with bloodshed.

***  
In some ways he was more stable, now. The emptiness he'd experienced in the basement reading Hojo's reports, theories and 'science' was gone, replaced by the usual weight of his dynamic. Sephiroth hadn't thought of it much before - had sometimes thought it wasn't there at all, despite proof otherwise - but it was undeniable, and while he didn't know what to do with it, it was in its own way a reassurance. He may not be human in the ways everyone else was, but he _was_ still human.

That didn't help him with what was going to happen now, after Angeal and Genesis had managed to arrange a meeting with Lord Godo late the next evening, in a room tucked away from the greatest flow of people in the palace. If Lord Godo even took their (his) intentions as genuine... And if he did not... he was uncertain the ground he'd found to stand on so far would hold him.

"Sephiroth."

Blinking, he looked down at Cloud, who'd left Zack's side where he'd been walking with him in front of Sephiroth. At the front of their little procession, Angeal and Cloud's mother were talking - something about cooking, the terms were unfamiliar to him.

"Yes?" He closed his hand into a fist and let it drop back to his side, since it'd been raised halfway to land in Cloud's hair without his intention or say-so. He could not do these things. Not without permission, and he wouldn't wish to come between Zack and Cloud either way.

"We were serious, you know. You won't be leaving alone, if this doesn't work out," Cloud said, quiet but certain, and Sephiroth frowned, shaking his head a little.

"I wouldn't want to be in the way, and Zack---"

"We're a team. Zack _agrees with me_ ," Cloud snorted, tilting his head as he squinted up at him until Sephiroth dipped his head, quietly amazed and pleased Cloud was talking to him so easily, now, compared to the beginning. Not that it meant anything. "And it's _fine_ Sephiroth."

He didn't get the chance to ask as Cloud cocked his head more meaningfully, watching him through his lashes, and his hand twitched on its own accord. It would be... nice. And, again, it meant nothing. It couldn't. Exhaling quietly, he let his hand do what it wanted, threading through Cloud's spikes and carding in short, light movements to match the pace of their steps. The tension in his spine eased, the action providing both direction and an outlet.

Cloud, Sephiroth noticed when he glanced down, was now walking with a tiny smile on his face and his eyes closed, and the stab to his heart was sharp enough he looked up guiltily, but Zack's eyes, when they met, were warm, and he was smiling. They reached the door to the building they were meeting Lord Godo in shortly after that, which was both a relief and filled him with regret, so Sephiroth stepped away only reluctantly, but met Cloud's glance with a tiny smile.

Once, he'd have been ashamed at how much he needed something like that, because as Hojo had so often pointed out, he _shouldn't_ need it. He was above such things. Except... he wasn't. That was as much a revelation as it was a reassurance, which was sorely needed at this point.

Cloud's gesture had been needed more than just to center him, because Sephiroth held onto the memory of the slide of soft stands through his fingers as they stood in front of Lord Godo and explained what they wanted to do. What they _could do_ , if he wanted their (Sephiroth's) presence and assistance.

"What." 

Godo Kisaragi stared at the small gathering in front of him, though perhaps understandably his gaze kept wandering back to Sephiroth, who endured it with his hands clasped behind his back and standing at parade rest, deceptively relaxed. Which was, not at all. They would need to explain how this had come about, he could tell. He did not wish to reveal anything further, for anyone who wasn't the people who had been there, or were Angeal and Genesis, but it seemed he might have to say _something_.

"Why this offer, and _now_?" The man's dark eyes narrowed, the thin moustache merely emphasizing the flattened suspicion, and Sephiroth exhaled softly, closing his eyes.

"All of SOLDIER is an experimental force, of course, that is well known. The initial knowledge came from another project, which I just found out about," he said slowly, opening his eyes to stare at Godo, clutching his wrist firmly enough it twinged in protest, "that information came from me, and it might have been meant to go further if I hadn't had assistance to stop myself."

He wouldn't implicate Angeal and Genesis in this, not without their own decision to come forward, and with how things seemed, comparing Project G with Project S, he and Angeal appeared to be the most 'successful', though by all accounts the SOLDIER creation method was probably the closest to Genesis... Which might be why Genesis had reacted so badly to having the equilibrium of his body disturbed by that injury. No matter. That wasn't the point _now_ , and Genesis had it under control, since he was regularly engaging in dynamic play ever since he and Angeal had found out that _did_ help, the effects of the injury kept at bay.

Like it'd helped him, if in a more mental than physical way.

"So you wish to... what, have revenge on ShinRa?" Lord Godo stared at him, and then burst out into a roar of laughter, slapping a knee before he slowly collected himself, sobering, and the amusement turning more calculating. "Why go to Wutai? AVALANCHE would probably be pleased to have you."

"AVALANCHE, no matter their vaunted ideals, are no better than terrorists using worse methods than your agents have had to sink to, Lord Godo." There was no reason to cushion it, no reason to hide that they knew there were Wutainese insurrectionists on the mainland of _both_ continents, but aiming for Midgar the most, of course.

"And with how long Wutai resisted ShinRa's invasion, giving our strength to your forces seem like it would get the best result," Angeal said into the brief silence, adding what was both nothing but the truth _and_ at least a dash of flattery. Clever, and not something he would have thought to add, for even if he was still as human as he could be, his upbringing had certainly been lacking in the interpersonal sphere.

Godo looked between them all again, thin lips pursing as he thought, and then a slow grin, along with something like a gleam in his eyes that hadn't been there before but instantly made the man seem to take up more space in his seat, fill more of the air around him in a way that had nothing to do with dynamic. It was now easier to see how he would have been able to lead Wutai and hold the line against ShinRa for so long.

"It's an interesting proposition. What are you intending to do about the base, though?"

"They will join us, or be made to leave," Sephiroth said, and there was no uncertainty there, no concern. It would probably be the easiest part of all this, dealing with the personnel in the base. Godo looked to him again, and then chortled, though the smile was less of one, and more of a baring of his teeth.

"Considering who you are?" A pause as he looked around their group again. "Considering who _all three_ of you are, along with that First Class? I believe you. I might even be prepared to believe your offer. Get that base under control without losing the equipment, and we can talk further."

It was not all they had hoped for, but it was far more than Sephiroth had feared they would be given, so it wasn't hard to agree to that, all of them bowing low but not kneeling - Cloud, though, did kneel, however briefly. It'd seemed important to show the sort of respect Lord Godo hadn't exactly been given after ShinRa's victory, which was a double insult with the man being a submissive. Some of the tension that'd lingered since they'd left Nibelheim drained out of Sephiroth then and there, for while they weren't finished, while there would undoubtedly be issues with taking the base and getting it in hand, it was... straightforward.

He might even enjoy getting to flex his dynamic in a way that was usually strictly forbidden, and in a way he'd been told all his life that he shouldn't _need_ , only utilise _as needed_. The distinction was razor sharp, and Sephiroth understood then how he'd been cutting himself on it his whole life, completely aside from his worries of being _too much_ when he did allow himself to indulge in needs he was convinced he shouldn't actually need.

Except he did, because whatever else Jenova was, whatever else the presence of her DNA in him (in Genesis and Angeal) meant, he was also, undeniably, human. Which meant he would lash out at ShinRa as such, and that thought was as satisfying as the anticipation to dominate the personnel on the base so they could have an orderly dismissal of those who might not listen to their reasons, were too mired, still, in ShinRa's propaganda. There would be those who would listen, though, that was obvious enough. They only had to find those and toss out the rest. And if they could reach the SOLDIERs... that had further potential.

(He didn't allow himself to think, yet, of the fact that they could just kill the base personnel. It'd be easy, a way to soothe the angry desire for revenge, but slaughtering grunts would do nothing to the actual _machine_ that ShinRa was. They needed to go higher.)

It'd take time to get what he wanted and he would, doubtlessly, not get all of it - Sephiroth glanced sideways to where Zack and Cloud were walking next to Mistress Strife, talking quietly about the decorations on the walls of the corridor they were walking through - but that was fine. He could live with that.

***  
"There we go." Zack made one last adjustment of the collar and locked it, leaning in to kiss both Cloud's neck above the reinforced leather and the little shudder that'd followed Cloud hearing the lock engage. Such a small thing, but instantly everything else that'd happened the last couple weeks, that were happening _right now_ , seemed to matter less. The tension from Nibelheim, from the week it'd taken them to get to Wutai, watching Zack jump the wall as they deactivated the alarms on the base, feeling him shudder over the bond when Angeal hit him with his dominant presence, wondering over how the meeting with Lord Godo would go... it all disappeared, because right then, it wasn't what he was supposed to be doing. The annoyance of being "suggested" to sit out on the base assembly, lingering despite that he'd gotten to see how it went on the cameras, melted away as well. He still wished he could've been standing beside Zack in the back room of the assembly hall's stage, but watching every single man and woman in there with Sephiroth end up on their knees, some of them looking vaguely blank, even, as Sephiroth didn't just _let go_ of his presence, but used it like a bludgeon like what Angeal had done to Zack...

He understood then, why there were pretty strict rules about dominants _not_ being allowed to do that except in certain situations, and why there was etiquette about obeying the dominant who's house it was, or could otherwise be considered the highest authority in the current location, if not between the dominants involved.

"Spike, _stop thinking_ ," Zack said, voice warm but reproachful, and Cloud didn't even try to fight against the reflexive feeling that squeezed his stomach. It felt pretty good, actually, even if it was accepting that he'd done his dominant wrong. The breath he sucked in wavered a little as he closed his eyes and dipped his head.

"Sorry, Sir."

Hearing Zack's own breath catch, and the way the feeling of him warmed both over the bond and the subtle shift of approval in his presence, almost made Cloud kneel right there, but he hadn't _said to_.

"Kneel, Sunshine." There was a large, warm hand in his hair, catching around his spikes, and it followed him down, not pressing, just a guiding weight as he let the order soak in and pull him down, leaving him resting his cheek against Zack's thigh. He felt warm, despite that he was almost entirely naked.

There were still things to do, so _many_ things, even with the base half empty from the people who'd left, and the ones who'd stayed still needed to be vetted, _explained to_ , but it was a start. It seemed impossible they'd even gotten this far, and Cloud was still not sure what he thought about all this, but it was better than staying with ShinRa. Even if staying would have meant a chance to become SOLDIER, which he knew it wouldn't, he wouldn't have. Not with everything that'd happened.

"So, I've been thinking." Zack hummed, his voice low and rumbling nicely, and Cloud could feel it in his chest, in the back of his head, right now tuned to Zack's voice so finely Zack could probably have stood in another room, whispering, and he would've at least picked up the intent if he'd meant to address him. Despite the warm weight in his bones, how good it felt just to be waiting on whatever Zack might say next, Cloud still grinned against the rough fabric under his cheek.

"Want help with that?"

Above him, Zack almost squawked, his hand tightening in his spikes and then sliding down to his braid.

"You fishing for punishment already 'cause you feel like being mouthy, Spike? Have I been too nice?" Zack asked, tugging on the braid until Cloud had to tilt his head back, and Cloud felt something twist in his chest at the sight of the faintly glowing blue eyes. But he tilted his head as much as he could with the grip Zack had, and lowered his lashes.

"No, Sir." So maybe that was teasing, still, but Zack chuckled and his hand slid up, allowing Cloud to lean forward again, nose _almost_ brushing against the burgeoning bulge in Zack's pants.

"Well, that's good. We've got other things to do tonight, and while I'm sure you'll need _something_ like that, soon, that wasn't what I was aiming for tonight." Zack sounded so relaxed and easy about it, Cloud almost pushed, to see what he might think of. He didn't, though. They _did_ have something they needed to talk about, plus whatever Zack had planned. His fingertips and his scalp were both tingling at the possibilities. " _As I was saying_ , I've been thinking. 'Bout what to do, 'cause I sure feel both a little greedy at the possibility _and_ also don't wanna change anything, now that we might actually... y'know, get to just _be_."

Even if that would happen right in the middle of a possible war, depending on how ShinRa reacted to Wutai challenging their presence, and that three of their most famous and powerful First Class SOLDIERs, plus another up-and-coming First Class had just defected to Wutai. Maybe not the most ideal place and time to be a couple, but Cloud didn't mind. He'd fight, for Sephiroth and Zack, for what ShinRa had done, to people he knew personally and a lot of others, and for the chance to have this. It all mattered.

"We'd still have time. Just us," Cloud said, closing his eyes and daring to lean slightly further sideways, the tip of his nose now definitely pressed against a bulge. Zack huffed and shifted him back to his previous position with his grip on his hair. "And I..."

He stopped, feeling awkward and a little guilty suddenly, which Zack of course picked up on. Would've picked up on even if they hadn't been bonded and he hadn't just spilled those feelings right into the bond before he could shield them from Zack's attention. It'd be... hard, to do that right now though. The weight of the collar kept him open, and it was Zack's right to see, right now.

"You're not the only one, Cloud." Zack sounded so serious, Cloud opened his eyes and looked up, meeting Zack's eyes again. There was a small, crooked smile on Zack's face. "I did say I was feeling greedy for considering it, didn't I? But yeah, I think... there might be things I probably can't give you, and while you'd _most of the time_ not need 'em, when you _do_..."

Zack shrugged as he carded through Cloud's spikes, letting go of Cloud's gaze to watch somewhere above and behind him, his vivid blue eyes going soft and indistinct.

"It'd feel kinda wrong, to drag Sephiroth into it just on the times you do. He deserves more than that."

"He does." Cloud blushed a little at the vehemence in his voice, but Zack only chuckled, and the tightening grip on his spikes was as warm as his voice was, as the weight of his pleasure through the bond, in his presence, so easily read, was.

"So, I was thinking..." Zack was now stroking his thumb up and down the thin, sensitive skin behind one of Cloud's ears, and he slowly fell into the touch as it settled in his spine so thoroughly he barely caught Zack's next words, "we invite Sephiroth in and see how this might work out, for _all_ of us. What do you think?"

It was a question, nothing more and nothing less, and Cloud wasn't so deep he wouldn't have said no if he didn't like it, but all that bubbled up was the desire to follow that hesitant need he was feeling from Zack, to please it, and the idea to please the third one, who wasn't here yet.

"Yes, Sir."

Maybe it wasn't a literal answer to Zack's question, but it was the only answer that counted; acquiescing to his dominant's wants, because it pleased him to do so. Zack chuckled, and he could hear the brilliant smile in the sound, feel it in the weight of Zack's hand on his scalp.

"You're a treasure, Cloud. You're so good, and I feel damn privileged getting to provide for your needs."

Because that was what it was about, wasn't it? Need. All of their needs, even if, sometimes, you got what you needed without getting things you'd wanted. Maybe you couldn't have _everything_ , but he could fight alongside Zack even if he wasn't a SOLDIER. He knew that, and he could need this without it being something that was in the way for the rest of the time.

The praise soaked into his bones, then into his mind, and Cloud smiled, a shy little twist of it.

"Wouldn't, want it any other way, Zack."

There might have been a little tremble in Zack's hand before he stilled it and cleared his throat, and this time when Cloud leaned in to brush his nose against the bulge in Zack's pants, he wasn't pulled away. Instead Zack's grip shifted to press him closer, _held him there_ , and after a beat of hesitation, knowing the only one to see was Zack, he mouthed over the fabric. Zack's shudder was almost as much of a reward as the praise had been.

"Right." Zack hesitated then, but even as he glanced up, all he saw was his own bangs and Zack's torso. "And, another thing, which might replace the unpleasant association... when I come back with Sephiroth, present yourself. Sephiroth first, then myself."

Cloud shuddered at that, his stomach turning into a storm of butterflies at the same time as his dick twitched. Zack's easy certainty that he'd get Sephiroth to agree was hot in itself, but then the actual command...

If it'd been anyone else, even disregarding that he was now both bonded with and claimed by Zack, he wouldn't have agreed to go through with that whole... embarrassing display he'd been made to go through in front of the reassessment committee. But it _was_ Zack, and Sephiroth... for Zack, he would do it for Sephiroth too. The realization settled him, and it was a little like flying.

"Yes, Sir," Cloud breathed as he pulled back, Zack letting go, and straightened his back, clasped his hands behind his back, and spread his knees. Glancing up through his bangs and lashes, the expression on Zack's face, as well as the warm approval he could feel, might have been able to make him come right then, if that was what he'd been allowed to do. But not yet. This wasn't about that, _yet_. Right now, it was about other things, and it felt good, to just... relax into it, and do them. Trust Zack to take care of him, while he followed his will. It was such a change from how he'd felt about all this when he'd first come to ShinRa, he'd have been a little dizzy with it if he wasn't halfway to subspace already.

Zack smiled, reaching out to brush his thumb over his lips, teasing it just past them, and shuddered when Cloud sucked. Zack pulled his hand back with a grin and left - physically, anyway. Through the bond, Zack could just as well still have been standing right in front of him, attention heavy on him, so there was no chance of slacking in his pose even if he might have entertained the idea of doing so. He didn't really want to, though.

However long it took didn't really matter; he felt loose and easy, his muscles warm and relaxed. Could stay like this for hours probably, if needed. 

Not that it took hours, though Cloud didn't try to look for the clock on the wall when the door opened again, just sank down further as two sets of footsteps, two sets of dominant presences, approached. Settled his forehead on the floor, back arched to push his ass up higher as he spread his knees a little wider, and the soft noise of two breaths catching, the shift in his bond with Zack, in Sephiroth's towering presence, shielded him from any flustered embarrassment he might have otherwise felt from this position, from what he would do to cap it off. Or rather, what he would do to start the rest of the evening.

What mattered was how good their approval made him feel, so that was what Cloud focused on, and it didn't really matter any longer that he hadn't gotten what he'd set out for when he left Nibelheim. This was... well, he'd never thought he might either want or need something like this, but he _did_ both want and need it.

Later, they would deal with ShinRa, and he'd be right there with everyone else to do it. Right now, all he needed to concern himself with what was his dominants wanted. At the moment that was what he actually needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D This is now dooneee! *throws confetti around*


End file.
